The women seem to think everything is a competition.
It's so true. Every fucking sentence starts with "well," or "actually," and everything we say is scanned for the slightest deviation from preference so that I can be interrupted and corrected. I endeavor not to interrupt, not to suggest improvements unless they're necessary and timely and are actually worth the note, not to suggest that something needs to be "fixed" unless it's actually broken, but good god they will take any opportunity to nitpick, completely missing the point of our joint work.
It's absolutely alright if I don't have the biggest dick in the room. It's cool. I serve a purpose and I'm decent at it. Do I make mistakes? Sure, what I do is complex and takes time and careful effort.
But every question they ask seems to be engineered to give them an opportunity to tell you what they were thinking anyway. When I enter into a conversation, my presumption is that I'm surrounded by peers who were hired to do their jobs, who will be fired if they're screwing up, and don't need me to meddle unless they're struggling in a way that's irrecoverable. Their assumption seems to be that everything is a competition.
I've worked with women who aren't like this. Confident, strong women who are so far ahead of me in their understanding that I might never catch up. And when we talk, it's so nice. It's not a competition. It's two people working together. I come away feeling like something was accomplished other than an exchange of status.
This is the one that really makes my blood boil. The software I use changes quickly. New, faster functions have been introduced. Some of the newer stuff is broken in ways we don't really understand, so I have a tendency to use the older, slower, but better-tested basic functions. It's not because I'm stupid or stubborn - it's because something's due next Tuesday and I'm just trying to make sure the zombie I've summoned can shamble. It'll jog later.
One line of code required seven emails and was brought up at least five times verbally even after I agreed to use a newer, faster function. It's like ok, fucking drop it! I made the change the moment it was pointed out, and there are more interesting things to discuss. My code worked. She suggested a single improvement. And we've discussed the single improvement more than the hundreds of other lines of code that were much more innovative.
I didn't know how to make it stop. I was like: cool, I made the change. And then it kept going. I felt like I'd done something wrong. There has been less conversation when I actually have done something wrong.
I don't want kids and a lot of the women seem to resent me for it because I can do things they can't.
Let us ride our jetskis into the sunset.
They're not hitting on me either, or at least I never take it that way.
This is refreshing. I love telling people they look nice, but I never know when it's appropriate. There's this black woman I work with who wore this purple dress and had put some special effort into her makeup - very subtle, but stunning. I, gaybro, found myself staring. I've never seen skin tone and clothing work so well together, and all I wanted to do was tell her.^^^yaaas ^^^gurl ^^^slay
I think, especially among straight guys, that the impulse to compliment women (and men!) has been suppressed pathologically, both because it might be seen as a come-on and because it might shame those who, say, wore sweatpants today. But honestly, fuck it. Women can be seriously pretty and everybody needs to be told when they're doing well, because we sure as hell tell them when they're not.
Well, they acknowledge it, but they say that the Patriarchy is making women behave in this way because that's how we've trained them. No, Men don't want women to be bitches to one another.
[–]_abbysmal_ 86 points87 points88 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 31 points32 points33 points (6 children) | Copy Link
[+]LeChatTerrible1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link
It's so true. Every fucking sentence starts with "well," or "actually," and everything we say is scanned for the slightest deviation from preference so that I can be interrupted and corrected. I endeavor not to interrupt, not to suggest improvements unless they're necessary and timely and are actually worth the note, not to suggest that something needs to be "fixed" unless it's actually broken, but good god they will take any opportunity to nitpick, completely missing the point of our joint work.
It's absolutely alright if I don't have the biggest dick in the room. It's cool. I serve a purpose and I'm decent at it. Do I make mistakes? Sure, what I do is complex and takes time and careful effort.
But every question they ask seems to be engineered to give them an opportunity to tell you what they were thinking anyway. When I enter into a conversation, my presumption is that I'm surrounded by peers who were hired to do their jobs, who will be fired if they're screwing up, and don't need me to meddle unless they're struggling in a way that's irrecoverable. Their assumption seems to be that everything is a competition.
I've worked with women who aren't like this. Confident, strong women who are so far ahead of me in their understanding that I might never catch up. And when we talk, it's so nice. It's not a competition. It's two people working together. I come away feeling like something was accomplished other than an exchange of status.
[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[+]LeChatTerrible1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Sorry to rant. Also, not sorry to rant.
This is the one that really makes my blood boil. The software I use changes quickly. New, faster functions have been introduced. Some of the newer stuff is broken in ways we don't really understand, so I have a tendency to use the older, slower, but better-tested basic functions. It's not because I'm stupid or stubborn - it's because something's due next Tuesday and I'm just trying to make sure the zombie I've summoned can shamble. It'll jog later.
One line of code required seven emails and was brought up at least five times verbally even after I agreed to use a newer, faster function. It's like ok, fucking drop it! I made the change the moment it was pointed out, and there are more interesting things to discuss. My code worked. She suggested a single improvement. And we've discussed the single improvement more than the hundreds of other lines of code that were much more innovative.
I didn't know how to make it stop. I was like: cool, I made the change. And then it kept going. I felt like I'd done something wrong. There has been less conversation when I actually have done something wrong.
This is refreshing. I love telling people they look nice, but I never know when it's appropriate. There's this black woman I work with who wore this purple dress and had put some special effort into her makeup - very subtle, but stunning. I, gaybro, found myself staring. I've never seen skin tone and clothing work so well together, and all I wanted to do was tell her.^^^yaaas ^^^gurl ^^^slay
I think, especially among straight guys, that the impulse to compliment women (and men!) has been suppressed pathologically, both because it might be seen as a come-on and because it might shame those who, say, wore sweatpants today. But honestly, fuck it. Women can be seriously pretty and everybody needs to be told when they're doing well, because we sure as hell tell them when they're not.
I'd hug you, but I don't want people to talk.
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Well, they acknowledge it, but they say that the Patriarchy is making women behave in this way because that's how we've trained them. No, Men don't want women to be bitches to one another.
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[+]Professor_Zolomon1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Tfw you get burned by a factorial bot.
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I believe the bucket of crabs analogy works for women just as much as it does for minorities.
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