How do I (a woman) support my boyfriend so that he feels that his rights (in terms of men's rights) are being respected?

Ok-Translator2294 · 2022-10-16T08:52:34+00:00

The go to thing is this: If something is not right anymore if the genders are reversed, it was never right to begin with.

If you keep that in mind, rest should be simple.

Huffers1010 · 2022-10-16T07:48:17+00:00

I don't know you or your other half, but if you've actually given this stuff enough thought to come here and post about it, I'd hazard a guess you're probably already behaving like a reasonable human being.

glock3299 · 2022-10-16T04:29:15+00:00

I feel like its rather simple, just think of the respect you want and give him the same. Most men don't want superiority like feminist just to be equal and treated with the same respect.

GF1386 · 2022-10-16T08:54:10+00:00

I went 24 years without a hug from my ex. You could start there.

Onegodoneloveoneway · 2022-10-16T05:54:24+00:00

It's pretty easy. Treat people like humans.

Planimation4life · 2022-10-16T07:51:32+00:00

Its good that you're asking these questions, simply just give him respect show him understanding of his needs but at the same time of your own needs, communication is key to all relationships. Men are simple.

iainmf · 2022-10-16T10:26:11+00:00

How might I be oppressing him unknowingly or because of social conditioning?

I think this is the wrong mindset. Instead of looking for ways you might be 'oppressing' him, look for all the opportunities to support him. Focusing on finding negatives is not good for anyone's mental health.

secret_tiger101 · 2022-10-16T08:12:58+00:00

There’s the classic “because your feelings are more important”, is he abdicating decisions (what to watch, where to eat)? Could be because you end up “winning” so he now doesn’t bother having an opinion. In arguments do your feelings tend to be given more weight than his? This is a common thing and men usually avoid it by deferring to their SO, so avoid pointless discussions they know they’ll lose

FullStorage2007 · 2022-10-16T10:07:49+00:00

The fact that you are even asking this question tells me that you don't need any advice. Your boyfriend is a lucky guy.

Reddit1984Censorship · 2022-10-16T10:47:19+00:00

The root of mens gender issues is male disposability, the empathy gap, ''woman and children first''.
If he fails at something, if he feels scared at something, if he feels pain or gets hurt and so on, dont look down on him, dont look disapointed at him, dont lose respect for him because of it, woman do this very often with their eyes not words, you might not say it but your eyes and face says it all.

The_Banana_Monk · 2022-10-16T10:47:42+00:00

Hug his head, sounds weird but it sends a non verbal message that you are caring for him and that hug is for him not a mutual hug. Bonus points if you stroke his hair and whisper a few supportive words to him.

Nicksvibes · 2022-10-16T10:27:42+00:00

All the answers here are incredibly simplistic. But honestly the real answer lies within him, ask him how he feels or whether he believes you are doing anything wrong and how both of you can work things out. For instance, in response to question 3, it is really subjective. Many men would feel very stressed providing for a woman (which is a man's role in a traditional relationship) but your boyfriend might be okay with covering most of the bills so long as you reciprocate in your own way. The key is that in case the relationship doesn't work out, you don't take advantage of your role in courts and at his expense (custody arrangements, etc...).

In response to question 2: I don't think you're "oppressing" people. That's a weird way to talk about your behavior in a relationship and pretty much sounds like the attitude of a male feminist who feels the need to adjust all of his behavior to women's benefit. But to answer it, I don't know. The words "oppression" and "social conditioning" are fairly broad. A better way to word it is do you respect your boyfriend, listen to his needs and make compromises that don't only benefit you? Given this post and assuming it isn't a troll post, I'd say you probably do.

There might be several things that I do not understand about men's needs, experiences, psyche, simply because I haven't experienced them. What are those things and how can I fulfil those needs and make him feel comfortable in the relationship?

I don't know if this relates to men's rights but your boyfriend might really appreciate it if you initiate sexual encounters frequently, show him affection and ask him about his day or hobbies and take interest in some of them, remain loyal and don't compare him to other guys. If he is vulnerable, he might fear expressing his emotions for fear of having them used against him or your attraction to him fading away. Respect his boundaries and give him personal space if he doesn't wish to talk. If any women have made him feel uncomfortable or as a lesser man in previous relationships, you could try and find out what these things are.

