TW: Suicide

I'm a struggling student who's barely getting by (I barely got enough marks for exam admission). But then this morning when I got a concrete schedule and I gather some determination, my laptop falls of my table and it's cracked. Exams is in 2 weeks and now that my laptop is out of commission I'm losing a lot of study time. (That's waiting for my parents to mail me one from home). The pressure is so immense I broke down in tears and it is all my fault, all this shit was preventable and now there's the very real possibility I'll fall because of it.

Then this morning I got a text from my mother saying she's in hospital for intense stomach flu. I get that it's not too serious but she's the person who I love the most so I'm extremely concerned about her condition and whether it will improve or worsen.

Then on my what to the shops to get a quotation, I sprain my ankle....

Couple all that with a depression I've been suffering from for over a year and you have to recipe for a mental breakdown.

I'm sick of this. I'm sick of always terrible shit happening one at a time, I'm sick of always having to perform at my peak no matter what and always being a burden to my parents. I'm sick of always getting beat down everytime I try to make my life better. I'm slowly getting sick of living.

This post looks incoherent but I don't care, I'm not exactly thinking straight right now.

I never considered suicide but this is the first time it actually looks tempting...