[CMV] it is impossible for an unattractive male to be happy romantically.

baresquad · 2021-11-07T00:15:03+00:00

No it’s not there’s tons of unattractive men who walk with nothing but confidence and security in their self to where point 1 and 2 don’t even cross their minds

You gotta imagine there’s a bunch of dudes who don’t take online dating nearly as serious as others do. They could care less about finding a long term partner or there or just use it for hookups with no knock to their self esteem, if it happens it happens if it doesn’t no big deal

As for point 2, give people and their relationships the grace to not project what you deem to be the norm as relationships are not nearly black and white enough to assume that every unattractive dude dates their girlfriend living in make believe purgatory. If they’re secure in that relationship literally nothing in your point 2 matters to them. There’s no fear of his gf crushing or other men

pixiekeen · 2021-11-07T00:16:34+00:00

Your partner WILL think other people are attractive, no matter how attractive/unattractive you are. Them being with you won’t suddenly make everyone else ugly. If you find someone who truly loves you for everything you are, it won’t be a problem though. They’ll think “that person is cute” and move on. If they’re hung up on Chad from the office and want to be with him, that’s when it becomes a problem. If they’re into your friend, that’s also a problem and your partner is trash. That’s just disrespectful.

Someone could date Angelina Jolie and take a look at Salma Hayek and think “ wow she’s pretty”. It’s human nature and, for most women, it’s not just about the looks (gasp!!!)

That’s the problem with these types of questions. Just like with men, every woman is different. Every. Woman. Some will care more about looks and crush on others a little too hard. Others will date their “below average” male best friends and wouldn’t want it any other way. Ya just gotta find the right one, it’s not impossible

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-11-06T23:50:11+00:00

Even when they get into a relationship, an unattractive male will have to endure his spouses crushes on other males

No matter how hot the guy, how good the life, etc, she is still going to find other people attractive. There isn't a woman alive with functioning sex parts who hasn't had at least a bit of a thought in that direction.

Sonic_The_Hamster · 2021-11-06T23:02:44+00:00

Conditioning. That is all. Men are taught they are worthless without a woman in their life to take care of. Men are taught that they aren't loved unconditionally and so seek to earn their worth.

There are so many people that state you're not a real man unless you meet certain standards and one of them is looking after a woman.

That's why they do it, because you simply are not valued unless you have a woman in your life.

Booexgirlfriend · 2021-11-06T23:58:23+00:00

Change your view is quite impossible and you may be right. Jealousy exists for a reason. It's been always like that. When online dating apps were not a big thing, people tended to meet other people IRL. They got married and what happened? Jealousy was still there.

Unattractive men have always existed and chased a romantic relationship anyway because that's what they wanted. The fear of being cheated on will be there always, the trick is to find someone who value faithfulness as much as you.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-11-07T19:44:03+00:00

I do believe it’s a lot harder for unattractive people to find satisfying relationships. However, it’s much easier for an ugly man to find a woman who loves him for who he is than for an ugly woman. Not saying it’s easy, but men can at least somewhat compensate for their looks, but women cannot because men don’t care enough about anything else for it to count.

As for your partner getting crushes on other people, that’s inevitable regardless of how you look and your gender.

cornfedduckman · 2021-11-06T23:00:27+00:00

Do you think the same is true for unattractive women?

LAndLight2 · 2021-11-07T13:09:14+00:00

Also if by some miracle you geti nto a relationship with this kind of curreny dynamic, you`ll have to do everything by yourself in that relationship and push yourself to the limit so yeah.

Barneysparky · 2021-11-06T23:18:37+00:00

Unattractive men settle down with unattractive women.

Should those unattractive men stop all porn use because the woman is more attractive than their SO?

How do these crushes manifest themselves? Do you think your stocky wife will be starting dreamily-eyed at Chad from the office?

That seems to be a one-way ticket to be mocked around the water cooler.

Before I met my husband I casually dated a very hot broker who was all Bay street during the day, and a goth boy switch at night. He was the whole physical package, hair-like Trent Reznor in his prime, 6.2. Italian stallion looking.

He was off the market to the women in his office for a couple of reasons, one his family would only allow him to marry someone from his extended family circle, and sexually he was firmly a switch, all about the pain and not at all thirsty for the vagina.

Anyways, for a woman that didn't know him he was more than hot. Full package.

Our FWB relationship was very open. Sunday nights after his family dinner with yet another potential wife he'd call me after to lament how again how it would not work. It sucks to have a different sexuality.

We played together for about 6 months, during that time he got about 30 women around his workspace sending him suggestive pictures as an introduction. All of them were attractive young women, not office heifers with crushes.

kblkbl165 · 2021-11-07T21:48:22+00:00

It used to suck less, now it sucks more with the online dating. The amount of effort one has to put to get anything back makes it a very low return investment.

lmfao what?

online dating made everything so much easier to the point where most men here are complaining because they can't get an easy booty call from the comfort of your couch while watching some random TV show.

Dating was never easy for an unattractive male but people "back in the day" were forced to develop social skills that helped them get better instead of just whining on the internet that there's no women throwing their vaginas at their cocks while they play league of legends.

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SaBahRub · 2021-11-07T02:58:13+00:00

If it’s Chad or bust, you can’t all be Chad

superlurkage · 2021-11-07T04:16:55+00:00

It depends on his individual brain and standards

Losvadanya · 2021-11-07T05:19:04+00:00

Okay then consider an Above Average Looking Guy

The Girl is still going to see people more and Less Attractive than him on Dating Apps what's Stopping her from Only swiping on the more attractive guys

Even in a relationship she's still going to find Bradd Pitt or Chris Hemsworth more Attractive

Consider the Guy then The Guy will Also Have more or less attractive options than her what's stopping him ?

