A man reaches the age of 30 without ever experiencing sex, intimacy, or a romantic relationship (30 year old virgin). What is your initial honest reaction / assumption, can his life be corrected, and what advice would you give?

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-10-03T19:37:57+00:00

I would assume if it’s not a choice, that this person has severe social anxiety or lack of social skills. The best thing he can do is to build those skills in any way possible. Which is usually just forcing yourself to get out and attend events, and to talk to people as much as possible, not just women but everyone. You might find it easiest to talk to old people at first. They tend to be more open to chatting with strangers. Don’t overdo it, but alcohol also helps a lot.

gofigure62 · 2022-10-03T19:11:57+00:00

Depends on the person specifically. There are a multitude of reasons why someone would be a completely inexperienced virgin at 30 and all of those reasons would require different solutions.

Trauma, Sexual trauma, a disability, neurological problems, mental illness, prioritizing other aspects of life (education/work), lack of social development/awareness, low self-esteem, low selfworth, attachment issues, being a caregiver, living in a remote area, etc are some of the reasons 30+ virgins told me regarding their experience.

It's not an generic problem for all virgins. So I wouldn't make any suggestions to a 30 year old virgin without knowing details of why they're a virgin, the attempts that they've made to date/have sex, and without physically seeing them and their mannerisms/social behavior.

PM_Happy_Puppy_Pics · 2022-10-03T18:57:53+00:00

Honestly, for a guy like this, sex is not the problem. The real problem is negotiating in an intimate relationship because he will need to push back and also give back in a constant tug of war. He will need to be perceptive and anticipate her needs and wants and also set boundaries and be selective on what he asks from her. He won't know how to do any of that, and that's the part that makes relationships work.

bunnakay · 2022-10-03T19:06:54+00:00

Poorly socialized or some serious physical deformity.

alfen-dave · 2022-10-03T23:48:35+00:00

Actually some women do understand and suffer from this problem it seems.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAloneWomen/comments/xti6m8/why_does_everyone_get_scared_angry_upset_when_i/

This reminds me of the old truthful discussions back when all the Incels subs were still alive; specifically Braincels.

This one attracted me the most https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeverAloneWomen/comments/xti6m8/why_does_everyone_get_scared_angry_upset_when_i/iqqqvtj/

Very in-depth simply re-stating what literally every Incel subredditos used to spout back in the day.

Since we were in our own bubbles we never really thought any women could ''get it''. Obviously, ugly women exist but when you can write paragraphs like that, it at least tells me that those are the people who could best understand my/ ours views of the world.

I'm reaching 30 and never had partner whatsoever but I always thought that my lonelieness and bleak view of the world was something I could never share with anyone, let alone an eventual partner IRL.

Imagine you're speaking to a girl , and instead of the typical fake virtuous bullshit women on Incelexit and ''Just be confident'', she gives you something like this; I'd smile tbh. 😶

It's like, she knows what the world really is ; no need to explain her why I couldn't get a number or shit like this.

We need more ''The world is unfair, good/ hard working poeple dont get return on their effort and looks is everything'' women; that'd at least make our conversations here possible instead of the usual rhetorics.

psd5 · 2022-10-03T20:10:40+00:00

I can relate to the OP. I'm virgin sexless in 32 years old. Never recieved a hug or handsholding with a girl. Never got sex or a date. Never a compliment about my body. Never had friends.

Always was respecful towards women in school, never a simp though. Introverted, shy, quiet, I go to sleep at 22:00. Never went to parties.

Only advocated to study and not get into troubles, even though fights came after me because some horrendous human being bullies. I had to fight back.

Women said several times I was ugly not too far away from me and could hear them.

The few that knew I found them attractive (not the most attractive ones or that everyone wanted to jump in) also said I was weak, boring or ugly. Deliberately speaking.

Hard to go over 20 years in loneliness with no friends, besides my dad's company and a minimalist life.

I have tried to explain to several women they truly dont understand what loneliness feels like when you're a male. Literally not even you work to be objectified as a sex symbol to at the very least being meaningful in someway to females.

Zahir_Al-Umar · 2022-10-03T22:46:26+00:00

I cannot comprehend how any straight man with a sex drive can make it to that point without going crazy unless they cannot find a single willing woman or they have religious motivation with a light at the end of the tunnel like eternal life after death or a virgin bride.

