My wife constantly physically abuses me. How do I get her to stop?

iainmf · 2022-10-03T11:24:53+00:00

Everyone, think before your comment.

We have zero tolerance about advocating for violence. Advocating for violence will get you banned.

shusisandshasimis · 2022-10-03T09:25:58+00:00

The smartest thing you can do is start documenting. Keep a private journal of every altercation. The more detailed, the better. If you can set up cameras, I would. Living room, kitchen, bedroom, car. Try to position these altercations so they happen in front of the camera. I would also set up your phone with a voice recording app that can be activated with one button push. This is all just to provide you with leverage. Sooner or later you're going to get sick of this shit and realize she is not going to change. That's when you approach a good, female, divorce attorney. They'll know what to do from there. If you're extra smart, do not reveal to your wife that you have this footage. Godspeed.

AnonymousNeko2828 · 2022-10-03T09:46:10+00:00

Dude she is super abusive, I don't think there is a good solution besudes leaving her.

SilentObserver1293 · 2022-10-03T09:30:21+00:00

Divorce, press charges and have a good lawyer with many evidence.

duhhhh · 2022-10-03T10:39:37+00:00

If you don't have kids with her, the solution is to leave. The power to walk away is the biggest power men have.

JayTheFordMan · 2022-10-03T09:40:17+00:00

You walk away. This is abuse, and she won't stop unless she recognised it's abuse and that's not gonna happen.

crz8956 · 2022-10-03T11:00:49+00:00

Does anybody have a solution that doesn’t involve leaving her?

No.

I can not imagine in what circumstances, aside from, Idk, being a POW or such, I would let anyone, male, female, martian, fsm, do that to me on a regular basis.

I’ve asked her multiple times to stop hitting me to which she always acts nice and agrees to not do it again but then she does it again less than a day late

That sounds like a narcissic personality disorder. In that case, it would be better, not just leave, but fukcing run away.

heeroena · 2022-10-03T10:05:29+00:00

Secretly film it then go to the cops

RicardoSins_69420 · 2022-10-03T10:06:12+00:00

Leave her. Now. Don't come back. If she comes up, defend yourself and search help.

RavynArcadia · 2022-10-03T11:13:00+00:00

Record her doing it, get out, get divorced.

damn_son5 · 2022-10-03T10:26:12+00:00

She probably won’t stop if it has gone this far. I would start collecting proof, video and audio. Consider divorce if she won’t agree to counseling. This is also very hurtful for childen to watch.

oncothrow · 2022-10-03T10:11:41+00:00

Does anybody have a solution that doesn’t involve leaving her?

First question: Why is this your requirement? Clearly you've thought "the obvious answer / the obvious thing they're going to say is to leave." What is keeping you in this situation?

There's little we can do (as strangers online on the internet) to help you alleviate this situation. With someone that is repeatedly physically abusing you, in general you can't "reason" them out of it. She's said that she'd stop. She continues to beat you.

At this stage, I can't offer any advice on how to make the situation better. You've likely already tried your hardest to appease her (and found that this does not work, because there is ALWAYS something that you can be found fault for. And if I'm guessing right, you're constantly scared about how she'll react at any given moment. Would that be fair to say?)

The best advice that I can offer is (if you cannot leave), DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. I cannot emphasise this enough. This is for your protection. Photos, audio recordings, any physical evidence. And keep it safe. Don't reveal that you're documenting things.

Seek help and counselling immediately. If not professionally then at least from loved ones. Let someone know what's happening.

Contact domestic violence charities and organisations specialising in men (The UK has The Mankind Initiative for example. I'm not sure), if not available then any DV org is probably better than nothing (although I'll be blunt: Many aren't even equipped to acknowledge that female-on-male DV even exists).

I know that since you don't want to leave you're likely not going to heed this suggestion, but report the abuse to the police. Make sure there's a filed police report. You HAVE to get in there first before she decides to claim you as an abuser.

Because you need to be aware, if things take a turn for the worse (either she gets angrier or she feels her control over you slipping): She almost certainly will accuse YOU of being the perpetrator. At which point you're screwed. Which is why it's, again, important to DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.

If you're looking for conflict resolution and de-escalation techniques, those can be hard if not impossible to utilise with someone physically abusing you. The most you can do in those circumstances is to try (usually futilely) to calm her down, and at a different time sit her down and let her know just how serious what she's been doing to you is. But (again) if I'm guessing right, you're scared to really emphasise to her that her behaviour is abusive and needs to stop. Either that or she doesn't really see it as a big deal (and the more she does it to you, the less of a big deal to her it will seem). Is that an accurate assessment?

Under no circumstances are you to retaliate. Not even in self defence. Everyone WILL side against you, and that generally includes law enforcement (who in he-said-she-said scenarios of domestic violence without evidence, will almost inevitably come down on her side. You need to accept and understand this, your surviving this situation depends on it). Doesn't matter what she did to you, doesn't matter if you even feared for your life. Leave the situation. Leave the house, lock yourself in a room, something, ANYTHING to make sure she never has even the hint of a claim that you took any form of action against her. She WILL use it against you, and you WILL be screwed.

What I am saying will sound like hyperbole. Allow me to be clear. You are in an abusive relationship. There is no manner in which I can overstate the danger you are in, not just physically and emotionally from her, but from the consequences once she decides she's going to take legal action against you and claim that you abused her.

daklee98 · 2022-10-03T11:57:19+00:00

I mean this out of love my friend. You need to take the blinders off. Leave her. You deserve so much better

DoctorStorm · 2022-10-03T12:40:36+00:00

I'm sorry, sir. You are probably feeling like shit these days, because that's what being verbally and mentally abused does to a person. Please try not to also beat yourself up as well, although sadly I know you're going to anyways - the human condition really blows sometimes. I hate it for you.

I have a story for you, and maybe it helps. I hope it helps.

My first marriage was a year long sprint of escalating abuse. We were passionately in love (young and dumb). Three months of dating and then marriage.

It began as just verbal abuse. Then came the drinking. Then came the assaults. The assaults started as nothing more than some pushing, slapping - things that were arguably abuse, but, a cop wouldn't have believed it. Then the hitting began, I could take pictures of bruising.

I loved her, though. I didn't want to build a case, I wanted a marriage. I wanted my wife. So I said we needed counseling. She agreed because she thought she was 100% in the right.

We went to a female marriage counselor. After the first session, the counselor asked to continue the sessions alone with only my wife. There were issues at play here deeper than my wife was letting on. It was a hall pass, essentially - the counselor basically said, "dude is fine, run along now, lady and I have a lot to discuss".

For the first couple of weeks, it seemed to get better.

No, she was only getting better at finding ways to make it seem as if I was causing the abuse. She also started picking up objects (bottles, heavy blunt objects). A heavy, blunt object was used once, and I instantly understood the purpose of the new technique (maybe she threw a large object at my head, maybe I just bumped my head, the officer doesn't know which, and who is the officer going to believe).

I packed up my stuff and put it in my trunk the day I left her. I thought about my decision all day.

