CMV: A woman's entire sexual history is relevant, whether assessing for sex or for relationships

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-11-02T15:06:02+00:00

id like to just clarify here that the thing that confuses me is the conflation of "promiscuity" with "infidelity", i have zero quibble with men using whatever metric they want to discard whatever woman for whatever reason, includinng "sexual history"

what confuses me is this idea that somehow sleeping with men when you are SINGLE is related to CHEATING on a man when taken, this is a very specific small point. its almost like some people consider it "cheating" on nonexistent spouses to sleep around without commitment?

i will also quibble with the idea that it is a "change of mindset" when the woman goes from single behavior to taken behavior, it is not, the change in circumstances brings out different aspects of the person. the one thing i wouldnt trust is a woman who was explicitly some free-and-easy MPDG who didnt want to be "tied down" who suddenly becomes super monog for the 1st time, i guess THAT would be a "change of mindset"

no one on earth could quibble about ALL of those things you package dealed together being a perfectly fine metric for choosing or discarding a woman, though i cant imagine a man who allows a woman to discuss her history with other men, but thats just my mindblindness to betas i guess? i was ENGAGED to another man with rings and a license and my h doesnt even know his name or want to or ever asks

darla10 · 2017-11-02T13:58:17+00:00

This is a lot of research for a man to have to conduct. Almost seems like the type of research that would throw him squarely into her frame. Forever.

fetchyminx · 2017-11-02T15:47:18+00:00

This is a deadbeat discussion. Women who've had casual sex before will NEVER agree with your point of view of their sexual history affecting their relationships and ltrs.

planejane · 2017-11-02T16:44:15+00:00

Your phrasing is incomplete, I think. "Is Relevant." Relevant to what? Assessing her character and sexual preferences? Sure, I'll grant that. Assessing whether she's LTR material? That kinda depends on what the male's preferences are, doesn't it? Predicting future behavior? I think you have to ask more specific questions than you've posed thus far. Her morality? Moral codes vary from society to society, and even individual to individual.

What metrics specifically are you arguing that her sexual history is relevant to assessing her on? All those plot points you listed make a pretty graph, I'm sure, but to what end? Some men care more about some of those factors than others; I think you're posing the question way too broadly.

Of course her sexual history MATTERS, but you haven't really laid out a good foundation for why it matters MORE than other factors--her educational history, her family history, her medical history.

And, your entire post seems built on that one question of single vs relationship behavior. Why isn't that the most important?

crapaudface · 2017-11-02T15:48:07+00:00

I agree with you, sexual history is definitely relevant in accessing a person's (male or female) personality and what type of relationships they do best at. Promiscuous people have an entirely different personality than people who are sexually conservative. Promiscuity usually goes with personality traits such as risk-taking and extroversion for example. Past performance and relationships are definitely a good indicator of the person's preferences and tendencies and should not be ignored

[deleted] · 2017-11-02T15:51:09+00:00

I agree that it's all relevant because it all paints a picture of what her sexuality, preferences and patterns are like.

This concept gets challenged so much by women because I think they want to feel like they can do whatever they want now, no-strings, without judgment or impact on their future lives. But just because they don't want to be judged for it doesn't mean it won't actually affect who they become. Everything we do in life, man or woman, contributes to who we are. Erasing the past and starting new is a constant uphill battle and full-time job, not an easy thing to do.

storffish · 2017-11-02T14:23:33+00:00

You must not have much casual sex. I never even found out the last names of most of the chicks I smashed (or them mine,) let alone the gruesome details of their sexual history. I'm not friends with them on Facebook and I have no idea where they're at right now.

I've banged some chicks that I was or ended up becoming good friends with too, so their boyfriends are more likely to have found out (although obviously I'll never say shit.) it's never been an issue, though, and I know for a fact that some of those boyfriends (the ones from our mutual social circle) have hooked up with other chicks I know. maybe I live on an island but from what I've seen people who fuck casually don't really get their panties in a wad over their partners having fucked other people casually. this seems like more of a strictly monogamous issue.

alreadyredschool · 2017-11-02T14:34:04+00:00

Ignoring relationships now since shared values are important.

Twerps have always been wrong about this. The whole slut shaming part is incredibly counterproductive. Just like you need abundance mentality and an IDGAF attitude a non judgmental stance is attractive. You gain nothing from hating on sluts. If your goal is actually casual sex and you actually hate sluts then you are a fucking idiot in my book. RP blogs don't talk bad about sloots so why do so many twerps have a problem with it? Why the fuck are many of them actually angry at the fact that women can have sex easier than men, you should be able to overcome that in like 1 day.

I concede one point tho - if a woman has a sexual history of being prude, not putting out, starfishing it is relevant in so far that you should next her and stop wasting time.

