So I've got pretty severe bipolar disorder (diagnosed but I think I also have generalised anxiety disorder on top which isn't diagnosed just 'normal' anxiety) and my ex has just plummeted my mental health straight into the toilet.

I was in a hotel with her for 2 days after she had just got out of a psych ward (by the skin of her teeth, nearly got forced section) and we had for the most part a great time. We got drunk and high and it was very passionate and intimate even romantic. This was the third chance I had given her and we both agreed that if it didn't work this time it was DEFINITELY over.

She pushed me away again (she has borderline personality disorder so she self sabotages and self destructs and can be quite narcissistic) so I left her for good and came home to my supported accomodation (room in the local YMCA) and cut my losses.

Suddenly as I'm asleep police are coming into my room to arrest me for STRANGULATION, POISONING, AND DOMESTIC ABUSE (or something along those lines I can't remember the exact charge) she told them I fully controlled her life: finances, estranging/isolating her from friends and family and just generally being a nasty person. She said I strangled her multiple times during sex even though she explicitly asked me to stop loads of times (I've literally only ever strangled one female during sex because she actually demanded I do it pretty much, I don't get off on inflicting pain/violence I'm actually the opposite I like pain but I'm extremely gentle with any sexual partner because if I wasn't it would hurt them given my size generally in all aspects) she told them I forced a week's worth of methadone down her throat (she'd be dead on a days worth of mine if I actually had) and I've been nothing but caring, supportive and understanding.

I thought she would be the perfect partner but in hindsight I was dumb. I met her in a mental health facility and we fell for each other almost instantly. It was VERY passionate and everything went by so fast yet it felt like it all lasted more than the few months it did.

I had to explain my sex life and personal life in detail to the police and spend 20+ hours in the cells. This destroyed my mental health. When being interviewed I just answered candidly without thinking and off the cuff because I knew I had nothing to hide apart from when I admitted to them about the weed I smoked with her and how much we had to drink. I was honest about everything and they believed me and released me with no charges.

She went straight for the jugular in such a way that it sounds too strange to be a lie. She studied law in a foreign university so I think she carefully crafted her accusations to look as convincing as possible.

I love her to pieces still but even if I didn't have my no contact bail conditions (standard procedure even when innocent) I wouldn't want anything from her I just want her out of my life and no amount of apology or emotional/sexual manipulation will get me back.

She panicked the minute she realised I was fully going and done with the relationship. Now I'm wondering how much is true regarding what she has said about her exes.

I fully believe she went through sexual abuse at the age of 14 and was passed around multiple men bless her.. (she told me this stuff while disassociated and drunk out of her mind) it would explain how messed up she is.

She is a chronic alcoholic with an eating disorder.. really bad combination then throw in the PTSD and abusive past and borderline personality disorder and you've got a walk-in disaster of someone in and out of hospitals.

I honestly am not even angry I'm just heartbroken, upset and really realllly upset. I supported her SO much and was so kind and understanding. I'm a decent guy and a great boyfriend. I hadn't been in a relationship in over 10 years since I got used for a kid and ditched aside but this bird proper got to my heart. In hindsight she was mirroring me and trauma bonding me and wanted me to play with like a toy.

This is DESTROYING my mental health my bipolar is all over the place. I'm scared police are going to come back on some new accusations. She has hurt me so much and it's honestly killing me. I'm legitimately a nice guy and to be accused of attempted murder (basically.. because of the POISONING) then basically rape too with the strangling! Then also apparently I'm a horrible abusive controlling partner on top of it.. she did it in a super smart way like the truth sounds stranger than fiction you know? It didn't work though obviously as my solicitor and the police do this day in day out and can tell (unofficially without tangible evidence to back it up) whether you are telling the truth or not.

While I was in custody I was very well looked after and the police seemed sorry for me. I was left alone in a room with non-police (custody staff) females on two separate occasions with two different females. One time was for my fingerprints where I burst out crying and another time I don't remember why. If they had any suspicion that I was guilty they would NOT do that. I'm a big guy and they only escorted me in and out the cell calmly with one person escorting me at a time.

I had the best experience possible given the circumstances but I still feel traumatised and in shock. I really do not deserve this man I'm such a teddy bear for real like a gentle giant and honestly a gentleman. My mum raised me right to love and respect women that is partly why it cuts me up. But at least now I know for sure her TRUE colours and will never get entangled with her again...

/Rant over