Do some women don't mind being a single mother?

YaKnowEstacado · 2022-09-28T21:14:51+00:00

I know a lot of single mothers but I don't know any who got pregnant from casual sex. Most got pregnant with a boyfriend and the relationship ended for some reason.

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-09-28T22:45:59+00:00

It’s not that women aim to be single mothers. I think society is attempting to destigmatize it because it’s often used as abuse by certain types of men. Imagine having to remain in an abusive situation out of fear of stigmatization, imagine being left and being unable to handle raising your children properly due to shame and financial issues.

The concern shouldn’t be do women want to be single mothers it should be why aren’t fathers stepping tf up and taking care of what they brought into the world

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-09-28T21:09:53+00:00

Sometimes one finds oneself pregnant and given the choice between aborting the baby or keeping it, they decide to keep it. Sometimes the father stays in the picture and sometimes he does not. While it’s obviously better in most circumstances for a child to have two parents, some women would rather have the baby regardless. Maybe they don’t believe in abortion, maybe they believe in it for others but when faced with the decision they just couldn’t abort. Maybe she’s getting a little older and thinks this is her shot to have a child. And other women head right to the clinic. It’s a personal decision for those women and how they view their future, and what regrets they can live with.

SoIlikeMangos · 2022-09-28T21:30:03+00:00

Single moms that I know were all in long term relationship & somehow it didn't work out. He cheated, didn't share the mental or physical load or was physically or verbally abusive.

howdoiw0rkthisthing · 2022-09-28T21:57:32+00:00

There are definitely some single women out there who don’t want partners but do want kids- usually they’re either low or high socioeconomic status.

But most women would prefer to be in a happy, committed, and stable relationship with the father of their children hands down. The pattern I see emerge in subs like breakingmoms is that her marriage breaks down, shes likely the one to initiate divorce but sometimes the husband goes off the deep end in some way, she becomes a single mom and has little desire to date or marry again because of her experience in the first marriage. There comes a point where sometimes your partner might not just pulling their share of load, they might be actively adding to it and she’s literally better off without him. I’ve seen the phrase “if he won’t voluntarily pull his weight I’ll force him to” used, basically through shared custody or visitation agreements, child support, etc.

So again, it’s not necessarily that being a single mom was their first choice, but that believe it or not it was better than being stuck in a failed partnership.

smallstarseeker · 2022-09-28T21:50:47+00:00

Women which want to be single mothers can cheaply get sperm from the bank, pick between athletes, professors, 7ft guys and conceive.

However very small percentage of women actually does that.

So my guess is that overwhelming majority of women did not plan to become one.

Lysa_Bell · 2022-09-28T21:06:46+00:00

Women that want kids but not a man. Lesbians for instance. Or just woman that don't want a guy in their life. For some women the biological urge to have children is very strong. But after a certain amount of relationships the urge to be in a relationship for that is maybe not strong anymore.

wintergreen233 · 2022-09-28T21:18:22+00:00

With the caveat that I don’t have children and don’t have personal experience, I think overall the majority of women would vastly prefer to raise children in a relationship with a good partner. For most people, parenting alone or co-parenting without a relationship is much more difficult than parenting together in a good relationship. It presents more financial and personal challenges, as well as the negative impact on the child if the father is out of the picture entirely.

However, life doesn’t always work out that way. Relationships change, and people make choices that don’t work out the way they imagined or hoped. So people make do with the situations they are presented with.

And if you have personal values that would make you against abortion, and you get pregnant from a casual encounter, then being a single mother will obviously be preferable to her than abortion and in most cases to adoption.

I do think social and cultural influences play into this a lot as well. If you grew up in a social setting where single motherhood without a relationship or active father in the children’s life is very normative, you may be more likely to expect the same for your own life and take fewer steps to avoid it, because you’d see that as the typical way to have a family.

