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Do men lose attraction to their partners over time?

August 21, 2022
114 upvotes

It seems that you guys value the age of your partner very highly and when it comes to physical attraction you prefer girls in their early 20s. I was wondering what does that mean for long term relationships? Do men simply lose interest in their partner over time but just stay with them because their lives are so intertwined? Do men secretly want to be having sex with their 18 year old daughters friends instead of their wife?

I dont understand male sexuality and relationship thinking. Also guys on here seem to worry so much for being "settled for" yet they go on to claim they are most attracted to 20 year old's, doesn't that mean every man would be settling in a long term relationship?

Also I do not buy into the idea of "wife goggles" where guys see their aging wives in the goggles of what their wives looked like when they were younger. This just doesn't make sense, everyone has eyes and you would have to be having a psychotic episode to see what's not there. Of course If a man love's his wife he will see her in a loving less judgmental light but not to the extent he still views her as hot as what she used to be.

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[–]SuperannuatedpunkSocial Justice Berserker 198 points199 points  (35 children) | Copy Link

This is a simple question with a complicated answer. I'll do my best to be brief.

Background - I'm now in my mid 40s, and I've been with my wife for over 20 years.

My sexuality is very different to what it was 20 years ago. What I'm attracted to, and how I express that attraction are unrecognisable between the two - they might as well be from different planets. But that's true of pretty much every aspect of my character.

For guys my age - and older - who remain in love with their partners, it's because that love grows along with the relationship. My wife is not the woman I fell in love with at 23. But I'm not the man I was at 23 either. Both of these facts are very much to the better.

As horrifying as I'm sure it'll seem to some dudes on here - your tastes and drives will change. To a man in his 40s, much as a girl in her early 20s might be nice to look at, there's nothing deeply appealing about her. But a certain glance or smile from the woman you love - who you trust and esteem above all others - is a very different story.

[–]acari_ 40 points41 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Heart warming answer

[–]Peacesquad -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Politically correct too let’s be honest

[–]acari_ 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

True

[–]TodTheRod01 11 points12 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Im 37. I agree with half your statement

[–]SuperannuatedpunkSocial Justice Berserker 6 points7 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

That’s…cryptic

[–]TodTheRod01 4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

How. Its pretty straight forward i agree with half of it.

If you wanna know or discuss which half just ask.

I agree that love grows. I dont agree that my sexuality is inherently different than 20yrs ago...if its changed so drastically i would assume you need to start exercising vigorously and regularly, eating better, losing weight and possibly getting your T levels sorted out.

[–]SuperannuatedpunkSocial Justice Berserker 11 points12 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

i would assume you need to start exercising vigorously and regularly, eating better, losing weight and possibly getting your T levels sorted out.

I'm running my first ultramarathon in 10 weeks. I can't exercise a whole lot harder, eat much better, or get too much lighter without risking injury mate.

As for my T levels? I'm good. Couldn't give you a number, but I'm not suffering any symptoms of low T.

The hand-wringing about T levels is almost entirely from dudes who are insecure about their masculinity trying to find some sort of metric to show that they are totally manly bro. None of them have any actual knowledge of endocrinology beyond whatever bro-science they've had farted into their ears on Rogan et al.

[–]VictoriaSobocki 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I guess it also is just genetic luck sometimes - I know of people in their 60’s who are also doing way more exercise than when they were young

[–]NoEstablishment5218 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

this gives me hope for once about relationships

[–]SuperannuatedpunkSocial Justice Berserker 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Relationships are good. Would recommend.

[–]altar-of-autumn1 points [recovered] (11 children) | Copy Link

there's nothing deeply appealing about her.

Every man on PPD seems to disagree. Women above 30 have absolutely no value whatsoever, and surely there's nothing appealing about them. How could there be? They aren't 20!

[–]Katatonicsnake 46 points47 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Most men here are younger than 30 themselves, and surprisingly many of them are not at all happy with their love life. Water off a duck’s back.

[–]metakeponeNo Pill 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thats just the people on this sub. I've been into older women since my teens and most girls who were in their 20s when I was in my 20s made me yawn

[–]Exciting-Necessary-5 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Every man on PPD seems to disagree. Women above 30 have absolutely no value whatsoever, and surely there's nothing appealing about them. How could there be? They aren't 20!

The poster most likely married his wife when she was in her early twenties. I wonder if he became single again all of a sudden would he still have the same viewpoint.

[–]SuperannuatedpunkSocial Justice Berserker 16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The same viewpoint about what?

My wife? Well - presumably if the marriage ended, it’d probably put a damper on my attitude towards her.

Younger women? The thought of dating a woman in her 20s at my age fills me with existential dread. I would absolutely be looking for someone my age.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m 38 and tend to seek out other women in their 30s but I trend towards being very picky

[–]PsycKat -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women above 30 have absolutely no value whatsoever

They have value for some, not for others, just like anything else. I don't seem to be able to get romantically attracted to women above 30. I like women in their 20's. Other men might be different.

[–]productive_monkey 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

thank you for sharing. how does one grow their love with their relationship? otherwise, is this all left to chance?

[–]SuperannuatedpunkSocial Justice Berserker 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think it’s just a matter of not taking each other for granted; something that can be very easy to do in a long term relationship.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq. 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Are you red pill?

[–]SuperannuatedpunkSocial Justice Berserker 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I have a passing grip on reality; so no.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq. 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

👍🏻 thanks, just wondering

[–]womandatory 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

As a woman in my 40s, thank you for articulating this so well.

[–]VictoriaSobocki 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Very sweet answer

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is the difficult thing for young people to understand: Your range of what you find attractive grows considerably as you age. When I was younger I never found 40 yo women attractive, now I do. Also now I look at a 25 yo woman and think she is pretty, in shape, hot whatever but realize besides a few nights of sex I wouldn’t want to spend a lot of time with her. I wouldn’t have the energy haha.

Also your attraction for your spouse physically goes down but you are also getting less attractive as well. You aren’t going to throw the mother of your children and someone you spent decades with out to chase young girls.

[–]hyperlinktoZelda_v2 150 points151 points  (20 children) | Copy Link

So I work in a kitchen with young women from 18 or 23 year old and I do not find any of them attractive. Sure some have a cute face, but like how your daughter would. Even if I was single, I wouldn't go for any of them. The maturity ain't there and I'm not interested being daddy mentor.

As for losing attraction to my partner, I don't really buy it. I've been with my girl since high school. We've had the fortune of watching each other grow up. It wasn't and isn't a jarring process. Watching someone age in real time is like watching the sun move across the sky. You don't really notice the change, because it's subtle. You just see the same old face, but in different positions in life.

With that said, the change is obvious when you look back on old pictures. In our case we went from dorky looking teenagers to less dorky looking adults. I say age did us well. It also helped that we took care of our bodies, but still.

Aging is inevitable and I won't pretend I don't notice the gray, but I'm a glass half full guy. The way I see it, I've had the honor to witness the growth of a cute teenage girl into the beautiful grown ass woman she is today. I would not trade that for all the young piece of ass in the world.

[–]learn2earn89 28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I wish all men were like you.