On the way home, I called my best friend and told him that if I don't call back in 30 minutes, to call my parents who are also waiting to hear back from me, and unfortunately come and get my body.

When I came home, I sat down and told her this wasn't getting any better and I wanted a simple, no-fault divorce. $250 each and we go our separate ways, no muss, no fuss. I'd already taken enough of my clothes and toiletries and what not, so I could stay at a friends for two weeks. She has the first two weeks to take whatever she wants, and I'll wrap up and move out of the apartment and cancel the lease the final two weeks.

She wailed. Pitched a fit. Threw things against the wall. Famous last words, "don't be a pussy and come back tomorrow". I didn't. Because I'm not.

And neither are you.

Statistically speaking, you cannot get her to stop, it will only escalate, and you sir may very well become a statistic too.

Please be careful, please feel better, please do what you must, and I hope the story helps in some way.

biff64gc · 2022-10-03T12:48:41+00:00

I'm really curious why you don't want to leave her. What does she provide that you don't think any other female can't provide while also not abusing you? Every couple will argue and disagree on occasion, but physical abuse and drawing blood crosses the line. You don't hurt people you love, plain and simple.

If you had a friend in this situation, what would you say to them? Hopefully something along the lines:

Why are you with her?
Why do you put up with that?
That bitch is crazy. You need to get away from her.

Start making an exit plan.

Setup some cameras to record the abuse
Get your phone out and at least record the audio the next time you think she may get physical.
The next time she gets physical you can try and call the police in hopes of getting an actual police report of her actions and your injuries, but mileage may vary with how effective this is.
- There's a strong bias in the law/police against men when it comes to domestic abuse.
- I've read of male victims being forced to leave for the night despite being the victim
Go to a doctor to record any bruises/marks/cuts she leaves
Schedule meetings with a divorce lawyer to go over your states laws and what to expect in a split.
Find another place to live temporarily. Talk with friends and family if you need.

bobert3469 · 2022-10-03T10:55:06+00:00

Videotape every incident. People are saying to write things down in a journal but with the way the misandrist courts are, it won't be taken as evidence because " You could have written anything in there.". It's not really proof of anything other than you narrating a story. If you have video proof though, it's USUALLY a slam dunk to protect you in court and from false accusations with the cops.

CypherAus · 2022-10-03T12:12:39+00:00

Move all you $$ to hidden accounts, exit ASAP

OldEgalitarianMRA · 2022-10-03T11:09:42+00:00

Take pictures of the scratches and bruises. Wait a month. Then leave and in the divorce proceedings accuse of physical abuse.

If you stay, IMO, it is your fault and you deserve what you get.

Don't be a punching bag. You have the power to leave. Use it.

Or one time you may retaliate and she'll send you to jail immediately. They will then see her violence as protecting herself from you.

NutsLikeMelons · 2022-10-03T11:30:40+00:00

Video the attacks. Police reports. Medical reports. Divorce lawyer. There is no other way.

AmadeusSpartacus · 2022-10-03T13:24:14+00:00

Been there, done that. I've been punched in the face numerous times while driving down the highway at 70 miles per hour.

It won't get better. Period.

People like this, male or female, are not interested in improving.

This is classic abusive behavior.

1) Abuse partner

2) Apologize and agree to stop abusing

3) Abuse more

If you truly want to try everything, then you can demand therapy (both couples and individual). If she fully commits to therapy and trying to improve, then you can string this thing along a little further.

But trust me, she doesn't want to improve. She wants a punch-dummy that she can abuse whenever she wants. She doesn't want to stop hitting you. She likes it. And she'll keep doing it until you leave her.

So do her the favor now and get the fuck out of there before something really bad happens.

LoopyPro · 2022-10-03T11:20:06+00:00

Does her pussy taste that good? Are you suffering from Stockholm syndrome? Do you have little kids? Does she respect your boundaries?

If the answers are no, you need to leave. You might think there's nothing better out there. I'm not saying there is, but I'd rather be alone then with a wife like yours.

Also don't get married again, it's a trap designed to keep from walking away from shitty situations like this. Do what the others told you and build a rock solid case for your uphill battle called divorce court.

Jbr74 · 2022-10-03T18:18:02+00:00

1.) Glasses with a camera.

2.) Restraining Order.

3.) Divorce.

AspirationsOfFreedom · 2022-10-03T12:38:03+00:00

Leave. An abuser MAY change, but she doesnt seem to take it seriously.

You may tell her that it wont be accepted and that you will leave if she continues to be violent, but then you will almost garanteed have to leave.

Oh and buy a tiny camera or use your phone if she is violent. Dont hit back, film the event, leave and contact the police. That way IF she decides to make up some bullshit, you have a deffence.

WeEatBabies · 2022-10-03T13:27:16+00:00

You absolutely need to make her happy and get DM messages with her that have a positive tone before you leave her!

Then at that moment, the second she isn't looking, you leave and you go into hiding, possibly in another state.

If you do not have texts messages that shows the last time she saw you she was happy with you, she then can accuse you of domestic abuse / grape, even 30 years down the line, and without her own screenshotted words of happiness with you, nothing will stand against her words of accusations and you will go to jail!

There is no other way!

ANUS_CONE · 2022-10-03T15:11:47+00:00

I'm sorry. So sorry. This happened to me. It fucking broke me. Find mental health help. Get yourself out. If you can catch her on hidden camera, that footage may be your savior.

I cannot stress this part enough though: SHE WANTS YOU TO HIT HER BACK.

DO . NOT . FUCKING . DO . IT .

She is going to keep trying to provoke a reaction from you, because she is prepared to feign abuse and further destroy you. You're smart and aware enough to take the first step by posting here. I wouldn't personally go to the police first. I'd find a counselor and start documenting. But under no circumstance should you underestimate her capabilities.

Handle-me-timber · 2022-10-03T18:39:01+00:00

Put up cameras for proof, make sure you’re recording when you ask for a divorce because she will probably react harshly. You can’t stay in an environment like that or you’ll end up staying until you 9 fingers or 1 testicle.

ChiangRai · 2022-10-03T09:25:07+00:00

Consider making her write in her words what she’s doing And why in a journal that you hand to her every time she pulls this crap. Then, make her read it when she’s not being a loon? Good luck brother, I don’t envy your situation

Aspiring_Polymath_3 · 2022-10-03T09:12:01+00:00

What she deserves is a good, hard uppercut.

You probably should leave her.

But next time it happens, call the police and send her ass to jail and let her hang out there for a few days.

MisterBowTies · 2022-10-03T13:08:20+00:00

Divorce papers. And don't be fooled by crocodile tears.

wes101abn · 2022-10-03T13:10:34+00:00

Take it from someone who was in a physically abusive relationship for years, she will never change. No amount of pleading, or therapy, or anything else will stop this behavior.

My ex got to the point where I had to go to the ER three times for injuries and I had to lie every time. She of course came with to ensure I didn't tell anyone the truth. The worst was when she hit me in the head with a cast iron frying pan and I needed dozens of stitches on my scalp.

