Living up to my own expectations

SaracensFlanker · 2021-12-09T14:21:13+00:00

Hey there,

This sounds like a lot to deal with and I want to reassure you that you are not the only person that deals with thoughts like this. I'm 30 and also deal with thoughts telling me that I am not good enough and not where I should be in life by now.

The first thing I'm going to tell you is to cut yourself some slack. You're 20. The reality is that no-one who is being reasonable expects you to have everything lined up by 20. And if that is true, then it is also true that what you are telling yourself is not reasonable.

There are a lot of people who have 'imposter syndrome', or who feel like they are faking their way through life. I hope in the coming years that you become more comfortable with yourself - and with the idea that you can only do the best that you can.

The second thing I'm going to say is that your girlfriend either needs to be supportive of you or she needs to go. Life is too short to have energy sapping people in your life. If girlfriend is constantly criticising you, you should think about breaking up for your own sake.

The final thing I want to say is that the progress we make as people is painstakingly slow. It takes a long time to get the job you're aiming for. It takes a long time to get skills, licences, qualifications, etc, that you need to succeed. It takes a long time to build up enough money for a house and car, etc. It will all come - but it will come in frustratingly small steps.

Don't give up on yourself. And if there is specific advice you'd like into achieving one of your ambitions, feel free to reach out on this forum. Chances are someone will have some useful information for you!

DelRMi05 · 2021-12-13T14:10:40+00:00

Hey Karma,

Thanks for your post. A lot of us go through what you're describing. Sometimes we set such a high bar for ourselves that we drown in our own expectations. What you are experiencing is certainly not limited to you, and that's a good thing.

Let's peel back the curtain a little bit and maybe talk about some specific examples if you are willing?

But let's get one thing out of the way immediately. You are not an insecure crybaby. You are someone that wants to be better than they currently are and I really think that should be celebrated.

I suggest being a little more forgiving to yourself though. You are only 20 years old and still developing as a young adult. Literally speaking, your brain hasn't reached its peak yet. Figuring out yourself and who you want to be is always a challenge so let's not add that undo pressure on yourself.

Personally, I use aspirations on a daily basis to make incremental change. Change is great, but sometimes our expectations are that of having to do it all at once. Life is very much about routine and breaking routines and creating new ones.

Let's use being honest as an example. If someone that doesn't tell the truth, or at the very least conceals the truth (isn't open about their feelings) and wants to change, it may be difficult to break that habit. Start small; make it a point every day to think about how you feel, and share that feeling with someone you trust. Put it in your calendar to do every day. Before long, the person finds themselves being more honest and open.

A common theme I have noticed since being involved in this sub, is that a poster will acknowledge something about their life needs to change, however they are under the assumption that the change needs to happen overnight.

I think you can make great strides in picturing who you want to be, and then trying to take small actions on a regular basis that would be associated with that kind of person.

BrainPicker3 · 2021-12-10T04:07:49+00:00

I realized something recently when I was very frustrated at myself for about to roll down and buy some beer even though it was self destructive and I didnt want to.

I remembered something the vietnamese mono thich naht hanh said about accepting our thoughts and emotions. I told myself "it's ok, you can go buy them. But why do you want to? Let's get to the bottom of this." Almost immediately after I let go of those frustrations my urge to drink dissipated.

Idk if this will help or not though beating yourself up for not living up to your expectations will stress you out and likely end up to fall back into the pattern. Even if it seems cheesy, try some self affirmation or self love. Consciously compliment yourself on things, it feels cheesy at first though can make a world of difference. Good luck bro

Title	Living up to my own expectations
Author	Karmalr
Upvotes	16
Comments	9
Date	December 9, 2021 5:12 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/living-up-to-my-own-expectations.1087841 https://theredarchive.com/post/1087841
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/rcaeqk/living_up_to_my_own_expectations/