I lost my virginity at 23, so late bloomer. I was losing mind by the end of it, and my life had his all encompassing gloom. Couldn't focus on my passions or work at that point because it just felt like a waste of time.

Once I started getting intimate with a girl who truly cared for me it was like my personality and outlook on life completely changed. I believe most men are like me, romantic relationships are essential for proper mental health

hungrychick404 · 2022-10-03T20:20:05+00:00

I would say that that man’s main problems have nothing to do with the fact that he’s a virgin, but more the fact that he can’t hold a job or have normal relationships with people other than his parents. I would hope that he gets some parts of his life figured out and can have healthy relationships with others before he even thinks about having a romantic or sexual relationship with a woman.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-10-03T19:29:11+00:00

You're not asking about a 30 y/o virgin. You're asking about a complete loser who happens to be a virgin.

My honest reaction is that this question is silly. Doy move out of your parents house. Doy improve your career prospects. Doy get in better shape. Doydoydoydoydoy.

If he wants to lose his V-card just get ripped and hit on a lot of women.

dmttao · 2022-10-03T21:03:02+00:00

I think the more important question here is, does the 30 year old virgin guy even really care about women and relationships at this point?

Because, the situation you’ve described doesn’t really reflect a strong value for friendships and interacting with other people. If a person is really not that interested in other people and is more of a lone wolf, that’s okay. Not every human needs to have a long term partner and/or kids to have a content enough life.

Two of my uncles are total loners, never married and never had kids. They were pretty content on the family farm, watching docos and whatever else their interests were.

I also have a close girlfriend, very pretty, but in her late 30s and never lost her virginity and hasn’t had a proper relationship. I think it’s all a bit overwhelming and stressful for her and she values other things.

It’s okay if you don’t find the idea of human interaction, conversation, and developing friendships particularly attractive or meaningful. Not everybody is a people person.

From your posts, I question whether you actually want a connection with other people. Maybe it’s defensive? Maybe you really do hope it could change.

If you do see value in other people and want to build connections, then yes it’s completely possible and it’s never too late.

Also in my experience, men who have a very low body count (including virgins) are much preferable to guys who’ve prioritised body count and one night stands over friendships and relationships.

Cos the only way to really develop solid sexual skills is with somebody you trust and can practice a bunch with. A bunch of one night stands, with very few exceptions, usually leads to bad sexual habits and a unwillingness to learn, listen or try things differently.

nemma88 · 2022-10-03T20:52:10+00:00

I dated a man who was a virgin at 29 for many years.

I dont think his life needed to be 'corrected'. I didn't make any assumptions about it when I found out, in bed, I backed off and let him set the pace. He lived with his parents.

My advice would be take care of personal hygiene, move out and if you have any trauma see a professional.

throwaway64pi · 2022-10-04T00:36:32+00:00

Depends on that person and how he feels.Being a virgin might be considered a blessing for him.It depends on the person.

EndHlts · 2022-10-03T21:20:30+00:00

Idk my brother is 6’2” medical student and he’s still a virgin. That’s what’s led me to believe that it’s really not even about men chasing career at this point, or even the coveted 6 foot height requirement (im a 5’11” manlet). I really do think it’s about being able to make a women feel a certain way emotionally, and a lot of men are not taught how to do that.

Regular-Loser-569 · 2022-10-03T18:48:33+00:00

As a 24yo (soon to be 25) virgin, I'd ask him what he thought he did wrong, and what advice he'd give me to avoid becoming like him.

2022-10-03T19:54:09+00:00

It’s over pack it up

AreOut · 2022-10-04T09:45:12+00:00

Judging by my relationships my initial reaction is that he is a lucky guy.

Blame_the_Muse · 2022-10-03T18:58:19+00:00

My assumption is that he’s a socially abnormal shut-in, and I pity him

EugeneCezanne · 2022-10-03T21:31:20+00:00

Reframe the question: why should a given woman date that particular guy? What's the reward for her?

In the OP and comments, you're basically describing a guy who either has, or believes he has, nothing to offer a companion. So any way you look at it, he needs to make major life changes.

_demidevil_ · 2022-10-03T19:26:53+00:00

Social anxiety & self-esteem problem.

