Apology to Men's Rights Activists

QFT:

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Apology to Men's Rights Activists From High Gloss and Sauce, featured Sunday at 1:49 pm

About a month ago I wrote a post on this blog about the bathroom procedure at my daughter's preschool and my preference for her to be taken to the toilet by women, not the male volunteers in the classroom. I sited a now-disputed statistic that I believed to be accurate to support my gut instinct. To be clear, I never accused any male volunteer of wrong doing. The bathroom at this particular school is separated from the classroom by two concrete walls and a hallway. My thinking was that I did not want my daughter to become accustomed to men taking her to secluded areas and having access to her private areas. A two-year-old is not wise enough to know that at school it's okay, but other places with different men is not. (I now have greater awareness that women abuse children as well.)

The post received little traffic and a handful of supportive comments. I later updated the post with the decision from the school. They agreed to honor my request and in light of my concern, they became aware that their school policy was lacking any language in regard to the bathroom and formed a task committee to research policies at other preschools. I claimed victory that my daughter (the only child this women-only bathroom assistance measure affected) would be "safe" and that I had made a difference by inspiring change.

Also to be clear, the reason the school reexamined their policy because no protocol had ever been in place. Nearly every preschool has some kind of procedure in the bathroom with kids - sometimes it's a rule of threes, or that the caregiver must be visible from the classroom etc. This is all the school is doing. They are just aligning themselves with similar institutions. I think they have done an excellent job of being fair and in no way are they enacting a policy to keep men out of the bathroom.

This past Wednesday evening, the post was reposted on a mens forum on Reddit and the fallout was a hard lesson in modern life. Check out my Google problem if you need a little schadenfreude.

My original post was misguided. Worse was my initial reaction to harsh criticism. Out of the blue my mom blog was pounded with stern comments pouring in so fast the server couldn't keep up. These commenters were unknown to me. I just jumped with my gut instinct to fight fire with fire. I freaked out in real time because I felt ambushed. It was a mistake I regret.

I was unaware the people calling me a bigot had a broader message. I have since learned so much about Mens Rights Activists (MRA), a world view I had honestly never considered. To think I was perpetuating hate against a group sickens me. I am sorry.

I do still prefer gender-assigned bathrooms, which includes children, for privacy reasons like adults are afforded every day. Some may argue public places should have mixed-gender bathrooms but many people are not ready for that. (Family bathrooms are nice of course!)

As for my misguided reaction to the volunteer dads in school, please try to be in my shoes. This is my first baby, the volunteer dad in class on the first day of school was a complete stranger to me. I couldn't even see his face. I had met all the moms and teachers before the school year started, but not all the dads including him.

For the record, I never suggested removing dads from class. I didn't address who should take the boys to the potty simply because I don't have a son and the only child I had an opinion about was my own. I don't govern other peoples' parenting. When I blogged about my experience it was just that - my experience, just like I blog about the apple pies I make and crafts my kids do. I did not consider personal posts to be anything other than a record of my experience.

Although I have been treated horribly by certain activists and threatened with violence (an FBI report was filed) I do have the wisdom to see that the broader message of MRA is worthy of attention. Paternity fraud, unfair custody battles, certain child support procedures, false accusations and double standards that plague men are an unfair set back to human rights.

Feminism claims a premise of the "radical notion that women are people". Men are people too. So are children. We all deserve fair treatment from the justice system and each other. Women are just as capable of committing crimes as men and should not be held less responsible when these instances occur.

I apologize for my unintentional demonization of men and perpetuating the distrust men face in the world. Please know my fears stemmed from cultural osmosis and I never intended harm to anyone. The past few days have not been pleasant, but the experience has been a gift of awareness. The irony is not lost on me that my birthday is coming up. I am so, so much older than I was last Tuesday.

This is not just a mommy blog. It is a powerful tool for spreading ideas. I will be more responsible in the future with such a platform.

Jenna Myers Karvunidis

I will remove this post if any further negativity is directed at me or my family and I reserve the right to moderate comments.

Filed under: Uncategorized

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