As we all know it, depression is more common and usually more intense with men.

I would like to have advice about the guy I was with, as his depression is at the core of how bad our relationship could go

My for now ex has a rough past. He's been through stuff people wouldn't imagine.

I have bpd. I was raped multiple times, abused, stolen from, bullied from 6.

When we go fine, it's the greatest relationship.we have fun, i will cry laughing.

Our sex life is amazing at those times. I'm adventurous, he just enjoy to be better each time, breaching his own records of longest orgasm or the best time overall. I'm highly sexual, more than him, but he has a high libido too. I really enjoy turning him on, and he just always tell me how I turn him on

We listen to the same music, play the same videogames, like the same movies or TV shows, outdoor activities, etc.

He has a kid, that kid loves me very much. He has a hard time right now cause I might not be going back

But when we go bad, we go so bad. I get triggered when he tries to flee because I can't deal with a night where I sleep still angry. So I will block the door to at least have him come back before bed.

I'll feel alone and ask to do something or whatever. he doesn't want to. He doesn't tell me how he feels, so I feel like it's me and I want to know why.

He argues with insults while my my self esteem is vulnerable. He brings back my issue with my sister.

I argue with excuses because mostly it's not that I don't care or that I plan it, it's that I can't manage stuff...

So we end up with very intense arguments, he tries to go away, I block the door. He gets angry, tells me to move. I beg for him to not go to far. He tells me to move that he doesn't want to punch me to go out. I don't care, because it's less stressful than alone time. So he gets where he hits me.

Than we work it out, make efforts but trigger each others again after weeks

I know most people will tell me to never go back because you shouldn't hit people ever. But I know I also do stuff that im not supposed to.

Our mental issues are dealt with so much difference. He needs alone time. I need to be with someone

He needs time to think alone, I need to talk it out. We fight.

It happened the day before yesterday and i went to the police. They aren't going that fast with that file because I think they themselves understand that it's not just him being a dangerous asshole.

I was gone. I was at a shelter. I felt like he was like all the others

And then he texted me. Said he's deeply sorry, he's not asking me to come back or to forgive him. He just wanted to know if I was okay, because i can get suicidal and or mutilate myself.

I texted him an analysis, and he says it's exactly what's happening. He asks if he can talk to me but that he would understand if I wouldn't want to. He wants us to at least politely close the stuff we have together.

So we talk. He said that whatever happens between us, he will get anger therapy and probably personal therapy. He would want me to come back, but that he wants me to feel safe first

The fact that he knows he has an issue. That he wants to do something about it, it's a step.

So I plan on putting myself in a secure place, and to give him time to prove me he goes in therapy and that he gets better.

I won't reserve myself either. If I meet someone, I wont stop myself. I won't search actively either.

I don't want to fear him. I don't want to be with someone I fear. But we heal each others so much when we are going good. We love each others deeply but we were hurt so much before even being together.

I don't know what to do

Have any of you stories about stuff like this ?

Experiences with therapy changing people that much ? Maybe if you know what did work?