RockinSocksII · 2017-11-02T15:00:42+00:00

A lot of these assume that she didn't get a boyfriend by casual fucking.

BlueRabbit21 · 2017-11-02T14:19:20+00:00

The thing with these correlations between x and y's is that, there could be correlations between anything; there could be correlations between women's hair lengths and their sluttiness, or their foot size and their confidence. We just don't know these because they haven't been tested out. There are studies that show a correlation between a man's height and woman's happiness; I.e. women are in happier marriages when married to tall men. The reason for why this came to mind is because I researched it last night. So does this mean that I should advise every woman out there to not get with a short guy?

I feel like what it is, is that, you do not like slutty women (especially as a partner) and then look up for correlations to support this. If you do not like a particular type of people (i.e. slutty women) you don't have to justify it by backing up studies that show correlations between the two.

brewmastermonk · 2017-11-02T22:36:13+00:00

A womans sexual history is important because it displays the types of men she thinks are worth having sexual access to her. She might have really shitty standards and/or low standards and not deserve you. Or you could be too unlike what she normally goes for making a break almost inevitable. Also a high partner count could indicate poor self control or extreme indecisiveness.

[deleted] · 2017-11-02T16:02:11+00:00

Anyone who took a single class of sociology knows that the past is important. people who deny this clearly dont understand basic sociology.

[deleted] · 2017-11-02T16:39:26+00:00

Actions speak louder than words. Someone's past is informative regardless of what pretty words and pleasantries they may deliver. I don't understand why women get so defensive on this topic. Whether someone finds such past relationship information a problem or not just depends on what they're looking for.

I rule out men very similar. I'm not going to end up with a man that sleeps around. I'm a virgin with a virgin--we share similar mindsets regarding sex. That's normally how things end up for people. People normally don't stay together with those that are polar opposites on important relationship matters.

I will only advise to be careful what inferences you draw from information presented. Promiscuity and infidelity are not the same thing. Willingness to lie would be a better indicator of infidelity.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-11-02T18:06:58+00:00

Hmm well why don't you just talk with your significant other about your own lives and allow her to share her past with you? At some point every single girl will start to bug you about how many women you've slept with so use that as an opportunity to be open and honest with her and if you create that kind of communication you'll discover that she'll be open and honest back with you. If she tells you that she spent a few years working as an escort and filming porn the ways she discusses it with you and how she has grown as a human being, or failed to do so, certainly can influence how you view her. But that's because through openness and honesty you are learning more about and sharing more with each other.

Most women have just had a few relationship, a few flings, and maybe blew a guy at a party once. Nothing shocking. But if you want an open and honest relationship you have to be prepared for whatever she is going to share. If you just get upset about reality she won't want to be open and honest with you anymore. And that's a much bigger problem than her ex having a bigger dick than you or something.

pinkgoldrose · 2017-11-02T15:06:19+00:00

Are you really in a place to assess and filter women that much? Even women can't have this thorough a list of criteria.

Electra_Cute · 2017-11-02T13:54:32+00:00

Do you believe the same is true for males?

Edit: Can not answer yes or no questions pertaining to the view for clarification. ;_____;

nomadic-one · 2017-11-02T14:35:12+00:00

All of a woman's sexual history matters in assessing her character and fitness for a relationship. It's all wrapped up together and can't be separated out, because all the info is crucial to an understanding of her likes, dislikes, predilections and preferences. Her past performance is VERY predictive of her future performance.

Agreed 100%. This is why I learn as much about a girl's past as possible (within reason) before committing.

The trick is to appear as open-minded, and non-judgmental as possible. Eventually, after playfully introducing the subject, she'll give you a useful layout of her sexual past.

From there, you just have to determine if you're compatible or not.

bornredd · 2017-11-02T16:34:42+00:00

While I am a man, my sexual preferences have changed over the course of my life.

I was very strongly attracted to Asians in my teens but now I rarely find any eastern Asians attractive (Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, etc.).

methylotroph · 2017-11-02T17:56:53+00:00

Aren't there studies that show that the more partners you have had the less likely you are going to have a committed long-term relationship? I'm pretty sure this fact goes both ways actually, male and female, swingers don't just stop swining, they just grow old and dysfunctional and single because they simply never developed the skills and mindset for long-term relationships.

statsfodder · 2017-11-02T21:52:36+00:00

It is almost like you need to get to know someone before getting in a relationship with them 😮 ... I am shocked at this revelation

HarpyMaster · 2017-11-03T00:01:02+00:00

Why would a woman in her right mind tell you anything? It's not your fcking business. If you wish to publish your sexual past, be my guest. Women do not owe you or any man the same. Accept she's experienced in the sexual arena and grow up.

Alfalfa121 · 2017-11-03T00:33:59+00:00

I feel bad dating a woman with a promiscuous sexual history.