Praymyexdies2 · 2022-10-03T21:12:54+00:00

Embrace blackpill without the divorce and drama most guys need to get there.

outcastandy · 2022-10-04T13:17:01+00:00

I'm only a few years short of being in that position. It's rough, but a word of advice to people in this situation, try and escape how the internet frames everything, since every combination of narcissists from macho sex machines, to hate filled incels can seem authoritative on the internet. Take a look at what you see yourself. Internet communities like this are best in small doses, and as a supplement to real life experiences.

One more thing, don't let people make you feel worthless. Even if something really is wrong with you, mentally, emotionally, that just means you need to find an understanding person, even if that is a therapist, to help you sort some of these issues out.

Stay safe and take care of yourself friends.

WideAwake550 · 2022-10-04T23:17:45+00:00

He will be considered subhuman piece of garbage by 80% of women but most women will be nice enought not to disrespect him over it.

rockybhaisince1951 · 2022-10-03T18:43:50+00:00

If he's happy, he does not need to be 'corrected'

If he is not happy, then the majority of people who are decent and kind would want him to be 'corrected' (I think that's a harsh word) but understandably would not want to be the martyr who gets to correct him.

That said, all is honestly well with being that way, and honestly, a lot of sex has to do so much with effort and compatibility, as long as he is giving, it should not be a problem.

Men or women are not a monolith, there is definitely someone out there for such a man as long as he takes a few steps at a time to keep moving forward, as we all should.

'

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-10-03T19:06:26+00:00

Not meaning to be flip, but if he lives with his parents wouldn't his mom hug him? My parents hug me. I know it's not the same thing as a sexual or romantic relationship but it is still human contact.

I recommend first off that he earn a degree/get training/do what he needs to do to improve his financial situation. I can't imagine being 30 and asking my date to keep it down because my mom is in the next room. Not conducive to sex at all.

Next I would recommend he get out there and socialize. Don't worry about dating just yet, go to some public places and meet some people and build a healthy social network. I realize online dating is all the rage and many people meet people that way, but sooner or later you're going to have to meet people face to face and you should probably get some real life practice in if you want to close the deal. Besides, I think meeting IRL is a little more forgiving than just scrolling through an online category of profile photos.

cool-story-bro123 · 2022-10-03T18:46:08+00:00

can his life be corrected

His life needs correction? Last time I heard there were many ways to live a life. Maybe he is an asexual.

Naturally a 30 year old virgin who doesn't even get hugged will most likely have a touch avoidance apathy

State your source.

Additionally, they probably live with their parents and make a low income if they even have a job at all.

Probably huh... Probably not? Maybe they are high functioning individuals who doesn't have time for relationships. Or maybe they have health issues...?

Assuming the worst (living with their parents, low income / unemployed), what would you suggest a 30 year old virgin do?

To do what? You mean to get some fucks? Well if he cares that much, he can pay for it. But seriously though, if he is unemployed and living with parents, getting laid would be the least of his worries?

2022-10-03T19:20:05+00:00

He only has 3 choices. All suck.

2022-10-03T21:26:35+00:00

You have to break out of your comfort zone or nothing will ever change. That’s a universal truth of life. So, do things that are both exciting and uncomfortable. You’ll find someone along the way.

ialreadyreddit529 · 2022-10-10T14:49:40+00:00

28 male here tried to build skills and everything, nothing happened. Living in my moms home cause the career I chose don’t pay well (third world country) the only way to move from my moms house is going to a bad neighborhood which is a totally bummer here in Latin America. Probably will hang my self on a rope next month.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-10-03T18:48:08+00:00

My first assumption is that he's chosen to be that way, and may not necessarily want to "correct" it now. If he hasn't made a choice, then I don't know enough about him to advise him.

whale_sports · 2022-10-03T18:45:51+00:00

There's women out there. You're probably not able to be REALLY selective, but some women out there just really doesn't matter to them. Learn how to talk to them, learn how to make women laugh, and smile, and you're ahead of a lot of guys.

A ton of guys out there don't even know how to look a woman in the eyes, and talk with them.

Just act like they are another person (to which they are), and, the most important thing, don't idolize, or put them on a pedestal.

gate18 · 2022-10-03T21:27:14+00:00

We are rubbish at imagining the span of time.

If you take a 45-year-old that has been happily married since 27. The idea that at 50 (5 years from now) his wife would die, he would get depressed, and never find love again would sound unbelievable.

