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Do some women don't mind being a single mother?

September 28, 2022
21 upvotes

I don't mean to cast a value judgement here but are women generally ok with getting pregnant from casual sex and leaving the biological father (even if the father is a positive person). I don't care about people having the freedom to do this more so is this a common thing and will it ever be common? Do women have desire to keep the biological father around or are the averse to this idea? I get that it depends on the women but my question what kind of women are ok with this scenerio and which ones are not? I am more than willing to have my mind changed so please don't feel like I am a stubborn person.

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Post Information
Title Do some women don't mind being a single mother?
Author roseonyxa
Upvotes 21
Comments 155
Date September 28, 2022 9:00 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit /r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-some-women-dont-mind-being-a-single-mother.1133540
https://theredarchive.com/post/1133540
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xqo9eu/do_some_women_dont_mind_being_a_single_mother/
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Comments

[–]YaKnowEstacadofuck the pastryarchy, I don't knead no man 60 points61 points  (63 children) | Copy Link

I know a lot of single mothers but I don't know any who got pregnant from casual sex. Most got pregnant with a boyfriend and the relationship ended for some reason.

[–]PizzashillsmomNo Pill 15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

My cousin got pregnant from casual sex and then instantly started dating the father. Worked out brilliantly for like a year after the child was born…

Ended up with the biggest fucking mess of a custody battle I’ve heard of.

[–]C4yourshelf -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

As in they both didn't want the baby?

[–]mirrrje 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Usually a custody battle happens when both parents want time w the baby. Never seen it work the other way

[–]Cancelled_Cultured 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The tag line under your username had me stitched 🤣🤣

[–]YaKnowEstacadofuck the pastryarchy, I don't knead no man 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

🍞😜

[–]Cancelled_Cultured 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s clever. I like it. 👍🏾

[–]HazyMemory7They hated me because I spoke the truth 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

People in the US should be more responsible about using protection and stop having kids out of wedlock.

[–]YaKnowEstacadofuck the pastryarchy, I don't knead no man 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well like my dad always says - shit in one hand and "should" in the other and see which one fills up faster.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (54 children) | Copy Link

If it was so tenuous that it could end for "some reason" why have a kid with the guy unless they wanted to be single mothers? Shouldn't you wait until marriage for that kind of commitment?

[–]briiiana1122No Pill 13 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Marriages end… it’s not a magic cure for breakups lol

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Then have a kid with someone you know will stay, or jump down a flight of stairs after he leaves, or have it and stop fucking complaining. Most women have the choice to not be single moms.

[–]historyhillBlue Pill Wife 17 points18 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Chances are they weren't intending to get pregnant but were unwilling to terminate.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

They literally have condom bowls at planned parenthood for free to the public, how do you unintentionally get pregnant in this day and age? There are a trillion forms of contraception.

[–]richard_golbes 18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Is this an exasperated rhetorical question or are you expecting an actual answer as to why young people with raging hormones make dumb decisions and don't always prioritize birth control?

[–]historyhillBlue Pill Wife 10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Lack of comprehensive sex ed, lack of access to Planned Parenthood (especially in the past few years), and birth control failure all come to mind.

[–]SmoOoothModerator 9 points10 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

How you are jumping on the words “some reason”? Lol that’s weird. The commenter simply cannot remember the reason or isn’t sure.

Weird thing to try and build a point from.

[–]briiiana1122No Pill 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Plus relationships generally end for reasons specific to that relationship so being specific isn’t really that helpful when talking in the generality of single parenthood.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

If pushing the father of your child out of your life for "some reason" was the reason given, then that just means she did something she isn't telling you about.

[–]YaKnowEstacadofuck the pastryarchy, I don't knead no man 12 points13 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

I mean no, I left it vague because I know multiple single mothers and don't really care to go through every individual story because it's not really pertinent to OP's question. The point is that these women didn't get pregnant from casual sex, they very pregnant in relationships that didn't end up lasting.

