Arent there better ways to feel validation other than sex?

LillthOfBabylon · 2020-04-04T16:23:16+00:00

[removed]

LillthOfBabylon · 2020-04-04T20:26:34+00:00

This post is basically "I don't care about your problems, so why should you". Highly egregious levels of solipsism. Cleary men are suffering enough to form reddit groups and talk about it. It's safe to assume that just deciding it's not a big deal doesn't actually work

DeepCrimsonPill · 2020-04-04T14:40:04+00:00

This is the cucked left-wing outlook on life that thinks morals should come over everything else, and reflects women's complete inability to understand the male situation. Since most men they come across are unattractive to them, sex is no big deal (unless it is with an Alpha). No, volunteering at your local soup kitchen is not the same as knowing you are sexually desired by an attractive woman. Yes, sex is still important regardless of how shallow it is. I am a man, and I refuse to apologize for it.

At the same time, I do believe that things like community and friendship are good alternatives for the sexless. And getting a girlfriend is way more important than casual sex. But it is still about sex.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2020-04-04T15:08:58+00:00

Omagerrrd.. you still don't get that you can't rationalize the validation, or logic it away. It's the same argument for women- you can't negotiate attraction. You can build on attraction, you can grow attraction, you can't logic your head to change what you're attracted to though.

We can't logic away the need to feel wanted by a woman. It's so engrained, so wired into us. I still think one of the best analogies is baby fever. Women get baby fever, and feel like they need a baby. That's probably/possibly pretty close to how we feel all the time. We just don't relate it directly to babies. Just the process of making the babies.

But yes, for me personally and a lot of guys its really the most satisfying show of affection we can experience. That, and the afterglow cuddle snuggle with a naked woman all over you like a body pillow.

CommanderOfTheDeath · 2020-04-04T14:32:17+00:00

I think this was what the MGTOW movement originally intended to teach men. Which is really great. Unfortunately it went really wrong at some point. Someone should fix that.

reluctantly_red · 2020-04-04T14:56:10+00:00

NO!!!

Deep_Sushi · 2020-04-04T15:14:50+00:00

what are you even fucking saying

MDBVer2 · 2020-04-04T14:22:37+00:00

The people, real or imagined, that some men surround themselves with value sex above things like hobbies, careers, and volunteering. Incels, of course, are the most extreme example. Having a good career, or being really good at something is all "bluepilled normie bullshit" to them. If it isn't helping a man get sex immediately, on their terms, it's nonsense.
Plain old insecurity. It's normal to feel like you aren't normal when it seems like everyone else around you is having sex. You begin to think there's something wrong with you because if there weren't, you'd be having sex like everyone else.

DangZagnut · 2020-04-04T14:28:25+00:00

Incels have dreams way beyond their looks.

Am I the last great American perfectly comfortable being ugly? Jesus people, you weren’t born able to fly, do you get mad at Superman because he can fly?

Do you really want to be a pretty soyboy? Feminine and lithe like an anime girl?

It’s like those guys who go to the gym to get pretty bodies and not build actual strength. Wtf are you doing?

You see those ugly Russian power lifters? They look like apes but can lift your house.

Just be ugly. It’s manly. Hell I’ve gotten laid and I’m ugly as fuck. Both externally and clearly my personality sucks as well.

Let the girls be all pretty with bouquets in their hair, being an ugly man. Their job is too look pretty and feminine.

Go to the gym until you can bench a Buick. Stop trying to be a girl you transgender sods, or get on your damn hormones like the good girl you want to be.

Maybe Alex Jones was right about the frogs, he should have just mentioned incels and ignored the frogs.

This is what fatherless houses produce. No wonder almost all school shooters come from single mothers and broken homes.

Validation? I’m not one to say “man up” and do manly things, but how about just stop girling up for soy’s sake?

Boys do manly things and that’ll validate them just fine. Girls can do girly things and validate themselves that way.

But neither of you gender confused kids can handle that because “muh oppression” or whatever. Boys simping their way to being girls. Girls being bitches to be hard as nails. Good luck with all that stupidity. Enjoy pretending to be what you never were stupid genitals.

Sure as hell don’t use sex to validate you. That’s never going to happen. Hell don’t even use other people to validate you. The only one who might vaguely validate or care for you is that ponce in the mirror.

Make that ass-clown happy doing something hard. Play the guitar, run a marathon, blow glass, build a house, and accomplish something where you’re not just flipping over MtG cards.

AutoModerator · 2020-04-04T14:09:28+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

dylang92 · 2020-04-04T17:01:48+00:00

Sure, but different things matter to different people. And if a person can only find validation in sex then that’s just how it is. Speaking from experience, it doesn’t matter what else you do because it always comes back to wanting it and being unable to get it is crushing, especially when you throw so much work into it.