Leaving will not be easy, but you're really better off alone.

Similar_Minimum_5869 · 2022-10-03T13:57:16+00:00

Record with audio and video and make sure that you got evidence for the divorce, they don't change. Protect yourself and de-escalate. Once you have enough to prove that she is abusive, file for divorce and don't give her a dime.

Reddit1984Censorship · 2022-10-03T14:09:42+00:00

Divorce leave immediatly and denounce her to the police she will never stop.

Uncle_Touchy1987 · 2022-10-03T18:21:35+00:00

Record everything, get a lawyer, submit evidence to the police. Get a restraining order. Leave and divorce her.

xMrjamjam · 2022-10-03T11:54:53+00:00

You vant find someone who doesnt want to change.

Get video proof of her abuse because i guarantee she'll accuse you of abusing her.

Your options are deal with what you have now and it likely woll get worse overtime for the rest of your life and die early due to the stress or dump her and get your life back so you can heal from this awful experience

RoubandoMerdina · 2022-10-03T12:37:40+00:00

No. Leave her.

JACSliver · 2022-10-03T12:48:34+00:00

Quite difficult to offer a solution that does not involve breaking up with her when she is committing bona fide abuse.

Qantourisc · 2022-10-03T13:00:15+00:00

This is something you cannot fix, only she with a lot of help.

I am sure there are other red flags and wtf thought patterns.

IMO your options are: see if she is interested or therapy ; endure ; or gtfo

basefx · 2022-10-03T13:39:45+00:00

Did you know about the abuse before marrying her?

MonkeyBoy_1966 · 2022-10-03T14:29:19+00:00

Install some cameras, record the encoutners on your cell and take pictures after the abuse. Call the Police and file charges. This is abuse, it is wrong and you DO NOT deserve it. Before you incur long-term damage or have her really hurt you or set you up, you need to do something about it. Good luck and sorry you are going through this!

maskednil · 2022-10-03T15:52:10+00:00

If I were your "friend" and everytime I see you I smack you on the fac e, will you call me your friend and try to spend more time with me? Would you tolerate an abusive man? Why did you even marry her? Or if she started after marriage why are you still married to her? Can a vagina literally make a man work against his self interest?

SweetAccomplished542 · 2022-10-03T16:05:27+00:00

Honestly I wish I knew. My ex was like this. I didn’t let it bother me I’m twice her size but one day I was sitting on the toilet and she broke into the bathroom and started hitting me with the side of her cellphone. I have some issues with the war and when I’m vulnerable I’m edgy. I choked her out while I was sitting on the toilet. First time I’ve ever done anything like that and it freaked the both of us out. She had a melt down and I called the cops. She wouldn’t let me leave. That one incident has caused to much anguish and pain in my life. Not because of the incident. She woke up and was fine. It was what she did and my previous baby mama did after that which messed my world up. If a woman his you she will get away with it. If you hit her back you have to be very careful to do equal damage. I don’t hit women so in that split moment I thought for some reason a choke was befitting the situation. Big mistake. I should have just threw a jab back her way. A rabbit punch. Men and women are not the same and we are not equal. It makes a huge impression on them if they are hit. We typically tough it out and move on. Another reason we deserve more money when we work the same job. We avoid drama and will typically tough it out more often.

Reasonable_Listen514 · 2022-10-03T17:31:52+00:00

You cant get her to stop, you have to get her out of your life. Its like having a demon infestation in your home. You cant get the demons to be nice, you need a preist to do an exorcism. Always have a recording device. Get her on video and audio being abusive. A few secret cameras around the house, plus your smartphone. Collect as much evidence as possible. Unfortunately if you defend yourself, the law will take her side. Unless she comes at you with a weapon, then do what you got to do. Consult a divorce lawyer and have the divorce lawyer facilitate criminal complaints with the police and get a protective order, to get her removed from the home. Actually, get a consultation with every divorce lawfirm in a 50 mile radius, then none of them can represent her. Then divorce her ass. Use the documented abuse to get FULL custody of any kids. Also, unless your lawyer has a reason not to, blast the evidence of her abuse to every friend, family member, acquaintance, client, employer, social media account, etc. Or let her know you are willing to do so, unless divorce terms are favorable. Then do it anyway.

Starski09 · 2022-10-03T17:52:08+00:00

You need to document evidence, a lot of it. You need to take that evidence and submit multi police reports and talk to a lawyer.

As a man it is hard to just say I'm being abused, you need a paper trail of evidence. Police reports, lawyers, doctor visits, etc. Pictures, videos, texts, recorded phone calls of her admitting to abuse or showing it happen.

Best of luck man.

Representative-Toe93 · 2022-10-03T18:09:53+00:00

I have never seen an abusive person say that they will continue to abuse you. The truth is that they will always continue to abuse you. I think divorce is better.

McFeely_Smackup · 2022-10-03T18:12:41+00:00

Does anybody have a solution that doesn’t involve leaving her?

ask yourself what your advice would be if you heard this same exact scenario from a woman who was being abused by her husband. Think about what you would tell her, and consider that your advice to yourself

cistacea · 2022-10-03T18:23:51+00:00

There is no solution that does not involve leaving her, in my opinion. There is no reason for your wife to behave this way and you are not safe. I hope and I pray that You get away from her and to a safe place. Please begin to document these injuries when they happen.

rsa1x · 2022-10-03T18:42:33+00:00

Sorry dude, but the only way is to LEAVE. You may love her, but she doesn't love you at all. Record the abuse (multiple times) and drag her through police and divorce courts. There is no way around this. Don't hit her back, do it the civilized way

IceCorrect · 2022-10-03T11:36:01+00:00

Does anybody have a solution that doesn’t involve leaving her?

Wait long enough, then when she would hit you harder you could call the police so she will be taken from you, technicaly you wont leave her then. But you must record her, beacuse if you call police with no evidence you would be at fault beacuse you hurt her hand with your face

NtsParadize · 2022-10-03T13:02:40+00:00

Leave her. That's the only way to fix this.

hottake_toothache · 2022-10-03T13:04:25+00:00

You need to get out of there.

GainzGoblino · 2022-10-03T14:29:52+00:00

Would it be possible to set up a hidden camera for any future confrontation? If you can get this on video I'd report her & file for divorce

Khorya · 2022-10-03T14:42:35+00:00

The best thing you can do is record her abuse incase she decides to divorce you or threaten you.Other than that you can try marriage counsel or a therapist for her.If she continues abuse sadly you should divorce her.

r7anubis · 2022-10-03T16:58:46+00:00

Please leave. Walk away. you don't deserve this. She's crazy. She doesn't even understand it's hurting you. A basic, minimum necessity for a partner to have is remorse, guilt, and love. I don't even think she loves you man. She enjoys hurting you. Please leave her

canthidefromfriends · 2022-10-03T17:02:19+00:00

I realize how difficult it would be to leave her. Leaving is not easy, no matter the situation. She knows this and will continue to do this to you. I would organize an exit strategy asap.

