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I keep settling for lame, mentally-ill women with commitment issues who don’t treat me well.

October 29, 2022

I haven’t dated anyone for over a year. My ex was a toxic, very mentally-ill, manipulative piece of shit who walked all over me.

Since then I have gone out with 5 or so girls. Every single one being interested in the start, but then all slowly drifting away as I got closer to them. All of them were moderately to severely mentally-ill, sexually unavailable, and became less interested the more I showed interest in them.

I never liked any of them all that much, they were pretty and all, but they weren’t emotionally ready for a relationship. I just romanticized them because they were giving me female validation and affection, which I’ve been desperately craving since my ex.

Recently I had a friend, very pretty, but mentally-ill and emotionally unavailable, tell me she wanted to makeout with me. I told her I’d be down. I asked her the other night and she said “maybe” then never called me back or texted me about it or anything. Today she seems kinda distant. She doesn’t even treat me well anyways, and wouldn’t be a good girlfriend for me, but I still want her for the validation/intimacy.

Why do I do this to myself? Deep down, I know I’m better than this, but I don’t have the self-worth or willpower to find someone who’s right for me. I don’t feel like I’m good enough for a good girl. I just sit around waiting for the crumbs and tablescraps.

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Post Information
Title I keep settling for lame, mentally-ill women with commitment issues who don’t treat me well.
Author PickleJewler
Upvotes 23
Comments 16
Date October 29, 2022 6:01 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]eenbrickson 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How recently did you and your ex split? In my anecdotal experience I only truly healed from a toxic relationship after around a year and a half. Closer to two years if I’m being honest. The period of time following a bad breakup is when you are the most emotionally vulnerable.

You have to give yourself time moving on, too many guys rush into the next thing without reflecting on what you learned and what went wrong (or right!).

The romanticized version of these women you have in your head is a result of trying to find something to replace what you lost, but it sounds like you have a lot of self awareness about that.

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to reflect on what specifically you are looking for before trying to date again. Be honest with yourself about where you are emotionally and give yourself time to move on before distracting yourself with other women.

I don’t know how helpful this is but I know the emotional impact a bad breakup after a toxic relationship is. It’s a trauma event, give yourself time to process it.

[–]eyecebrakr 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

One thing I learned about myself is that when I was attracting and attracted to unhealthy women, the universe was telling me something about myself.

[–]MisterBroda 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My recommendation is to try to be fine living alone. I am convinced you can't be in a happy, lasting and healthy relationship unless you have no fear of being alone. It helps you setting boundaries and respecting your partners boundaries.. even if it means splitting up because you realize you two don't belong together.

Maybe yu have a life goal or a hoppy you can persue and improve yourself? Try aiming for something like that first. Sure you can date along the way.. but if you see bad behaviour don't shy away from saying "sorry.. but I think we are looking for different things". See your self-worth and stand up for it

[–]Savagemaw 3 points4 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

The minute any womam becomes sexually inavailable the relationship is over or needs a hard reset. If a woman can get what women want out of your relationship without providing what men want, she will abuse you. Sex is non-negotiable.

[–]tinyhermione 4 points5 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Dude. That's not how it works at all.

If you are in a good relationship with a sexually compatible partner, she wants to have sex with you. She isn't doing it to be nice.

Should he be dating mentally ill women? No, but that's not really about sex.

[–][deleted]  (14 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]mensupportmen-ModTeam[M] 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children) | Copy Link

This discussion isn't really relevant in terms of supporting OP, so please find a more appropriate place for it.

If you disagree with this ruling, please appeal by messaging the moderators.

[–]teufelinderflasche 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Are you meeting women online? The proportion of mentally ill women is way higher.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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