John2H · 2022-10-16T06:13:12+00:00

1 and 4 have the same answer: because the vast majority of men are raised to lack in physical intimacy and verbal affirmation, the simple act of benign physical touch whenever possible will go a long ways to improving your relationship. Tell him you like how he did a recent thing. (Chores, work, hobby, etc.) Reward him for good behavior with positive attention ALWAYS.

2 and 3 have the same answer: Feminist culture largely inhabits the mainstream, and will lead you to false narratives about your man and his role in the relationship. This will cause bitterness and tension between you two as unspoken expectations become baked-in. Avoid outside influence in your relationship as much as possible, and never become complacent about improving the quality of your time together, even if only slightly. If you need more advice, seek a happily married couple. Otherwise, better to walk blind.

Keep in mind that not all traditional roles are inherently bad, and also that your man may request or unknowingly require assistance to better perform for you. To do this, he needs to fully trust you and be able to display a full range of emotion without eliciting an unconscious negative reaction from you. Those cultural biases and stereotypes are a part of YOU as well as him and must be worked through.

TLDR: Treat him like a dog you love. Food, play, pets, affirmation, and forgiveness of his faults.

dependency_injector · 2022-10-16T08:58:34+00:00

I think you should ask him all these questions. Be prepared that you won't like some of his answers, accepting them is the best thing you can do.

As the other guys said, if you care about him enough to post your questions here, you're probably already fine.

ABlindCookie · 2022-10-16T10:41:48+00:00

The fact that you made this post shows that you're in the right direction

Dont let yourself be disrespected and value yourself as a person and pretty much apply that to him as well.

I could go on about the minor nouances, like "how to reply when he's being genuine to valuate his feelings", or the bigger things like double standards in emotional/physical abuse (lets hope it never ever comes to that in anyone's case), but at the end of the day, if you adapt the mentality of "we dont owe each other shit, but we're equally important and valid and have a 60/40 relationship, where both of us are trying to be the 60", there shouldn't be any issues

Nated1945 · 2022-10-16T16:04:30+00:00

If you're out here asking people how to treat your boyfriend, then he is one very lucky man. I wish you both good luck and endless happiness :)

Consistent_Spell_424 · 2022-10-16T17:31:09+00:00

Communicate. Often women are talkers, but they fail to communicate exactly what they want say while expecting us to mind read or know what youre thinking.
Don't talk at him, but speak in a tone and use words that express the concern, how you feel about the concern, and ask how to PROBLEM SOLVE. Look up this video Iyanla Van Zandt when she demonstrated how women should speak to their men that will get him to move, inspire and not feel shouted down or barked at.
Understand that while men and women can be equal, we are not the same. Ex: Women often feel because they carry and bear the child, that fathers don't love their children. Fathers love their children as well, but it's different.
Demonstrate that you appreciate him and the things he does. We don't like feeling used or taken advantage of. Modern dating teaches that men are expected to give, give, give while not get anything in return.
Men need space to be around other men to talk about men's issues without having to filter ourselves because women are around. That's his outlet and he doesn't have to burden you with all of his problems. He should have the fellas and brotherhood for that. You'll be in the loop, but he will come with solutions.
Don't dismiss his thoughts or feelings when he speaks up about how men are being treated unfairly and unjustly.
Avoid playing the who's been hurt more game. Ex.: his buddy left a toxic relationship when his woman was abusive in treated him poorly. Don't counter with I know so and so woman who was beaten severely and hospitalized by her ex. At least he got out alive..
Avoid saying things like "not all women are like that" or "women have this too". These types of caveats are annoying and really misses the point. If he's talking about men's issues, know that it's okay to leave the discussion there. It's not about excluding women, but supporting men.
This is huge. Hold women accountable. The sister code is strong, but when one of the girlfriends or woman in general is being foul or abusive to their man, check her. Or at least say something.
Don't always assume the man has done something wrong to get treated poorly. Don't assume we are evil, violent, brutal savages, or predators. I want to go to the park with my kids and not get jarring looks. Complimenting on a woman beauty, or even saying hi shouldn't be grounds for being labeled creepy.
Understand that men risk their lives daily for our safety and comfort. Don't overlook those stats of workplace deaths and injuries.
We do sometimes suffer in silence. That's part of why suicide rates are so much more higher for men vs women. If he ever opens up to you about something, you absolutely cannot bring it back up. Chances are he's done it in the past and that happened so he's like never again.
Encourage and support him having hobbies and other interests outside of you. The Happy Wife, Happy Wife trope is bs and one-sided. And it's not his job to be in charge of your happiness like it's not your job for his happiness. Both should be working towards Happy Spouse, Happy House..meaning you both are doing the work to be the best versions of yourselves. You speak and inspire him, let him lead, be in feminine and he will move mountains for you and you can rest in your feminity.