[–]NoEstablishment5218 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

ugh they exist

[–]Makaveli676 1 point2 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

Anomaly

[–]SuperannuatedpunkSocial Justice Berserker 19 points20 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

Not really. I’m surrounded by married dudes around my age who still seem absolutely delighted by their wives, wrinkles and all.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq. 12 points13 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

I’m surrounded by older married men who cheat or try to cheat with younger women. Like it’s got to be near 50/50 with these dudes. I go to a lot of networking conventions so you see men in display with all their infidelity and intentions. It could be something more frequent in my field though.

[–]Fiestygirl000 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Me too! My job is a lot of customer service the amount of old middle age married guys who try to flirt with me is beyond disgusting.

Men are only loyal as their options.They’ll always look for the newer model if they can afford it

[–]SuperannuatedpunkSocial Justice Berserker 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Not gonna argue that there aren’t a lot of shitty dudes out there. Or even that good dudes don’t do shitty things sometimes.

[–]hvacthrowaway101 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

I work in a blue collar trade which, according to the prevailing sentiment expressed here, is full of misogynistic, uneducated, tradcon men that would cheat on their wives in a heartbeat.

All of them have pretty happy marriages and not once have I heard my bosses or coworkers bad mouth their wives. The closest I've ever heard them get to "locker room talk" was them talking about who their celebrity crushes in the 90s were.

[–]VictoriaSobocki 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What field? I’m sorry to hear that

[–]Makaveli676 -3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Just because a women loses her beauty doesn’t mean to mistreat her lol, especially your wife.

[–]SuperannuatedpunkSocial Justice Berserker 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Who said they “lost their beauty”. They’re just not young anymore. Your tastes change.

[–]VictoriaSobocki 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is so heartwarming

[–]productive_monkey 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

maturity ain't there

if that maturity existed, would you prefer the younger looking female, all else equal? like basically your wife when she'll be 40 or 50 with the appearance at 20-30.

The way I see it, I've had the honor to witness the growth of a cute teenage girl into the beautiful grown ass woman she is today. I would not trade that for all the young piece of ass in the world.

that's awesome though

[–]Barely-moralRed leaning purple-seal. Diagnosed ASPD 49 points50 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Also I do not buy into the idea of "wife goggles" where guys see their aging wives in the goggles of what their wives looked like when they were younger.

Well then why ask the question in the first place if you are not going to accept the answer?

This just doesn't make sense, everyone has eyes and you would have to be having a psychotic episode to see what's not there.

It's not that I am blind and unable to see reality. I can recognize the way time changed the way my partner looks but I have to make an active effort to do so. My default state is seeing her as if she was at her best.

Of course If a man love's his wife he will see her in a loving less judgmental light but not to the extent he still views her as hot as what she used to be.

Well a man can still see her as hot as what she used to be even if he is well aware that she is not.

You don't need to buy it. It is true. It's like a god I don't believe in installed a fairness system inside my libido so I remain attracted to a woman that deserves it.

[–]Sad_Entertainer6312 18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yep, and he edited that part in based on responses, but never showed he edited his post. These aren't genuine questions and OP is just trolling.

[–]Novadina 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

My default state is seeing her as if she was at her best.

If that’s how it works, why are people unhappy when their spouse gets fat? Would you not notice or care if she did as you’d always just see her as she was?

[–]Barely-moralRed leaning purple-seal. Diagnosed ASPD 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If that’s how it works, why are people unhappy when their spouse gets fat?

Wife googles are something that can only exist/survive in a healthy and happy relationship. If the woman is not a good partner then there will not be any wife googles effect.

[–]Valuable-Marzipan761 28 points29 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Probably in some cases. If you're constantly beating your meat to women in their 20's while you and your wife hit 50, you're going to struggle to still find her attractive. If you just accept the aging process there's no reason attraction should fade.

[–]VictoriaSobocki 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

But biologically there still would be, e.g., higher fertility

[–]Valuable-Marzipan761 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

hi yes, when compared with younger people.

[–]SmilesRHere 19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Not all men, probably not even the majority of men. Many of us actually prefer a woman to a girl.

I’ve been with my wife 16 years, she’s still the most beautiful and sexiest woman alive.

Unlike the cave dwelling incel virgins and the red pill misogynistic inferiority complexed “men children” who believe women hit a wall in their 20s, real men know how to appreciate women of all ages.

[–]productive_monkey 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

real men know how to appreciate women of all ages.

how does one become a real man in this sense? (seriously)

[–]carlenvirgo 18 points19 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Just because they are physically attracted to younger women doesn’t mean that number 1# a younger woman would actually want them and number 2# that all men would leave their wife for a girl their daughters age if the opportunity arises.

In fact, many men don’t prefer younger. There’s a large group of younger men that actually prefer older women. Sometimes maturity is a factor.

As most people mature, the physicality becomes less important. If we are talking about shallow, stunted, ego driven or vain individuals, than they may leave a spouse for someone younger if the opportunity arises.

Let’s be clear that money plays a huge role in why a younger person would want an older person. Most of the time the younger women is using him for the money and will seek younger men for sex partners while married to the older man.

The divorce rate is high with huge age gap couples.. If a man reaches 50s and has erection issues, he’s not going to be able to satisfy a younger woman that may be in 30s.

So sure, he may satisfy her financial needs but likely won’t be able to keep up with her sexual needs.

Men can want whatever they want but most of the time the older guy isn’t going to get a younger woman.

[–]Easteuroblondie 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I really think the fact that younger guys are into older women is very overlooked by RP in general, refreshing that you mentioned that

I’m a 33f and not only do guys 26-30 (sometimes even younger) really go hard in their approach and attempts, it’s almost like they have something to prove.

[–]carlenvirgo 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes, anything that puts guys in a vulnerable place is overlooked. The arguments here are all ego driven. As women we’ve had to surrender our egos for centuries. They may not have been allowed to show tears, but we have been defenseless by society fighting against males aggression and pride. Yes, I’m in my 40s and I was stunned by the amount of much younger guys that wanted to hook up. Some of which knew my age and absolutely didn’t care.. even after I made it clear that I only date within my age range.

[–]Easteuroblondie 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

MILF porn has reigned surprise for a reason

I haven’t actually ever had sex with someone younger than me…yet. But I feel it could happen

[–]carlenvirgo 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have no interest in younger guys. I have no interest in older either. I like a 5 year window in my age range. Anything outside of that is too old or too young. I had a boyfriend 6 years younger and it was a bad idea. That’s not saying it is for everyone.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If a man reaches 50s and has erection issues, he’s not going to be able to satisfy a younger woman that may be in 30s.

This is the sole reason I’m even alive

[–]Gravel_RoadsJust a Pill 12 points13 points  (37 children) | Copy Link

"Men" as a demographic, no. Humans as a species tend to have a social saturation point that, when over-loaded, will make the stimulation they get from someone eventually stop feeling good and starts to just chafe.

Sometimes, this just means you need a little time to yourself. Sometimes, this means the "honeymoon" is over and the relationship has hit its natural shelf life.