[–]Ganajin 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What a lot of assumptions.

[–]AcanthocephalaNew947Willing to tell you its your face not your personality. 13 points14 points  (20 children) | Copy Link

Yo why are you worried about what women do? You don’t even want us speaking to you remember?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

Because it hurts kids. 75% of felons come from single mother homes. Hurt yourself, I don't give a shit, hurt your children, that's different.

[–]mackenzie013_02 15 points16 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

..and how much of a contributing factor is class in that statistic?

[–]SmoOoothModerator 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That’s usually single motherhood + poverty.

[–]lovelythecove 15 points16 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

So absent fathers create felons? Good to know. Men should ejaculate more responsibly or not have sex until they’re ready to be a father.

[–]YaKnowEstacadofuck the pastryarchy, I don't knead no man 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Because these women aren't that smart and don't think that far ahead, they just get pregnant and think yay baby and that's the end of it.

[–]AcanthocephalaNew947Willing to tell you its your face not your personality. 17 points18 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It’s not that women aim to be single mothers. I think society is attempting to destigmatize it because it’s often used as abuse by certain types of men. Imagine having to remain in an abusive situation out of fear of stigmatization, imagine being left and being unable to handle raising your children properly due to shame and financial issues.

The concern shouldn’t be do women want to be single mothers it should be why aren’t fathers stepping tf up and taking care of what they brought into the world

[–]roseonyxa[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah that makes a lot of sense actually

[–]AstronautLoveShackOne Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater 29 points30 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Sometimes one finds oneself pregnant and given the choice between aborting the baby or keeping it, they decide to keep it. Sometimes the father stays in the picture and sometimes he does not. While it’s obviously better in most circumstances for a child to have two parents, some women would rather have the baby regardless. Maybe they don’t believe in abortion, maybe they believe in it for others but when faced with the decision they just couldn’t abort. Maybe she’s getting a little older and thinks this is her shot to have a child. And other women head right to the clinic. It’s a personal decision for those women and how they view their future, and what regrets they can live with.

[–]itm4l2000 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Sperm donor with benefits. Sometimes I feel women hide their true motivations for being with a man and dehumanise men to get what they want.

Women complain about men objectifying them for their bodies, men need to start being wary about women objectifying them for their resources and sperm. It works both ways.

[–]AstronautLoveShackOne Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What, you think all single mothers got intentionally pregnant? They don’t. Despite what you think we don’t sit around and contemplate how to entrap men and ruin our own lives by getting pregnant. We just deal with the situation as best as we can (which means different things to different women). On the other hand, maybe if men weren’t so condom averse they could take responsibility for their own protection. That might be nice.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Is this going to be way more common and dominant in the future? Like if patriarchy we're to be abolished would we end up living like elephants where women and men go their own way?

[–]wintergreen233 19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No. Relationships aren’t about “the patriarchy.” Heterosexual men and women have an urge to pair-bond and generally desire companionship with each other.

[–]AstronautLoveShackOne Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater 14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don't think so. If anything the pendulum is swinging back. Fathers are becoming more involved parents and more men are exercising their rights to joint custody. That is a good thing I think.

[–]toasterchild 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, people often talk about so and so is a single mom but yet the father has 5050 custody and they coparent together just fine. I think maybe the words we use haven't caught up with the current conditions yet.

[–]SoIlikeMangos 28 points29 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Single moms that I know were all in long term relationship & somehow it didn't work out. He cheated, didn't share the mental or physical load or was physically or verbally abusive.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am not here to bash on single mother hood, I could empathize with them in those situations

[–]Cancelled_Cultured -2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Did they not see these red flags before hand?

[–]SoIlikeMangos 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You'd be surprised how many people change the moment they realize they've secured the relationship

[–]howdoiw0rkthisthing 11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

There are definitely some single women out there who don’t want partners but do want kids- usually they’re either low or high socioeconomic status.