LillthOfBabylon · 2020-04-04T19:11:53+00:00

[deleted]

Mimoxs · 2020-04-04T19:17:40+00:00

I think a lot of guys confuse "validation" with "ego boost." Validation usually implies affection or love and care, validation usually revolves around a bond with a person and the desire to feel validated as in reaffirmation of their liking if you, which they don't desire, they want to feel good about themselves, which does validate their self worth but is mostly more related to the ego.

WIA20XX · 2020-04-04T15:36:02+00:00

Upvotes

Barely-moral · 2020-04-04T15:37:48+00:00

Short answer. NO. There isn't any better way. Because the need/want/whatever you are gonna call it that is satisfied by having sex is not satisfied by anything else.

Why cant they feel validation in what you’re good at?

Because some people aren't good at anything/can't be good at anything. Also because some people are good at things that there is no reason to feel good about. Also as I said before, even if you can't get some level of satisfaction for being good at what you are good at, it isn't enough. I am damn good at my job. Give me a team, give me hitler as a client and I we will make him walk as a free man. That does not make me happy.

Or find a hobby to get good at?

Same as above.

Or worry about getting a career you enjoy?

Oh come on. Most of the jobs in society need to be filled and are not satisfactory at all. Only a minority of people get to have a career they enjoy.

Or volunteering in a good cause?

Been there. Done that. I keep doing it. It isn't enough. It doesn't make me happy. It doesn't scratch that itch. There is no replacement for sex and intimacy.

You dont always get what you want 24/7. That doesnt equal a problem.

If I never get what I want 24/7 and a lot of men never get what they want 24/7 it is society's problem. Again, you need the majority of the male population calm, obedient, at work. Keeping society as it is right now. Protecting your rights. Paying taxes. Funding the social programs we all enjoy. You are right. If I never get what I want is my problem. If a lot of men never get what they want is everyone's problem. They are the base on which this society is built upon. If they decide to move then everything falls apart.

Easy options guys have to solve their sex problems:

Oh lets see.

Be attractive enough to have casual sex with.

Not easy. Sure, it can work for some men. It will not work for the majority.

Go get a hooker.

Aren't you tired of hearing how this solves nothing? Read the thousands of explanations you get about this again.

Go to a place with legal prostitutes.

Same as above.

Dumpster dive for ugly sluts.

Could work. But even those have standards and would refuse LVM.

Meydra · 2020-04-04T16:19:30+00:00

Being cut off from fulfilling a basic human need for years or even decades isn't exactly healthy.

resolutions316 · 2020-04-04T17:12:01+00:00

The “romantic” ideal is to gain worth by receiving the affection of another. See: Lancelot and Gwenivere.

I would classify that as BP.

If your take is “men shouldn’t put their need for validation the shoulders of either a single woman, or women in general,” then I’d say you’re right.

It’s also what RP would say, on average.

nopillbutmaybered · 2020-04-04T17:50:24+00:00

Ok so first off "just get a (nice looking) hooker in a legal place is expensive. The plane ticket alone ~~would~~ will be expensive for Americans again one day. But you're also arguing like "why not be poor, but be happy with what you got" but also "be poor, happy with what you got, while living in a city where 60 percent of people are extremely wealthy, and flaunt that wealth publicly" One thing I'd desire under the current system is reinstating modesty. The way women dress and people with high smv act. As in no PDA no bragging about getting laid so good etc. It's common sense you don't brag about your Ferrari to the guy who survives on ramen. Rich people often act modestly, and insist having a house with taller roofs isn't really an upgrade in life.

There are also multiple other potential societal systems, but what I'm stating is a really reasonable request, that feminists have heard, and responded "woa just cause I dress that way doesn't mean I deserve to be raped" Feminists in this case seem to purposely misinterpret the request. Also in this case girls can still dress like sluts to go to the club. Just when living day to day life, maybe tone down the sexual glorification in society.

Furthermore. Having at home entertainment options that don't obsess over sex would be equally required. Was a sad day when Reddit allowed photo previews. Used to be able to avoid the obvious karma whoring by being hot much easier. We left Facebook to be followed, and consequently became as bad as Facebook.

gunbusterxl · 2020-04-04T19:40:34+00:00

There are, but this subreddit is mostly about TRP and TBP. TRP is focused on sex, and most of their members are obsessed with getting laid. TBP is about not being red pilled. This is why you have so many people here constantly whining about sex.

TheKarmicWoosh2 · 2020-04-04T20:34:49+00:00

Arent there better ways to feel validation other than sex?

