CMV: Despite what any sexual strategy says, men search for an intellectual equal in their partner

KerPop42 · 2018-08-20T14:13:41+00:00

Using this study: https://scholar.google.com/scholar?hl=en&as_sdt=0%2C33&as_vis=1&q=relative+intelligence+dating&btnG=#d=gs_qabs&p=&u=%23p%3D5UrNryUbZCkJ

It looks like men are attracted to women more intelligent than them in theory, but when actually meeting someone that is more intelligent, tend to react negatively to being shown up.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2018-08-20T13:42:28+00:00

men generally want a woman whos smart enough to understand what HE wants to talk about, women mistake this for men being interested in their retarded pop feminist and pop leftist opinions

NalkaNalka · 2018-08-20T13:48:06+00:00

When men say they want a smart women they generally are not talking about IQ. What they really mean is a woman who they can have a conversation with that is not about the kids or when they are going to have dinner with the Joneses.

reluctantly_red · 2018-08-20T13:39:42+00:00

This all makes perfect sense. Including the part about forgetting to treat her like a woman -- which is something I'm making a conscious effort to do this time (smart women like being objectified too).

poppy_blu · 2018-08-20T13:58:56+00:00

Basic sexual strategy for men to commit is: Woman has to be physically attractive, fun and enjoyable to be in the company of, able to contribute her domestic skills to running a household together, and respect his leadership and abilities as a man.

I don't know about you but the only real thing that seen to be unquestionable that man marry is that the woman has to satisfy his sexual needs. All else seens a exaggeration that would partake less than 30% of men in marrying age. Like, I prefer a woman who does not cook as I (a certified cook) can cook way better than most women and I hate when others cook unlike my tastes. The only food made by woman I would accept every day was made for my (dead) grandmother. Yes, I am that picky. My mother does not know how to cook that good either.

men tend to pedestalize women who are their intellectual equals.

Why would they? I don't, nor i've met many of those. They like a intellectually equal woman, but it is not like they put them into a pedestal to marry specifically. They just think "nice, good talking partner" this kind of woman would be one of the rare cases you would find a man feiendzoning a woman, in the case she is not attractive.

Men need to have a fervent interest in a woman to continually return to her - otherwise she is just a pretty vagina - and this interest comes in the form of respecting her abilities as well. I have continually seen men praise women for taking charge, making jokes and being successful. Her success (in addition to her physical) IS attractive to him.

Those men are after the "pretty vagina" not her intellectual achievements my friend. I never witnessed this happening to my class supervisor, which is an extremely inteligent and extremely fat woman.

The only downside is when a man searches for his intellectual equal, it will backlash onto him because SHE will search for a man of higher intellectual status than her, and to his dismay, she leaves him. Additional repercussions include him forgetting to treat her like a woman (giving her tingles) because he respects her intelligence so much, he treats her like an equal, like a man, that she does not feel desirable around him.

That I can agree, if a man looks for an equal, he will not find as the woman will always look for a superior.

And I do think what you call a man treating a woman like a man is just men who think she is not beautiful enough so he likes her as a friend (see above, the rare friendzoned woman)

Men would actually prefer to be with a woman who can keep up with him intellectually and through her accomplishments.

Of course they would. Men have many preferences but they follow almost none. If she is not at least a bit attractive, why marry? Stay as friends or colleagues, its way easier. Men can stay without talking for months (I've experienced 3 months complete silence) but we cannot stay without sexual interest. Our bodies will not let us.

Men DO NOT want a woman who is just pleasant and pretty company, despite what his ego may be aroused by

Yes. Normally, to marriage they want more. But she has to be at least pleasant and pretty. If she has intellectual skills too is of great value, but those above are requirements. (At least the sexually interesting part)

ItsOverBoyosLDAR · 2018-08-20T13:37:35+00:00

Disagree. Most men just want a woman who is reasonably attractive and pleasant to be around. They can have intellectual conversations with friends, acquaintances and co-workers. In my experience, men actually prefer having deep conversations and debates with other men because they don't feel like they are constantly on the edge of offending their interlocutor especially regarding more controversial topics. For many men it's not really high on their check-list when it comes to finding a mate.

