Do single mothers or single fathers make better parents overall?

EulenWatcher · 2022-07-22T05:10:25+00:00

If my guess that the percent of single fathers who are divorced or widowed is higher than the same percent for single mothers us right, I'd expect men to do slightly better statistically. Not because they're better parents or something, but because more of them have planned and wanted kids and they were presumably ready and eager to have them. I doubt a lot of men end up as single fathers when they get an unwanted pregnancy. In such case, it's usually a woman who keeps the kid and not vice versa.

If we compare single parents with similar background, I'd guess men and women don't have much of a difference in outcomes. Some are great parents, some suck at it.

womandatory · 2022-07-22T08:21:16+00:00

Here is a neat little compilation of some stats on single parent families in the US.

I’d say that given only 20% of single parents families are headed by men, that single moms have a 35% smaller income than single dads, and that less than half of single parents families receive full child support, I’d say it’s very difficult to make any kind of comparison.

Add to that most men who have primary custody of their children do so because they fought in court for it (most western countries’ data show that when men actually fight for custody, they most often get it, at least equal time) versus most single mothers are abandoned to it, whether they want custody or not, you’re really not comparing a level playing field.

I’d say that men who actually want equal or full custody of their kids will probably be better dads than guys who had their kids dumped on them because mom’s in jail or deceased, on drugs, or just skipped town, and they’re probably better even than married dads who are just content to skate along doing very little actual parenting.

But it’s hard to compare that with single moms who largely feel they don’t have a choice and just make the best they can of a shit sandwich.

You’re comparing a very small group of dads who actually wanted custody of their kids, have on average a higher disposable income so less financial stress, with a much higher number of moms who were the ones who gave birth, so it’s harder to skip out, have much lower incomes and aren’t receiving much child support.

Men who wanted their kids and fought for them also often have good social support from friends and family, women who had no choice after the deadbeat dad left may have a less stable circle of support. There have been some studies referenced in a few articles about single parenting I dug up out of interest, that suggest while men have fewer financial stresses, women tend to have closer, warmer and more enduring relationships with their children.

Then there’s the whole full custody parent vs shared custody argument and just anecdotally, out of the huge number of single and sole parents that make up my circle of friends and colleagues, there’s about two guys I know who take on the ‘real’ parenting burden, of juggling doctor and dentist and school appointments, vaccination schedules, orthodontist, hearing tests, significant birthday parties, managing menstruation when it happens etc. Most of the men I know who do shared custody don’t do any of that. They’re good men and feed and clothe the kids and get them to school and play and read with them etc, but they don’t do the real hard yards. I call them ‘macro parents’. Moms are the ‘micro parents’. Moms know your favorite color and which friend blew up at you and who your crush is and what your blood type is, when your prescriptions need filling and whether you prefer pads or tampons, and which brand. Dads do more of the teaching kids to drive and playing catch on weekends, driving out for ice cream when your heartbroken but they’re not sure whether it’s your friend or your girl/boyfriend that hurt you.

None of that is to diminish the value of either parent, or their parenting role. It’s why humans at a basic level need both parents. But it matters when the micro parent has to macro too, and when the macro parent can call their own mom or their sister or their best friend’s wife to help out.

It’s not a simple question, equation or comparison by any means and I think your question is too narrow and complex for this kind of forum.

2022-07-22T03:28:02+00:00

Good and bad for both. Can't make generalized statement like that

take_number_two · 2022-07-22T04:15:47+00:00

There is an absence of research regarding whether single fathers are better parents. However, single fathers can be as good a parent as single mothers. In terms of income and education, single fathers tend to be in a better position than single mothers.

You can find a lot of research about outcomes for single parent households in general, and there’s also a lot of data about the demographics of single fathers vs single mothers. You’re not going to find a study answering this particular question though.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2022-07-22T05:40:00+00:00

Who has more income?

One of the biggest factors for success tends to be income as more resources are available to enrich the child and give them wrap around support.

. But other confounding factors might also be who has a better support system (extended family and friends willing to pitch in) and who is more nurturing/attentive.

ForrestGnomee · 2022-07-22T05:17:54+00:00

I would imagine there would be good and bad for each just different. Because to be a single parent (talking truly single here, not a divorce split custody deal) to me implies weak judgement and weaker sets of character from the out jump. Neither will be ideal because neither are typically the ideal man or woman yet.

I was raised by a single mother. One thing is I never felt very secure. She would get emotional at times and was a short and smaller lady so I didn’t feel like she was a protector sort like I may have with a single father. I was a big kid so I didn’t feel personally weak but to not have security is a huge issue for kids.

I can say that without any data I would assume a single father home would be better for a child for income, security, strong presence, etc. None of this is to say I didn’t learn from my mother though or that she was awful or a single mother has to be awful. A single parent is always going to be far less than ideal just that a single father may be all together less problematic.

