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When I see a girl I'm attracted to, all I can think of are the ways I can fuck up.

April 25, 2023

Ever since a toxic relationship with an ex, I've struggled with dating. Our relationship wrecked my self-esteem, and confidence in the dating process. It's been almost two years since our breakup, and I haven't even kissed a girl. I've gone out with a couple that I really liked, but got rejected in the end. I think because of the exact issue I described in the title.

I actually feel attractive nowadays. I walk with my shoulders back, eyes up. I've noticed girls looking my way, especally as I've gone to the gym more and more and dressed better. But, when I see an attractive girl, and especially when I'm on a date with one (hasn't happened in a while lol), all I think about is how I can fuck up. I get nervous, my self-esteem drops, and my brain fogs up. My closest friend is kind of a dumbass, who pressured me forever and rubbed it in my face when I was "failing" and he was "winning." Trying to distance myself from him now, but he definitely had an effect on me.

I've literally had pretty girls tell me recently they want to date or hookup, but I still screw it up somehow lol.

What do I do to alleviate this? How do I start feeling more competent and confident around women? How do I rebuild my self-esteem in this area?

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Post Information
Title When I see a girl I'm attracted to, all I can think of are the ways I can fuck up.
Author PineappleScanner
Upvotes 24
Comments 4
Date April 25, 2023 10:47 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit /r/MenSupportMen
Archive Link
Original Link

[–]Disastrous-Star-7746 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Remember they may be thinking the very same thing of you. You said you're feeling more confident and attractive, they can see that. Remember that you're dating to find out if you actually like them. Not just think they're hot, but like the. If you take someone out and don't feel good about it just say thanks and you don't see meeting again.

[–]LoveTheGiraffe 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think you are trying to hard. Just meet up with attractive women without the mindset that it needs to lead to anything. I've been on a few dates recently after a toxic breakup and it was nice. It never lead to anything, just some nice talks, we split the check and with one I actually became friends.

It's basically just having drinks with a stranger and getting to know them. No pressure. And just be yourself. What do you mean by "fucking up"? Because that sounds like you have a goal in mind. If your goal is to just have a nice evening, it's hard to fuck up.

Once you get to know each other better and you'll feel more comfortable, maybe it's easier to pursue something for you. One option could also be, that you make it clear, that you are not looking for anything serious, while you're figuring yourself out.

[–]twisty286 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

honestly in the end people won't care about how your dating status is, how you look, dress, ect. they only care about themselves and are too worried about what other people think of them. my point is, focus on yourself and don't worry about what people think or say

[–]ZulutheZebra 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It sounds to me like you have some unresolved feelings about the whole situation with your ex, and as a result is leading to some nerves and possible subconscious self sabotage.

Personally, my advice would be to get some casual partners who are really into you that you can use to ease back into the game. If you are an attractive guy, go hit on some slightly less attractive women and have some fun with them. Just to clarify, I only mention less attractive women because I think it would take a lot of the pressure off you as you get back into the game, but obviously make your own choice on who you want. As long as you are clear that you are just looking for short term fun, some of those women you mentioned would probably be more than happy to hop in your bed. Once you have spent some time on casual relationships and see that not every woman is a soul sucking harpy, it might be time to get back into the serious dating game. Either way things turn out, best of luck to you my friend; take care of yourself and your happiness first and foremost.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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