But most women would prefer to be in a happy, committed, and stable relationship with the father of their children hands down. The pattern I see emerge in subs like breakingmoms is that her marriage breaks down, shes likely the one to initiate divorce but sometimes the husband goes off the deep end in some way, she becomes a single mom and has little desire to date or marry again because of her experience in the first marriage. There comes a point where sometimes your partner might not just pulling their share of load, they might be actively adding to it and she’s literally better off without him. I’ve seen the phrase “if he won’t voluntarily pull his weight I’ll force him to” used, basically through shared custody or visitation agreements, child support, etc.

So again, it’s not necessarily that being a single mom was their first choice, but that believe it or not it was better than being stuck in a failed partnership.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I am not doubting you I do believe most single women didn't choose this as their first choice. But the bigger picture of what I am trying to communicate is that I am afraid men and women cannot be in a loving relationship. I want to believe we as society can produce healthier and good men and women who can be in a loving relationship. It's just frustrating that know believes we can do it or come close it's almost a taboo to want a better society full of better people.

[–]wintergreen233 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

What confuses me about your bigger fear is that — do you honestly not see or know of any men and women in loving relationships? Because the majority of people I know are either in a loving relationship, or have been in at least one in the past.

[–]howdoiw0rkthisthing 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is an interesting point. Men and women seem to be so simultaneously adversarial and yet complimentary sometimes that it’s difficult to imagine how we’ve made it this far.

A big reason, aside from the fact that we’re all human and not just emotionless sex robots as subs like this sometimes make it seem, is that traditionally women need men more than the reverse. Whatever power women had over men was soft while the reverse was hard to varying degrees. So cooperation was necessary and enforced.

I don’t believe that men and women cant be in a loving relationship. But I see the same issues come up in hetero relationships over and over again that really amplify general differences between the sexes that I think are unlikely to change, even as our society tries to change.

[–]smallstarseekerDogs don’t deserve us. ❤️ 20 points21 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Women which want to be single mothers can cheaply get sperm from the bank, pick between athletes, professors, 7ft guys and conceive.

However very small percentage of women actually does that.

So my guess is that overwhelming majority of women did not plan to become one.

[–]richard_golbes 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

7ft guys

lol

[–]Katatonicsnake 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Probably so. It’s increasing in popularity, though. There are activists from many political backgrounds who want free fertility treatment for single women, so it might actually happen.

[–]Lysa_Bellpost wall ghost[🍰] 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Women that want kids but not a man. Lesbians for instance. Or just woman that don't want a guy in their life. For some women the biological urge to have children is very strong. But after a certain amount of relationships the urge to be in a relationship for that is maybe not strong anymore.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I wouldn't count lesbians to be part of this scenerio.

[–]jasmine_tea_ 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Non-lesbians can also choose be mothers out of choice

[–]wintergreen233 5 points6 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

With the caveat that I don’t have children and don’t have personal experience, I think overall the majority of women would vastly prefer to raise children in a relationship with a good partner. For most people, parenting alone or co-parenting without a relationship is much more difficult than parenting together in a good relationship. It presents more financial and personal challenges, as well as the negative impact on the child if the father is out of the picture entirely.

However, life doesn’t always work out that way. Relationships change, and people make choices that don’t work out the way they imagined or hoped. So people make do with the situations they are presented with.

And if you have personal values that would make you against abortion, and you get pregnant from a casual encounter, then being a single mother will obviously be preferable to her than abortion and in most cases to adoption.

I do think social and cultural influences play into this a lot as well. If you grew up in a social setting where single motherhood without a relationship or active father in the children’s life is very normative, you may be more likely to expect the same for your own life and take fewer steps to avoid it, because you’d see that as the typical way to have a family.

Speaking personally, I’d never in a billion years keep a pregnancy that occurred in that scenario, but people have different values and priorities.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (16 children) | Copy Link

Your third paragraph frightens me, it's the very fear thats been haunting me for a while.