Equally, the idea that this 30 y/o would change is unimaginable.

And that. I think is the key.

If he could intellectually understand that things could change, that's a huge step.

Then take everything at a time.

Work on developing skills. Be relentless in finding jobs. Don't become a barrier for yourself.

Either forget about the sex and work on all these other things or pay for sex, get it out of the way,

Don't neglect to feel happy

take up running.
take up reading (for me fiction is 100% better than self-help).
Take up hobbies that put a smile in your face.
If your relationship with your parents (humans) is bad, fix them.
Use those books to learn how huge the world is. I hate the "others have it worse than you", but rather, "others that lack things you don't are happy, think how can that be"

At the end of the day, when all is said and done, is just brain chemicals.

And learn that you aren't a loser!

Just as Elon Musk isn't a god or a genius.

These are pointless labels that mean nothing. Ok you are a loser? So? apart from making you feel shit what is it doing?

Do you not have a good job because you're a loser or because you lack the skills for that good job?

Above all get professional help.

AND

Fuck Leonardo DiCaprio

And women that "don't know how it feels to be you"

Because even if Leo was married, even if women "knew how it feels to be a 30 y/o virgin"

You'd still be a sexless depressed person.

"If only the world knew how I felt" is not your friend. The world would keep spinning even if Putin hit them nukes. Don't dwell on the victim narrative. It would just keep you miserable.

At the end of the day the goal is to be happy. So find happiness. Yes the usual easy route is blocked for you so what? Find other ways

-royalmilktea- · 2022-10-04T07:50:15+00:00

My current boyfriend didn't have a girlfriend until he was 29 due to social anxiety and the effects of a traumatic childhood. He did a lot of working on himself in his twenties and gaining a foothold in a career in visual art before he felt ready to pursue a long-term romantic relationship. He's very high value and really amazing.

Before I met him, I would have assumed that someone who didn't have sex or romance till so late life is probably asexual, aromantic, unmotivated, or for some reason unable to emotionally connect to other people.

And he is emotionally vulnerable, btw, since so many people around here think that's sure to make women lose interest. On my birthday when I was sad about my mother being terrible, he cried with me and told me about how his mother had failed him, and that was before we were formally in a relationship, even. It made us feel closer to each other that we were able to open up to each other and cry together just a few weeks after we met in person (we had been talking on discord for a few months prior). He's also 6', talented, creative, funny, smart, thin, fit, a generous and skilled lover, sexually dominant in a way that also makes me feel safe and cared for, and has a truly massive dick. By far the best guy I've been with, I have normally settled for much less, I feel very lucky to have him. Not wealthy though, his career is very early and almost all his money is going to bills or buying supplies and equipment.

vogel777 · 2022-10-03T19:22:20+00:00

Depends on the guy to be honest. I know a few guys who are in that position and honestly they may moan about it but everyone of them essentially chose that life whether they admit it or not.

throwaway64pi · 2022-10-03T19:44:59+00:00

I would blame him for all of his problems from that point forward. That point being birth.

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-10-03T20:02:44+00:00

who cares, why are we talking about these people all the time? this is a sub about actual dating and human sexual dynamics

neetykeeno · 2022-10-03T19:57:45+00:00

He needs to start becoming useful, interacting with people other than family, building social circles, having routines and picking up a valued skill base. I can't say for sure how far that will take him at this point but it is what he needs to do if he wants more than to age in place.

throwaway64pi · 2022-10-03T20:51:19+00:00

Depends on his looks and if he is mentally retarded/disability

ToberOct · 2022-10-03T22:58:32+00:00

I would think that's awesome. An unmarried 30 year old man should be a virgin. If he's a non-virgin, we know he failed.

Doesn't get hugged? Does he not have a family and friends? That's sad.

Living with your parents your whole life is normal. Most cultures do it.

Harvest895 · 2022-10-04T00:23:37+00:00

Is something stopping y’all from going to the gym or bars? Parties? How about chilling with some strippers? Would something happen if you leave the house?

InfamousBake1859 · 2022-10-04T02:41:51+00:00

Physical touch can be from bro hugs, normal higs, hugs with family members, etc. lack of physical touch correlating with depression is more to do with lack of social support group, and less with intimate partner.