shit-zen-giggles · 2022-10-16T07:57:02+00:00

I won't answer your questions directly because someone more capable than me has already answered them.

Warren Farrell is a very seasoned and well respected MRA who has authored many books on this and related subjects. Additionally, his 'day job' for the last several decades has been couples therapy which he does together with his wife.

If I had to recommend one book to start with, it would be

Farrell, Warren (2001). Women can't hear what men don't say: destroying myths, creating love. Sydney: Finch Publishing. ISBN 978-1876451318.

and after that maybe go with

Farrell, Warren (1990). Why men are the way they are: the male-female dynamic. Toronto & London: Bantam. ISBN 978-0553176285.

find out more about his work on his website https://warrenfarrell.com/

Much success!

A6000user · 2022-10-16T13:21:42+00:00

Praise him often.

Touch often (as long as he's ok with it).

Respect his need for alone time; he's processing.

Initiate sex.

Ask him how he's doing, out of the blue, and be genuinely interested. You may have to ask more than once, we men have been conditioned to say "I'm ok" more than once before feeling safe/strong enough to share.

Say what you mean, mean what you say.

If you accept an apology, mean it, for LIFE. His mistakes are not meant to fill your arsenal.

But him something nice once in a while as a surprise to show you've been thinking about him.

Hugs.

Ask about one of his interests and listen; it doesn't have to become your thing too, but be happy for him that it's his.

Be mindful of your friends that don't interact with him in front of you; they either hate him or want him.

Be mindful of your need for attention; social media posts, who your chatting with. Some guys are non confrontational but be sure they notice and take it to heart if you need attention from others. He should be all the attention you need.

Equal rights mean equal lefts; you do NOT have the right to ever get physical with him out of anger. Expect to own a black eye if you feel entitled to slap him.

Never go to sleep angry, no yelling unless the house is on fire.

Temporary_Spend_3111 · 2022-10-16T15:26:01+00:00

Most of mens rights issues are just at a societal level. Like the way society values men for what they can provide.

Just treat him like a human being and your doing more for him then half of the rest of society is.

But do keep in mind he is human. Hes not this stoic mountain who isnt capable of feeling

kiadragon · 2022-10-16T16:42:08+00:00

Wow. Good on you for trying to make sense of this for the sake of your boyfriend.

There is plenty of good advice here, but let an older man tell you the most important one for a lot of us.

Peace. When we come home and are with you, we want peace and companionship. A woman who can bring peace to a man's heart after a hard and difficult day is a treasure beyond measure.

And never make him feel like less than a man if he ever cries.

I wish you both many happy years together.

aerial_coitus · 2022-10-16T05:30:55+00:00

enough with the incessant virtue signaling already. really, its getting old, and you’re fooling nobody.

skllyskullstyle · 2022-10-16T07:40:21+00:00

Admit that feminism or gynocentrism is toxicly overrated. And he puts more effort.

Ocelot-marmax · 2022-10-16T04:50:59+00:00

You can't. I know you're claiming to mean well, but you can't. What you're describing is empathy, and the way you're describing it implies you don't have any. So there's zero ways you will know or infer, you will have to directly ask.