[–]SeveralSadEveningsThe heart of man is the Seventh Gate of Hell 2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Your third paragraph frightens me, it's the very fear thats been haunting me for a while.

Why? whats it to you?

[–]roseonyxa[S] 3 points4 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

I don't want humans to end up like elephant herds, I don't want that to be the harmonious state of humanity. I want mother and biological father's to exist harmony I don't want to believe men and women are incapable of loving each other for life. I have OCD and I grew up attached to this model of romance

[–]SeveralSadEveningsThe heart of man is the Seventh Gate of Hell 5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I mean, excuse the appeal to naturalism, thats pretty much how we operated as a species before we decided to give the concept of 'ownership' a whirl.

[–]Suki100 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It does seem sad that most people don't know how to create or maintain a heterosexual family. I think that we live in an era where women have low tolerance for men's nuances. So many of my friends opted out of their marriage for single parenthood. The men all did not meet the women's expectations after the children arrived. I feel for the men, because they truly wanted the nuclear family. But until society reduces the stress of parenthood, we will see more women creating ways to raise children without stressful male partners.

In m personal life, my kids dad is so unstable and selfish. I did not want an abortion. He cannot maintain consistency in his life. The only men who were stable enough to be a dad-like figure /husband are men approaching 50 and 60 years old. It takes most men a VERY long time to step into responsibility and manhood. Even men who were in their 40s wanted to surf, play golf, go to strip clubs, spend money on frivolous things over caring for their family. There is no way a woman caring for a kid can tolerate this behavior in the home.

[–]chalkandapples 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If it helps, there are plenty of social circles where a full family that stays together helps each other is very common. The vast majority of the family I know are still together and the fathers are very involved in their children's lives.

[–]wintergreen233 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I assume you mean fourth paragraph, and I will say that those social environments tend to be ones that involve poverty and an enormous amount of intergenerational trauma, both of which play a role in sexual decisions and what is perceived as normative for families. It’s not a thing that’s becoming widespread outside of that.

[–]roseonyxa[S] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I do mean the fourth one. Do you think if we reduce poverty things will change for the better?

[–]wintergreen233 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes, but with family structures it’s more the intergenerational trauma than the poverty — though both feed into each other — and fixing that is a staggeringly long and difficult process.

[–]neutralhumanbodyNo Pill Tradwife 7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Before I met my husband, I was okay with the idea of being a single mother (adoption, sperm bank, etc.). I’ve always been invested in being a mother, not as much being married.

Most women I’ve met are far happier as single mothers than not. Their partners typically weren’t very helpful or made parenting a lot more annoying.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

But what if the father was a good and caring person would women still leave them?

[–]neutralhumanbodyNo Pill Tradwife 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Being a good father does not mean you’re a good husband.

I’ve met couples that coparent extremely well, but not the majority. Typically the father of the child willingly leaves and stops trying.

[–]funkster 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

In my personal experience, yes. I was simply tossed aside.

[–]doggiedoc2004 11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It depends more on the MAN involved my friend. Women would rather be single mothers than be attached to a man baby, cheater, abuser, minimal income, non helpful drag. It’s hard enough being a mom. We want and deserve partners. There is no mother I know who would rather be single when there is a good man (or woman) to partner with

[–]roseonyxa[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That is my folk theory as well like if men were to be good people than single mother wouldn't be so frequent or common. I just want to believe that it's possible for men and women to be in loving life long relationships.

[–]funkster -3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am a good guy and single father that got pushed away because the mother just wanted to be a single mom.

