~ archived since 2018 ~

Is this all there is?

August 15, 2021

I want to preface this by saying its 3am and I'm always at my lowest when its late at night. I should sleep because I know everything will be better in the morning (sorta) but sometimes I think I need to face the thoughts that pop into my brain around this time of night and it gets hard to sleep as a result.

Right now, I am out of college and living with my parents. (I'm 20 years old.) The pandemic ruined my schooling and I've been in flux ever since. I just started putting out applications for work around two or three weeks ago, but nothing's really cropped up.

Really, my only motivation to try and get a job at the moment is my girlfriend. I'm hopelessly and helplessly in love with a girl who's a thousand miles away from me and theres always something coming between us that makes her disappear for days, weeks... Sometimes months on end. She's in a rough household and I'd rather not go into detail on that for her sake. All I want is to get a job and save enough money so I can buy a car and drive out to see her; get her out of that house for a while so she can see that what is happening to her is wrong. When she's around, she makes me the happiest man alive and I wanna give her the world as a result.

Then theres the situation with my father; he was going to get knee replacement surgery at the end of august, but its been postponed. He's been in crippling pain for a majority of his life and I just want him to be relatively alright again at least. The thing is that I know the longer he waits, the more likely he is to just not do it and deal with the pain. We're talking about a man who walked around for two weeks with a gangrenous gall bladder because he was ignoring his chest pain. I cant quite tell why, but this has got me stressed even more.

I really dont want to make this a million pages long, because I absolutely could, but I just wanted to get this out there since I feel not like I cant talk to my friends, but that I shouldnt. Looking back, it seems like a majority of the time when I talk to them, its always cause something is going wrong with me and I dont want to be such a bummer in their lives. I want them to smile when they see a text from me, not grimace and wonder whats going on now. Its just that I know I cant keep this bottled up, I've learned from personal experience that isnt healthy.

Can anyone tell me, is this really all there is from here on out? Cause I didnt see this coming when I was younger; I didnt think this is where I'd be at 20...

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Post Information
Title Is this all there is?
Author Cordicon46
Upvotes 14
Comments 2
Date August 15, 2021 9:58 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link
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[–]_-KOIOS-_ 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Do not give up hope. Even when you think you are helpless there is always something you can do. Get a job, however small. It can only go uphill from there. Best of luck!

[–]Emilion-R 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It could be, but it doesn't have to be. Whether this is all there is, is something that's up to you. I was stuck in a rut in my early 20s too, working dead-end jobs and feeling hopeless about the future. But eventually I said fuck this, got up and left with a stranger from the web, and spent a few years traveling the world.

Yes, that meant parting with certain luxuries and conveniences, it brought new uncertainties and risks and a lot of learn-as-you-go elements (that's what keeps most people stuck in boring cookie-cutter lifestyles they never wanted) - but I'm very glad I did it. It was truly life-changing, I'm on a completely different path, different career, I saw that there is so much more to life if you're willing to leave your comfort zone.

This is just an example of the choices we make in life. I could have stayed put on the factory floor and pissed my life away with friends I didn't enjoy, and so on. In fact, I almost did. Most people do. But what it all really comes down to is which limits you accept and which you reject or challenge. Life is full of people who want to box you in, it's up to you to choose who or what gets to define that box.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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