A woman is believed to be the beauty, charm and attraction of the world. She is valued as being one of the amazing creations of the Almighty. But still it is said that most of hell’s inhabitants will be women. How?

Why a woman who is the most gentle, caring and sympathetic of beings, is supposed to be the most ungrateful and unthankful as a wife?

It was narrated by Abd-Allah ibn Abbas that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “I was shown Hell and I have never seen anything more terrifying than it. And I saw that the majority of its dwellers are women.”

Abd-Allah ibn Abbas asked, “Why? O Messenger of Allah.”

He replied, “Because of their ingratitude (kufr).”

Abd-Allah ibn Abbas asked again, “Are they ungrateful to Allah?

Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) replied, “They are ungrateful to their companions (husbands) and ungrateful for good treatment, if you are kind to one of them for a lifetime then she sees one undesirable thing in you, she will say, ‘I have never had anything good from you’.” (Narrated by al-Bukhari, 1052).

Perhaps most women are always nagging and complaining to their husbands. They are never contented and pleased with their husbands. Being annoying, vexing, and never thankful to their husbands are the commonest features found in most women.

Although women as mothers appear loving, caring, sharing and generous towards their children, the same women as a ‘wife’ are completely contradictory in conduct and manner. The majority of women have a many grievances against their husbands.

It is not only nagging, but many women even cheat their husbands by lying beautifully about many activities they do without their husbands’ knowledge such as going out without their husbands’ permission, spending their hard-earned money recklessly and giving gifts to members of their own family. But still they find shortcomings in their life-partners as reasons for grudges and bitterness. In doing so, they even manage to demonstrate themselves as being the ‘victims’ of their husbands’ callousness and negligence.

It is believed that the nagging wife is the ubiquitous villain of married life. From the early pages of human history there is perhaps no literature and folk institution where the character of the nagging wife is not frequently found.

The most interesting about the nagging wife is that it she one of those few characters who appear throughout all history. Like the sacrificing mother, the one-sided lover or the tragic hero, the nagging wife can be found in ancient, slave owning agricultural societies, in both affluent mercantile and primitive ones and in the post-industrial deserts of the contemporary West. What is it about the nagging wife which makes he so universal and inspiring a character?

A nagging and complaining wife is rarely happy. She is frequently dissatisfied and always has something to criticize. A nagging spouse believes that her happiness depends on others. She wants her spouse to fulfill her every urge, obey her commands, grant her every wish and ask her for how to conduct his life.

Our Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “The first things a woman is called to account for on the Day of Judgment are her prayers and her relations with her husband.” (As- Suyuti in Al-Jami Al-Kabir).

In fact, the nagging wife is found in almost all societies and cultures in all eras throughout history. Even in today’s advanced world, irrespective of the differences of race, wealth, faith, culture, language, the nagging wife is common.

A nagging woman will always find a reason to pester her husband. She does not try to help or find solutions to situations, but just in find something to object to, like “you drink too much water”, “why you are wearing this colour clothing?”, “why you don’t get another mobile phone?”, “I hate the way you snore” and so on.

She just goes on and on without realizing that no one is perfect. Even she herself is not perfect. This nagging all the time becomes horrible and unbearable. It becomes a pain in the neck. Once a wife has acquired that nagging attitude, she just cannot even wait for her husband to finish his dinner before going on the attack.

We rarely hear about a nagging husband. Imagine a husband nagging his wife by saying “you are becoming fatter day by day”, ‘why you don’t learn some tips from your friend”, “you are very slow in cooking meals”, “why do your parents visit us every weekend? and - the most annoying – “you spend a lot on your shopping”.

Thus the most common justification of nagging rests in psychology and the notion of its being inherently linked to human nature. Men accept nagging, especially from wives, as an unescapable aspect of married life. Nagging, as a form of personal interaction, is restricted to within the walls of the institution of marriage.

However, it is assumed that most women experience depression to a greater degree than men. There may be more reasons but the most common factors that lead women to despair and dejection are the state of being in a ‘nail-biting’ relationship with their husbands.

May be it is in women’s nature to always nag and find faults in their husbands and always be complaining and listing what they are not able to do. Whatever it may be, this is completely against the ethics and teachings of Islam.

A Muslim wife must be always thankful to Allah and to her husband. It is her obligation to be loyal, caring, loving and sharing towards her spouse.

Since it is the woman who is believed to be the home-maker or the home-breaker, she is doubly required to behave wisely.

Nagging not only affects the husband, but indeed the whole family is shaken up, including children, whose balanced upbringing is thus polluted.

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) advised: “Evaluate yourself concerning your husband for he is your Paradise or Hell Fire.” (Narrated by Ahmad and al- Hakim).

A woman who fears Allah must ensure that she does her best to obey the Almighty and her husband and seek his pleasures because he himself is her paradise or hell fire.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter paradise.”

He (peace and blessings be upon him) further exhorted, “If a woman performs the five daily prayers, fasts during the month of Ramadan and obeys her husband, she will enter paradise from any gate she wants.” (Narrated by Ahmad).

It is imperative for women as ‘wives’ to reflect on the thousands of such inner weaknesses and try to rectify them so as to lead a balanced life. Nagging is a psychological disease. If it is allowed to grow within a person beyond a certain limit, it leads to failure and collapse of personality.

MARYAM HEDAYAT