This is not gendered behavior. You see it with roommates, friends, coworkers, romantic relationships. Hell, even bands break up.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (36 children) | Copy Link

Yeah true, but I'm talking more about how does men's desire for younger women affect relationships. Women are more attracted to the own age group or a couple years older

[–]Gravel_RoadsJust a Pill 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It doesn't, by default affect anything at all. Any more than women's attraction to Jason Mamoa "affects" their ability to date men who, y'know... aren't Jason Mamoa.

Finding a physical trait attractive means that trait is arousing. Sane men and women can appreciate arousing traits in people while still recognizing that relationships based on looks and/or physical features are doomed, as all humans lose their looks with time.

[–]C4yourshelf 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You think a 70 year old woman actually thinks a 70 year old man is hot? Lmaooo. Foh.

[–]carlenvirgo 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s because we are realistic and actually like having things in common with our partner. A huge age gap leaves compatibility depleted. Generation gaps are an issue in relationships. Statistically age gap relationships don’t work.

[–]EnteFetzBlackpill Man 2 points3 points  (32 children) | Copy Link

Old men know that they cannot attract any of the hot young girls.

That means no matter how much he wants to cheat on his old wife with a 20 year old hottie, he simply cannot, because the 20 year old hottie is not interested in him.

He wants to cheat, but can't. The marriage with his wife is save, because she knows that he can't attract anything hotter than her.

[–]That__ESTPurple Pill Woman 11 points12 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

He wants to cheat, but can't. The marriage with his wife is save, because she knows that he can't attract anything hotter than her.

That is just so weird to me. If a man wants to cheat but can't, to me that's more of an insult. I'd say most women would consider that to be cheating which doesn't bother me personally, it's the fact that I'm with someone who couldn't even meet his own goals that I'd majorly side eye. You want to have sex outside of our relationship but can't? Get to upping your SMV or what makes you think that I even want you?

[–]FrostieTheSnowmanPerplexed Fellow 9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Dude DEFINITELY isn't speaking for the rest of us. In my experience, in most healthy relationships (important to note that not all relationships are healthy) the man grows to appreciate his partner more and more as they age. Sure, maybe young women have nicer asses or prettier faces, but they aren't his partner, and thus they have less value in his eyes. Men who want to cheat, much like women who want to cheat, are unhappy with the relationship. In either case, if they cheat, they are scum.

[–]EnteFetzBlackpill Man -2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It seems as a woman your life is so much different that you simply can't immagine what it is like to be a man. But I assure you many men feel and think exactly as I say. My current FWB is obese and quite unattractive, but I don't want to lose her because I know it would be very difficult for me to find a replacement. She fucks other men, because she can easily attract them. I would do that too, if I could. But there are no other women who want to have sex with me, which is why I keep coming back to her.

[–]Sweaty-Bee8577 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Prostitutes are a thing. He can buy sex from 20 year olds just fine.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Except he’s buying it which detracts from the conquering man aspect a lot of old men try to relive

[–]Cactus2711 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's really silly logic. He can pay a 20 year old hooker $250 for an hour of her time if he wants to cheat.

[–]Lisavela1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

Everyone likes young beautiful people but that doesn’t mean that they won’t find their partner attractive because they have aged

[–]wtknightGen X Slacker[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Automod, please. Question for men.

[–]wtknightGen X Slacker 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think that the biggest confusion is that women seem to assume that men are "picky" like they are when it comes to looks.

Men don't have pickiness. They have "preferences". They prefer how a woman looks in her early 20s, but a guy in his 40s will also find attractive things about women in their 40s, including hopefully his wife/partner who is around the same age.

I can't speak to how a guy might be in his 60s when his wife is also in her 60s, but I imagine that it's something similar.

But sure, men have wandering eyes, too, and like to look at younger women. That doesn't mean that they are ever going to pursue things with them because, a.) most of the time it's not realistic that he could attract them and b.) he hopefully loves and respects his wife/partner too much to actually do this or perhaps to even think about this.

[–]ReferenceImpossible2 12 points13 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Lol milf porn is still a pretty common search parameter for a reason. Also titties only grow larger with time 😫

[–]badgersonice 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Milf porn just means she can’t quite pull off “barely legal” anymore. It means more like age 30, not age 50+.

[–]meltedcheeser -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Most women who have kids do so by 30. So yeah you can be a milf at 30.

You’re talking about cougar.

[–]badgersonice 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes I know-- that's why talking about milf porn of 30 year old women as some kind of proof that men will still be attracted to a woman after a whole 5-10 years doesn't actually address OP's question. You do know that most married women live to be older than 35, right?

The OP topic is "do men loose attraction to their partner **over time**?", not "do men loose attraction to women the instant she turns 30?".

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You’re a MILF when you’re 35-50. If you’re in your 20s you’re just a bitch with a baby.

[–]Exciting-Necessary-5 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your forgetting it's a fetish and it's still questionalble if men would actually commit to a "milf".

[–]Ohms2North 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I wish it was true about tits growing larger. After menopause they deflate

[–]zzzamorak_1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

A real-life MILF is a bit of a unicorn, honestly. The number of fuckable women I see over 40 is probably at like 1% or less :S

[–]Head-Language-2977 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sad but true. Too be fair, the amount of fuckable men is probably 1% too 😂

My personal belief is people on their 40s are not unattractive because of age, they’re unattractive because they’re fat.

[–]Sad_Entertainer6312 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Do men lose attraction to their partners over time?

If the love is still there, then in my experience no they don't lose attraction.

That's not saying they won't find a hot young 23 year old to be gorgeous, but they're married not buried.

[–]Clean_Mastodon5285 9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

If she gains too much weight, ages poorly, or has a shitty attitude yes

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

And if she gains weight then loses it, attraction restored?

[–]Clean_Mastodon5285 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If the weight looks good, she could loose too much and look sick too. It depends on what the guy likes

[–]Head-Language-2977 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, the simple answer is the attraction will be restored. The tricky part is the woman will most likely notice the change in attitude and may not take kindly to the realization of what happened.

[–]SmarmyPapsmearsMarried but likes to talk shit 9 points10 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

This is a stupid question. Women aren't more physically attracted to aging men either so this is just your spin on 'man bad'

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq. 6 points7 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Women are more attracted to men their own age versus men being more attracted to younger women like across the board as men age. This is a well documented phenomenon. Why are assumptions about men on this sub always taken as evil bias yet negative assumptions about women are somehow “biology” or gods law?

[–]SmarmyPapsmearsMarried but likes to talk shit 2 points3 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Because I don't believe women are physically more attracted to older men, their preferences just go up with what they deem is attainable. Women are unnattracted to unnattainability and not because men are physically more attractive as they age.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq. -1 points0 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

Ok so you deny female sexuality then. Versus men, women are more likely to find their age appropriate counterparts attractive. That’s not “men bad” “women good” it is just facts.

And you didn’t answer my second question

[–]SmarmyPapsmearsMarried but likes to talk shit 2 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

Why are assumptions about men on this sub always taken as evil bias yet negative assumptions about women are somehow “biology” or gods law?

Everything this user has posted has been "man bad" propaganda so I wouldn't want her on my team if I were you.

[–]Makaveli676 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Studies show women of all ages are attracted to different types of men whereas men are attracted to mostly 20-21 year olds

[–]AmbitiousCamp5942 -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's one study. How about the study that showed a 5'7 guy has to make like 200k more than a 6ft guy to be as attractive? Women are not attracted to all types of men.

