~ archived since 2018 ~

You would never say that to a woman

November 29, 2021

This is something that bugs me because I've both seen it and been a recipient of it. A lot of times when men speak out about their issues, the response is to put all of the blame on them. Every issue that men face is a result of who they are as opposed to a problem with the way society treats men.

It's frustrating because you never see that for women. If a woman has a problem, It's the patriarchy's fault and it's the oppression of men that causes women. If a man fails, he's just a failure. Even if he doesn't fail and he just feels unhappy, that's still his fault.

As a lot of people have said, Men are perpetrators and women are victims. Even when it comes to things like mental health and depression.

There's just a complete lack of empathy and compassion when it comes to men in our society and the fact that people refuse to see it is what drives me insane.

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[–]piercena15 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I won't try to convince you otherwise because not only do I see that in the world, but more importantly that is your experience. You are right that you are experiencing lack of support.
It breaks my heart every time I hear a man talk about how he just won't get the support he needs even when he asks for it. Usually this leads toward anxiety, depression, alienation, and potentially suicide. Our work, yes ALL men, is in directly asking for support when we need it knowing full well that someone may turn us away. IF that happens, we must continue to seek the support we need in other friends/family members or professional help if we can't get the support we need from our social structures.

I'm curious how this all affects you directly. Does it show up as your family saying YOU are aa failure? Does it show up as a partner saying all the relationship problems are your fault?

I see how this is a pattern in society but let's take it down to what's real for YOU and talk about how this directly shows up in your life. Once we identify this, we can come up with ideas to get your social-emotional needs met.

[–]Metrodomes 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Plenty of people do recognise that society, and the various structures that uphold it, affect men negatively. You need to surround yourself with people who actually call those structures out and work to change them. It looks like you and maybe the people you have surrounded yourself are only interested in seeing men as a target, with no interest in tackling the systems that affect men and others in our society.

This is why intersectionality is important. You knockdown one system, say lack of mental health support in this country, and that ain't going to do squat for people of colour, or people locked up in prisons who need mental health support. Knock down the prison system somehow, and you still have these carceral logics existing where people think you can just make bad treatment of workers unlawful and things will become hunky dory. If you manage to really address racism in our society, that's great but that doesn't change the fact that people are being locked up for the dumbest of reasons or that the education system is still a load of crap.

I get that it's hard to want to work with others when you don't feel like you're being supported or addressed. But I'm also a man and I see myself supported in many movements and groups that tackle various issues that I face. In finding multiple allies who want to liberate everyone from exploitative structures, I'll benefit from it too.

[–]CunningHamSlawedYou 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah! I just wanna add that you should also surround yourself with people who simply aren't interested in being part of the structure. They might not always actively fight it, but there are good people out there as well.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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