I'm probably not the usual poster here. Should preface this by saying that I am going through a very stressful time in my life, and I am grateful to be allowed to
vent post here.
So recently, outta nowhere, I've been exposed to more and more manosphere-adjacent content on youtube. Seriously, I never asked for it. And it's crazy, once you start watching it. Like a trainwreck, you can't peel your eyes away from. Or maybe one of those disturbing LiveLeak videos. You know what I'm talking about.
Is what they say real? Does this world really only care about me for what I can provide? Is my value going to be judged by my appearance & career prospects by women for my entire life? I wonder if they realize how dehumanizing that perspective is towards men.
So I was watching one of those Oprah-esque talk shows one day, and they had Ben Carson on. Don't get me wrong, I don't support his politics one bit. But he said something that stuck with me. The host asked him about his ill-fated campaign, especially the public dragging he was subjected to, much like any of Trump's opponents. I remember he sort of looked into the distance, and then straight at the camera.
"You know, I tried to be respectful. To talk about what I thought mattered to people. Didn't call anyone names. Shook hands when I had to, and listened to the problems people told me they had. And I even tried to fix some of them"
"But then, you do all that. You try to do the right thing. And this is what you get.", and he pointed to himself. No one laughed at that one.
Man, how the hell did it ever get to this? I'm a good person. I try to be kind to people. I've volunteered countless hours towards causes I care about. I've been in loving relationships. I care about my family. I've always tried to do the right thing, and this is what I get?
The more I think about it, the less I want to contribute to this broken society. I've been called 'scary' because of how I look before, profiled, etc., but I have never felt so demoralized in my entire life.
Seems like I gazed into the abyss, and it gazed right back into me. The question is, where do I go from here? How do you all find meaning? Is...life worth the struggle?