Mr_Mister247 · 2022-10-03T17:02:44+00:00

Get video. Casually turn on your phone on video mode or secretly install a hidden camera somewhere. Do not let her catch you! Also take pictures and keep a hidden journal somewhere with password protection. Again I stress do not let her catch you!

You could even set up a camera for "neighborhood security" if you live somewhere that it makes sense, either on your doorstep, on your computer, or inside your home. Make it look like your surveiling for neighborhood crime.

Once you are ready to confront her, let her know you will not tolerate it and she needs to stop. If she refuses, then take your evidence forward to an attorney and/the police. Most likely you will also need to record the confrontation as well.

SamaelET · 2022-10-03T17:20:07+00:00

Open a notebook in your phone. Write down every accidents and all details : when, where, why, who was present, etc. Take photos of any bruises and mark down the time, place and why she hit you.

What country are you from ? I may know some safe orgs that could help you.

cryofthespacemutant · 2022-10-03T17:34:46+00:00

Does anybody have a solution that doesn’t involve leaving her?

The actual solution is unacceptable due to the qualification you put on any proposed solutions. This is no less of an issue than it would be for a man beating on his wife. If he actually loved her, he would not do that. He would control and restrain his own baser violent impulses because to not do so literally puts his supposedly loving wife in physical danger. A man is supposed to sacrifice of himself for the well-being of his wife and family. How is that expectation supposed to be any different than for a wife? Either she shows her husband love, which inherently involves showing him respect, or she doesn't, which means that she simply doesn't love him, or that she is unwilling to change her ways to behave with actual love towards him. Your wife needs to recognize that it is a problem and agree to hard standards for behavior as a prerequisite for the continuation of the marriage. Beating on your husband is the opposite of love.

If she isn't going to change her ways, then you either make the decision to stay with her for the rest of your life and thereby know that you will spend decades suffering, and that your children would likely suffer from her rage as well, and certainly would suffer from having a horrible role model for a mother, or you start making quiet plans to leave her. There is no magical solution here. Just cold hard reality. If you do decide to leave her, make sure that everything is done quietly with you recording and documenting the repeated abuse beforehand numerous times, including photos of any physical injuries and conversations you need to have with supportive friends and family, and keep those records stored in a truly safe place outside of the home that she can't access.

She is already willing enough to abuse you repeatedly over a period of time, your leaving could very well be the breaking point for her violence to become extreme. Don't give her that option. Plan ahead. Inform your family and friends despite any embarrassment. Make the final conversation in public somewhere where she can't lash out. And understand that she will likely have all of the loving words to convince you that she will change, but be prepared for potential greater abuse.

I truly wish you well. I hope that she changes for good, but if she makes the CHOICE to refuse to change, I hope and pray that you can break it off cleanly, rebuild your life, and find someone worthy who respects you as much as you respect her.

Peter_Pooptooth · 2022-10-03T18:43:25+00:00

Dude, LEAVE HER. She’s not gonna get better.

blackakainu · 2022-10-03T18:44:40+00:00

Leave, go to the police and file charges

skgody · 2022-10-03T19:12:30+00:00

Call the police then wait for them to come around and arrest you beat you up and take you away. Eventually she will get sick of having to come down and bail you out after every time she attacks you.

reading_alot · 2022-10-03T19:13:30+00:00

Look at Johnny Depp and Amber Turd court case(s).

lordtyp0 · 2022-10-03T19:41:26+00:00

Hidden cameras. Then divorce. She will not stop. Eventually she will escalate to using police against you. Get evidence. Get out.

glass_brownies · 2022-10-03T19:45:32+00:00

Why on earth would you stay!?

_Arch_Angel_ · 2022-10-03T19:46:18+00:00

You leave. Immediately.

Then you open up a dialogue around counseling, both as a couple and for her alone.

SuspiciousGrievances · 2022-10-03T20:01:16+00:00

No. You leave dude.

Juicedejedi · 2022-10-03T20:32:55+00:00

also defend yourself…..this is law never let anyone put they hands on you

Jay-Ames · 2022-10-03T20:52:27+00:00

I have spent time in jail in a similar situation.

She was hurting me trying to hurt me so that i would hurt her back. Ultimate goal was to get me in jail. But i never touched her.

Ultimately she just made up some story that i hurt her, so i still went to jail.

The only thing i wished i had was a recording of her hurting me. It would not have gotten her in jail but at least i would have had a chance of not going to jail myself.

This is not a solution. But it is a way to protect to yourself.

McSmarfy · 2022-10-03T21:24:33+00:00

No. Leaving is the actual solution. Sorry.

ReWildingOfMen · 2022-10-03T21:28:03+00:00

Your marriage is already over. She is an abuser and has intentionally targeted you and trapped you so she can abuse you.

She will never change, certainly not while you allow her abuse to continue.

The only option is to leave her, and to do so cleverly (protecting self/assets/children)

It will only get worse the more time goes on.

By not taking any meaningful action in response, (bearing in mind you are a grown man - not a helpless Child) you are effectively enabling her abuse.

koksomil12XD · 2022-10-03T21:31:54+00:00

There is nothing you can do but leave. Find someone better. Someone you deserve.

herewegoagainguyz · 2022-10-03T21:47:33+00:00

God society needs to fucking change. Reading this makes me so sad for you in particular right now OP, as well as for men in general in these situations; because as women, it's pounded into your head from such a young age on what to do in domestic violence situations. As a woman, it's almost impossible not to learn what to do if a man is abusing you. This is a question I didn't even have to think about. Our society has set me up with posters telling me what to do and how to get help, and who will pay for it, and how to advocate for myself. There's posters in public places, in bathrooms, doctors offices, magazines, etc, partially, so that I wouldn't have to make this type of search. Because it could be dangerous for me if I were being abused. But for men...nothing. You guys got Johnny Depp and Amber Heard and that sure fucking faded out of the public conversation pretty damn quickly... these are the things they need to make the subject of the gender neutral debates, and that needs to be accessible and available to everyone on an equal basis, without question... OP, please remember these things. And do not forget for one second, that cycles and patterns of abuse? They don't de-escalate over time love. They continue to get worse, almost without question..OP honey, you have to take care of yourself, and you have to look at the bigger picture....You need to look much much further down the road, than you are right now. And I know that's hard in abusive situations, it is so easy to get short sighted when you have to focus on just getting thru that day. But please.... Do not lose sight of the forest, for the trees, OP. Women are as capable of heinous, violent, terrible things as any man*** . And in this society? I'd even say that in a legal sense, women are more dangerous in situations like this, because of the unwillingness of the police or the courts to recognize and prosecute them the way they do men. OP, even with it being her abusing you, keep in mind, that the courts are so fucking prejudicial I'm these cases and you walk a fine line. She could accuse you of hitting her one time, true or not... and the years she's abused you? They won't be seen as any more than as you furthering an act of abuse on her in retaliation for her talking to police... please don't forget that. It's disgusting and unethical and unfair and it's also the reality 😒. Anyhow, without even actually thinking about it, this is what comes to mind as far as what to do in domestic violence situations and how to break up with your abuser.. "1- Don't engage your abuser on a physical level. 2-As much as you can safely manage, always document every instance of violence or abuse -always make a copy to give to a loved one, just in case. 3-make sure you have copies of any and all important legal documents you may need for identification and financial purposes and keep them in a safe place, again, possibly with a loved one. 4- make an exit plan, and make sure your abuser does not know the details of that plan, if possible. 5- look into your local domestic violence abuse survivors support groups and programs, and see what resources are available to you, they will be able to help you get an order of protection granted and to get your documentation in order, as well as recommend and refer you to victim's legal services that are specialized in dealing with these types of situations.. remember, you are not alone, and you don't have to suffer in silence." I think what hurts my heart the most for you, OP....is that I guarantee your wife isn't making any type of post, or google search relating to "how to handle my anger without physically abusing my husband." Yet I know, without question, as a woman in today's society? That she has damn well gotten the same messages about how to break the cycle of abuse.... and I doubt very much, she sees those messages and equates herself to being the abuser. 😒 (***I sincerely apologize for feeling the need to draw that comparison to make my point. It isn't because I think men are inherentally violent without question and that women are capable upon occasion, of rising to that level of violence. No..to the contrary...I made that comparison, because I believe our culture has cultivated an extremely damaging, unrealistic image of women as being inherently soft gentle non violent nurtures by default, with the violent woman being only an occasional aberration... and we need to shed some fucking light onto the gross inaccuracy of that idea. The truth is that PEOPLE of all genders, races, religions, and backgrounds, are equally as capable of violence, and equally as able to be either abusers, or victims of abuse, and equally as deserving of compassion, support, belief, and justice... best of luck to you OP. Please, keep those things in mind. 💚 )

