I've referred to this before, where a lot of men --- especially locked into the TRP or TBlP worldview --- believe that confidence only matters for men if it matters at all and that for women it's just LOOKS YOUTH LOL.
Cute but not particularly special woman who was outgoing, funny, insecure af, but completely aware of it and owning it completely won me and another GL guy friend of mine over through how she behaved. She also indirectly brought me and this acquaintance closer together in friendship.
Key aspects to why she pulled it off ---
- She was deceptively smart.
- She was transparent about her insecurity
- She gave sincere compliments.
- She stated her little 'I am the prize' mantras (in her case --- I don't chase, I attract) in a very specific way. More like someone refusing to get blown over by a headwind than like someone who thought they were better than anyone else.
- She talked to everyone and was very inclusive.
Good energy but more importantly, authentic energy. Or at least a great presentation of authentic energy. No need to read anything else if you're opposed to reading a longer post.
To her ballsy and not drunk credit --- she approached first. I was sobering up at a really fancy bar where my favorite bartender, Will, works (you guys would put him somewhere on the Chad spectrum) and who doesn't mind breaking the -only sell bottled water- rule.
When I got there she was being jocular and flirty with him. She's like 24, 5'6, normal weight, good curves, cute face...but I mean, idk it's hard to describe. I think she's just pretty with youth. So nothing particularly remarkable at first glance.
I happened to be sitting at a place with a USB port so she says she has to find a spot with a usb port and I say I have one by me and let her have the seat and just move one to the right while she comes across most of the bar.
She made some joke about getting Will's number to Will, who just ignored it and served a few other people, and I was like 'nah man, you can't just gun it so fast with Will, you gotta finesse him a little, trick him a bit into it,' joking. And she's like 'uh no he needs to finesse me and buy me dinner. I don't chase I attract.' She said it with a little lift of her head --- like she meant it.
So the beginning opinion I had of her --- and me and Will exchanged glances like, 'ooooh great....' --- wasn't that high.
- She was good at LEADING and TEASING
I just resume drinking my water and letting her do her thing. After a few moments she asks "so what's your favorite number?"
"I don't have one....although if there was a number CALLED prime, that would be my favorite."
She smirked. "It's okay if you don't have a favorite number. My favorite number is 22. But it's just something I thought of to say...." and kept looking at me "...I, like to....." she made a very specific expression with her face "...be inclusive with my conversation."
I honestly laughed. A race joke and show of interest and a little flex of social value.
"Thanks for encouraging diversity in your conversational space. I never thought to use being inclusive as the standard for my conversations."
"Oh really, what's your standard?"
I rested my face on my hand.
"And LOOK where that got you."
^ laffs opinion changing, but then as if at juuuuuust the right moment
"...but you have to know that I'm the main character here. Did you know [rattles off dope celebrities that have hit on her, she's worked for/ blah blah blah"
I go, "wait [celebrity] was in your DMs? Wow, why didn't you get at him."
Her: "Because I can do better."
^ arrogant seeming as fuck and I kind of let out an exhale, and she looks at me and smiles
"I like what I want not what people say I want. I have my own standards."
^ these threads were pretty normal, tension release, push pull, but the dopeness was that they were there to correct assumptions I was making. Very natural. A+
- She wore her flaws on her sleeve but also showed she was doing what she could with them.
She could be annoyingly self-deprecating and apologize too much. But her comfort with herself as a work in progress kind of crystallized with her saying
"Are you sarcastic?"
"...in real life or on the internet?"
She laughed at that and then I asked "...why are you sarcastic?"
"Ah yes. I am a sarcastic. -A- sarcasm."
"Because I'm insecure as fuck and you know it."
Talking with her back and forth me and Will actually discovered a lot of shared interests and Will turned out to have some SUPER NERDY skeletons in his closet. LOL.
She often would study me and would rattle off some list of cool shit about herself or whatever along with 'I mean, I know more than you think I would.'
She also complimented my eyes as pretty, but I told her I just had color contacts in. Then my cheekbones. Then she just sat there for a second '.....so here I am...just here. Complimenting you."
So I put a hand on her upper arm 'but wait a minute, I mean, the main character is the one who gives compliments. They don't need any. The whole story is about them, duh.'
She smiled and took a sharp inhale..."yes. I am the main character."
Anyway, after she left me and Will --- after settling down about bonding over our newfound shared interests --- I'm sitting there and he purses his lips and is like.
"....that girl. I think that girl has game."
"I was just thinking the same thing! What the fuck?!"
Have no clue if this person is A+ BDD manipulator, a true blue authentic cool person, etc. etc. All I know is that via HER PERSONALITY ALONE, she went from like a 6.5 to like an 8.5 to me. That shit happens, but like I've always said before...it's rare.