[–]Lift_and_LurkNo Pill 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wife googles aren’t supposed to “make sense” people need to stop trying action like love and lust are logical conclusions to mathematical formulas.

You fall in love, you body wants her forever.

[–]chickenfriedsteakdin 9 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Fat is unattractive. 50% adult obesity kills sexual drive. Birth rates in free fall.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Guys are fat too. Its good birth rates are in free fall, the planet doesn't need more people to pollute the world lol.

[–]Sad_Entertainer6312 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Its good birth rates are in free fall, the planet doesn't need more people to pollute the world lol.

Do you live in the west? If there aren't kids to replace you, how will you survive in old age?

[–]C4yourshelf 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Fat guys don't go around complaining women don't think their fat bodies aren't sexy anymore.

[–]Sekina7FDS Femme Fatale 18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No, they just cry about only “land whales” or “unattractive women” want them. The Irony would be hilarious if not so sad…

[–]Ok_Cryptographer6856 -5 points-4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

“gUyS aRe fAt tOo” Men and women are attracted to different things in the opposite sex. For men physical attractiveness is paramount for women it is not generally

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[–]FineDevelopment00🔥🧊Making ice cubes in Hell😈🔥 18 points19 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

guys on here seem to worry so much for being "settled for" yet they go on to claim they are most attracted to 20 year old's, doesn't that mean every man would be settling in a long term relationship?

If there's anything I've learned in this sub, it's that there is a lot of unchecked projection going on.

[–]gofigure62No Pill 20 points21 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yep. The men in this sub settle for women that they don't want. And if the opertunity ever presents itself to cheat or leave for a woman that is marginally better than the one that they have, then they'll cheat and/or leave in. A heartbeat.

Nothing these men say in this sub makes any sense. They say that they want to date a fuck teenagers, yet women should trust them enough to be in a longterm comitted relationship with them for some reason.

It's also amusing that a man who openly admits that he's sexually attracted to barely legals thinks that any woman would have kids with him that he could prey on.

As entertaining as this sub is, it's always great when the men that should 100% be avoided give out their blueprints, personality, and character traits.

[–]ThePuckeringLesbian Sage 20 points21 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

But im a great guy with a lot to offer a woman!! I have a job, a place to live, and I’m not fat!

So what if im a raging misogynist with porn and video game addictions that will put the complete burden of my happiness entirely on you? So what if I will be completely suspicious of literally everything you do? So what if I will ogle our future daughter’s teenage friends? You should just be grateful to have me and don’t get fat bitch.

[–]Sekina7FDS Femme Fatale 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

👏👏👏👏👏👏🙄

[–]gofigure62No Pill 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

😂

[–]FineDevelopment00🔥🧊Making ice cubes in Hell😈🔥 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nothing these men say in this sub makes any sense.

Every once in a while I'll find some reasonable comments from dudes in here, but unfortunately for the most part you're right.

They say that they want to date a fuck teenagers, yet women should trust them enough to be in a longterm comitted relationship with them for some reason.

It's also amusing that a man who openly admits that he's sexually attracted to barely legals thinks that any woman would have kids with him that he could prey on.

Ditto!

As entertaining as this sub is, it's always great when the men that should 100% be avoided give out their blueprints, personality, and character traits.

Yep, I love it when shady types fail to hide their red flags. When I was single that made it so much easier for me to vet dating prospects, haha (yes I actually heard some of TRP talking points irl, although I didn't exactly know what TRP was back then.) And I am likewise happy for the currently-single women (especially the sought-after young virgins like I was) who are much more exposed to these Internet ideologies and thus even more easily enabled to dodge bullets.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeah I agree their is SO much. So you're saying guys settle a lot so they worry women will do that to them?

[–]FineDevelopment00🔥🧊Making ice cubes in Hell😈🔥 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So you're saying guys settle a lot so they worry women will do that to them?

I was mainly referring to the guys in this sub who hold such double standards. Not all guys are like them, thankfully. Truth is, no one of either sex wants to be settled for. But some are hypocritical about it while others aren't.

[–]EnteFetzBlackpill Man 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

The vast majority of people settle. I don't understand why nobody likes to admit that.

[–]FineDevelopment00🔥🧊Making ice cubes in Hell😈🔥 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Even if the vast majority of people are settling, it doesn't have to be that way. Too many people don't wanna bother cultivating the patience and self-control required to find the right person for them so they waste time in dead-end situationships.

[–]EnteFetzBlackpill Man 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I disagree with that very much. Many men want a hot skiny 20 year old virgin, but only very few men will actually get that. Every woman dreams about marrying a millionaire with a six pack and nice jaw line. But only very few will ever get that. Almost everyone settles for less than they want at some point. Most people get some understanding of what they realistically can get and then they settle for that. People who don't settle tend to be alone until it is too late or are extremely lucky to find exactly what they wished for.

[–]ruboyuri 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That would be red and black pillers, yes

[–]RedPill115 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

If there's anything I've learned in this sub, it's that there is a lot of unchecked projection going on.

Yes, but this post is the perfect example of projection - the common case seems to be more than women lose sexual interest in their boyfriend/husband over time moreso than the husband does.

[–]FineDevelopment00🔥🧊Making ice cubes in Hell😈🔥 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How do you get that from what OP said? OP was pointing out men, not women, who only see youth (which ofc inherently doesn't last) as attractive.

[–]rurunoa 16 points17 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

yes its so funny when they complain about AF/BB then turn around and say they find 20 year olds most attractive when they themselves are way out of that age range

[–]EnteFetzBlackpill Man 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

You can find a demographic attractive while at the same time being completely disqualified from receiving any attention from that demographic.

Most obese 40 year old men have phantasies about hooking up with a cute skinny 20 year old girl. But that is never going to happen. He knows that, but he still jerks off to that idea.

[–]ThePuckeringLesbian Sage 6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

So, he’s settling then?

[–]EnteFetzBlackpill Man 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Yes

[–]rurunoa 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

💯

[–]TermAggravating8043 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well the answer here are depressing to say the least. However I’m 99% if this questioned to average men the comments would be a lot more positive

[–]funlightmandarin 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It seems that you guys value the age of your partner very highly and when it comes to physical attraction you prefer girls in their early 20s. I was wondering what does that mean for long term relationships? Do men simply lose interest in their partner over time but just stay with them because their lives are so intertwined? Do men secretly want to be having sex with their 18 year old daughters friends instead of their wife?

Emphasis mine. Yes, guys like the physical looks of women in their early 20s, but a successful long-term relationship is way more than just looks. You don't lose interest in one another over time unless you allow it, which is why it's recommended to keep dating and wooing each other. And you come to love one another for more than just the physical attraction, but also the shared, happy memories and knowing you can depend on one another.

I dont understand male sexuality and relationship thinking. Also guys on here seem to worry so much for being "settled for" yet they go on to claim they are most attracted to 20 year old's, doesn't that mean every man would be settling in a long term relationship?

