Men in your 30's, How would you perceive a divorced woman in her late 40's who is your boss that keeps fawning over you physically and verbally after 2 months ?

DarkCrowI · 2021-11-06T06:32:35+00:00

It's harassment and should be reported to HR with a well documented list of events and the times they occurred.

dammitmitchell · 2021-11-06T07:01:47+00:00

Sounds like sexual harassment and someone who has learned that sex is control.

I would just break physical contact entirely without being extravagant about it... And then just completely not acknowledge the innuendos.

Do it all with a smile on your face and then see what happens. It will remove their perceived power gain from the situation.

anon517 · 2021-11-06T09:44:46+00:00

It's harassment BUT the law and society is NOT on your side.

Complaining can backfire really badly, and people will start asking what YOU did to cause the harassment to start. They will assume YOU did something wrong, and that YOU need to apologize to her or the company. Being a woman is a PROTECTED CLASS so it's very risky to bring up complaints. You need to have lots of backing/proof and even then, most courts will throw it all out because society believes that women can do no wrong.

I would simply leave and find a new job. I wish I could recommend fighting for your rights here, but there's a very good chance you'll end up burned and with your own reputation destroyed.

Buchwild · 2021-11-06T08:46:04+00:00

It's harassment and if you report it the odds of something blowing back on you are pretty decent. I'd be careful with how you proceed

Men-Are-Human · 2021-11-06T14:29:27+00:00

That's sexual harassment.

sleepyJoeBidet · 2021-11-06T06:46:49+00:00

Yes. But proving it is hard, and to protect yourself from reprisals when/if you complain, you will need proof. Otherwise it is just a he/said, she/said.

darkstar1031 · 2021-11-06T12:32:11+00:00

So, most here will point out that it is sexual harassment, and they're not wrong, but I'd like to touch on something else. There is the possibility that you might be interested in her, and I must caution you. It's a trap. It absolutely is a trap, and in no possible universe will it lead to happily ever after. She's your boss, and introducing sex into that relationship is a pretty effective recipe for not only failure, but untold stress. You would be directly opening yourself up to the kind of stress and heartache known to drive men insane. Don't do it. Don't be tempted.

If you legitimately want to pursue a sexual relationship with this woman, you must find another job. There simply is no other way.

LittleThinket · 2021-11-06T22:58:38+00:00

From a woman's.point of view.. hell yes. I'm fact just as sexual harassment is not tolerated in the work space, they should include sexual manipulation. She sounds very into herself. Woman who believe that just because the your a man means that will do anything for their old and worn out vag is a pet peeve. Excuse my language.

merkwuerdig_liebe · 2021-11-06T08:50:33+00:00

Sounds kinda creepy ngl

ElegantDecline · 2021-11-06T12:17:54+00:00

This will never end well. I'd start looking for work elsewhere, bud.

HR doesn't care about you. HR cares about the company. Collect as much evidence as you can, video, email, messages, photos, etc etc, and then go find yourself a good lawyer and follow his instructions. and take a year off

makosh22 · 2021-11-06T13:00:19+00:00

It's sexual harassments.

dungeonmonkey69 · 2021-11-06T09:48:27+00:00

Report it to her boss and HR quietly

xseptinthegenitals · 2021-11-06T11:23:44+00:00

Set boundaries and if that doesn’t work lawyer up. This is harassment.

DougDante · 2021-11-06T11:38:13+00:00

Sexual Harassment

It is unlawful to harass a person (an applicant or employee) because of that person's sex. Harassment can include "sexual harassment" or unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.

https://www.eeoc.gov/sexual-harassment

TheRabid · 2021-11-06T14:31:40+00:00

Bodycam.

Crixusgannicus · 2021-11-06T22:25:12+00:00

1) Cougar

2) Never ever ever ever sh1t where you eat.

3) Look for another job starting YESTERDAY.

4) While if the situations were reversed HR would be on it like white on rice EVEN IF UNTRUE, do not expect the same as a male.

5) Look for another job starting YESTERDAY.

Doc_Steelhammer · 2021-11-06T22:52:34+00:00

She wants dick

IFightBitchesToo · 2021-11-06T23:19:42+00:00

Report to HR with evidence.

throwaway3569387340 · 2021-11-06T12:11:42+00:00

Yes you should report it. And yes you should be prepared to get another job.