[–]SmilesLikeMardiGrasseriously, like have you seen my silhouette SHEESH 22 points23 points  (38 children) | Copy Link

lower class women are often better off being single mothers, they get benefits and lower class men are abusive drains to them. marriage isnt attainable for every class and women want kids

[–]Mydragonurdungeon 6 points7 points  (32 children) | Copy Link

Why are lower class men default abusive

[–]Over_Noise3530 1 point2 points  (31 children) | Copy Link

Because if they were better people and made better decisions they would go to college and get better jobs, lifting them out of the lower classes. Low class men are often unemployed drunks and drug addicts. If they work they are doing hard labor and come home stressed out and angry

[–]Mydragonurdungeon 8 points9 points  (26 children) | Copy Link

Let's suppose this absurd statement, that the wealthy and educated are inherently good and the poor are inherently bad (which is completely ridiculous) why would this phenomenon be limited to men

[–]Over_Noise3530 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Wealthy people may not be inherently good, but have generally easier lives less likely to result in misery. I never said that the phenomenon is limited to men. Poor people of either sex are more likely to have addictions and other problems resulting from socioeconomic status

[–]SmilesLikeMardiGrasseriously, like have you seen my silhouette SHEESH 6 points7 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

i am not saying anything about "inherently good" or moralizing in any way, i am stating the facts on the ground of reality, not judging it. lower class women cannot afford to wait for marriage if they want children, because of money, benefits and the natures of lower class men. this is just reality im sorry. no ones saying theyre "good"

[–]dbz19_kai 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Does that apply to lower class women too?

[–]Over_Noise3530 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes

[–]ashleyrose56Pink Pill Woman 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What an ignorant comment. Classist bullshit. Domestic violence rates don't have that much to do with socioeconomic level. There is as much abusive men who are well-off as blue collar workers.

[–]Over_Noise3530 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So then why do you think poor women are more likely to be single? Would you want a poor guy living in your house?

[–]SmoOoothModerator 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Stupidest shit I’ve read all day.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This could be fixed hypothetically but changing our economic system

[–]MAGA-Latino -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Wow you're pretty cynical.

[–]SmilesLikeMardiGrasseriously, like have you seen my silhouette SHEESH 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

i dont understand what is cynical here. it is facts.

[–]TermAggravating8043 11 points12 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

I think if we were to actually fine a study to show this, the vast majority of single mothers are only single because they either got abandoned by the kids dad, or the kids dad is an asshole who’s only going to make life harder

[–]roseonyxa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think you maybe correct here since my irrational fear was developed from the articles I read. I read articles regarding tribal society and these authors always highlight the fact biological fatherhood doesn't exist and how divorce is common and love doesn't last and it seems like they want that for our society

[–]YasuotheChosenOneRed Pill Man -3 points-2 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

I’ve never known a man to abandon a kid he wanted 🤷🏾‍♂️

[–]TermAggravating8043 11 points12 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

He might have wanted the kid but did absolutely fuck all to help raise it and make life harder in the mother

[–]YasuotheChosenOneRed Pill Man -2 points-1 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

Then he didn’t want the kid…

[–]TermAggravating8043 14 points15 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Oh he did, he wanted to tell everyone he was a father and give the child his name and talk about what they’ll be when their older and maybe fix a car with him one day

But he didn’t want to do they day-to-day parenting shit like nappies, bottles, teaching, cleaning, night feeds, taking them to the park, organising play dates and parties, all the real shit

[–]Ppdebatesomental 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I know of one guy in particular who talked his girlfriend out of an abortion and now works under the table at odd jobs to try and avoid child support. Sees his son every once in a while at his moms house

[–]Freevoulous||| -2 points-1 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

but divorcing that man makes it actually much worse than being stuck with him. The woman gets 200% more stress and fights, but 0% help.

[–]TermAggravating8043 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

How does she get more stress and fights? The person making her stressed and fighting with her has gone away, yeah it’ll be hard with a baby in her own but I’ve heard a lot of single mums say it gets soo much easier once they dump their lazy partner as there’s one less person to cook/clean for and nobody making snidy comments or demanding their attention as soon as they baby was sleeping, their was actually more peace without him there and there was breaks since he was now forced to take the baby every 2nd weekend on his own

[–]Financial_Leave4411 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Women would rather have a loving caring partner to raise a child with but sometimes problems arise. Problems like not finding a good partner so they decide to do IVF and raise a child alone rather than forgoing motherhood or having a child with someone they thought was a good partner but ended up not working out. It is worth noting that it is very rare for a woman to try to have kids and raise them on her own.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

So If women are presented with loving and caring partners you'd think they would want to be with that partner for life?