traveller1976 · 2022-10-03T22:31:43+00:00

File a police report with evidence

suspicious-__- · 2022-10-04T01:17:42+00:00

Spray her with water bottle when she does it

almostadaddy · 2022-10-04T02:04:03+00:00

Does anybody have a solution that doesn’t involve leaving her?

No.

Get a lawyer and begin laying the groundwork for divorce proceedings.

BadAlphas · 2022-10-04T03:03:57+00:00

You could just hit her, but then you're get arrested and she wouldn't

/s

trseeker · 2022-10-04T03:12:15+00:00

D I V O R C E.

Ok-Treacle-9375 · 2022-10-04T03:34:32+00:00

Document it, nanny cam, pictures. Make police reports, restraining order. Divorce. Sorry, time to start loving yourself.

independentwh0re · 2022-10-04T04:08:35+00:00

Abusers will always be abuse. I know you don’t want to leave but it’s between leaving or continuing to be abused there’s no other choice.

Write down everything she does with the date, screenshot snarky and abusive messages, record what you can if it’s safe to, photograph anything she breaks or tips over and all of your injuries, join domestic violence groups write something down on it having something like that helps a lot when leaving.

RickWest495 · 2022-10-04T05:37:12+00:00

All you can do is get away. I am a gay male. My ex physically abused me. I was told that men can not be the victims of abuse because the definition of physical abuse is “men hitting women”.

dumoktheartist · 2022-10-04T06:35:27+00:00

Leave, don’t look back, heal, move on.

NulliusAllvater · 2022-10-04T06:38:24+00:00

She sounds like a fucking waste of your time king

Alive_Tough9928 · 2022-10-03T11:43:11+00:00

Report it to the cops. She will try minimalise it if she thinks you are genuinely going to report her but physical abuse is domestic abuse. Sorry for your troubles op, hope youre ok today.

ninodelumbre · 2022-10-03T14:08:40+00:00

Secret video recording for evidence. Have her arrested for assault and battery. Divorce.

Good luck.

kanike23 · 2022-10-03T14:57:42+00:00

Typical reddit replies : "Leave her or document it to protect yourself when you break up". Some people don't want to end their marriage, and they have their reasons.

Truth is, if this relationship is meaningful and you want to maintain it you have to sit her down and make her understand that this will have to change. If she doesn't want to listen, firmly insist. Figure out how to get marriage counselling or anger management classes and firmly insist she goes with you.

For the time being, if I was you, I would be physically firm (not violent) with her when she's about to hit me (i.e submission). I would warn her loudly (a good old "hey", with a stare) that I won't tolerate her hitting me, to condition the behaviour negatively.

New_Builder8597 · 2022-10-03T09:57:14+00:00

Police

bethann922 · 2022-10-03T20:40:35+00:00

jmac323 · 2022-10-03T21:31:09+00:00

Press charges? Call the cops on her?

AdministrativeAide47 · 2022-10-03T11:40:21+00:00

Police complaint and walk away. No violence…

ShoheiOhtanii · 2022-10-03T16:24:55+00:00

Photograph everything she does. Try to get everything on video that she does. Then get yourself a good divorce lawyer.

gear1989 · 2022-10-03T18:44:30+00:00

You must first understand why you feel the need to stay in an abusive relationship. In this search maybe you will realize why she hits you and what you can do get her to stop. (Of course this is assuming she isn't a sociopath/psychopath which there is no known solution other than medication and therapy)

This is all based on the presumption she is a normal functioning human being with a normal functioning brain.

Most men stay in abusive relationships because they lack the confidence and social skills to leave and search for another partner. They are scared to be alone due to their lack of dating experience.

They feel trapped and see no other way out due to financial reasons or self esteem issues. Issues stemming from being overweight, out of shape, shy, introverted, etc.

Another reason why people stay in abusive relationships is because they had an abusive parent, in which that parent verbally and or psychically abused them and damaged their self esteem in a very permanentway. The love they had for the parent is paralleled by the love they feel for their partner which compels them to forgive them due to psychological trauma.

In any case women become abusive with men because there is a lack of respect and a lack of consequence to their actions. They feel protected by society and it's laws and or traditions to "never hit a woman" and chivalry or the gentleman's code.

Why is there a lack of respect? As I previously stated it could be for any number or reasons. It is up to you how honest and how deep you take inventory of your situation.

The most obvious reason is physical.

Are you smaller than her? Are you muscular or are you skinny? Is there any reason based on your physical appearance that would make her feel confident enough to hit you without worrying about any repercussions?

Do you have any fighting skills? Could you, if you had to successfully defend yourself against her?

Are you prone to aggression and fighting or do you run away from most fights?

Are you physically attractive or are you ugly? Do you turn women on?

Are you good in bed? Do you have the ability to make her orgasm?

Do you dress and smell good?

Are you tidy? Are you clean or dirty? Are you a slob?

Do you have masculine hobbies or activities?

Do you spend your day playing sports or exercising? Or do you spend your day inside playing video games or watching movies?

The second reason is financial. Eventhough women lie and say that money is not important to finding a partner, as men we know that it is very important to them.

Do you make good money? Is your job or career a respectable one that people aspire to attain?

Do you have resources that women look for in a man? Do you drive a nice car?

Do you own real estate?