Gravel_Roads · 2022-07-22T06:18:28+00:00

A parent who is present in the kid’s life is better than a parent who abandons their kid.

techr0nin · 2022-07-22T07:19:54+00:00

I’m not sure in terms of outcome, but I know that single-father household income is on average about 40k, compared to single-mothers at about 25k. Alot of the issues with single parent families come down to money, and single-fathers tend to have more of it.

2022-07-22T07:28:31+00:00

The studies show with single fathers the results are slightly better.

szclimber · 2022-07-22T04:21:11+00:00

Not sure. I think it is best to treat parents as individuals here. Also, lots of bad 2 parent homes out there.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-07-22T04:44:16+00:00

It would depend on those people. Not all single moms are amazing parents; not all single dads are either.

2022-07-22T03:47:27+00:00

There's no one size fits all answer here. People are far too variable and there's too many other factors, such as mental health and economic situations. I would say if we have to make generalizations, a healthy, well adjusted two parent family is ideal, followed by a healthy, well adjusted single parent.

purplish_possum · 2022-07-22T04:40:23+00:00

I was a single father of my two oldest kids from jr high on. They have three degrees each and six figure careers.

RandomRedditGuy322 · 2022-07-22T03:46:11+00:00

Single mothers are the worst, have absolutely horrible outcomes for their children statistically.

Plus, children who live in homes with non-biological parents have a 2000% higher likelihood of being molested by that non biological parent compared to children who live in homes only occupied by biological parents. So not only does the single mother set her child up for failure by not raising and providing for them properly, they also bring in random dudes that end up diddling their children too.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2022-07-22T04:36:51+00:00

I think it’s complicated and there’s no easy answer.

There are so many factors. The parents age, education, their job, temperament (along with the child temperament) and social support create many different outcomes.

Two parent homes can easily create the same outcomes, sometimes even worse. if the parents relationship is not good, they’re modeling their toxic behavior for their children. Having two shitty parents is much worse than having one shitty parent. My parents suck on their own but nothing is worse when they only get along to insult me.

Play_Muted · 2022-07-22T04:25:42+00:00

single father better.

SteveSan82 · 2022-07-22T07:36:23+00:00

Single mothers are awful mothers. Single fathers are unusual

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Miggyc1244 · 2022-07-22T04:40:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2022-07-22T05:44:43+00:00

I'm not sure if there is any data for this but anecdotally, I would expect a two-parent family to better than a single parent on average given that two people have more time and more financial stability on average.

2022-07-22T07:56:31+00:00

It would heavily depend on the individual parent, their support circle and their economic status.

Katatonicsnake · 2022-07-22T08:57:47+00:00

Most of those things (violence, teenage pregnancy) have been linked to growing up poor and not having a strong safety net. Of course being poor and being a single parent often go hand in hand, but poor two parent families without proper safety nets are in a risk group as well.

I don’t think child needs both parents. Child needs safe adults in their life, and a community that cares.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-07-22T09:50:57+00:00

Under the same circumstances I assume that they'd be the same. But single fathers more often choose to look after the child. For single mothers it's usually the case that the father just left. Demographic data is already putting these children at risk.

SuspiciousRule · 2022-07-22T09:57:55+00:00

It not marriage status or the gender that matter. But character of the parent and household income.

2022-07-22T10:12:39+00:00

Based on what measurement? On most women trump men as they actually take role of parenting.

delight-n-angers · 2022-07-22T17:42:00+00:00

I’m not looking for the “a child needs both parents” answers. Everyone knows that already. Just some insight on outcomes dependent on parents gender

The thing is that children of single parents generally don't have these poorer outcomes because of the gender of the parent. It's because most single parents live in poverty. The issues you've mentioned for both men and women - drugs/violence for men and promiscuity for women are direct results of generational poverty. it's not about the gender of the parent, it's about the security of the child.

Salt_Mathematician24 · 2022-07-22T20:50:52+00:00

I think women make better parents when the child is under 7 and then men make better parents after that, usually for economic reasons and masculinity is more so associated with success and self-sufficiency, which is vital as the child develops into teen years. This may change however.

Stop_Maximum · 2022-07-25T18:35:46+00:00

I would say it depends but I think it matters if they’re by chance or by choice. By chance means that they ended up being single parents without a choice. Whereas by choice means that they’ve decided to have children on their own. They usually are doing well for themselves and have support systems in place even before giving birth. I believe if you’re a parent by choice you have more chances of being a good parent, even if solo. Because there’s that planning and it requires the person to be financially accountable. I would definitely would look into the latter

Title	Do single mothers or single fathers make better parents overall?
Author	Miggyc1244
Upvotes	0
Comments	71
Date	July 22, 2022 3:23 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/w5012d/do_single_mothers_or_single_fathers_make_better/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-single-mothers-or-single-fathers-make-better.1124709 https://theredarchive.com/post/1124709