He's still going to Think X/Y/Z Is more attractive than her

Because that's Human Nature and EVERYONE does that

Being Unattractive of Either Gender Sucks that's Just that but that's not the end all be all

You can Either Give up or End up Being a Exception it's your Choice in thr end

WilliamWyattD · 2021-11-07T10:53:47+00:00

The problem is what exactly does 'unattractive' mean? It's a continuum. There are also different aspects to being unattractive: physically, game, low status, etc. Finally, while women have enough in common that you can talk statistically about being 'conventionally attractive', either purely physically or in an overall sense, there remains a great deal of individual variance.

Finally, there is the man's attraction floor. Our objective opinion of attractiveness ranking doesn't really scale with our own self-perceived attractiveness levels, but our ability/willingness to desire someone does scale to a great degree. This is particularly true for men, but individuals to vary with respect to their attraction floors.

But yes, if the argument is that a male who is somehow universally unattractive in every way to any woman that he could also desire or not be repulsed by is going to find it virtually impossible to find romantic happiness, then that is obviously correct so long as he does not improve. If we further reduce this set of universally unattractive men to those so unattractive that no amount of effort can improve them sufficiently to raise them out of this level, then yes, these guys are truly unfuckable. They will never achieve romantic happiness. But how large is this pool of men?

PMmeareasontolive · 2021-11-07T16:15:45+00:00

1 online dating sucks, and it's increasingly ubiquitous, so you're right, but if you can manage to have a big social group dating is more reasonable.

2 Eh, somewhat. She may actually be into you for a while, but you can't expect that honeymoon phase to last forever.

Why? It's still worth it. Being in a relationship is fun on many levels. Your problem is you want to freeze it and have it be a certain way forever and weep when things change. But romantic love (or crushes or infatuation if you prefer) isn't like that. The red pill saying 'she isn't yours, it's just your turn' is a bit cynical but might be helpful to keep in mind. That doesn't mean you can't enjoy the ride for all it's worth. But there will come a time when the roller coaster stops and it's time to go home. Also, it's not meaningless, because you actually do mean something to each other in those moments, and those moments mean something for the rest of your life. In addition, romantic love can transition into companionate love, or friendship. So it's not the end of the world.

Mustbeaight · 2021-11-07T16:50:04+00:00

Instinct. We’re just built to chase women even though it’s painful

figuringMylife · 2021-11-07T18:20:49+00:00

what the fuck

Ohyarlysmiles · 2021-11-07T21:29:39+00:00

It's less likely but not impossible.

I'd say that unattractive people who just focus on being a good partner and finding a good partner are more likely to land a partner who truly values them for them.

The amount of effort one has to put to get anything back makes it a very low return investment.

Not really. People say shit like this all the time and it makes 0 sense. Return on investment is relative to you in particular. Let's assume our guy Joe Average has done everything possible to max his attractiveness.

If Joe Average is a 5 and has to put in 30-40 hours facetime and 200$ on average to get laid and, idk, let's say 5x that to get a girlfriend he's happy with, that's his price.

You can't say 'oh Joe Average has a terrible ROI' when you're using Chet Dudeman's price. You're saying 'oh because Joe Average has a different price than Chet Dudeman, his ROI is terrible.' Fallacious af.

Because it assumes that the girlfriend/lay will bring Chet and Joe the same amount of happiness value. Why?

Trust me, once things start coming easy for you --- whatever those things may be --- they become less valuable as a matter of course, which is why the hedonic treadmill is a thing.

The sine qua non of masculinity is to do what is necessary to be done.

In cruder terms: "Will Smith don't gotta curse in his raps to sell records well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too"

Even when they get into a relationship, an unattractive male will have to endure his spouses crushes on other males - his own friends, her colleagues and so on.

If the unattractive male picks a shitty partner, sure, but that's on him.

Ohms2North · 2021-11-08T04:26:38+00:00

True. But attraction includes physical build, personality, level of success, game. If you’re facially unattractive, develop the others. Bernie Ecclestone did pretty well

manfrom-nantucket · 2021-11-08T19:46:24+00:00

Men need to understand that women are temporary. This concept of life long monogamy and the faithful wife is over. It doesn't exist for the vast swaths of the female population. So you have two choices - be miserable about it or accept it and realize that because women are temporary that is essential that these men not make women a priority. Here today, gone tomorrow - so let's have some fun and when it's over move on.

IJUSTWANTTOLEARN__ · 2021-11-09T00:39:56+00:00

Not impossible, but very hard, and very unlikely. So much so that the primary priority for an ugly person imho should be to looksmax as much as they possibly can. Probably the biggest value investment for them.

That being said...there are two kinds of ugly. There is UGLY ugly. And there is cute ugly, like a pug. Some men are ugly in an adorable way. Some men are ugly in a gross way. Gross would be morbidly obese or super assymetrical or super fucked up feature like teeth, or jaw, or massive massive ears.

WheelIntelligent1354 · 2021-11-07T12:40:42+00:00

You can still cold approach women, you can still get into bodybuilding as a hobby and you can still wear shoes with 2 inch inner soles. Yes it's not as easy but it's still very much doable.

Title	[CMV] it is impossible for an unattractive male to be happy romantically.
Author	Double-Farmer9408
Upvotes	29
Comments	135
Date	November 6, 2021 8:35 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/qo8owp/cmv_it_is_impossible_for_an_unattractive_male_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-it-is-impossible-for-an-unattractive-male-to.1085550 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085550