If you are a 30 year old virgin bc you don’t want to have sex before marriage, and haven’t found a girl to meet your standards… you’ll be fine. If you are thr guy who is desperate with blue balls… then yeah, maybe you will be depressed

BruddaMSK · 2022-10-04T13:31:39+00:00

LMAO loser. No he's impossible to fix.

poppy_blu · 2022-10-04T02:11:21+00:00

It’s never too late.

The biggest problem is see here is that a lot of guys wear their inexperience like a badge and carry a permanent chip on their shoulder about it. There’s no reason you need to be telling women you’re beginning to date or have a relationship with that you’re a virgin. Guaranteed most women aren’t going to notice since plenty of men who aren’t virgins suck in bed.

DarthFarris · 2022-10-03T21:36:44+00:00

Unless you are incredibly unattractive or have the worst personality imaginable, being a virgin by the time you are 30, as a man, is basically a personal choice. Knowing someone who is 34 and a virgin, I can tell you that this dude could get laid 5 nights a week if he wanted. No, he's not religious nor is he ugly by any means. He's actually a very popular, well-liked guy who tours with pretty big named acts.

Honestly, we've all seen girls (and guys) date/ hookup with people with no jobs, no car, living at home, etc. If you're just trying to get laid, none of this has anything to do with it. There will always be some train-wreck of a person willing to hook up with an unemployed freeloader.

You can also pay for sex. If you're a virgin by 30, it's by personal choice.

2022-10-03T23:19:57+00:00

Asexual. Religious. Or just On his grind

boomershack · 2022-10-03T23:59:09+00:00

I would send him to a monastery.

ialreadyreddit529 · 2022-10-04T02:21:12+00:00

Go to the gym. Learn to make money.

Laurely4u · 2022-10-03T22:48:16+00:00

Buy me a big fancy house and I will hug you

pro-frog · 2022-10-03T18:53:08+00:00

I'd start with the fact that he doesn't just have to get hugs from a romantic partner? Hug the homies!

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-10-04T10:47:15+00:00

Repulsion.

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TheRedPillRipper · 2022-10-03T18:48:11+00:00

what would you suggest

First lift. Second make bank. Third hone social skills. Those three factors alone, will significantly improve outcomes.

Godspeed and good luck!

throwaway64pi · 2022-10-03T19:48:20+00:00

It all depends how he came to be a 30 year old virgin.

It's not that being one affects him in some irredeemable way, it's that in order to get there there's something very wrong that needs to be fixed.

SkookumTree · 2022-10-03T20:30:57+00:00

Hell: what would you suggest if he's a software engineer working at Google?

debatelord_1 · 2022-10-03T20:34:20+00:00

Try to cope with video games/porn etc. as best you can. Maybe try things like therapy, meditation or church to accept your life circumstances

Hoopy223 · 2022-10-03T21:35:16+00:00

Improve job skills (night school, online whatever)

Find own place (room, apartment etc)

Get laid as fast as possible

2022-10-03T22:16:49+00:00

They're fucked. Simple as.

Pick2 · 2022-10-03T22:49:41+00:00

So I looked at your post history. It's seems like you're depressed and that's ok.

Get on some SSRI.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-10-03T22:51:59+00:00

That he's either incredibly socially awkward, hasn't put in much effort, has some kind of physical deformity, was extremely sheltered much longer than he should have been, definitely a red flag

Assuming the worst (living with their parents, low income / unemployed), what would you suggest a 30 year old virgin do?

Start selling drugs ( allegedly of course ) and even though I'm against it for myself, he might just have to pay for it a couple times I don't know lol

NegotiationNo717 · 2022-10-03T23:04:11+00:00

Pay hooker Pay a massage therapist Go get a pedicure/manicure Get actual friends Have something to actually offer a woman. You said in another comment you’d be a sex toy. No woman who enjoys sex wants it with someone inexperienced and probably not that attractive, who has zero history of giving a woman an orgasms. There are attractive men who are good in bed.

However according to ppd men, you’ll be smoking hot in your 30s, getting all the hot college girls while the women who turned you down in your 20s will be old hags and ugly as hell. I was under the impression this is supposed to be the time of your life. I’ll give you the same advice men would give a woman in her 30s, lower your standards and date someone repulsive. Win win win

jayval90 · 2022-10-03T23:33:36+00:00

Speaking as a man who arrived to the age of 30 without ever experiencing sex, very much intimacy, and only a single 3-month romantic relationship (so a 30-year old virgin), let me tell you...

