Discussion/debate: Why do women believe stability, kindness, niceness, humility, fidelity, etc. are "attractive"?

Electra_Cute · 2017-02-22T16:03:04+00:00

Yes, "attractive" traits and "comfort" traits work together in helping get women to the "fuck" place

They will not as standalone traits. They will amplify and compound off of already sexually attractive traits or they will be standalone traits that make a man more attractive for a relationship.

winterrider · 2017-02-22T15:46:53+00:00

For me, sexual feelings are an extension of the affection I feel toward someone. I've never been sexually attracted (as in, actually wanted to fuck them) to someone that I didn't feel affectionate toward in other ways.

When my boyfriend does something sweet for me, like cooking my favorite dinner or changing the windshield wipers on my car, I think "He is very sweet" and I feel lovey-dovey feelings and I want to hug and kiss him and touch him, because touch is primarily how I show affection, and from there it's only a short hop, skip and a jump from wanting to fuck him. For me there is no separating affection (what you're calling "comfort") and sexual attraction, they are inextricably linked.

I think maybe the disconnect here is the different ways men and women think. Men are more linear. For them it goes:

See hot woman----->Think about fucking hot woman

It's a simple cause and effect. (From what I understand anyway; feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, as I am not a man.)

Women's attraction isn't like that because that isn't how we think/feel. Our brains are all over the place and while there's an internal consistency to it, it doesn't follow a simple linear process.

So for us (well, a lot of us), it's not as simple as "See hot man, want to fuck hot man."

It's also not as simple as "Man did something nice, want to fuck man." So please don't think that's what I'm saying.

A man who's nice/kind/stable/loyal/whatever, absent any other characteristics, isn't sexually attractive. You are correct about that. The OTHER side of that coin is that for a lot of women, a man who's hot/sexy/dominant/etc. also isn't sexually attractive. A lot of women need both, and for those women it doesn't make sense to separate the "sexually attractive" traits from the "comfort/affection" traits since in her mind, they all feed off of and into one another.

writingtoc · 2017-02-22T16:23:25+00:00

I would hazard a guess at it being because women are less physically strong than men and get pregnant. Even if they earn their money and get contraceptives, something instinctual tells them to go for the guy who seems protective of women.

On a related note, a lot of women have a crush on Trudeau, who is not at all a 'bad boy', but rather a very humble, very 'chivalrous' man.

BPremium · 2017-02-22T15:24:05+00:00

1 too many chad pump and dumps

wtknight · 2017-02-22T16:25:09+00:00

It would make evolutionary sense for a woman to be attracted to a potential provider for her children. Obviously the ideal is an alpha provider, but why would all attraction instantly disappear for a provider with a combination of alpha and beta traits?

BPremium · 2017-02-22T16:27:52+00:00

A stable relationship implies help raising children. Is it so hard to understand that co-parenting is an evolutionary advantage?

A man gets to bail, a pregnant woman doesn't. So someone seeking to have a child is acting in their best long terms interests to find a stable, reliable partner.

2017-02-22T18:54:50+00:00

Your kidding right? Every time I've closed on the first date I used the humility and comfort game with major success.

Having ripped arms will get you attention, but you can't just stand there like a robotic retard🙄

LeaneGenova · 2017-02-22T15:31:00+00:00

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philomexa · 2017-02-22T17:19:32+00:00

ITT:

women-"attraction is a highly specific and individualized combination of comfort traits and physical traits"

LewisCross-"no you're wrong! ATTRACTION ONLY MEANS SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE PHYSICAL TRAITS."

women-"not really, we just told you what attraction means to us"

LewisCross-"buh buh buh explain dead bedrooms then!!!!"

Seriously what is the point of any of this if you're not going to take women at their word?

DucksCanDance · 2017-02-22T15:49:16+00:00

Women conflate the concepts because it is in their interest to do so

speltspelt · 2017-02-22T16:57:17+00:00

There's an assumption here that short term mating is about the guy inducing lust... don't think that's really true. Women run into top X% guys every day without ripping their clothes off and rarely have or seek out casual sex. If one year she had sex on the day she was horniest with a random guy, the correct comparison isn't 'any Tuesday' in a relationship, it's the horniest she is all year in the relationship. 'any Tuesday' she wouldn't be having sex with the short term guy, but she might with the guy she's in a relationship with.

imho the only evolutionarily genuine attraction is reproductive attraction. And the LTR guys get more of that.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2017-02-22T18:32:11+00:00

Questions: How do comfort, niceness, kindness, humility, fidelity, etc. make girls want to fuck?