2

Individually you probably aren't, unless you're being controlling and terrible as, sadly, many women are today. Don't be terrible. It's not that hard.

You might want to ask in /r/relationships and not here, as that's not really a thing here. It's not about rights an oppression at individual levels, but cultural/political/societal levels. Just don't be a bitch to him.

3

You can't do anything, relationships are sided 100% on the female. It is what it is. Just like with dating. Relationships are no different.

4

Love and support him. You won't understand him, despite how simply men are, because if women could do so, they would already be doing so. But instead they use that knowledge negatively, not positively.

5

Good luck. Again, you might want to ask /r/relationships, or if you want some fun, ask /r/TwoXChromsomes and see what the man haters recommend.

MGTOW_Theory · 2022-10-16T19:22:35+00:00

I'll try:

Learn evolutionary psychology. You will find there more answers about men and women then you need. It will save your relationship, trust me.

Be careful with trying to make him vulnerable with you. His emotionless is partly what makes him attractive to you. Give him care but don't make him soft. Its going to be bad for both of you. If he start become softer, remind him to be strong, so he wouldn't degenerate. Again, learn evolutionary psychology, you will find all answers there.
Get rid of word oppression and other similar words in social sciences that you learned. They are based on Marxist theory of oppressor and oppressed. Living creatures don't operate like this. You can hurt somebody in relationship, not oppress. Oppression used in context of class, which does not exist.
Men and women are different, don't by in to equality concept. It does not work in reality very well. Much more efficient is fairness and justice. Situations are different, try to be fair and just in you relationships.
One thing that men like to do is to be useful and please woman through this usefulness, thus receiving woman's approval and care. Basically be appreciated for what he can do for you. Appreciated - means you show him that you value him. It gives a lot of pleasure.
Males(men) and females(woman) are not enemies. Remember this. Everything around us, especially media, trying to push us against each other. They do this to use our psychology's negative emotions to elicit more response and manipulate. This is because we react more to negative emotions. Third time, learn evolutionary psychology. Also there is book, which is not realised yet, on evo psy to help woman understand themselves. Its called "How to train your boyfriend" by Diana Fleischman.

Good luck.

Mask_Dbater · 2022-10-16T22:20:30+00:00

Just say: "WOMEN DON"T OWE YOU SEX", and walk away.

Shadowdragon409 · 2022-10-16T11:38:48+00:00

Honestly, this probably isn't the best place for relationship advice, but the fact that you're concerned with his mental well being, and his rights as a man is really admirable.

You should definitely look up videos on how to effectively communicate. People have different communication styles, and different ways they express themselves. You should also look up videos on conflict resolution as well. Healthy relationships are built on the foundation of good communication.

Outside of that, you should definitely dote on him like he should be doing for you. Men are expected to plan dates, give gifts, and perform for their partner. Do that for him. Also, you should establish the expectation that whomever invites the other person to a date is the one to pay for the date. Honestly, you should look into role reversal. I think that might be the best way for him to feel loved and appreciated.

Also, keep in mind that most men intertwine sex and love, whereas most women don't. I'm not saying that you should have sex with him whenever he demands it, but definitely keep in mind that if you reject him constantly, or for too long, he won't feel loved and might start becoming bitter, or losing feelings for you.
Rejecting his advances is healthy, but just try to do it gently, and either promise sex at a later time when you're more likely to be in the mood, or be the one to initiate sex instead. Men want to feel sexy and desired as well. I would argue moreso than women, because they never get to experience what it's like.

sharksville · 2022-10-16T12:09:15+00:00

I don’t know if this will helps or not but hopefully it might. What I did with my wife was before we got married, we sort of did this thing we’re we reversed roles where I basically put myself in a woman’s shoes and she puts herself in a man’s shoes and that way we both know what we’re getting our selves into. We did that another time again shortly after we got married as well, basically once where we weren’t a married couple and once were things are slightly different and we are a married couple now.