No. The reason is actually very simple. Think of it like this. a lot of Women who are incapable of bearing children feel inadequate. The inability to perform a function that is deep rooted in their biology and subsequent psychology. There is no amount of logic or mental gymnastics that can over come this.

And guess what? It's not just about sex. It's about a feeling of acceptance.

ThisIsMyAccount135 · 2020-04-04T20:49:07+00:00

We just need to fuck lol. It's in our biology.

When I get lucky, I feel like a million bucks. When I'm getting laid regularly, I feel like a big swinging dick alpha, content, manly, and able to hold my own with the boys.

Doesn't mean I'm depressed when I'm not getting sex. I have hobbies, interests, family, sports. But in between my 'time passing' hobby activities I'm always looking to get laid. Basically the activities just pass time and fill social needs while I'm looking for my main need - sex.

Of course, I'm decent looking enough that if I put in the effort, I know that *I will fuck again*. Even if it's a dry spell I'm confident I can pull another girl. There's always hope. For low value men (especially if they have a dead end job or are unemployed) I don't know how they deal - and I feel quite sympathetic for them.

But yeah, we need sex. Don't wonder why, just accept it as a fact of life.

Braincellular · 2020-04-04T21:34:59+00:00

I'm not even sure where to begin here. The short answer is basically you're asking a totally naive set of questions..."why can't people just be totally rational? "Why can't people just not focus on sex?"

Like....because people are animals and not machines? We haven't bred that aspect out of existence yet? I'm not sure what you're expecting here. Like, the short answer is you can't just flip a switch and turn it on and off. But alright, that aside, I'll try to give a better answer.

Apparently, the reason why men thirst for sex is for validation, which sounds dumb to me. Why cant they feel validation in what you’re good at? Or find a hobby to get good at? Or worry about getting a career you enjoy? Or volunteering in a good cause?

First off, of course you can find meaning in things besides sex. Lots of people do. These things are all great, but they are what incels cynically call "copes." But this has always been a thing, i.e. put your energy and frustration towards something else, work towards a larger goal. Lots of people advocate it - stoics, buddhists, redpillers, etc, actually most religions are based around dealing with this in some way or another come to think of it, except contemporary Christianity which basically, like you, just wants to pretend it isn't a real problem.

People find meaning and purpose in those things, but what they don't find is those sexual validation...these are just categorically different things.

The question you have to ask then is what makes sexual validation so different? At the most basic level, from an evolutionary standpoint the whole point of life is to reproduce itself. Think about it this way, why does rejection hurt so much? Because you see a prospective mate that you want to reproduce with and they reject you they are essentially saying your genetics aren't good enough to be passed on. It's a rejection of what you are. And like you rationalize it and say "well, there are other fish in the sea, you can do better, etc" and all that might be true but it's still a rejection of YOU as a totality, you just aren't good enough to reproduce so you feel it as a visceral level (I'm not his biggest fan but Jordan Peterson has a decent take on this, FYI). If someone has sex with you because they actually desire you, its validating because its basically saying you are good enough to reproduce with (there's also the question about wanting true "intimacy" which I think is tied into this but that's a whole other topic but that's a whole other topic).

Also, plenty of women do this too, wanting sexual validation isn't exclusively a male phenomenon. Women like male attention because its validating (plus they can exploit it). It affects men more because 1) its arguably easier for women to get it, and 2) men arguably want it more so than women, and the explanation goes back to the whole thing about how women take on more risk by having sex (i.e. getting pregnant).

With sex, you’re judge mainly on good looks, charming, big dick energy, actual dick size, and sex performance. Alot of these things someone has to have naturally or through alot of hard work most guys arent willing to put it. That’s a horrible thing to put your self-worth into.

Agreed, it is a horrible thing to put your self-worth into. But we do it anyway, and this is kind of one of the things MGTOW/RP thinking warns against (i.e. stop basing your self-worth on what how women judge you).

If your dick isnt being sucked and you’re not using sex for validation, who cares? You dont always get what you want 24/7. That doesnt equal a problem.

It is a problem though. This is one of these things that isn't a problem at an individual level but at a wider social level. At the individual level you can say that to a guy, and it's not even wrong, it might work for a little while or for some better than others. But at the social level that only works if you have mechanisms in place to deal with it (e.g. by encouraging "copes", using religion, social control etc, controlling female hypergamy by enforced monogamy, etc...there are different ways of dealing with it). If you don't have those things, if you have a bunch of guys who are frustrated, poorly motivated, have no hope of satisfying their instincts, have nothing to live for but wage slavery etc...well that's a recipe for unrest. Sorry, that's just a fact. Some of those guys will take matters into their own hands. And trust me you don't want to live in that society.