The final reason is psychological.

How do you carry yourself? Are you shy or timid? Do you demand respect?

Do you make a lot of mistakes or are you careful?

Are you even a respectable person that deserves respect?

Are you masculine? Or are you feminine?

Are you spontaneous or predictable?

If you were her, would you date you and be content?

As a man we are held to higher standards than women in society. We are expected to be protectors, providers, great lovers. If you fall short in any of these categories it signals weakness in the eyes of women.

We have a responsibility to ourselves to identify our weaknesses and work on them.

First and foremost start to fix the things that are in your immediate control. Like weight, fashion sense, and demeanor.

You can join a gym and lift weights. You can learn how to fight. You can get an education and level up in a career. You can be more assertive and develop a confident attitude.

Take an honest inventory of your strengths and weaknesses and work to make yourself a more well rounded individual that can handle whatever life throws at you.

klouted_pollo · 2022-10-03T21:43:30+00:00

Punch her back

Pretend_Meal1135 · 2022-10-03T11:33:37+00:00

When she raises her hand again you grab it and twist it telling her right in the face i told you not to do it again. And after that you sleep in another room and not talk to her for a week. If she did it again after that you repeat what i told you. If she does this for a third time you hit her with a belt not to do scares to her so police wont catch you. If she did it for the fourth time you dumb her. Please defend yourself, she is not taking you as a man. You should show here who is the boss.

BaconCatBug · 2022-10-03T18:11:52+00:00

Are you physically chained in the basement? No? Then leave and stop pity partying.

Metraxis · 2022-10-03T13:08:25+00:00

In a word, no. Violence is a hard-line issue. Once she starts hitting you, nothing will make her stop, and you owe it to yourself and any present or future children to get the hell out of there. Record everything you can for when she inevitably claims you were the violent one, but get out.

JacktheRipperColour · 2022-10-03T13:21:07+00:00

Leave her

7SM · 2022-10-03T13:22:46+00:00

You leave

needincomes · 2022-10-03T13:30:22+00:00

Divorce

Admirable-Door1724 · 2022-10-03T13:37:15+00:00

Gain evidence, good lawyer (you’ll need it since courts are usually on the side of women). Then sue her for it. Hope your situation gets better.

DaBigVikin · 2022-10-03T13:43:22+00:00

I mean record evidence for as long as you can last for then leave. Go to court and see if you can keep anything that you own.

Get a good lawyer and a even better amount of evidence, get people who you trust and know what’s happening to give statements. Keep her out of the loop while your doing this cos if she catches wind the abuse might get worse.

Also be ready to defend your self regardless of why she’s hitting you. Protect the important bits maybe invest in chain mail.

NeoNotNeo · 2022-10-03T13:47:56+00:00

Video tape it. Call the police. Call a lawyer. Extract her from your life legally.

Askmannen69 · 2022-10-03T13:57:13+00:00

Tell YOUR lawyer about it (make sure the lawyer is not also your wife's lawyer) and see what you can do from there.

nambivpn · 2022-10-03T13:59:05+00:00

Eyes are very sensitive organs. She could blind you. Go to a doctor, get treated, gather proofs of her hitting you, talk to your family about this, and go to the police. She is physically abusive and would continue being so unless you divorce her.

okfornothing · 2022-10-03T14:01:02+00:00

Leave her and divorce her.

KneeDeepThought · 2022-10-03T14:20:24+00:00

I hope you're typing this from the police station where you're requesting a restraining order.

She's a bully and will never stop until you make her.

ketsa3 · 2022-10-03T14:20:38+00:00

Document it and explain to her it will stop one way or another.

Or find a better partner.

planned_serendipity1 · 2022-10-03T14:24:46+00:00

Get good documentation and then call the authorities. An arrest and court required anger management classes could be what it takes to get her to change.

jokerfriend6 · 2022-10-03T14:53:28+00:00

Does your wife think she has a problem? If so maybe get her to go to a Psychologist.. Was she hit as child so she thinks this is normal... It is really up to her to change...

nikogetsit · 2022-10-03T14:57:27+00:00

I mean I'd leave her today if I were you but if you want to make it work you have to tell her to stop or you'll leave. Make that your hard line and don't redraw the line no matter what.

nurseynurse77 · 2022-10-03T15:13:01+00:00

You dont. You leave no matter the consequence because abuse should never be present nor tolerated. I was financially railroaded by my abusive ex but i didnt care. No amt of money makes dealing with abuse worth it. Leaving him was one of the best days of my life

Theapexfighter · 2022-10-03T15:28:44+00:00

Divorce her.

fzappa714 · 2022-10-03T15:40:54+00:00

It will never stop. Document everything, call the cops, don’t put a hand on her and divorces her ass. Get a lawyer immediately. DONT HIT HER BACK

XavierMalory · 2022-10-03T15:41:06+00:00

"... a solution that doesn't involve leaving her?"

Oof. Well I like a challenge (and apparently so do you), so...

As others here have said, start documenting evidence in secret of the abuse (video recordings are best, but even audio should be sufficient). Get at least a 2-3 of these to establish a pattern. Given her nature, that shouldn't be difficult.
Talk to an attorney. I realize you don't want to leave her, but you need to be prepared either way. You should know your legal rights and what can be done to avoid a divorce.
Once you've compiled enough evidence, plan to see a marriage counselor. Before even telling/asking her about this, consult with a couple different counselors at different practices and mention that you're recording the evidence. Gage their reactions and their recommended responses. Some may suggest you immediately go to the police, and others might suggest you withhold this until the two of you can talk it out in therapy. You'll want to filter out any that are feminist by nature and would rat you out. Once you have a good counselor or two picked, pop the question to your wife.
Unless otherwise directed by the counselor (and even then I'd be shocked), file a police report with your evidence. My opinion is you'd be best doing this after talking to a counselor to have a record (because the police will investigate), that you are truly the victim. Not only do you have video/audio proof, but you initiated counseling (or tried to) in order to resolve this without the law. Hopefully at this point the police will force her to go to anger management therapy (assuming the counselor hasn't already suggested it).

I stand by everyone else here, though, in that it's highly unlikely she's going to change. Be prepared for the worst, in that you should have an exit strategy (your attorney should be able to help you on this).

DutchOnionKnight · 2022-10-03T15:46:12+00:00

Try to record some stuff. Picture every injruy and go to the police. Also, when you succeeded to walk away, go into therapy. Good luck!

Anaxagoras23 · 2022-10-03T15:49:14+00:00

You need to start documenting everything even if you have no intention of leaving. The reason is mainly to protect yourself in the event of a divorce or accusation that you're the violent one. Don't underestimate what fear of being in trouble could drive her to.

pnoecker · 2022-10-03T15:56:26+00:00

You leave her, she clearly doesn't respect you. You do it before she escalates it, calls the police, and loots you entirely while you're in jail. RUN!

