According to PEW, fathers spend an extra 3,744 hours, or 156 days of their life supporting their families compared to the mother (this is over an 18 year period which probably underestimates these numbers). And yes that includes "unpaid work" and more than their fair share of "emotional labor" -- like literally more than half. Being the rock and all that jazz.

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2019/06/12/fathers-day-facts/ft_18-05-01_fathersday_time/

They work more, they're at home less, and when they're at home they get nagged and bossed around and never have time for themselves.

The result is more stress, a lower quality of life, less freedom, and a lower life expectancy compared to mothers.

Self care is something that mothers get to do. Working less than 40 hours a week is something that mothers get to do. Bossing around your spouse (and feeling indignant about it) is something that mothers get to do. Complaining that you do more even when you have fewer responsibilities and more time to yourself is something that mothers get to do.

If men are avoiding parental responsibilities, it's because a majority of those responsibilities unfairly fall on their shoulders. The fact that we attack men for this instead of seeing the social injustice in it just shows how strong of a bias society has against fathers. Which only further discourages men from wanting to take up that role in life.