I'm going to flip the question. The 'comfort' things listed here in isolation are not what would make me want to sleep with a guy. But in the inverse, it's the 'sexually attractive' traits that stop me from wanting to sleep with a guy.

It really might be my self-esteem but I know a Chad when I see one, and while I can objectively say that he's physically attractive, I've never been attracted to him myself, literally because he has zero comfort.

TRP makes out that women want a shredded, Brad Pitt sociopath. I genuinely think a lot of us girls, at least on reddit, would be happy with a nice guy, with slightly nerdy interests, who fucked us (and only us) hard. I genuinely think you can be beta AF, as long as you're dominant in bed (at least to me, anyways).

DarkLord0chinChin · 2017-02-22T15:21:08+00:00

it is attractive, we just don't want to fuck it.

EDIT: So LewisCross doesn't continue losing his shit. There's more than one form of attraction. Men want every form of attraction from a woman to be sexual, because that's how men are validated. Women may not be sexually attracted to beta comfort, but don't think for a moment it's not super attractive to a woman that a man displays beta comfort. It is. She will not FUCK him for it, but all the other traits men like in their women (loyalty, being a confidant, supportive, caring, empathetic) stems from men expressing those traits.

SmurfESmurferson · 2017-02-22T15:24:27+00:00

The best way that I can put it is this:

None of those qualities is, in and of itself, sexually attractive. But they serve as a "threshold to entry."

In other words, in order to be considered sexy, you have to have all of those qualities and then some.

Those qualities alone won't get a guy laid. But they'll keep a girl open to the possibility that he can prove himself worthy of sex.

writingtoc · 2017-02-22T15:35:07+00:00

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i_have_a_semicolon · 2017-02-22T15:34:59+00:00

Questions: How do comfort, niceness, kindness, humility, fidelity, etc. make girls want to fuck?

It's probably our different interpretation of the terms. I dont see any of these as neccesarily being beta. They're all very open to manipulation.

Humility for example. If you can display attractive qualities without being boastful, that is better than being a braggart. Cocky is ok but it can be fine line, and arrogant people often lose respect of the group. Especially where I am from in the UK, and where I live now in Asia, you have to walk that line with care. A good leader should be humble and deflect praise to those around them as well.

Niceness - could just be basic manners and social skills. Has a lot of friends who he treats well and therefore has lots of social pre-approval.

Kindness - maybe good with animals or something and women love that. Single fathers are apparently hot to many women.

Comfort - some women might have had some dodgy dates in the past who made them uncomfortable, so being able to just connect with someone is attractive.

Fidelity - if youre just entering a serious relationship, the thought that this person is yours and yours only, and you are just getting started on a big sexual adventure is a big turn-on.

With the internet we are all coming in from very different cultural and experiential contexts which skews meaning in a lot of ways. These are all good, leadership and alpha qualities if you put the right spin on them.

SetConsumes · 2017-02-22T15:36:00+00:00

They're attractive qualities for a husband to have. If a woman wants a man with those qualities she knows fucking him will help secure him and make him hers.

They're indirectly a turn on. But not for lust but for seduction.

Idk if women can differentiate between the two consciously or not. I imagine so, the difference between fucking a man because he's so attractive and fucking a man because she's seducing him and wants him to fall in love.

BPremium · 2017-02-22T18:59:57+00:00

"Admitted"?? These comforts traits are a baseline- that makes them a requirement for attraction. They have to be there in order for attraction to take place. A display of these traits can also lead to warm, fuzzy feelings which make me feel affectionate and then one thing leads to another. Please spare me the "hur dur but panties wet?" cringe question. Watching my husband care for my parents this last weekend was very attractive. Much butt grabbing was had and then cuddles and then, yes, sex. I also caved on a sound system he wanted that I kept saying we needed to wait until after vacation...

2017-02-22T19:12:41+00:00

How does comfort make a girl want to fuck?

Because most women don't want to be pumped and dumped.

Princeso_Bubblegum · 2017-02-22T15:51:32+00:00

Ironically in this instance you aren't understanding that women's sexuality functions differently in this aspect lol.