As others have stated, the problem isn't sex. The problem is relational. It's easy to get the two confused thanks to social messaging, but around the age of 30 the edge comes off of the sex drive and things separate out a little bit more clearly.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-10-04T00:17:54+00:00

I feel like he has other issues than just dating.

Does he have friends? Can he meet new people? Can't get a gf if you can't even meet friends.

So he'll need to work on that.

For another relationships take a bit of work to keep going. Compromising. Making choices that affect each other. Ensuring you're on the same page in life. Doing the small things that keep your relationship alive. Continuing in some way to court each other even after years together.

The big question is that even if he does get a relationship, can he maintain it?

If his issue is just sex, I'd say just find a sex worker. But then I live in a country where its legalised so I guess its easier

M_LaSalle · 2022-10-04T00:35:10+00:00

Assuming the worst (living with their parents, low income / unemployed), what would you suggest a 30 year old virgin do?

He will probably have to make considerable changes to his life circumstances before he has a decent chance of attracting a woman. He will need to get his own place and do his utmost to increase his income. Even if this is accomplished, he will face an uphill struggle, as his lack of experience will be held against him. Sexually unsuccessful men are never forgiven for it, nor are they likely to be forgiven for trying to improve their prospects. If he is to succeed, the he ought to begin at once, but with the understanding that the odds do not favor him and that success cvannot be assured.

All that said, I wish him well.

delight-n-angers · 2022-10-04T00:45:37+00:00

I would probably assume there was some pretty severe abuse or neglect in his past and that he needs more professional intervention than what I can offer. But 30 is still young, I don't see why with therapy and work he couldn't overcome these challenges.

Naturally a 30 year old virgin who doesn't even get hugged

This is a weird statement to me. Why would he never even get hugged? Hugging and physical touch aren't found only in romantic relationships. I hug my male friends all the time. Several of my male friends while not virgins are nearing their 40s and still single, a few have never had a romantic relationship, some have never had a serious romantic relationship. Actually, 1 guy I hang out with might be a 38 year old virgin, but I've never asked him point blank if he is. I just know he's never had a girlfriend.

But none of them have never been hugged. We hug. When the possible virgin's mom died, I held him on the couch while he cried. So I think to assume a guy is a virgin is also touch starved or touch apathetic is a bit too far. Platonic physical touch exists.

Alive_Time · 2022-10-04T01:56:58+00:00

The man may be religious, sexually-risk adverse, a product of a transient childhood, asexual, socially awkward, obese, previously abused, unattractive, and more than likely a combination of 3 or more above.

If religious and you expect a virgin hopefully you have built wealth and prepared to limit your options to the small amount of women in a strict fundamentalist religion. If you venture to dating outside of religion expect almost every woman you date will be sexually experienced. This will likely make you sexually risk adverse (fear of unwanted pregnancy, abortions, false patternity, STDs, fear of being "cursed" and unhealthy bonding). You would have been better off marrying very young but you can find women your age and younger in a strict church. Prepare, however, to lower your expectations.

If you grew up transient you have to build social skills. You likely never explored your natural social nature and must work on it immediately. Find meet up groups with eligible women and work on being social.

If asexual you may specifically want to seek out an asexual partner.

If obese join a gym and eat healthy, take classes, or join a hiking group. Make sure you are being social while building your fitness. Stay away from bars that will increase your obesity.

If unattractive get fit, dress well, and make as much money as possible.

throwaway64pi · 2022-10-04T02:00:32+00:00

If he's happy why would he need to correct his life? Living without women just sounds sensible if I'm honest.

Stop_Maximum · 2022-10-04T06:59:35+00:00

I wouldn’t have a reaction, it could be for different reasons which they know. Some people might keep it until marriage, while others might never had a chance to “lose it”. Not much you can say, apart from do what’s the best for you. If they can get laid, go for it. If they can get married, even better. If they can’t get nothing, it is what it is. It doesn’t define you.

Katatonicsnake · 2022-10-04T07:50:58+00:00

Studies suggest that humans who do not receive physical touch are more likely to be depressed and their ability to process their emotions is dampened.