Speaking personally, I’d never in a billion years keep a pregnancy that occurred in that scenario, but people have different values and priorities.

neutralhumanbody · 2022-09-29T00:03:38+00:00

Before I met my husband, I was okay with the idea of being a single mother (adoption, sperm bank, etc.). I’ve always been invested in being a mother, not as much being married.

Most women I’ve met are far happier as single mothers than not. Their partners typically weren’t very helpful or made parenting a lot more annoying.

doggiedoc2004 · 2022-09-28T22:07:39+00:00

It depends more on the MAN involved my friend. Women would rather be single mothers than be attached to a man baby, cheater, abuser, minimal income, non helpful drag. It’s hard enough being a mom. We want and deserve partners. There is no mother I know who would rather be single when there is a good man (or woman) to partner with

SmilesLikeMardiGras · 2022-09-28T21:13:34+00:00

lower class women are often better off being single mothers, they get benefits and lower class men are abusive drains to them. marriage isnt attainable for every class and women want kids

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-09-28T21:20:38+00:00

I think if we were to actually fine a study to show this, the vast majority of single mothers are only single because they either got abandoned by the kids dad, or the kids dad is an asshole who’s only going to make life harder

Financial_Leave4411 · 2022-09-28T22:01:05+00:00

Women would rather have a loving caring partner to raise a child with but sometimes problems arise. Problems like not finding a good partner so they decide to do IVF and raise a child alone rather than forgoing motherhood or having a child with someone they thought was a good partner but ended up not working out. It is worth noting that it is very rare for a woman to try to have kids and raise them on her own.

mackenzie013_02 · 2022-09-28T22:56:21+00:00

What is the definition of a single mother tho? - father completely out of the picture - any split arrangement - widows - etc. ?

I’ll assume most don’t plan on becoming single mothers, but relationship has ended/they got divorced.

ChadChasingB · 2022-09-28T22:02:09+00:00

Some women don't mind and do not want a man involved in at all. They usually adopt, use a sperm bank, or get pregnant intentionally from a hook up and never inform the dad. That's not the case for most single mothers. Most were in relationships at the time she got pregnant and some times for years after that before the break up/divorce. Single mothers usually have the fathers in their lives too, just not living together. Some even have 50/50 custody, but studies show that most men never file for custody of their kids for whatever reason.

GlamSunCrybabyMoon · 2022-09-29T00:19:45+00:00

I don’t think what you’re asking about is common and I don’t think it will be. All the single mothers (myself included) I know were in relationships and it either just didn’t work out or their boyfriends/husbands started cheating, being abusive, or just changed their mind. Being a single isn’t the ideal for most women but it’s better than having a child and a physically present partner draining you.

Stop_Maximum · 2022-09-29T06:30:56+00:00

I think some don’t mind, especially if they have the necessary resources to bring up the child. There are women that adopt or have children on their own and are doing okay, but they are usually better off financially. While others might not be because they ended up pregnant by chance, sometimes from a relationship, a FWB or ONS. They might keep the baby although they might realise it’s not that easy, but doesn’t mean they won’t do a good job.

In the case of women choosing to have children on their own, the biological father usually isn’t present but other father figures are. In the case of women getting pregnant by chance, the father might be aware but the choice is theirs to be involved or not.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-09-29T08:59:34+00:00

I don't think many people really prefer it or would choose it, but some will accept ending up in that scenario. I don't think it'll ever end up that common as raising human children is a collaborative effort abd doing it on your own is very hard.

blockboii190 · 2022-09-29T17:56:05+00:00

Bro go talk to woman lol you have a wild thought process

risdeveau · 2022-09-28T21:19:40+00:00

In some places is it normalized, yes

darkvalleys · 2022-09-28T22:59:12+00:00

If everyone around them is, they will too.

RocinanteCoffee · 2022-09-28T23:14:53+00:00

Some women choose it, but usually only if they are wealthy or if they have a great support system.

Quite a few upper middle class career women decide to have a child before they age out of their childbearing years and by artificial insemination or surrogate. They can afford to have additional paid for care while they are working.