TanPat_1712 · 2022-10-03T16:05:07+00:00

Maybe you could do what everyone here has said. Keep documentation and/or evidence of the abuse. However, you could show it to your wife, since the behaviour seems to be spontaneous. I believe this is the best way to handle this without leaving her, while also preparing for a backup plan should your mind change. Stay strong king.

narfywoogles · 2022-10-03T16:13:58+00:00

Record it. Talk to a lawyer.

isthebuffetopenyet · 2022-10-03T16:18:36+00:00

Take pictures, keep a diary, tell confidantes, and report to the authorities.

Redrick_Gale · 2022-10-03T16:29:22+00:00

To play devil’s advocate, it might be that she doesn’t realize what she’s doing. If she does, she might not think much about it (having the mindset that men can take it, it doesn’t effect them).

Even still, document as much as you can, get video when possible, and keep it safe; store it somewhere and have some backups of the information (physical copies if needed).

I don’t know if you’ve done this, but it might be best to have an in-depth conversation with her about it. You said you’ve asked her to stop, but she hasn’t, so you need to drive that nail deep and get your point across. You can use the documented incidents to show her. Just keep in mind, that clear communication is key.

It might also not be a bad idea to go see a therapist together for marriage counseling to get professional help.

If all else fails, you’ll at least have that documentation to use in court.

SpicyNippss · 2022-10-03T16:34:07+00:00

My fiancé play-hits me and I'm fine with it. It's all about the context. Maybe she grew up in a home where play fighting was a thing, and she has a habit. However, that doesn't excuse the behavior, and if you keep telling her to stop and she doesn't, that's a clear indication she doesn't actually respect your boundaries.

HYPED_UP_ON_CHARTS · 2022-10-03T16:34:11+00:00

get police involved. if necessary for immediate protection, use self defence. record everything

NullIsUndefined · 2022-10-03T16:38:43+00:00

Other than leaving her, you may be able to force her to leave. Enough evidence to send her to jail, restaining order, etc.

Meatpoleexposer · 2022-10-03T16:44:23+00:00

Tell her "NO DICK" any time she does something wrong, but offer her a chocolate or something rewarding like that when she does good /s

praetorfenix · 2022-10-03T16:48:25+00:00

Gather some evidence then get the hell out of there. It’s unfortunate but you’ll need that evidence if she tries to turn the tables when you leave.

Confident_Notice975 · 2022-10-03T16:54:32+00:00

I had an ex say she was thinking about stabbing me. I just left. Don’t stay and be like Johnny Depp

Fatbison · 2022-10-03T16:57:45+00:00

.... you leave?

No-Suggestion2392 · 2022-10-03T17:02:17+00:00

Leave her, bro

LeviPorton · 2022-10-03T17:13:33+00:00

Collect all the evidence you can get and press charges for domestic abuse when you do.

bakalabalak · 2022-10-03T17:25:33+00:00

You need to leave her. This is an abusive relationship. Please don't think that this can be solved in any way while you continue to stay with your wife. Physical abuse is too serious to put aside as any other marriage problem that can be fixed. As for now, do you have kids? If you don't, the best course of action would be to start putting together the divorce papers and leaving the house.

This may be a hard ask, but collect evidence for court. Photograph all of those scratches and bruises. Try to get audio recordings of her screaming.

Depending on her "mood" if she seems normal now, it's better to leave quietly. If you are in a dangerous situation, call the authorities. There will also be a much greater chance of you being taken seriously if they see her being abusive in person.

Successful-Trash-752 · 2022-10-03T17:28:08+00:00

You will have to leave her one day. This is not good. But in the meanwhile, you can try to let her know every time she hits you, that she hit you, and it hurts, and that you don't like it.

It wouldn't do much to change her attitude, but it will let her know that you actually get hurt. If she thinks that you can take it, because you are a man. It will make her feel bad, and let her know about her actions.

0mnica · 2022-10-03T17:28:43+00:00

Does anybody have a solution that doesn’t involve leaving her?

Not much you can do ... She is being manipulative by being nice and saying she won't do it again. Document everything you can, make sure you have some audio/video evidence, so when you do leave, she doesn't try and turn it around on you.

springy · 2022-10-03T17:28:49+00:00

There is likely nothing you can do other than leave her. Female privilege ensures that men who are victims of domestic violence are ignored, mocked, or even worse arrested. You will always be the guilty party, no matter what you do.

Patient_Fox_5432 · 2022-10-03T17:58:37+00:00

Divorce.

Stompya · 2022-10-03T18:22:57+00:00

Behaviour is communication.

What is she trying to say when abusing you that she can’t seem to put into words?

Also, what are you expressing by putting up with it?

Ending the relationship will be easier and quicker, but answering these questions will make a huge difference in your future - whether you remain together or not. Get help from a professional.

sexytimeinseattle · 2022-10-03T19:34:37+00:00

Does anybody have a solution that doesn’t involve leaving her?

Call the cops after each incident. But your quickest solution is to leave her, and you should, before she escalates and you are wounded and/or die.

jrackow · 2022-10-03T19:38:55+00:00

My biggest fear for you is that her abuse will cause you to snap and ruin your life. And by snap, I simply mean retaliating in kind.

My second biggest fear for you is that she might cause you serious harm. She' hitting you in the eye? The face? This is not anything to mess with. Do you want permanent damage in your eye, ear, or jaw?

someonecallamedic · 2022-10-03T19:42:02+00:00

Remind me! 1 month

k0zmo · 2022-10-03T20:16:20+00:00

Set up a hidden camera, preferably one with higher video quality and just record stuff.

No matter what country you're from, video proof should be enough.

Make sure you also have backups of the videos (multiple places, physical plus cloud, even backups to friends you fully trust).

Nowadays, decent CCTV cameras can be cheap, and easy to set up (some even allow you to record straight in the cloud, or on microSD cards).

Best of luck and sorry to hear that stuff.

And you can't change her, you will have to probably leave her.
Speaking from experience, it won't be easy but it's for the best, after you'll get over it you will thank yourself and will realize it was the best option. You will feel relief.

Juicedejedi · 2022-10-03T20:31:42+00:00

call the police when she does

valspare · 2022-10-03T21:27:00+00:00

The short Answer: You can't change her behavior. Only she can. Sounds like she doesn't want to change her behavior.

In reality, it was time to leave ages ago. But as a DV person, its hard to make that mental connection that it happens to men also.

There is still a mental stigma about male DV victims. Ok, so what. You're health is your responsibility as she doesn't give a crap.

There are support groups out there. Being around other dudes that have been through similar, should help in you not feeling alone, or trapped.

Good luck.

AstoriaHat · 2022-10-03T21:43:36+00:00

Bodycam like the ones the cops have. Ifnu can afford it something rhat goes directly int ok the cloud.

NotaCrazyPerson17 · 2022-10-03T21:58:51+00:00

Leave her dude. You deserve better.

no_not_this · 2022-10-03T22:03:41+00:00

Video tape it.. get her charged. Divorce her.

Inevitable_Brain9852 · 2022-10-03T22:08:09+00:00

Get security cameras in your home, and record things on your phone. Document everything and never retaliate. Once you have lots of proof go the police and press charges.