The end result of that basically was that I get a point of view of what she as a woman goes though and got some sort of understanding of her needs and how she feels and all, and she gets a point of view what I as a man go through me understand get some sort of understanding of my needs and feelings and all. And our relationship we’ve had for a long time now has been really great. I often do her things with her once in a while like go on a shopping spree and she will do my things with me once in a while as well, like gaming together with me on my console. Sometimes she’ll try to be understanding when I tell her I had a rough or stressful day at work. I’ll try to be understanding when she has the same or when she’s on her womens problem. We both help each other out in any way we can. And I’d say it was because of the role reversal thing we did where we put ourselves in each other shoes basically.

Maybe you could try and put yourself in his shoes and doing things he typically does or do things any man typically does. Like understand that guys like to play video games the way girls like to go shopping, or understand that men sometimes have these expectations that we have to live up to even though we didn’t ask for it but was given to us anyway, like be there for his loved ones and be the provider of the family or the back bone of the family etc. Sometimes you be the one to randomly initiate affection and cuddle him when he’s feeling down because sometimes he might not share with you the things he has to deal with as a man but the least you can do is at least try to pretend you understand a little of what’s on his mind or something. Doesn’t have to be full on sex with him but make him feel like you are there for him with a little emotion

Ramzabeo · 2022-10-16T12:42:04+00:00

Its really not that complicated for men really, just respect him and be nice, loving and as non confrontational as you can be when it comes to small issues, thats not to say you should be a doormat, but when it comes to problems voice them in a nice way, a good man will appreciate this much morenthan screaming like if you were a man. Youre supposed to be his peace at home, his support and his best friend.

My wife did all of this for me when we were dating and trust me when i say shes the most beautiful girl i could have ever gotten, not just because of her appearence but because of how sweet she is.

_BeefJerk · 2022-10-16T12:43:25+00:00

First, #1 alone could be a large book to go over. Initially I wanted to cover a lot, but I think it's going to boil down to simple things.

Second (which should be first), the fact you've asked any of this is almost an answer unto itself. Trying to bridge the existing gaps and putting forth effort is beyond huge and will solve almost anything.

Beyond that, I think the best answer for you is to develop an awareness, and be able to be skeptical of what the masses think. The wage gap myth is naturally first to my mind. See how much schools favor girls and dismiss boys.

Just basic support on a basis. Stand up for him when people trash him, or (if you've the drive) men generally. Encourage discussion with him. For a lot in currentday, a man standing for himself is seen as an assault on women, as nonsensical as that is. He may not feel comfortable addressing the topic or know that you particularly care.

Through discussion, you can build some level of understanding as your relationship grows.

If you at some point have a child, do remember that you've written this post.

Akin to what I said from the start, your questions are broad and can have massive responses. But to the gift thing, there's The Five Love Languages. It can at least give you some guidance in to what he recognizes and appreciates. When I got a single flower, I thought it was sweet. Some may not. When she walked the dog in the snow instead of me, I appreciated that big time. Some may value that less.

Admirable-Door1724 · 2022-10-16T14:00:31+00:00

Just don’t blame him for all the worlds problems like most of the western world feminists do. It baffles me how just because people were born men (yknow, which they can’t control) are demonized, even more so if you are also straight and white, (two other things that you also can’t control).

jokerfriend6 · 2022-10-16T14:32:33+00:00

Well in the terms of men's feelings. Men most of the time have problems verbalizing how they feel... Be there for him, listen to what he is saying to you about what he wants. If he enjoys going fishing and being by himself on occasion, that is okay. Be there for him and do some things he likes to do.. Don't fall into traps that men are only after one thing by friends, or your friends giving you advice.. Each man is different.. You can do small things for him like bring him coffee, give him a hug from behind,

BTS_on_a_bicycle · 2022-10-16T15:30:30+00:00

Just by caring, you’re already doing great.

Yung4Yrs · 2022-10-16T15:37:03+00:00

You're reasonably intelligent or you wouldn't be here. Don't try too hard to please. As others have said, little unexpected affections always are nice. Peck on the cheek, a lick behind the ear, grab his ass in the grocery store once and a while. But... most importantly, Does what I'm about to do respect and build him up as a man, or does it make him feel like serving you is more important than meeting his need for respect. If you ask this question over and over before you act, over time it will become automatic and you'll stop having to ask. And you will have changed yourself into a better quality human being. Best wishes.