It might be logical or illogical, but ultimately it is about feelings and you cannot control how you feel about it.

Women don’t tend to judge men for promiscuous behavior though, indeed, lack of experience is a huge turn-off for women.

There is a double standard because sexual dynamics between men and women are VERY different. It seems much easier for the average young woman to have casual sex than the average young man. It is a situation both men and women create.

Is it fair? No. Does it matter that it isn’t fair? No.

[deleted] · 2017-11-03T00:37:36+00:00

Well yeah.

any psychologist can tell you past behavior is a predictor of future behavior.

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AstuteBlackMan · 2017-11-02T21:52:01+00:00

I agree with your sentiment. Before people get mad just read and let's discuss under the comment and see if I'm wrong.

I what you do when you're single absolutely affects what happens when you're together. I think that's an underlying reason for failed relationships people don't want to talk about.

Ok. Let's say a girl meets a guy. He seems great. Has great qualities. Is ultimately what she wants in a man etc. but. One underlying issue is his Cocaine habit. It's not severe but occasionally he snorts cocaine. When he's in the mood, when he's feeling down, etc. Would you now think that if they get into a relationship that he's going to all of a sudden change his ways and stop messing with cocaine. No. He might try, but it's currently in his nature. It's how he's wired.

Now, why is it when it comes to sex we have an entirely different argument? A guy or girl who has sex a lot. Maybe every weekend, with different people, likes sex with different people and doesn't want to be judged for it. All of a sudden a guy gets with her and were suppose to act like all that will change just because she's in a relationship? I don't buy that one bit. It makes absolutely no sense to me.

I'm not saying men should date women who don't have sex I'm literally saying if she's use to having sex with different guys and enjoys sex why would you expect that to change when you're in a relationship. It doesn't matter if the man you have sex with is literally the best or the worst. It's in your nature to want to have sex with different and multiple men.

If someone could explain this, let's not attack each other, let's be rational.

JezebeltheQueen5656 · 2017-11-03T00:10:24+00:00

When will menz grow up and mind their own fcking business?

Willow-girl · 2017-11-03T03:34:48+00:00

Challenge my view.

Well, how much this matter to an individual guy probably depends a lot on where he, himself, stands. If you are, in essence, a Chad and the best prospect a particular woman is likely to have a shot at bedding or being in a relationship with, well, you really don't have anything to worry about, do you? As my man jokes to me occasionally, "You're not going anywhere." And he's right, lol.

If, on the other hand, you're not sure you're her best option, then things become a bit more dicey, don't they? A high N-count may indicate she's more likely to pursue other options if she isn't satisfied, but even having a low N-count gal isn't a guarantee she'll stick around under those circumstances. You're taking your chances. Hypergamy is real, my friend!

i_have_a_semicolon · 2017-11-03T04:40:27+00:00

I challenge your view that this is controversial in some way, because yes of course a woman's past in that detail is relevant. Not just a number. However you may decide to ignore it for icky I don't wanna think of my lover with other lovers thing lol

wprtogh · 2017-11-03T06:09:28+00:00

Your post includes a lot of different points, many of which I agree with. Sexual history tells you a lot about a person and is undoubtedly of great importance in determining compatibility. But let me focus on one specific point that you should back down on: you claim (correct me if I'm wrong) that the following statement is false in general:

women act sexually differently when single than how they act when in a relationship.

To that point I pose the following counterexample: traditionalists. A person who, due to sincerely held moral beliefs, completely eschews sex outside of marriage (or a suitably committed long term relationship) will obviously exhibit vastly different behavior while single compared to during said relationship, because their moral conviction has nothing to do with their sex drive.

By your logic, a man who values reciprocated sexual interest in a partner might reasonably infer that the traditionalist woman's complete abstention makes her frigid, asexual, or at any rate lacking in libido and interest. This inference is wrong because it arises from the sometimes-false assumption that feelings primarily determine behavior rather than settled intellectual opinions.

Again: I am not challenging your notion that sexual history matters as such. But I propose that it's not always the whole story.

[deleted] · 2017-11-03T13:41:39+00:00

The reason people say that is because when she is emotionally attached to someone, that emotional attachment is enough to keep her loyal...most of the time...depending on the relationship.

Why did you make this a gendered question though? Guys cheat too, and I would assume that a similar argument could be made for a guy who has lots of casual sex when he is single.

Title	CMV: A woman's entire sexual history is relevant, whether assessing for sex or for relationships
Author	LewisCross
Upvotes	36
Comments	426
Date	November 2, 2017 1:53 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/7abmx6/cmv_a_womans_entire_sexual_history_is_relevant/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-a-womans-entire-sexual-history-is-relevant.265070 https://theredarchive.com/post/265070