You just asked me: "why do lollipops taste sweet? What rationalization would make them like that?"

i_have_a_semicolon · 2017-02-22T15:37:12+00:00

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2017-02-22T20:10:44+00:00

The way I see it is that while all the aforementioned "comfort" traits aren't panty wetters on their own, I will not fuck a man unless he has some of them. "Sexually attractive" traits are great, but if a man is a terrible person I'm not going to be interested in him. You need those comfort traits to fully access the benefits that sexual attractiveness gives you.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2017-02-22T15:59:12+00:00

women alternately use "attractive" to mean either raw sexual attraction or relationship attraction, which correlate with alpha traits and beta traits.

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i_have_a_semicolon · 2017-02-22T19:49:41+00:00

On their own, women don't find these attractive. Stability, kindness and reliability only matter to women when it is paired with tren muscles, a nice car, and some sort of fame or prestige, because it shows you won't stray too much.

Any man who is attractive to women who stays monogamous is a sucker.

2017-02-22T20:01:57+00:00

Here is the best way to explain this.

Men view all women as sexual beings. We judge women on the terms of sexual appeal at all times. It allows us to pick out features of sexual appeal that garner our attention, like big asses, big tits, etc.

A woman only views a subset of men as sexual beings. A woman doesn't even judge or think about men who she doesn't find attractive. There isn't a comparison at all.

So what happens is, you hear statements like "I love nice guys! My boyfriend gives me XYZ". What's going on here is the woman is judging what attractive men whom a sexual bond is already created are doing. She isn't even considering unattractive men.

So women are unable to look at unattractive men leading to this clouded way of thinking.

Moobx · 2017-02-22T21:44:43+00:00

I'm gona try answering the questions I think u are trying to ask, and what other people seem to be misunderstanding:

If there is one guy who is fit and another guy who is fat, but they both have the personality I like, I would pick the fit guy.

If it was a one night stand I would pick the fit guy.

If the fat guy had a personality I like and fit guy didnt, for a one night stand I would pick fit guy.

If fat guy had personality I like and fit guy didnt, I would pick neither for relationship.

No matter how many of my chosen comfort traits the fat guy has, I cannot find him attractive.

If the choice was between skinny or fit that would make things different.

2017-02-23T09:28:00+00:00

Someone in this thread commented that you should be asking these questions to women who are more into casual sex than most of the women here. It me. So.

For a lot of people "attractive for a relationship" and "fuckable" are very closely entwined. Some people need emotional connection in order to enjoy sex. I'm not one of them, but I've heard this enough times that I actually do believe it's true for some segment of the population. And even as someone who can separate sex from emotions fairly easily, I still prefer having sex with people I have some level of affection for. I've done the hate fuck thing and it's kinda hot but I didn't feel the need to do it again.

But let's talk about comfort. Comfort is important. Being comfortable with someone isn't exactly a necessity for me, but it definitely helps. If being around someone makes me anxious that makes me less likely to fuck them because I worry I'm not going to be able to relax enough to enjoy myself, and on some level I'm going to resent them for not putting in the effort/lacking the social adeptness to make me feel comfortable. I'm also going to be more sexually open with someone who makes me feel comfortable, so the sex is going to be better. You can argue over whether or not that makes it an actual panty-wetter but if I'm likelier to sleep with someone and more interested in wilder sex with them, what's the point in splitting hairs?

A personality can be hot. I'm not going to bang an uggo because I like his personality, but a good personality will absolutely push a borderline case over the edge or make me more attracted to someone than I'd expect based on their looks alone.

Lastly, and this is more specific to my personal tastes, but I am not attracted to men who are too overtly masculine. I like them fairly effeminate, a lot of the traits you mention are generally coded feminine, there ya go.

check4itshit · 2017-02-22T17:25:12+00:00

Because they are emotionally hard wired for it. The old cavewomen who didn't have it, disproportionately mated with guys who weren't stable, or able to stick around to protect their pregnant ass, and were eaten by elephants.

So the ones left bred more comfort women, and here we are.

As for kindness, it's tangental. Once a woman is emotionally connected to a man, she will percieve his qualities as attractive qualities.

Girl who loves the bad boy? A devil may care attitude is attractive. But it's creepy when its a neckbeard doing it.

Girl who likes nice boys? Kindness is attractive, but it's creepy when it's your standard 'nice guy' doing it.

And, like all us faulty monkeys, they don't know why they do it, they follow the emotional state, and build up the rationale after the fact. This is what meatbags do.

As for the comfort/tingle spectrum, AF/BB describes it fairly well, woman like strong healthy babies, and pedigree and tingles are important. Also, having a lot of shit around to protect them from elephants is important too, so once she has one, she needs the comfort stuff.