Most guys in successful relationships like women for more than just being a pretty face. The men here are not representative for most men. There's a reason a majority of the guys here are here whining about being unhappily single, to put it mildly.

Also I do not buy into the idea of "wife goggles" where guys see their aging wives in the goggles of what their wives looked like when they were younger. This just doesn't make sense, everyone has eyes and you would have to be having a psychotic episode to see what's not there.

That's.. not entirely what wife goggles are. Yeah, if you compare a picture of your 50 year old wife with a picture of her on her wedding day 25 years ago, you see the difference. But day-to-day, the change is too subtle for the human eye; she's just your wife, and yesterday she was your wife just one day younger. Wife goggles are more like, the love and adoration you have for your wife tinting how you perceive her, but that requires actually adoring and loving that person.

[–]The9thElement16f radical feminist 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No matter what they say, yes

[–]Hoopy223No Pill 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Of course you can but if you have a strong relationship the getting older/fatter stuff won’t matter quite as much as people say it does.

[–]Fun_Push7168 10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/may/20/the-perfect-partner-how-age-affects-what-men-and-women-find-attractive

That should explain this fairly adequately.

This is exactly why we can enjoy a calendar full of 23 yo women even if we really don't want to date one. At some point you just mainly enjoy looking.

If it was a single scenario purely about sex, yeah I'm sure we'd all bang a much younger woman. We just wouldn't really want much else from them.

[–]GuyIsAdoptusBlue Pill is just Black Pill 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Seemed to suggest men settle as they get older more than anything.

Also:

Brendan Zietsch, from the University of Queensland and who was not involved in the survey, said the study reinforced previous findings that men and women differed somewhat in their stated preferences in a potential partner.

But he said a growing body of research suggested that what people said they wanted in a partner did not necessarily correspond to the choices they made.

“Essentially, we don’t know the extent to which these stated preferences are meaningful. That’s an ongoing area of research,” Zietsch said.

[–]RedditorSafeSpace 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Do people get old and gain weight?

[–]beleidigtewurst 4 points5 points  (23 children) | Copy Link

I dont understand male sexuality and relationship thinking. Also guys on here seem to worry so much for being "settled for" yet they go on to claim they are most attracted to 20 year old's, doesn't that mean every man would be settling in a long term relationship?

It does. And when there is choice... look at how Musk, Bezos and even Gates are behaving.

Also check how Weinstein's official wife (!!!) looked like. He still wanted to bang others.

[–]carritotaquito 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Jeff Bezos might be an exception. The lady he's dating right now (journalist and filmmaker Lauren Sánchez) is someone NOT in her 20's (but in her early 50's: she's old enough to be my own mother, btw), a single mother (the horror... NOT ), and is the TRP's definition of a woman they'd described as simultaneously HVW but also post-wall (despite looking better than most 20 somethings), and damaged goods (whatever that BS is).

[–]beleidigtewurst 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Bezos is a short ugly dude aged 58.

His current GF was 49 when his divorce was announced, looks younger than her years, overall is fairly attractive (in a country where Gadot is beauty... I guess is beautiful, chuckle) and was likely in relationships with him for quite some time.

Her being "single mom", in that age, matters... not.

Dude already fathered 4, so, her being past fertility rate perhaps doesn't matter much.

That being said, I doubt he'd settle with her, if much younger women were non-problematic for him.

[–]houstongradengineer -1 points0 points  (20 children) | Copy Link

You picked some real pieces of shit lol. Idk why you'd even believe Musk has more choice than other men, like he's disgustinf. Weird take.

[–]beleidigtewurst 2 points3 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

Idk why you'd even believe Musk has more choice than other men

Oh my fucking god, tell me you are not serious...

[–]houstongradengineer 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy Link

Yes I'm fucking serious. All of the money in his bank account does not make up for being an ugly sexist psychopath.

[–]beleidigtewurst 2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

At the moment I'm typing it, Musk officially fathered 10 kids with 5 women.

Amber heard is in the "definitely banged by Musk" list too. (someone insists he banged Brin's former wife, although I'm not sure)

So you were saying?

sexist psychopath.

No need to go full liberazi, eh?

Calm down.

[–]carritotaquito 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

It's only because of his fortune.

[–]houstongradengineer 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That just makes him a robber Baron pig, it's not sexy. 0/10, much prefer my broke husband

[–]beleidigtewurst -1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

It's only because of his fortune.

I... don't think so (although his fortune would surely work for gold diggers even if he would inherit it).

He demonstrates outstanding genes, he is a SELF MADE billionaire.

There is research showing that women spot that and value that. I.e. picking talented guys who isn't rich vs rich mediocre offspring of whomever. (JP mentioned that study, I never dug for it, but he had never lied about such stuff)

[–]carritotaquito 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

self made billionaire

Yes, self made... whose dad owns EMERALD MINES!!!!!!

MoFo with ASPERGER'S!!

Edit: to add the Asperger's.

[–]carritotaquito 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

JP mentioned that study, I never dug for it, but he had never lied about such stuff...

You mean Jordan Patron Saint of Incels, who said "we must enforce monogamy" Peterson?

That JP?!

[–]parahacker 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Also I do not buy into the idea of "wife goggles"

Well that's where you go wrong then. Because it's really a thing.

[–]supershotmd 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You seem to think that men, who have been happily married for years, are like the alien in Predator (1987) who stalks around and computer-analyzes the hottest targets.

But I assure you we do form very strong emotional bonds. And cold sexual attraction can be replaced with a deeper, more comfortable, familiarity and appreciation. Yes, it's not exactly the same thing, but in some ways its even better. And better aligned to what people want in older age. But it takes time and there needs to have been a sexual attraction in the beginning. You're not going to fall in love with an older lady at the start.

(BTW I assume most women are the same about men.)

[–]carritotaquito 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As a lady who's highly visually aroused, at times I wonder if I'm just a man who was born with the wrong genitalia.

[–]Stop_Maximum1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

I think some people are not able to attract people their age, regardless if they’re looking good or not. Dating someone who’s younger gives them a chance to at least date someone who’s standard might not be as high yet. Once they realise, the guy will be out begging again

[–]wtknightGen X Slacker[M] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Automod, please. Question for men.

[–]Stop_Maximum 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Apologies 🙌

[–]SnowHatesWomePill Depends on who im Trolling 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sexual maybe yes, emotional no

[–]dxtos 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's on both partners to work on themselves to maintain the attraction - physically and mentally.

Meaning, there's no excuse either person can let themselves go - work on what you can control (i.e. not aging) and not straying too far from what made you attractive in the first place.

[–]EnteFetzBlackpill Man 6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Most women don't age well and yes they are less physically attractive in their late 30ies than they were in their early 20ies.

But also men almost always settle for what they can get, not what they want. Men don't have an attraction threshold. Men are attracted to the best they can get. It does not matter how low that is.

Do men simply lose interest in their partner over time but just stay with them because their lives are so intertwined?

Many men probably do.

Do men secretly want to be having sex with their 18 year old daughters friends instead of their wife?

Absolutely. Have you seen the movie "American beauty"? It's a quite accurate depiction of male sexual fantasies.

"wife goggles" where guys see their aging wives in the goggles of what their wives looked like when they were younger.