I was at a job where my peer and I were contending for a promotion. She got the job. I found out later she was sleeping with an executive. I reported it to HR. I was absolutely totally in the right.

I was "encouraged to find an opportunity more commensurate to my skills". HR is there to protect the company, not you.

Anecdotal, but beware.

itchyotcthy · 2021-11-06T09:40:32+00:00

Can you clarify please.

You typed: when i told her i was interested she shut all the attention off

did you mean to type: when i told her i was not interested she shut all the attention off

??

Not related really but:::: I don't drink alcohol and I'm amazed at how alcohol is used as a reward for hard work. I accepted this when younger and a totally for it and thought it was fun but now!!! A friend works for a software firm (not related but..) and they have 'Friday night drinks'.. sure, it is harmless enough but I see it as a power thing. An ex boss, she supplied us with 'sweeties'... and as much as I loved it and got fatter, after a while I saw what it meant: "to sweeten us up"... horror..

either way, your boss sounds like a toxic nightmare.

T_Rash · 2021-11-06T13:38:17+00:00

Not discrimination but definitely sexual harassment

fiwaeawi · 2021-11-06T09:34:26+00:00

Danger will robinson Danger

2wicky · 2021-11-06T08:05:59+00:00

As your superior, she shouldn't have been making any advances your way to begin with, but if you told her you're not interested and she stopped flirting with you, then what's the problem?

Selfmade_3127 · 2021-11-06T09:54:35+00:00

harassment ... have video evidence! ... she will lie to hell and back

Xaviarsly · 2021-11-06T10:17:41+00:00

That's hurrasment collect all the video and audio evidence you can.

Crpto_fanatic · 2021-11-06T11:45:53+00:00

Hulk smash

dorksideofnever · 2021-11-06T12:00:50+00:00

Take this to HR

SkullAngel001 · 2021-11-06T13:13:16+00:00

kept putting her hands on me and saying innuendo comments but when i told her i was interested she shut all the attention off like a light switch

Clearly she's trying to get male attention and validation ("I'm old and divorced but I still got it").

Report her to HR.

csycs · 2021-11-06T12:18:18+00:00

Another psychopath in management... I think this is material for r/antiwork

Icy-Carpenter-2167 · 2021-11-06T13:07:28+00:00

I would get that raise

philhalo66 · 2021-11-06T13:31:04+00:00

this is the definition of sexual harassment you need to report this.

BeNice_777 · 2021-11-06T12:18:12+00:00

Definitely harassment. You should be reporting this, but make sure you have it well documented.

hostergaard · 2021-11-06T13:19:01+00:00

I would suggest to be kind, and make it clear how it makes you feel and ask her not to play games, either she is interested and that is fine, we all spend too much time at work to pretend its not a place to meet a partner, and we should not be in hysterics like feminists are about awkward human behavior. That said, note it all down, and if you have tried talking and she keeps making you uncomfortable either by playing games like you said while not actually being interested, or you are not interested and she keeps on despite you telling her not to, then go to HR and report it.

Now, of course, there is downsides to being kind and talking with her first, but I personally always tought we are too trigger happy these days, HR should not be the first step if it can solved by talking it out first.

Keats852 · 2021-11-06T13:26:57+00:00

Report her to HR, and find another job.

qqqqtrdr · 2021-11-06T13:49:52+00:00

My experience with HR is they make a record of it and if there is more than one person come forward they would do something about it. They most always side with the boss otherwise.

SketchyPornDude · 2021-11-06T14:02:09+00:00

Just don't return her advances if you're not interested. But since you are, be accommodating with the friendly interactions you're comfortable with, and neutral with the ones you're not. She's your boss, if anyone's going to make the first move it'll have to be her (that's of course if you're still interested). Do not try anything with your by your own initiative, not being where you are there's always a strong possibility that you may be misreading the situation or she's just being overly-friendly but not interested in serious intimacy. Whatever it is she has to make the first move, and if you're keen on her, you can reciprocate in kind. Don't push the nature of the interaction, this isn't a normal everyday scenario where you'd be the one to let her know you're interested, she's your boss and that complicates matters.

Workplaces are for business, and casual friendships sometimes happen there, even sex happens there, but anything that falls outside of work can spell disaster, especially for men. My advice would be to keep things friendly but professional, sleeping with your boss is more likely to lead to trouble, a happy ending isn't really likey.

soulless_ape · 2021-11-06T14:20:10+00:00

Get evidence and witness. If you can record when asking her to stop do so in case she flips out or tries lying later. Notify HR and Goodluck. When in doubt talk to a lawyer!