That being said it's much more common for women to have babies in a loving relationship (or at least the relationship starts as loving).

briiiana1122 · 2022-09-28T23:47:54+00:00

I don’t know anyone with any degrees of separation who had a child from casual sex. I’ve known 2 people to break up while pregnant and keep the child so I guess they are choosing something like single parenthood but in both cases both parents are very in the picture and work together with 50/50 custody.

I don’t really know why the average person would choose to be a solo parent, but someone with enough money to hire full time help, I do get it if they want a child but haven’t found the right person. I don’t know anyone who’s done this though.

urbangoth · 2022-09-29T00:43:12+00:00

Most women I know who were/are single moms got pregnant with a partner then either broke up or had relationship issues, or sometimes the man didn't commit. I don't know anyone who got pregnant from casual sex, but I'm certain it happens.

One situation was actually a statutory rape where my coworker (back when she was 15, way before I knew her) was "dating" a 30 year old and got pregnant. She lived in a state with strict abortion laws and, because she was a minor, was essentially unable to go get an abortion and was forced to have the kid. Obviously the guy did not stay in that picture for many reasons.

Overall it doesn't seem like women want to be single mothers, they simply see it as the better option to being with an abusive or shit partner, or the partner leaves. None of them actively decided they were going to get pregnant and raise it on their own. They all seemed to think there would be a partner there.

NoCall6197 · 2022-09-29T03:01:28+00:00

I think the appropriate question would be: why are the number of single mothers only ever increasing?

Women have become more empowered, or rather learnt to gtow. We live in an ever more self-absorbed, individualised society where the value of a family isn't even appreciated in 2 parent families.

When you become a parent you transition in personality, and outlook on life because the centre of your existence becomes the children. But no one wants to accept that reality, people just want to carrying on living their free single lives as they did before the child was born hoping to 'have it all'.

HobbitShaker88 · 2022-09-29T03:31:01+00:00

Yes its true.

I dont know of any women getting purposefully pregnant by a man and leaving the man out though...I meet a wide variety of people at my very social job and have met 3 women who never met the right man, used a sperm donor and are happy single mothers by their accounts. Id never do that but I dont judge others that do it.

However, all of these women were financially set. 2 of the 3 have alot of support. If children were cheaper there'd be more women doing this, its a common reason to not pursue it.

Alot of women get pregnant and decide against abortion (many in red states arent given that option now) and the man doesnt want to be involved. I also know several women like this and despite their struggles, they state their child is a blessing.

You should read the singleparents subreddit on here. There are many people there that prefer being a single parent over a married parent or co parent because their ex/co parent is an awful person and their life is better without their presence. This is the reason why I know single parents that are happier than married parents.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-09-29T04:38:21+00:00

Me no I’m not ok with that. I have three children, my oldest 2 with my ex husband youngest with my current. I would not of kept a child from a hook up.

My best friend was a single mother as her long term boyfriend left when she was 28 weeks with their planned child.

I don’t know any woman in real life that got pregnant from a random and kept it.

I know a lot where marriages or relationships have broken down

mandoa_sky · 2022-09-29T05:41:53+00:00

one of my neighbours is divorced. she told me she likes being a "single mother" even with all of the court visits since the ex was acting too much like son no.3

ashleyrose56 · 2022-09-29T09:14:01+00:00

I am not comfortable with the idea of being a single mother, I wouldn't ever possibly be in the position of getting pregnant from a random because I don't have casual sex BUT I life happens and the future baby Dad's could turn around and be nasty, and in that case some men are better as absent fathers than anything. Or he could cheat on me, so I would divorce. Or he could die. That's why I wouldn't have more than 2 children because that's the amount I'm comfortable raising by myself if for whatever reason I end up being a sinlge mother.

I think the majority of women don't willingly put themselves in the position of being single mothers, it just happens. Unless they are terribly irresponsible and have a baby from someone they have known for less than 2 years.