It does not makes sense to you, but I am sure that "wife goggles" effect is true. Men remember how how she was and keep that image in their head when they get intimate with her. You can always turn off the lights when having sex and just immagine she is still as hot as ever.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Lol, no women wants their guys having to picture them younger to get off.

[–]EnteFetzBlackpill Man -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

But that's how it is, if they like it or not.

[–]deznue 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Naw, men don’t settle… they get what they want if they end up being rich or with a good profession… they can just travel to some foreign country and marry some young chick if they want.

[–]Valuable-Marzipan761 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's a big "if" that can't be applied to men in general.

[–]EnteFetzBlackpill Man 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Only very few men end up rich. And those men who travel to East Asia to buy a wife do so out of desperation. It is absolutely not their first choice. They only do it because they can't attract what they want in their home country. This means they settle for less than they originally wanted

[–]TodTheRod01 4 points5 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

  1. By the time you've been together 10yrs its not just physical.

  2. Men meet women wanting them to not change, women meet men wanting to change them...often times the opposite happens. Guys dont change, women do aka they usually pack on pounds

[–]SwimmingTheme3736 10 points11 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

Men change too

Most men also gain weight and or change shape

[–]TodTheRod01 -1 points0 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

true, they tend not to change in other ways...but again women are sex/beauty objects, men are success objects....a woman gaining 25lbs vs a guy gaining 25lbs not the same

[–]SwimmingTheme3736 3 points4 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Of course they change in other ways, every one is different at 50 to 20

I’m not married to my husband for how successful he is He isn’t married to me for how I look

[–]TodTheRod01 -1 points0 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

it would be a lie to say his success and your looks are not part of why you chose each other....

[–]carritotaquito 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

a woman gaining 25lbs vs a guy gaining 25lbs not the same

Of course it isn't!!!

  1. Those 25 extra pounds ON ME will be mainly BIGGER BOOBS.

  2. But those 25 extra on MY HUSBAND? Tummy and face.

Source: Had to buy bralettes and bandeaus the other day. All my old 34FF no longer fit.

[–]TodTheRod01 -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

who the fuck was talking about YOU....

men are taller and bigger so proportionally 25lbs is spread out throughout a wider area....

25lbs over a 5'10 dude vs a 5'3 chick....

34FF is not a typical size...you are clearly naturally gifted...you are CLEARLY not typical aka representative of the avg woman....calm down

[–]Head-Language-2977 -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Overall contributions between different women should matter too. A mother with small children who also works full time gaining 25 pounds is different than a full time stay at home mom with school age children gaining 25 pounds.

[–]TodTheRod01 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

thats not how attraction/arousal works....

[–]HazyMemory7They hated me because I spoke the truth 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think this mostly occurs when women put on a lot of weight. Barring pregnancy and recovery from it.

[–]jackedsoon||| 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

No, but some men might not reassure their pregnant or old spouses that theyre still attractive making women feel like their husbands arent attracted to them anymore.

[–]Trishlikefish21 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Whats with the flair? Do you see white people as more attractive or something?

[–]Crafty_Letter_1719 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Gender is not really relevant to this question. Both Men and Woman can and probably will lose sexual attraction to their partner over time because that’s just the nature of getting older and being in a monogamous relationship.

Human beings are novelty seeking animals it. Why do so many relationships start off great but soon fizzle out? It’s not because people suddenly see their partners true colours and decide they are completely incompatible. It’s because the novelty of that person has worn off and you crave something new. The reality is human beings are not designed to be sexually monogamous. It completely goes against our animal nature. As such it’s little wonder your sexual attraction for your long term partner( regardless of how objectively attractive they are) will diminish over time. It’s completely natural.

However there is a big difference between sexual attraction and loving somebody. People in successful long term monogamous relationships have built their partnership on a lot more than simple sexual attraction. This is certainly not to say sex and sexual attraction is not hugely important within a successful long term relationship but just that after a certain length of time it is not the be all and end all for couples that are generally happy together.

[–]Euphemia006No Pill 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Some men can lose attraction for their women over time, the same way some women can lose attraction for their men over time.

It is a bit childish to believe that women are not interested in their men look. Women do not marry personality.

[–]FrivolousMood 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Speaking for myself (but also the handful of close male friends who have shared such info) this is my answer. So long as a wife / partner remains sexually enthusiastic for her husband, AND does not gain a bunch of weight, his attraction for her will likewise be strong. True that men generally would find a beautiful young woman to be … beautiful. But that does NOT mean any loss of attraction for an (older) spouse / long term partner (again IF she stays active and interested in him sexually AND doesn’t get fat).

[–]CentralAdmin 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The biggest issue is that wives pick up too much weight over the years. Men are forgiving and do enjoy women's curves. But women are often willingly blind to their weight as they age.

They blame giving birth despite many moms able to lose the weight afterwards.

They blame men for being shallow and not loving them despite not taking care of themselves, but they wouldn't be happy with their men picking up too much weight either.

Many of the women who complain about being dead bedroomed have probably also picked up too much weight.

Clinical Psychologist Bettina Arndt wrote a book on why women go off sex and she also ran some interesting social experiments. She asked married men and women to keep diaries of their sex lives. What she discovered was that while it was easy for women to just write the men off as lustful pests, the men's diaries showed a deep desire for their partners. These were couples who were married for years or decades.

Picture a couple in their 40s and 50s. They are past their prime and probably overweight. And still husbands would try to initiate intimacy. They really do want their partners and are hurt by their declining sex life. They feel unloved and lonely inside of a marriage.

These men were not looking to younger, thinner, prettier women for love and sex. They still wanted their wives. A man may appreciate a nice ass walking by but he isn't necessarily going to date her (unless he is a cheating asshole). What he wants is for his wife to enjoy sex with him.

Love isn't going to fade because he is aware there are more attractive women about. Maybe in a woman's mind the availability of higher status, taller, richer men means she loses interest in her current partner. But men don't work that way, generally speaking.

[–]Ohms2North 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just don't get fat and you'll be fine

[–]Impressive_Sport_975 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

For me Yes if she is not an 7 out of 10 I will lose attraction over time.

[–]Laytheblameonluck -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

The wife goggles thing happens out of having regular sex. The male brain isn't a naive optimist, if it's getting regular sex from one woman it's not going to end that to chase the scant opportunity with another woman when realistically it knows it won't get regular sex there. Such thoughts are to depressing, so the brain finds it much easier to focus on the wife.

[–]SuperCrazy071 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

As a guy in his 40s…

Yes, most guys lose some attraction.

Yes, your lives become intertwined. It can be hard to leave.

No, I’m not interested in relationships with 20 year olds (this is a crazy misconception on PPD). To me college students would be completely off limits. 22-27 at most a fling. Anything else is setting myself up to lose half my shit. Or be cheated on constantly. I know many successful men in their 40s and zero who want a serious ltr with a 20 yo girl (ONS maybe).

Wife goggles happen to unattractive men that can’t fuck anyone else so they overlook the flaws of their sole source of pussy.

If you actually marry a worthwhile woman, there is a net positive trade off between her being less hot and having someone valuable in your life. If not, you go cry about it in dead bedrooms (or here). Or leave.