Can’t he receive touch without sex? Most physical touch I receive is not sexual.

Naturally a 30 year old virgin who doesn’t even get hugged will most likely have a touch avoidance apathy due to living in this depressed state. They probably won’t even realize it.

Sounds like not having sex isn’t their biggest issue.

Assuming the worst (living with their parents, low income / unemployed), what would you suggest a 30 year old virgin do?

Fix your biggest problems first.

2022-10-04T07:53:17+00:00

I wouldn’t care about the virginity but living at your parents and being unemployment would raise some questions for me, unless there is an explanation like a disease or parents need care. What would I suggest? First find a therapist if you are depressed, women will not cure you only professionals can do that. Second find a job, find some directions in your life! What do want to do? What are good at, what do you enjoy doing? Maybe finde Hobby, do Sport. Things that get you out of your shell

xzpw · 2022-10-04T08:27:04+00:00

Assuming the worst? I’d tell him to fix his low income, move out of his parents place, etc. That needs to be fixed first especially as a man who is 30… That is just sad. I know the economy is rough and all but just become a fucking STEMcel and rake in the money.

Same time work out everyday and get some better habits going. Do leg day. Get ripped. Lose any excess body fat (get to less than 10%). Take some anti-hairloss pills, get a skin routine going, etc.

I don’t think men who are virgins at later ages in life are going to be naturally bad at relationships, sex, or anything else. I was a virgin and never had a relationship until I was about 26. I had no problems at all. The woman I ended up being married to was always surprised at how good of a partner I was, how I knew better than her at how to be in a relationship, and how wise I seemed about interpersonal relationships overall.

It didn’t line up with traditional wisdom that people who are incels must be neckbearded redditors who never go outside and are profusely sexist and demand their women make them sandwiches while they play WoW. Turns out - you spend a lot of time wondering why you’re single and you’ll end up spending a lot of time figuring out how to solve it and you’ll spend a lot of time making sure when you do get a partner that you’ll never fucking lose them and you’ll be the best thing that ever fucking happened to them.

I listened to sex advice podcasts for years even though I wouldn’t have sex for another 5+ years after I stopped listening. People are always surprised at how much I know about random kinks, consent in bdsm, etc. I spent my years sharpening that axe.

Academic_Snow_7680 · 2022-10-04T10:08:18+00:00

He should go learn ballroom dancing. Or contact sport.

Substantial_Video560 · 2022-10-04T11:00:19+00:00

I can somewhat relate to the OP as I nearly reached that age myself being a virgin. Luckily for me I took the route of paying proffesionals (escorts) and have never looked back since.

Been seeing for nearly ten years now. Besides my regular I've been with 24 escorts and have had some awesome experiences and got to furfill most of my sexual fantasies. I don't regret a moment of it.

If I hadn't choose that path I would still be a virgin now at nearly 40. Seeing escorts has given sexual confidence which in turn as also made me more confident in life.

I've given up looking for relationships however and just focus on myself nowadays. I've made peace with being alone and found acceptance.

In a sense I guess I'm walking my own path in life.

Different_Dish_1852 · 2022-10-04T12:01:34+00:00

Depends on the location, in some cultures it is totally normal to be 30 and a virgin while living with your parents.

In other cultures, probably like yours, these things aren’t the expected norms.

Personally, for me being a virgin isn’t bad in itself, but the psychological effects a person may have due to the pressure of being a virgin in a society where being a virgin is viewed negatively is what concerns me.

I don’t want to be with a man who measures his value with the amount of sex he has. And not having an independent income at that age is concerning too.

But yeah, being a virgin isn’t a bad thing in my opinion.

2022-10-04T13:07:29+00:00

I would start by saying him to pay for a hooker to ride him like a mechanical bull; Honestly speaking every sugestion here will suck ass because they come from a self imprviment point of view (empty words) or a fantasy perfect world (blue pill). I said once and I'll say again you can only expect a 20 year problem to be solved within a 20 year span but waiting until you're 60 to live your life is not a option.

Personally, find a rural city or a city with low number of peoples and try to start a new life, peoples on those areas are generally welcoming if you're a decent human, some of these areas lack avaible jobs tho so this is the risk but the average person can leave without problems in a minimal accomodation.

2022-10-04T15:23:25+00:00

toxic masculinity hurts men.