aretourner · 2018-08-20T14:24:19+00:00

If the RP goal is to get with 18yr olds for LTR's or marriage and the guy is successful at it, no amount of book smarts is going to make up for lack of life experience. And really, people can dry hump the theory or process, but what does anyone do this for? To find a partner that will "challenge" them right into a relationship of mundane work, a job you get to come home to and maybe have a laugh or sex if the planets align? Even if it makes me a simple bitch that isn't using her degree, I'm happy with fun and enjoyment because I don't believe in an afterlife. I'd rather laugh and make memories worth having than try to constantly be an intellectual equal or continually judge if I'm being too manly for my man's fragile ego. In any case our professions are wildly different, I care about as much about deep security as he cares about the two tenths off a switch leap not being horizontal. And we're free to do that while still acknowledging and supporting each others success. But we can still have long conversations about the stuff we actually like and what interests us on a human level rather than a professional one or long boring games of one upping each other about esoteric topics.

321PK · 2018-08-20T16:32:19+00:00

Oh so I need to stop giving men IQ tests? Is that why they ghost me???

blackedoutfast · 2018-08-20T17:00:37+00:00

Men would actually prefer to be with a woman who can keep up with him intellectually and through her accomplishments.

a lot of men think they want a very intelligent woman, but they're mostly nerdy betas who don't have a lot of experience with women. these guys don't understand that there is a big difference between "intellectual / intelligent" and "nerdy"

these guys struggle on the rare times they socially interact with normal "Stacy" type girls. if the guy isn't awkwardly shy and quiet around these girls, he is semi-autistically droning on about boring nerd subjects. eventually the girl gets bored or weirded out.

but when these guys semi-autistically drone on about boring nerd topics with their nerdy male friends, the interaction goes well. this leads them to (incorrectly) believe that if they could only find an intelligent woman who is their intellectual equal, their social interactions with her would be as engaging and successful as the conversations with their nerdy friends.

the problem is that the cool nerdy chick that these guys want doesn't exist.

as part of my job, i regularly interact with lots of very intelligent women - scientists, engineers, lawyers, etc. NONE of them are the cool nerdy perfect intellectual woman that these guys are looking for.

legitimately intelligent women fall into one of two categories - some of them ARE clearly very intelligent. but they're also extremely weird and probably on the autism spectrum, even more so than your typical nerdy beta guy. these girls can definitely nerd out and talk about their field of expertise, but that's all. if you try to talk with them with normal nerd culture shit like monty python or videya games or whatever, the convo will fall apart. also they are almost always extremely unattractive, like 0-4 on a 10 point scale.

the rest of the intelligent women are basically just Stacies who do nerdy stuff at work. they do chemistry or whatever for their job, but when they're not working they're just like every other normal girl. they like going out dancing in clubs and having brunch with their friends and talking about celebrities and taking selfies for social media. they're simply not interested in nerdy subjects.

there's also another issue that some women have figured out how many nerdy male guys desperately want one of these imaginary cool nerdy chick, and they start acting like a cool nerdy chick as a way to lure in potential orbiters. there are a lot of female e-celebs who do think like stream video games on twitch and dress up in cosplay and other nerdy shit for this exact reason.

darla10 · 2018-08-20T22:55:03+00:00

Women who rub their intelligence in their husbands' faces via constant oneupmanship or intellectual jujitsu are effing idiots. Men do want their intellectual equals but women need to cultivate the 'awe response' or they'll turn themselves off.

Mr_Smoogs · 2018-08-20T13:46:37+00:00

I think men want women who are complimentary to what he is good at and smart enough to carry a conversation about what he enjoys. Can you imagine a gf always peeping over your shoulder while you engage in your favorite hobby saying "wrong, wrong, you're doing that wrong, I would do it a different way." That would get pretty annoying in my opinion.

I think men want women who are complimentary to their own skill set.

However, men tend to pedestalize women who are their intellectual equals.