In my mind, marriage benefits the person who brings less, but not nothing, to the table.

This is a bit harsh, but I wouldn’t go on a first date with my wife if we met for the first time today. The opposite is clearly not true.

But given our shared history, she does add value, combined with high transaction costs of divorce, it doesn’t make sense to leave (unless a guy wants to spin plates forever). Otherwise you’re in the same spot in a few years.

[–]plumtastic 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I know you're just being honest and I appreciate that, but I really hope your wife never reads this.

[–]HappilyMrs 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed. I feel for her that her husband is even thinking this!

[–]abaxeron✴️Indian Programmer -1 points0 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Do men lose attraction to their partners over time?

Technically yes, since we lose attraction to everyone over time. Once you pass the age of 30, sex just stops taking so much place on the totempole of priorities.

guys on here seem to worry so much for being "settled for" yet they go on to claim they are most attracted to 20 year old's, doesn't that mean every man would be settling in a long term relationship?

Briffault's law:

"The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.”

Corollary 1:

"Past benefits provided by the male do not provide for continued or future association."

Men are simple creatures. We love our stomachs full and our balls empty. And we're capable of appreciating sacrifices made for us in the past. If a woman gave birth to my child, no matter how much it changed her appearance, in some sense, it automatically puts her above every of 3.5 billion other women in the world. Even if it happened 40 years ago.

On the other hand, as one wonderful person has put it years ago, "hypergamy does not care. It does not care that you absorbed her student debt, got her out of prison, and helped raising her child from another man".

The reason men are attracted to youth is because in women, youth is tied to fertility, way more strongly than in men. If a woman has spent her fertility on my genes, staying with her is the opposite of settling.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Your logic does not make sense because a lot of men abandon their kids compared to women. Thus men do not care about what a women went through to bear their kid.

[–]abaxeron✴️Indian Programmer 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Source?

[–]Sad_Entertainer6312 -2 points-1 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

If the woman was still taking care of them men it'd be for more likely that he would have stayed.

[–]ThePuckeringLesbian Sage 12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

So women should be working full time, contributing 50/50 and also wiping your ass?

[–]Sad_Entertainer6312 -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Who said that? If you don't understand, why not ask clarifying questions?

[–]The9thElement16f radical feminist 12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

This is what I don’t get. Like as a grown man why do you need a caregiver? Then many complain that your wife doesn’t have sex with you, this is why, it’s because she sees you as a child.

[–]Sad_Entertainer6312 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's reciprocal.

[–]RedPill115 -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

We call this viewing men as Walking Wallets - women grew up with a father who wasn't around but paid the bills, and now they believe their husband will fill the same role for them.

These seem to be the same "men only want 1 thing and it's disgusting" types who seek out men who lack attachment then complain that men who lack attachment...continue to lack attachment.

[–]SwimmingTheme3736 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No sex does not drop after 30 if you put the effort in

From a chubby happily married 40 year old

[–]SilentFroggy 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If she spent her youth with me and not with other men, then I don’t care how bad she ages. I would possibly lose attraction to her but not loyalty.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes. I've loved women before but I will never be as attracted to a woman after I've been inside her as I was beforehand

It's that simple.

New pussy will always be more enticing in that regard. Many might not pick it for other reasons but yeah

[–]badsign12Dialectic Pill 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

First, I've never seen a more clear example of hypocritical projection than men claiming that women love conditionally and men love unconditionally, except when the bitch gets fat or passes 30. I mean, come the fuck on, guys.

On topic, men and women lose some attraction to their partners in most cases. The song you first heard 25 years ago doesn't grab you the way it did then. Our nervous systems and our emotional systems acclimate, whether to a song or a friend or a lover. So even if we stay exactly the same, some of that tingle diminishes.

It helps if both partners know this and make an effort to keep some novelty in their relationship. It helps if they deal with their own aging well. It helps if they accept that young pretty things, male or female, are nice to look at and will catch their eye and their partner's eye from time to time. This is all a challenge, but not herculean. It's really just living on purpose and accepting some inevitable realities.

If you do most of this, sometimes something happens. The way an old song will hit you, not with that fresh excitement of a novel experience, but with a quieter but deeper sense of connection. The song touches memories of how it felt then, but more importantly it reminds you of who you were and how intensely you felt and how passionately you believed.

Wife goggles or husband goggles don't change the way you see your partner so much as change the way you see yourself. And not deceptively. That younger, recklessly impassioned man or woman is still there begging to come out and play, if only for an hour or a day before needing to rest a bit. But he or she is there.

Waiting. For a sign that it's time to feel what we felt when we first heard that song.

Edit: spelling

[–]LouisdeRouvroy 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I dont understand male sexuality and relationship thinking.

There's a sub titled "don't put your dick in it".

Men's sex drive is about putting his dick in a woman. Which woman? Well, the woman who accepts him.

You're confused because women need to first be attracted to a man to have sex with but men don't need to be attracted to have sex.

So men can differentiate between women who they find most attractive (basically 22 years old throughout men's lives are considered most attractive), and women who they can have sex with (basically almost all women who are willing).

So at 50, you're okay with sticking your dick in a 50 years old woman or in a 25. At 25, maybe you won't go for the 50 one.

Basically, men playing field expand while they age. Women's are narrow from start to finish.

Now, about having sex with your 50 years old wife. Of course, a single man will definitely opt for the 25 vs. the 50. But if you're married, it might be not be the case because of habit, of comfort, she knows how to please, etc.

But still, any husband would take their wife at 25 rather than at 50 from a purely sexual attraction point of view.

[–]edjohn88 -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is why I don’t believe any “lifelong” relationship is possible without a woman involved who is either bisexual or completely comfortable with an open approach.

Of course we look at mid twenties from the perspective of sexual preference initially, but if she is mature for her age, then she has more going for her than any attractive but mature woman does. The only advantage the LTR woman has is we men do develop parallel love for her (the mental and emotional parts) besides the physical.

So in the end, we value long lasting friendship and dare I say romance, but as long as we have balls we will have a strong desire to have new sexual experiences, preferably with women in their prime. Most men simply can’t manage this complexity or can’t even attract new high value women, so no one notices that men desire it. Also many men are so comfortable in their complacency they parrot the feminine mantra that they’re “happily married”, “in love”, whatever sounds warm and fuzZy and conceals the fact that they never lose the visceral desire for youth and virility.

A high value man can afford to demand this type of compromise, however, because he brings enough value to both the older women who have stuck by him and the younger women he plays (or they play) with. It is rare to see this work, but if you take masculinity and femininity to their ultimate form, its the only real balance between male and female imperatives. Men want to be prolific and sure of their paternity, women want to be attached to the highest value man who will take care of them (at least emotionally in this day and age).

I’m still unsure if the ideal is 3-4 people actually living together, or a 2 person marriage with flexibility… but it certainly isn’t 2 people fucking only each other from age 25 or whatever until death.

[–]gobblegoobleoneofus -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

yes around 6 months is when I am not as excited about them. I need variety

[–]Illustrious-Dirt2576 -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

My boss has been with his wife for 25 years and he still only loves her.

Sure he looks at other women but he still has a lot of lust for his own wife.