AndrewPotato34 · 2022-10-04T16:35:34+00:00

My life is exactly as the Op describes this person only worse -> how is it worse? well let me tell you: So i don't live with my parents anymore, but my mom comes once a week to bring me food she moved just a few blocks away at my aunt's place, the apartment i now live alone technically has no furniture in living room and main dormitory so 2 rooms are completely empty and the kitchen is a nightmare.I'm basically living alone in this apartment that looks lik a decrepit old tapestry cancer crack den apartment without the grafitti.And i have the lowest income in Eastern europe i live in Romania so i get once/month a salary worth 2950 RON the country's currency equal to 588 $ after conversion. I'm 31 never had a hug from a woman, no friends.

Swapsta · 2022-10-04T20:44:03+00:00

Virgin and 30 is pretty ngmi, maybe not for sex(prost if he's that desperate) but that completely hollows a person's soul, specially the lack of friends/reaffirmation about himself.

BatemaninAccounting · 2022-10-04T21:18:33+00:00

He's had a really long string of bad things happen to him to put him on a negative unhappy life path. I would first have him explore his sexuality and see if he's bi/gay. If he's still very much hetero I would have him start tackling the issues that are keeping him a virgin, starting from childhood through adolescence into adulthood. Someone in that kind of headspace has had some serious trauma. Yes he can, within 2 years, get a girlfriend/boyfriend with enough hard work.

Ohmaygahh · 2022-10-05T15:04:55+00:00

99% i think there's something fundamentally wrong with him, in case of arrested development for ... whatever reason (maladjusted, poor social development, behavior disorders, addictions, etc)

Only 1% is it "ok" ( I side eye this ) for religious, moral, or civic grounds. Honestly, I still think this is a disorder of some kind, a naïve unacceptance of how people operate at large but at least there is a "strength" of conviction tied to it. So it's intentional.

Unhappy-Slice-5098 · 2022-10-08T05:39:09+00:00

lol I would be an utter hypocrite if I used that against him. The world is filled with more conveniences than ever, yet we continue to struggle for the things that fell into the laps of Boomers, like menial jobs that still paid enough to allow you to move out. I make a pretty high income (I'd like to think) for my position, and since I live in an HCOL area I still live my parents. In between the stresses of work and existential dread/depression about the world at large and my own place in the world, I'll be staying single for a long time yet.

Around here, either you shack up with someone else and get a monetary gift from your family to buy a house, or you land a super good job, or you live with your parents while saving up for a down payment. I'm doing the latter. Sometimes I regret my decision because as an anti-social person living away from them wouldn't solve my problems either. Money isn't solving my lack of a relationship. It won't solve the guy in the example's problem either.

The only thing I can suggest is improve yourself for your own sake and no one else's, and be true to yourself, your goals, your hopes and dreams. Don't make the mistake of getting into a shitty relationship out of pressure. No matter how lucky you think you're getting. Value yourself. Men need to value themselves more.

engineer_e95 · 2022-10-09T21:49:24+00:00

I would suggest

- Workout

- Diet better

- Get a job, join the military, go to a trade program or become an apprentice somewhere

- Learn to get out your comfort zone

- Find a dating coach to help you improve your self-esteem, self-confidence

If you are looking for sex, a lot of it is looks based. So you will have to find things in your control you can chance (i.e. hair style, grooming, physique, diet, exercise.) And if you really want it, you will do what is necessary to make yourself from a 2 to a solid 7 ,8 , 9, or even maybe 10. Don't forget a good dating coach, I recommend looking at Alpha Male Strategies on YouTube for solid game.

H8beingmale · 2022-10-23T23:42:23+00:00

i assume paying for sex, an escort or sex worker is out of the question for you

BladeRunner1998 · 2023-02-12T22:47:25+00:00

He's probably ugly af. I've heard plenty of stories of women walking up and giving phone numbers and attention to average looking men

Competitive-League-8 · 2023-03-30T16:44:24+00:00

As someone who fits all that criteria all I i can say is that it depends (as you might've guessed). I never been in love or wanted a relationship before. I don't get lonely, and I love being alone and can't be bothered with relationships. Maybe one day that will change but for now my mind remains unchanged. My life has always been focused on other things such as my art/ hobbies, my business, friends and family, college, travel you name it.