Ideally, she wants both in one guy, but it's almost never like that. Next best thing is getting knocked up by the former, and have the latter take care of her.

Problem is, the latter guy wants some babies as well, probably more, since half will be eaten by elephants. Problem is, that vagina tingler doesn't work so hot on him, so he generally wants more, gets less, deserves little.

The girls here can explain how they are 'special' and the rules don't apply to them. Maybe they don't, every group has outliers, every group has liars, and every group has people unaware of what makes them tick. I'll leave it to the reader to separate them into their particular camp.

All you need to know, as a guy, is if you want a bunch of hot 'best' sex, alpha traits, tingle generator, and subdue your beta qualities (know your target audience). so you self select for the women looking for alphas, and not beta comfort.

If you want a family, add more of those beta behaviours to keep her around long enough for a family. Then, alpha behaviour it up anyways, so when she starts getting the itch, she isn't going after the poolboy, or if/when she does, you can kick her to the curb and get another one.

This is as in depth and scientific as I can get, I don't like naval gazing. Too easy to make a bunch of leaps, without applying anything one has leanred aka mental masturbation.

God knows this place needs less of that

Also, in future posts. Take TRP, subtract four years from todays date, and start there. Usually the posts are perfectly in synch with PPD, minus the relevations.

Better late than never

2017-02-22T21:07:16+00:00

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DicklessAlpha · 2017-02-22T19:09:00+00:00

They don't believe it, but they 'need' men to be nice in order to survive .So they have to propagate the narrative of nice men as sexually attractive.

winterrider · 2017-02-22T23:01:11+00:00

I think there is a basic confusion between men and women when attraction is discussed. Women say they want a nice, respectful, smart guy who will commit. Which is truly what they want. They aren't trying to mislead men. Most women don't hate all men. She wants a man who has these traits who she finds sexually attractive already. So in other words, a hot guy who treats her well, is respectful, etc.

What confuses men, is when we ask what women find attractive we aren't looking for what traits you want in a boyfriend who you already consider hot. We want to understand what we need to do for you to consider us hot. And from what I understand, correct me ladies if I am wrong, is it is a combination of factors and you aren't always aware of all of these exact factors.

anitapk · 2017-02-23T09:02:37+00:00

I find these traits arousing if they are paired with attractiveness and a firm, slightly dominant and manly personality

artichokess · 2017-02-23T10:33:08+00:00

Confidence/dominance is generally a masculine attitude of take-charge, no-tolerance policy for bullshit, leadership, refusing to let a woman "run his life"

These are things that make women want to fuck.

no

Women want to fuck men who have these traits.

nah

These traits suit men to having sex.

nope.

sounds like a spoiled brat that always needs to get his way, and that's a total turn-off.

lollygagyo · 2017-02-23T14:53:11+00:00

My husband's humanitarian efforts and general kindness did make me want to fuck him more. It was a real aphrodisiac -- I just thought, ''this person is amazing'' and it increased my attraction.

Ultramegasaurus · 2017-02-23T16:18:38+00:00

All these things are not sexually attractive at all for the vast majority of women. It's mostly feel-good talk to keep up the facade of female virtue and civility. These traits are only important when settling down, i.e. for utility purposes.

ayylmaooo0o · 2017-02-23T16:49:34+00:00

Well because someone with those traits makes a good life partner, for one. And second of all, it takes bravery to be kind and humble in this society, and bravery is something women admire.

2017-02-22T22:38:48+00:00

Why do women believe stability, kindness, niceness, humility, fidelity, etc. are "attractive"?

Because they are. As long as those traits are present in a man she's attracted to. No, she doesn't need the man to be Chad Thundercocks with biceps made of solid steel for her to get horny for him.

I am around college kids all the time. Because of the kids I met over work, hanging out with my friends, or because I take public transportation and its filled with college kids. The girls I see with their boyfriends have stars in their eyes as they look at their average boyfriends - fat and ugly is not average - so I'm pretty sure those guys have those characteristics women talk about.

Title	Discussion/debate: Why do women believe stability, kindness, niceness, humility, fidelity, etc. are "attractive"?
Author	LewisCross
Upvotes	13
Comments	436
Date	February 22, 2017 3:19 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5vj84g/discussiondebate_why_do_women_believe_stability/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/discussiondebate-why-do-women-believe-stability.269929 https://theredarchive.com/post/269929