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What hobbies got you out of loneliness in your late 20s?

October 31, 2022

Little about me:

I lost all my friends 7 years ago. On weekdays I work. My days off consist of watching tv,youtube, going for walks and buying groceries.

I always think people try to disrespect me which makes hard to make new friends.

I'm about to hit 30 yrs old nxt year and I feel like I wasted my youth. Now I have 10 years left before its all over which is why I'm asking you how did you all ex lonely guys topped being lonely?

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Post Information
Title What hobbies got you out of loneliness in your late 20s?
Author steelmill4
Upvotes 16
Comments 24
Date October 31, 2022 3:29 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
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[–]surrealstrength 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I go the gym and try to pursue powerlifting. So that gives me a goal to achieve. Through that I've made a good number of friends in the gym. Then there are some games that i sometimes play. I try to focus on the story more so it's immersive. But i really suggest pursuing two things, One outdoor hobby and one indoor. That way you exercise your mind and your body. It could be running and gaming, gymming and learning an instrument, etc.

[–]BMZ4164 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pickleball... No joke. It changed my social life (by accident).

[–]ZulutheZebra 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My 20s was pretty much a study in isolation and hermitism. What changed it around for me was moving closer to my sister and brother-in-law, more than a specific hobby. At least now I have someone to drink with on the weekends.

[–]TalkaboutJoudy 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’d recommend writing a novel - you end up connecting with other writers and it gives you longer term focus. It also can be cathartic as you may incorporate and transform some of your struggles as you write. And as you research for the novel - it may open up new ideas for your life

[–]Skirt_Douglas 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Going to raves, collaborative music production, and dnd.

[–]steelmill4[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link


[–]Skirt_Douglas 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dungeons and Dragons

[–]problem_redditor 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Huh! Didn't think I'd find someone else who did music production in MR/LWMA circles. "Arty" pastimes are usually dominated by wokes.

[–]emetres121 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Depending on where you live there is this amazing app called meetup. There are many different activities usually in your city that will help you meet new people while doing something fun.

After my last relationship I became really lonely as she was very toxic and had literally manipulated me to cutting out my friends.

I joined a volleyball league, a kickball league, a frisbee league and a bowling league(winter) and made many new friendships that got me back and out meeting more and more people. They also have meetups for board games, wine tastings, etc. You can really find whatever floats your boat and the internet will bring random strangers there, one of my friends met his now wife that way too

[–]steelmill4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for the ideas, I'll check out kickball

[–]Captain_Kirby240 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Dropped my friend group after they lost themselves to drugs and alcohol, eventually also lost my gf at the time and decided to treat myself and learn to love myself more, I always wanted to do something with music so I bought myself a bass guitar and absolutely fell in love with it, best purchase I've ever done in my life.

[–]steelmill4[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks, maybe I should purchase rocksmith for ps3

[–]Feyadin 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Honestly, playing TTRPGs like Dungeons and Dragons or Pathfinder. Check your area, you may also have a Warhammer store close enough where you could get into that, as well, provided you have the disposable income. If you find the right group, you just made a solid group of friends simply because of little pieces of plastic.

I've also tried finding a book club that caters to mainly science fiction and fantasy, as that's what I'm into reading. Going to concerts when I can, slowly getting back to the gym and eventually into kick boxing, maybe take some classes at your local college to learn a new skill or get progress on an occupational certification

Not knowing what your interests are makes it a little difficult to give any really meaningful advice beyond what I've given. Also for reference, I'm a 37 year old guy who is about to be going through a divorce in a place where I haven't had time or opportunity to really make friends due to my old job, but that's the road I plan on taking once I get some things squared away in my life.

[–]steelmill4[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sorry about your divorce. I heard they're brutal for men and I hope you come out of it as unscathed as possible.

Also what do you do in a book?

As far as kickboxing is concerned, its a great idea. I'm just so mentally disorganized that I forget to write down goals and work on them.

I also like assembling furniture

[–]Feyadin 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Book club. You and a bunch of people get together once a week, decide what book you'll read over the next week, and discuss the previous week's book title. I'm part of an online one for Warhammer 40k novels, but I have been looking for one in my town to that caters to other forms of Sci fi and fantasy.

Yeah, I don't see my divorce being a good one. My STBEW is spiteful, as well as being a radical feminist, so she already hates men, especially one's who don't agree with her.

Something else I would also encourage, use the time you have to work on yourself. Study philosophy or skills that will help you further your career. Not knowing what your job is, I can't make suggestions about what to study, but if you can learn some new skill related to it, that will only help you.

I would also recommend that you look up methods to help order your mind. I like Jordan Peterson's take on that, personally, but I know that he isn't everyone's cup of tea. You'll have to decide what's best for you, but it would be worth a look into what kinda exercises and activities you can do you put your mind in order. The more ordered your mind is, the more easily other things will come to you.

[–]UnHope20 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Martial arts are an amazing way to meet new people and get into great shape and learn self-control.

The self control bit might seem paradoxical with all of the sparing but fighting really does help you gain more empathy.

Not sure how it all works but I can say that once your confidence goes up from gaining self defense skills you really do have less to prove because people aren't as threatening.

Also experiencing pain and learning to monitor your opponents cues allows you to comprehend and appreciate them as humans in a way that is hard to explain.

Finally, getting your ass kicked in a fair fight with rules and referee in front of a crowd of people can teach you about humility and sportsmanship. You learn to respect the other fighter's skills and dedication to the sport and you want to be better for yourself, your dojo and your competition.

It's funny because it's totally not what people think it is from the outside. Be forewarned, it is addictive

[–]steelmill4[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I heard that about bjj. Thought I been thinking about joining a kick boxing class

[–]UnHope20 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Jujitsu and Judo are fantastic as is boxing and Karate. Tae Kwon Do it great for getting limber but isn't particularly effective in real-world situations if aggressor is also trained to fight. Still TKD are great bunch of folks.

Kickboxing is great too. Don't have as much personal experience with it, but the great for getting into shape and has some practical application for self-defense. All the dudes I know who are into it are super easy-going and support each other's development.

[–]steelmill4[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link


[–]LettuceBeGrateful -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I used to feel a lot like you.

Honestly, therapy was a big help in getting me out of that social rut of distrusting people. I also adopted a cat (and eventually, a dog!), and that's really the moment my life changed. I no longer feel like my birthdays are ticking time bombs, because I have enough love and fulfillment in my life to enjoy the present moment.

It's a process, though. Changing your mindset doesn't happen overnight, especially if you were like me and you feel like you drifted through most of your 20s aimlessly. Those type of thoughts can be very painful.

[–]steelmill4[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I wanna believe you, I really do. But when you say you adopted a cat and dog, it seems like you replaced humans with pets because you couldnt make friends with humans

[–]LettuceBeGrateful 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

One thing led to the other. I had very low self-worth and was lonely, and while obviously animal and human companionship isn't the same thing, pets can partially fill our needs and add a massive source of joy and love to our lives. I needed that as part of my healing.

[–]iR3SQem 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ice hockey.

[–]VeryNovemberous 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Joined an amateur/secular choir group.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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