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The Pandemic of Male Loneliness

August 3, 2021

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[–]a-man-from-earth[S] 12 points13 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I think many of us can identify with this. Especially under lockdown it can be very alienating. How do you deal with loneliness?

[–]hooligan0783 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Good article. To answer your question, I've ebbed trying to get back out and do anything. Even if it's just by myself. Since I'm vaxxed and the restrictions in my area have been lifted, I've gone to a few open air music events in the area. I've been to a few local bars. I've gotten out on a bike trail a few times. I'm not a social butterfly by any means though. So, even when I find myself in those situations, I dont know how to strike up conversations. In the bars at least, the bartenders are usually pretty good at starting conversations with the patrons. It's been pretty hit or miss with all those situations though. I'm trying my best to deal with loneliness. But it's still a struggle.

[–]a-man-from-earth[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Maybe there are websites that organize meet-ups in your area? Like biking together. I used to join hiking groups or expat groups.

[–]basedRedditor6969 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

ah man, that's lucky, covid rules haven't lifted up yet here.

[–]BitsAndBobs304 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't :( I only have digital escapism

[–]Algoresball 5 points6 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Note: these boys and men are progressive when it comes to issues of social justice and female equality. Despite being “woke," they continue to struggle with their own self-imposed isolation—the damage caused by being raised male in a culture that teaches boys to be stoic and self-sufficient.

I wonder what the point of including that was. Do men have to bow down at the alter of feminism before they’re allowed to have feelings? I’m not blaming the writer, the work they’re doing is so vital, articles like this need to be written and shared. I applaud the work they’re doing. Also, I consider myself a progressive and a relatively “woke” person. I just hate that they had to include that caveat in order to talk about men’s issues. Men who are more conservative will stop reading right there and miss out on the befits of this article

[–]a-man-from-earth[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's like a mandated reverse whataboutism.

[–]polpotwasright 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That stuck out to me, too. It read to me like the opposite of "woke" is thinking that men have to be monks and never need nobody for nothin.

I'm conservative and I guess non-woke, but I sure as heck wouldn't ever say that men don't need others. I applaud self-sufficiency, but that sure doesn't mean living on an island unto yourself.

[–]Agreeable-Raspberry5 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

although monks have community (unless they're hermits). It's an appealing alternative from time to time.

[–]Uncoolx2 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Consider the target audience.

This isn't published for who it's about.

It is published to establish that this is a manner of concern, and the caveat is to explain that this is not isolated to a sociopolitical belief - despite the fact it ends with a sociopolitical statement.

Edit: this ISN'T published for who it is about.

[–]a-man-from-earth[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well said

[–]quokka29 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]Algoresball 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great subreddit

[–]wolfoftheworld 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This past year has only magnified my feelings of alienation. I've become disappointed with once so-called friends who never checked in and just kicked me to the curb, when I was always there for them.

It makes me upset sometimes. I know friends come and go, but in this day and age, friendships are just things to discard so easily into the garbage.

[–]a-man-from-earth[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I hear you, and certainly share the experience of friends coming and going. On the one hand we are more connected than ever thanks to technology, but on the other most of those connections are extremely shallow.

[–]wolfoftheworld 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You are so correct about connections. It seems every other human being has an agenda.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think its utterly tragic that so many boys, male teens, and men feel this way, which is why we must try to create networks that are COVID-safe and which enforce things like mask-wearing and physical distancing, of course.

To all the boys, male teens, and men in the world who feel like this, you have us on this sub. :)

[–]a-man-from-earth[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Indeed, we're here. Let's build a community!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, let's!

[–]polpotwasright 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Some men find it challenging to initiate social contact for fear of how it will be perceived.

Many of the stories in the article related to that, not initiating contact out of fear of a negative reaction. I have to wonder if some of that is just an excuse to not risk rejection. Easier said than done especially when you're depressed, but there's just a point that when your motivations are positive (like making a new friend) you really have to put yourself out there and risk that rejection, and especially not let your own actions be dictated by what someone else tells you you should or shouldn't do.

[–]Algoresball 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’d debate your use of the word “excuse”. Yes, many men are afraid of rejection. That fear comes from a real place. Calling it an excuse is unproductive. Instead we should be acknowledging that men are afraid, exploring were that fear comes from and helping each other overcome that fear.

[–]polpotwasright 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Calling it an excuse is unproductive

There's value in recognizing you're just making excuses for yourself. We've all been there, myself included. An excuse is only a way of justifying non-action, the fear you mentioned, by calling it something else. Not that it's easy to do, but sometimes you just have to call fear for what it is, and that in turn makes non-action more irrational, or at least that what's stopping you is just you.

[–]Uncoolx2 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link


In male-to-male interactions, especially for men under 30, rejection would be the mildest of concerns.

In many circumstances, we may face outright violence.

[–]gr1m3y 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Act with courage to champion our needs despite the fear and shame of appearing needy. Other men will most likely be glad we reached out. If they are not, we just need to move on to the next.

This is more or less opening you up to a terrible lesson. The simple fact of the matter is there is no "help". any attempt made to reach out basically results in any perceived weakness thrown back in your own face. At what point should someone keep trying, expecting a different result, only to be met with the same exactly result over and over again.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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