ApexPedator69 · 2022-10-03T23:18:13+00:00

I am from New Zealand where domestic violence is normal here sadly and take it from someone who has been there done that mate. Soo I'm gonna say this. She isn't gonna stop at all. Doesn't matter if you tell her or what you do she is going to still abuse you even possibly put you in hospital. Soo document everything. But do it silently without her knowing even one or two videos will do. Screenshot any texts and safe gaurd them somewhere (give them to someone you trust and know wont go to her at all, hell send them to me if you have to then delete the messages soo she has no leg to stand on I'll keep them safe). After you do all that pack a bag without her knowing and get as far away from her as you can. Even if you have to dissapear soo she cannot find you. Dont worry about your belongings your life is more important. If you can get a protection order as well. Cuz even if anything happens to you the order is there and she will get done for it. Good luck man. You got this.

Edit: take photos of all the bruices and etc... but do it without her knowledge. Do things like pretend to have a shower, go for a walk or go to a rest room somewhere nobody can see you taking them. My offer is still there to keep your evidence safe man.

FearCactus · 2022-10-03T23:30:44+00:00

I used to (and probs still do) snore. My ex used to kick me in the night. It woke me up so violently I struggled to sleep and stay alert at work. I drive a lot for a living. She divorced me.

Get away bro. Just go.

trabulium · 2022-10-03T23:32:36+00:00

I think a more helpful subreddit for this is /r/bpdlovedones - You're being abused, plain and simple and it's a hard thing for a man to swallow. Your wife obviously has emotional regulation issues (It's worse than that but I'll call it that) and you could be codependent. Even if she doesn't have BPD, the subreddit is good for helping people dealing with similar issues like you. If you have children together, you might also want to read up on /r/raisedbyborderlines and the impact it has on children. I also STRONGLY recommend this website, out of the fog: https://outofthefog.website/ - I suggest starting here: https://outofthefog.website/traits

You will need to document everything and when you're ready for divorce, which is most likely the only solution, then I would suggest you seek out a lawyer familiar with high-conflict women. You need to be prepared for insane levels of abuse or character assassination.

pablitosocool · 2022-10-03T23:43:57+00:00

Proof. Take pictures. Talk to a lawyer.

Get out of there. Please.

Dedianator65 · 2022-10-03T23:52:24+00:00

I would probably go talk to the police and a lawyer, maybe a counselor that can help you get a separation option on the table, you probably have PTSD as well so you definitely need some recovery yourself.

AverageHorribleHuman · 2022-10-04T00:11:26+00:00

I would highly recommend gathering evidence because if she is comfortable abusing you physically then why wouldn't she be comfortable abusing the legal system to get you in trouble (falsy accusing you of abuse)

SympatheticListener · 2022-10-04T00:19:16+00:00

Police is the only solution. Don't do anything stupid which she can use against you in the ladies are privileged court system.

Diomil · 2022-10-04T00:25:23+00:00

I understand you don't want to leave her now, but that could change in the future if she does not change this behavior so you might want to do as the other commenter said and document these things. You could also go with her to therapy or ask her to see a therapist about that violent behavior. Strenght to you, brother.

BoogiesBooney · 2022-10-04T00:47:32+00:00

Set up a video for when she does it next time

Trooper-Man1776 · 2022-10-04T01:21:56+00:00

THERE IS NO SOLUTION THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE LEAVING HER, OR PUMMELING THE CRAP OUT OF HER. Grow a pair, dude. I mean, really. I'm sorry if my comment offends, but that's just how it is.

dokks · 2022-10-04T02:13:49+00:00

Divorce her.

AcadiaLegal6386 · 2022-10-04T02:54:41+00:00

Punch her back…

They want equality right ?

Jiuzton · 2022-10-04T05:51:24+00:00

Invite her to a nice dinner, treat her well, bring up a scar as if it hurts, let her see, ask nicely if she's ok, she may be able to open on it, she must get convinced that none of that has been necessary and that you care. If anything goes wrong then this is probably not going to stop, the issues may be hardcoded on this one, just leave in peace. Therapy is a must to find the root cause to those abusive triggers but it has to come also from her. Realization of self actions can definetly be a turning point when properly approached. If you happen to think that you're able to handle it, think twice because it can go really bad really fast and when you least expect it not only your integrity but your own self could be in danger. Please take care of yourself, any of that is not okay.

aircoft · 2022-10-04T07:29:28+00:00

Divorce her.

Welcome_to_da_gulag · 2022-10-04T07:49:56+00:00

Sue her. If it is physical, she probably left marks of abuse on your body. Just take photos of your bady after she hits you and you also can buy a mini mic to put on a pocket or something to prove that there was an argument so she can't say that you hurt yourself to get her in trouble.

UnitedYoung7799 · 2022-10-04T08:09:18+00:00

Do some asset protection planning and then divorce her immediately, period. If you react in kind someday due to a bad day at work, etc. -- you'll might get divorced by her, lose your house, give up your children and end up in jail for domestic abuse. Image leaving your kids with someone who can't even control themselves from assaulting a much stronger adult peer.

2wicky · 2022-10-04T08:42:54+00:00

If she gets physically violent, you remove yourself from the situation.
If she does any of this while you are driving, you immediately stop the car (park it safely of course), calmly explain to her that she is endangering not just both your lives but the people around you, and then you kick her our the car. If she refuses, You hand her the car and you get yourself an Uber.

Under all circumstances, stay calm. Be numb. Once you've decided to leave her, my tip is don't be afraid to burst into tears in front of her. Often. It will be easier if she thinks it's her idea to leave you and you constantly tearing up is one of the fastest ways for her to loose all attraction for you. It's one of the rare occasions where a guy can show such vulnerability in front of his girl.

In the meantime, you need to start preparing for a life without her. The easiest part will be the practical and financial side of things. However, also make sure your social life is in order to keep yourself sane. However. don't use your friends to throw your problems on to them. If you need that, get yourself a good therapist.

XoXSmotpokerXoX · 2022-10-04T08:50:06+00:00

Abusers dont change. You need to gather evidence. Pictures, dates written down, audio. Dont count on the police to do the right thing. In fact dont count on anyone having your back. Your best friend will still laugh off the trauma you have experienced. If you dont have children yet, then you need to act faster, because she will absolutely ruin your life.

djc_tech · 2022-10-04T10:50:21+00:00

You divorce her…simple. You document, then you document and then you document again.

Then press charges. Your kids will see this behavior as ok and that is NOT ok.

crippled_guy · 2022-10-04T18:00:46+00:00

Dump her punk ass. Divorce the only thing that’ll stop that, wish there were other options but in my opinion hate is incurable and abuse stems from that

Title	My wife constantly physically abuses me. How do I get her to stop?
Author	DoIDivorceHer
Upvotes	632
Comments	204
Date	October 3, 2022 9:00 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/xue42y/my_wife_constantly_physically_abuses_me_how_do_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/my-wife-constantly-physically-abuses-me-how-do-i.1135289 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135289