KombuchaEnema · 2022-09-28T21:05:57+00:00

Women are only genuinely happy to be single mothers if they are focused 100% on their own needs (i.e., they don’t care if their child is happy). A mother who knows anything about child psychology would never be genuinely happy to raise her children as a single parent.

Most women who claim to be “proud single mothers” are only doing so to combat the stigma. In reality they’d prefer an intact family with a good husband and father.

But at some point you have to look at your own past and say “yeah I slept with a POS and this is my life now and I can either beat myself up or make it work.”

Some women go overboard and act proud to be single mothers. That’s just a cope. Being a single parent is hard. Some people can handle all the hard work (cooking, cleaning, working full time, childcare) but they still can’t confront the shame of having slept with the wrong person and bringing a child into a shitty situation.

bunnakay · 2022-09-29T01:01:08+00:00

I don't know any women who got pregnant from casual sex.

Bekiala · 2022-09-28T23:36:03+00:00

I remember a story about a woman that dated a guy just to get pregnant. She really didn't want anything to do with him just wanted a baby.

Be careful out there guys if you don't want to be a sperm donor don't let it happen.

mcove97 · 2022-09-28T23:53:18+00:00

I don't mean to cast a value judgement here

Why not? I sure as hell am, but I digress.

but are women generally ok with getting pregnant from casual sex and leaving the biological father (even if the father is a positive person).

It sure seems so from my POV as a woman. Personally though, I would not be okay with that, but that's because I'm generally not at all ok with getting pregnant at all considerating I'm childfree and have a strong dislike and disinterest for pregnancy and children. I think having children is vastly overrated and I do not personally value it at all, despite the fact that I'm a woman, and while I'm at it I'm gonna judge the hell out of uteruses and call them fucking bloody cramp machines, that to me as a woman has zero value at all considering I'm childfree. Anyway, yes most women are indeed ok with it? Why, I have no idea.. other than the fact that they must like or want kids, for some unfathomable reason I personally can't grasp (poop diapers and all. Disgusting.. ya know)

I don't care about people having the freedom to do this more so is this a common thing and will it ever be common?

It already is common yeah, cause women want kids and don't necessarily care if the dude with the sperm does. Then thats how it goes.

Do women have desire to keep the biological father around or are the averse to this idea?

Depends it seems. If they like them then yes, if they don't like them, then likely no.

I get that it depends on the women but my question what kind of women are ok with this scenerio and which ones are not?

The ones who are desperate to have kids probably is fine being a single mother. People who really want something are willing to suffer for it.

I am more than willing to have my mind changed so please don't feel like I am a stubborn person.

You seem pretty open minded to me

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Laurely4u · 2022-09-29T16:00:46+00:00

If I had plenty of money I might consider becoming a client of the repository for germinal choice in Escondido California. I don’t necessarily see myself Tinder dating anytime

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2022-09-29T23:57:24+00:00

Most single mothers I've met were casually fucking a guy and got pregnant. They were trying to be in committed relationships with these guys but it never went that far.

Most women hope the guy they get pregnant by sticks around and they become a family but this rarely happens because they weren't in a relationship to begin with.

Katatonicsnake · 2022-09-30T19:41:15+00:00

I wouldn’t mind. If I was single and wanted a child, I would just pay for sperm. I see no issue, really. Casual sex is not my thing, and if my primary goal in life was to have a child, I wouldn’t make a random choice like that.

I have many friends who are considering independent motherhood as an option, three women I know have already done it. They are all financially stable with a high education, and are quite artistic, but that describes my circle of friends anyway. My great aunts were single mothers and their children are doing well, so I guess I always grew up thinking that was a choice among others.

Title	Do some women don't mind being a single mother?
Author	roseonyxa
Upvotes	21
Comments	155
Date	September 28, 2022 9:00 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit	/r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-some-women-dont-mind-being-a-single-mother.1133540 https://theredarchive.com/post/1133540
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xqo9eu/do_some_women_dont_mind_being_a_single_mother/