Easy options guys have to solve their sex problems: [...]

Yeah, they can do that stuff, and they do. But they basically doesn't totally solve the problem, because its not validational.

Not everyone can be attractive enough, that's just the reality of the situation. Guys can work on this, and they should, but some people are better off than others. When you have open hypergamy it exacerbates this problem.
The problem with getting a hooker is its exactly not validational sex...the hooker is exchanging sex for money (its transactional) and doesn't give a fuck about you. And going to a place with legal prostitutes is easier said than done for a lot of people.
Jerking off is kind of the same thing. It's just no substitute for being with a real person, and I don't really know how anyone could argue otherwise. Obviously it provides some release, but that's it.
I guess "dumpster diving for ugly sluts" comes the closest (maybe the ugly slut want to fuck you) but its not as validational to fuck an ugly slut presumably because she has a lower sexual market value than you (its all relative of course), so if that's all you can get you've kind of failed at the whole produce successful offspring thing, at least that's what your animal brain is trying to tell you. Also, probably doesn't even work if you are LVM enough.

And like, with all of this, to just dismiss it and say that it's just "not a real problem" is like the biggest cop out ever. It's basically like just ignoring a whole aspect of human experience. Hell, the very fact that you have to ask the question already means it's a problem. The very fact that it bothers you so much means it's a problem (and it probably says more about you then it does about anyone else). I really don't know what else to tell you.

wtknight · 2020-04-04T22:08:24+00:00

The thing is, sex becomes a competition among men, and men are naturally competitive. If there are men who can't have sex, then they feel inferior to the men who can have it, and even men who can have it sometimes feel inferior to men who can have a lot of it with many different women.

2020-04-05T05:07:02+00:00

Sentient dildos are boring.

Men that really get women obsessed with them do something to stand out in a crowd. Status is magical.

vicistvic · 2020-04-05T07:43:41+00:00

Receiving interest from desirable prospective mates provides validation and I think many frustrated people feel invalidated as a result of not receiving such interest as opposed to not having sexual interactions.

Nu_Guy · 2020-04-06T10:32:15+00:00

Point 1 - The traits you listed here are what woman look for in general. I love the phrase "big dick energy" It almost proves red pill and i've never even heard it.

Point 2 - I think you can fully relate to why it sucks not being wanted by the other sex.

The system of attractiom is not fair.

Throughawayman80808 · 2020-04-06T12:09:30+00:00

Nope, cause sex is the only thing that's real, everything else is a charade and a farce. Sex and violence are all that is real.

trueorfalsedmitry · 2020-04-04T15:50:53+00:00

Why cant they feel validation in what you’re good at? Or find a hobby to get good at? Or worry about getting a career you enjoy? Or volunteering in a good cause?

All of these are relatively easy to achieve. The primary reason any man does any of this is to get women. But, as you point out...

With sex, you’re judge mainly on good looks, charming, big dick energy, actual dick size, and sex performance. Alot of these things someone has to have naturally or through alot of hard work

Rather than a list of systematically attainable (and, therefore, ultimately unsatisfying) performative actions, these are things that make you a more valuable human being (i.e. it would be better if your genes propagate) than someone else. Therefore, they are actual measures of your worth. What else would you base your self-worth on?

cloudydays84 · 2020-04-04T17:12:21+00:00

I really don't understand why this needs to be spelled out (not an offense to op). Like to me the default setting to life is being single and sexless. If you can't find self-worth and enjoyment outside of sex and relationships it seems like there are bigger problems than being in a relationships and having sex.

One of my close friends is about to turn 21 and he's still a virgin. And it doesn't bother him at all. He's not asexual, he very clearly would like to have sex (with the right person) but it doesn't seem like he's so fixated on it to the point where not having it is something weighing down his whole psyche.

And maybe I don't have the right frame of reference to get where some people are coming from, maybe there is a greater need or hunger here that I can't wrap my head around because it's personal. But it just seems so different than what I'm used to seeing in real life.

softhandsam · 2020-04-04T16:01:48+00:00

For women apparently not, for men, according to women, there should be.

LillthOfBabylon · 2020-04-04T16:22:51+00:00

[deleted]

LillthOfBabylon · 2020-04-04T17:56:48+00:00

red pill = self improvement.

Title	Arent there better ways to feel validation other than sex?
Author	LillthOfBabylon
Upvotes	1
Comments	157
Date	April 4, 2020 2:09 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/fuuayx/arent_there_better_ways_to_feel_validation_other/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/arent-there-better-ways-to-feel-validation-other.360631 https://theredarchive.com/post/360631