He never cheated and he just is not that guy to cheat.

I come from a broken home and I cheated many times even though I know it´s wrong.

It´s possible but a lot of men are just not programmed this way, they prefer sleeping around or maybe even an open relationship.

Women also need to realize that a lot of modern women don´t have any clue how to keep a man interested for that period of time.

[–]shadowofdoubt13 -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes

[–]_revelationary1 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

Probably. I’ve heard the term “wife goggles” on here and that makes me feel better. It’s this idea that in long term relationships men still have this idealized image in their brains of the younger woman they married, which makes them stay attracted to their SO. I’m not sure I buy it. I see myself getting less objectively attractive even though I take care of myself, so I am betting he sees it too. He still acts like he’s attracted though. For context, I’m 32 and we’ve been together 12 years.

I’m a therapist so I talk to a lot of people. Men also get less objectively physically attractive with age. There’s an assumption if they have status or money they can still be high value. But I talk to lots of women who feel less attracted to their spouses. I also talk to lots of women who feel they’ve “let themselves go” and their husbands aren’t attracted.

Since in a long term relationship both parties are going to age, the relationship — even the sexual part — needs to be built on more than just physical passion and good communication is essential. And knowing that to stay in love long-term requires effort and give/take from both parties.

[–]Fiestygirl000 7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Wife goggles is BS. Men on here claim that but our mothers generation had husband heaving their aging wives for the young hot secretary . Even though the couple got married pretty young, and the wife kept herself up

[–]_revelationary 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed that “wife goggles” isn’t a universal experience and stuff like that does still happen.

Edited my first post because I didn’t realize this was a Q4M and I’m a woman! But my answer was “probably.”

[–]Barely-moralRed leaning purple-seal. Diagnosed ASPD 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wife googles is something that exists only as long as the relationship is healthy.

[–]EnteFetzBlackpill Man 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If the young hot secretary makes it obvious that she is available it will seduce the old man and turns off his wife goggles.

[–]C4yourshelf -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Tf. You don't leave her for the secretary. You bang the secretary on the side while having a loving family. I swear some guys just dum dum mess up the simplest of things

[–]Unexpected-bug 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes. And it is directly associated with the Coolidge effect, it has biological basis. You may want to read: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect

[–]meattornado52 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The Coolidge effect is a thing, but it turns out if you view the human experience as more than a bunch of meatbags eating, crapping, and fucking, you can see how endlessly chasing lust doesn’t bring you or society prosperity. I’m sure happily-married men with teenage daughters have that fleeting thought, but they understand that their union with their wife is more important than feeding that desire. Even a lot of atheists will still espouse Christian virtues.

[–]Makaveli676 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

There are studies that show that men of all different ages find 20-21 year old women most attractive whereas women find men of all different ages attractive. But this definitely isn’t a fairytale where women’s charm stays evergreen, it definitely does fade with time. There’s always exceptions to the rules, but most men lose attraction to their partner’s beauty over time. Many older men I’ve discussed with say the same, but they try to remain devoted to their partners despite the fact.

[–]Makaveli676 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The qualities women are attracted to in men are acquired with time (confidence, prestige, money, wisdom), so although men’s physical features also decline with time their overall sexual market value doesn’t significantly drop like it does with women

[–]boomershack 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If both Man and Woman are holding up their end of the deal in the Marriage and the man happens to be a Good Mature Man, no he will not lose attraction to his partner over time.

He will understand the sacrifices needed to make for Love to work while being graceful and respectful about it.

Now if your man is immature and only cares about superficial things....

Do men lose attraction to their partners over time?

yes. Many guys tend to be very shallow when it comes to attraction and their partners. "Post nut clarity" is one thing but, from what I've been told, "post nut 20 years into a relationship" is a whole nother ball game.

Depends on the guy.

[–]HuckleberryThis2012 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No and yes. There is a point of repetition where the hotness or newness of someone wears off. But that’s is supplemented by our feelings for you. When a guy loses attraction it’s usually based on things of a similar nature: lack of effort from one or both sides in the couple of keeping the spark going. Did you stop doing the sexual stuff you used to after things got serious or after marriage? Do you treat sex as a “let’s get it over with” thing? Maybe he did the same and that’s why that attraction went away. But it’s not a guaranteed to happen thing, and can be avoided easily by putting effort into keeping the sex life alive.

[–]Da_Famous_Anus 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It can happen. It doesn't always happen.

Think about it.

Do women lose their attraction to their partners over time?

[–]RRBeachFG2 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Men attach to ppl like women don’t, that’s why they would die for u, so u have like 10 years to make a man love you forever; it’s on u.

[–]EasternToe3824 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Where are these comments of going after 20somethings? They are a minority at best, I‘d say.

The attraction I had for a woman that went through thick and thin with me is based on more than the physical, I dare say that might be the norm, even for red pill guys.

[–]xiaxing 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think men lose attraction but what really matters is holding on to the reason you fell in love in the first place and invent new ways to regenerate that feeling so it doesn’t fade away, try new things, new adventures

[–]bootzandboyz 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This isn't completely related, but men who prefer ladies in their twenties (18 to about 23) prefer them because it's easier to groom young ladies into what they want.

Not all men, but I'm sure there's a small percentage of men who lose attraction to their wife because they lose control of them and/or their wife gains more independence later in life.
The attraction is not necessarily based on the woman's physical looks but based more on control.

[–]metakeponeNo Pill 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It starts to not matter as you get over 30 and start to realize that its not always about the size of tits but about the compatibility of brainwaves.

[–]rubberseatbelt 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Quite simply, it depends.

[–]Peacesquad 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Most do lmao

[–]GarthbrooksXV 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

A mature man values a woman who he can enjoy spending his life with. Looks matter less the older he gets.

Your observations on this sub of male preferences are 1) Subjective, not the person's actual response to interacting with a naive 19 yr old girl who loves dick but otherwise has nothing to share with the older person 2) The preferences of incels who have very little if any relationship experience to shape their preferences. Their preferences default to what arouses them most.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Im 29 and going through this situation. Attraction has decreased but my respect and appreciation to what she does has increased. I think it varies from person to person

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

NO they don’t. Honestly I would say that men have a stricter code when it comes to “duty”. A man will grind himself to dust providing for a family with zero appreciation. Then his wife divorces him and takes half of everything for being to busy with work all the time.

[–]BCEXP 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I dont understand male sexuality and relationship thinking.

Because men and women are different

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Great question. I would never want to date a guy that's only interested in much younger women as it indicates they are very superficial, immature and have the wrong values for long-term commitment.

When looking for a life partner you have to accept them aging and a guy obsessed with younger women is a poor risk. He likely won't find you attractive once you age (thus cheat or dump you), more likely to be immature for his cohort of peers (can be a redflag he won't ever grow up and stop partying for example) and is likely very superficial in valuing looks of character for instance.

[–]Davegvg 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Depends.

I become less attracted to women I dont get along with over time no matter how beautiful they might have been or still are.

IF the relationship is good they get more beautiful and attractive to me.

When I look at my wife I see the same woman I saw 20 years ago and because our relationship is great - its even better. Im more in love than I was when we married.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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