CampfireDonkey · 2022-10-16T18:30:47+00:00

Tell him you love him, and hug him hard enough to crack his back. There is no worse feeling than that of crippling loneliness, coming from my experience. Oh, and while I can't speak for you or your boyfriend, sex being the only show of affection in a relationship kind of leads to an empty feeling inside for me at least.

Etspead · 2022-10-16T21:48:04+00:00

This is so simple. Answer: treat him like a girl. Treat him the way you would like. Give him a random hug. Text him and tell him he's hot. Give him a compliment. Most guys are simply suffering from an extreme lack of attention.

Thing to note here, is that female and male attention are very different. Male attention is like that of a dog. It's genuine. It's positive, and it asks for nothing in return. Female attention is often just a bait. It's usually just a ruse at its core to get the guy to give her attention. I don't know if you girls are aware of that or not. But give him genuine male attention. That simple.

Greeddeath · 2022-10-16T22:37:58+00:00

they are and you have 2 options, embrace them or fight them. Id you embrace it, you basicly go traditional schema. You're doing house, he does work in simple word. If you fight it, you go more or less 50/50 in Modern model. Dont make mistake Modern feminism do, and try to find something between that is good only for you. You supposed to be partners. Guys generally are well adapting, So Just rules have to be fair for us, to be happy.
Give from Time to Time well place compliment. But its generall Human manual :D You can also try to be simple and honest. Some Times he might not enjoy it, but in long run, I'm sure he'll appreciate this.

Alive-Block785 · 2022-10-16T22:46:19+00:00

Fact is everyone gives and receives love differently. We all have 1 of 5 different love languages. Read this book. Helped me understand. “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” By Gary D. Chapman

EviessVeralan · 2022-10-16T23:36:41+00:00

Honestly your best bet would be to ask him if there are ways you can make him feel more appreciated and supported.

xndpxs · 2022-10-16T23:43:39+00:00

Don't underestimate his problems...

TAPriceCTR · 2022-10-17T01:22:36+00:00

Mens Rights is not about fighting oppression. it is about seeing reality for what it is. Just because men have it worse (my opinion, certainly debatable, but not worth debating) doesn't make it oppression. As Yeomi Park taught us, people who are oppressed, do not have a word for it.

open rejection of feminism, and actively seeking to overcome lies that feminism has brainwashed society with (eg; 1/4 college rape myth, wage gap myth, lots of rewriting of history)

your edit seems like a pretty good list. but remember, "agree to disagree" gets abused. it is not properly used to avoid conflict, it is a acceptance of an IMPASSE. if you don't hash out your differences BEFORE agreeing to disagree, then your relationship will inevitably dissolve into apathy.

rabel111 · 2022-10-17T05:13:03+00:00

Healthcare education includes an enormous amout of tuition focused on the cultural awareness of selected subgroups in our community, ensuring healthcare workers are safe to practice empathetically across a broad range of personal experiences. These subgroups exclude men and boys.

The experiences of men and boys are examined with distain, contempt and disregard, attributing most concerns related arising specifically from male experiences to toxic or fragile masculinity and egocentric narcissism. Men experiencing pain or grief are frequently described with demeaning humour and contempt.

As a result, with a healthcare workforce dominated by women, feminist ideology and an entrenched culture of misandry, men and boys are reluctant to engage with health services, when they do engage their engagement is of very short duration, and their outcomes are most likely poorer than women with the same/similar ailments.

Until the gender inbalance in the healthcare workforce is addressed, there will continue to be bias against men and boys, and entrenched misandry.

Title	How do I (a woman) support my boyfriend so that he feels that his rights (in terms of men's rights) are being respected?
Author	IAmOldAndIKnowIt
Upvotes	148
Comments	114
Date	October 16, 2022 3:58 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/y570fj/how_do_i_a_woman_support_my_boyfriend_so_that_he/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/how-do-i-a-woman-support-my-boyfriend-so-that-he.1135457 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135457