CrazedKnightCK · 2021-11-06T14:22:17+00:00

Harassment, get some proof the go to HR.

Shoot4321 · 2021-11-06T14:24:48+00:00

Honestly? I would just play up to it abit and keep it as friendly flirting. Then probably leave the company and find a different/better job

drgonzo17 · 2021-11-06T14:30:02+00:00

Ignore her advances and let her try to seduce me.

Holy_Salsa · 2021-11-06T14:43:28+00:00

Likes it's a fuckin trap

rotzgabel · 2021-11-06T15:08:58+00:00

Ask her for a pay raise.

Hefty_Ant1025 · 2021-11-06T15:58:37+00:00

If you are into it bang her. Just have your resume ready in case you have to leave...lol

GreenFire317 · 2021-11-06T16:02:12+00:00

Define physically.

jamesbwbevis · 2021-11-06T17:25:39+00:00

Inappropriate conduct and you need to tell hr

iizultimit · 2021-11-06T18:15:10+00:00

I'd go to HR after reading one line

mr_y2kj · 2021-11-06T18:22:45+00:00

They know that their time is running out and they’re desperate af . Stay safe soldiers. Hold the line!

Noob_master_slayer · 2021-11-06T18:51:19+00:00

Do you mean "wasn't interested", maybe there's a typo in your post.

dumoktheartist · 2021-11-06T18:58:05+00:00

Reverse the genders, you have your answer.

LiveNDiiirect · 2021-11-06T19:00:15+00:00

I dunno, i'd just milk a raise/promotion out of it. Now that's gender equality.

Aidennn92 · 2021-11-06T19:11:14+00:00

Once you’ve made it clear that it’s unwanted attention, it’s sexual harassment

A_Few_Mooses · 2021-11-06T19:13:49+00:00

I'm only 26, but I've noticed some females just like the excitement of having someone interested in them. Talking on the side, that twinkle in the eye, suggestive comments. When it comes down to it, however, they flip.

VulcanSummers602 · 2021-11-06T19:41:56+00:00

Take that to HR man.

jhdoesstuff · 2021-11-06T20:22:07+00:00

Have fun getting metoo'd

rahsoft · 2021-11-06T20:31:54+00:00

its a red flag for a person who has authority over you who is not respecting boundaries

snaypowell · 2021-11-06T21:22:25+00:00

Are you in a relationship (or married)… and what does she look like (is she attractive to you)?

ParticularExact9234 · 2021-11-06T21:24:51+00:00

It's time to look for another job, she's not being friendly at all now or talking, you would think she could at least talk it out with me but she just turned cold.

KingOfFinland · 2021-11-06T21:34:21+00:00

An asshole

BestGuessGuest · 2021-11-06T22:24:38+00:00

Sounds a lot like family guy

ParticularExact9234 · 2021-11-06T23:06:11+00:00

You’re in USA aren’t you???

Skyonfire30 · 2021-11-06T23:22:03+00:00

Thank god I don't look attractive to girls I would be saved

Questi0nRea1ity · 2021-11-07T01:48:56+00:00

Thats a tough poaitiin and xan lead to a dew bad outcomes. Use your career there to find a better job elsewhere..tell her it's to avoid nepotism if you are interested in her. If you aren't interested (now OR latwr), you also aren't under her thumb and have freedom to make your own choices. Don't burn a bridge if you can help it because you'll always have work there, just don't try to be manipulative of someones heart. Spending less time with your boss may cool you or she down.

Rineenerdad · 2021-11-06T16:35:17+00:00

Why were you in a situation where you are available to dance with your boss? Was this a business function or social Gathering outside of business? I'm assuming that you didn't just all the sudden become interested since this has been happening for some time, so was she aware of your feelings before you verbally expressed interest?

It Is by no means an excuse for the blatant double standard but some women are naturally flirty and touchy. A lot of men have trouble distinguishing this from what it is and what it could be which is a sexual advance.

This will not be popular here but being male, and in a position of power to fire employees, from an HR perspective I would be inclined with no previous history to believe that the manager did the right thing and stopped the attention not wanting to continue leading the employee along. It doesn't excuse the initial behavior but it definitely does show there was a difference in intent and perception of the behavior.