Men tend to pedestalize women who are cute and quirky. They love the manic pixie dream girl fantasy. A woman who makes him see the subtle beauty in life. She may be intellectually stimulating but it is the complimentary aspect of her feminine approach that he ultimately falls in love with. Basically, seeking complimentary intellectual capacity (what men tend to do) cannot be described as seeking your intellectual equal, in my opinion.

SlimLovin · 2018-08-20T15:49:17+00:00

My fiancee was motivated, dedicated, fun to be around, and lovely, but so, SO dumb. The relationship ended shortly after we moved in together and I learned she couldn't hold up her end of the conversation. I couldn't get through a few of my own thoughts without having to backtrack and explain fairly simple concepts.

I don't necessarily need my partner to be "smart" in the traditional sense. Just a general awareness of current events and the world around her would be plenty.

analt223 · 2018-08-20T17:07:05+00:00

Men want their equals yes, the difference is men are more willing to be like "fuck it, shes good enough" than women are with men. Thus there is plenty of evidence that while men might want more than looks, such as similar income, similar intelligence, etc. We are more willing to love, tolerate, w/e.

This is most likely because men don't get their bodies altered during sex, women's do (and yes birth control exists, doesn't change the psychology of sex though).

Transmigratory · 2018-08-20T17:50:54+00:00

Being hot is still key for may men. If a woman is hot AND smart, then she'll be picked over a woman who is hot. Though, don't fool yourself into thinking that a man would pick a smart woman over a hot woman if the former wasn't hot.

IIRC there was a study that contained results depicting this exact thing.

LUClEN · 2018-08-20T18:14:04+00:00

Not true. I've wanted a woman smarter than me since I read men with more intelligent partners are happier.

Willow-girl · 2018-08-20T17:19:10+00:00

Here is the only sexual strategy that matters...

Be good looking.
Don't be not good looking.

/thread

Whodunnit88 · 2018-08-21T15:41:55+00:00

I strongly feel that EQ is way way way more important than IQ in a relationship.

Aaren_Augustine · 2018-08-20T13:38:28+00:00

Don't hire fry cooks to be your CFO. WHEN RAISING A FAMILY.

because he respects her intelligence so much

Most men might be cordial or polite. Smart men wouldn't 'respect' women as a woman might conceptualize or feel about 'respect'.

You are discussing a beta that doesn't get it. He's projecting because HE wants HER to respect HIM.

Men would actually prefer to be with a woman who can keep up with him intellectually and through her accomplishments

Really? I'd settle for sweet and fun and receptive. I've never wanted a woman that can discuss abstract math or orbital mechanics or whatever nerdy shit I like.

despite what his ego may be aroused by

There we go. You think it's ego. Oi vay. See, women don't know how to be liked. They are so unpleasant, they think it's stroking his ego to be attractive to her man, mentally speaking. Holy shit

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wtknight · 2018-08-20T13:52:44+00:00

Sure, but intellectualism is way down the list in what men want from a quality partner, behind physical traits and a pleasant personality. Most men will prioritize the first two before the third. He’ll date a hot, nice dumb woman before he’ll date a smart but plain looking woman who isn’t happy and fun to be around.

[deleted] · 2018-08-20T22:51:27+00:00

Nah, not really. Men usually get someone equal or less. But more times than not less. Ver rarely do I meet a couple where the woman is smarter

Willow-girl · 2018-08-21T12:24:11+00:00

Additional repercussions include him forgetting to treat her like a woman (giving her tingles) because he respects her intelligence so much, he treats her like an equal, like a man, that she does not feel desirable around him.

So having a man who -- I dunno -- condescends to me is supposed to turn me on? I don't think so. I'd sooner be treated as an equal, thanks. I'm not the type to bat my eyelashes and let some big, strong man 'help' me because it's easier than just doing something myself. I'll pull my weight, thanks.

Title	CMV: Despite what any sexual strategy says, men search for an intellectual equal in their partner
Author	vanBeethovenLudwig
Upvotes	29
Comments	221
Date	August 20, 2018 1:25 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-despite-what-any-sexual-strategy-says-men.261098 https://theredarchive.com/post/261098
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/98tk15/cmv_despite_what_any_sexual_strategy_says_men/