[–]AcanthocephalaNew947Willing to tell you its your face not your personality. 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why wouldn’t they?

[–]Financial_Leave4411 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, provided they also shared the same life goals. For example if a man is loving and caring but doesn’t believe in marriage or splitting house hold responsibility fairly or raising the kids to follow a specific religion or there isn’t enough money between the two of you to afford to have kids at all then the relationship will not work out. You need more than love for a relationship to last.

[–]mackenzie013_02 3 points4 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

What is the definition of a single mother tho? - father completely out of the picture - any split arrangement - widows - etc. ?

I’ll assume most don’t plan on becoming single mothers, but relationship has ended/they got divorced.

[–]briiiana1122No Pill 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Ya the first seems pretty rare when the couple is adult enough to be having a kid (age varies here, I’m talking maturity level.)

Split arrangements where it’s close to 50/50 I wouldn’t call anyone a single parent. It’s pretty disingenuous actually to call someone with a dad who had equal time and financial commitment to the kid a “single mom”.

[–]mackenzie013_02 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, hence I was curious what their “definition” was. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[–]roseonyxa[S] -1 points0 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

The fear I am talking about involves women proactively wanting to be single mothers ie leaving the biological father completely

[–]mackenzie013_02 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I’d assume that’s a very small fraction of women and would be some outlier where she’d pick that over going to a sperm bank. It would come with a massive legal headache and next to impossible to cut the father out of the child’s life.

[–]Stop_Maximum 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

With sperm bank it wouldn’t come with legal implications because if done correctly the donor is signing away their parental rights. It might be a problem is you have a child with someone you know without a legal contract where they sign away their parental rights. Signing the birth certificate would also be a way to stop it but it’s always better to do sign a contract to enforce this.

[–]SmilesLikeMardiGrasseriously, like have you seen my silhouette SHEESH 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

this is neurotic and not a thing. stop it

[–]roseonyxa1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

How is this neurotic, it's definitely a thing though, women like you want to get pregnant from a complete stranger and leave him.

[–]wtknightGen X Slacker[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don’t make things personal.

[–]ChadChasingB 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Some women don't mind and do not want a man involved in at all. They usually adopt, use a sperm bank, or get pregnant intentionally from a hook up and never inform the dad. That's not the case for most single mothers. Most were in relationships at the time she got pregnant and some times for years after that before the break up/divorce. Single mothers usually have the fathers in their lives too, just not living together. Some even have 50/50 custody, but studies show that most men never file for custody of their kids for whatever reason.

[–]GlamSunCrybabyMoon 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

I don’t think what you’re asking about is common and I don’t think it will be. All the single mothers (myself included) I know were in relationships and it either just didn’t work out or their boyfriends/husbands started cheating, being abusive, or just changed their mind. Being a single isn’t the ideal for most women but it’s better than having a child and a physically present partner draining you.

[–]roseonyxa[S] -2 points-1 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I am talking about women leaving good and caring biological father, like having aversion to biological fatherhood

[–]GlamSunCrybabyMoon 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That doesn’t sound common at all, it also doesn’t make sense to me why a woman would have aversion to fatherhood, she’d be a mother so fatherhood isn’t something she’ll ever experience. The only way that being averse to fatherhood makes sense is if the woman is a lesbian.

Men could be good and caring fathers but I’d assume that he was a bad partner to the mom and she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with him if that’s the case. I know great dads but they are horrible to their girlfriends/wives.

[–]Willow-girlKeeper of the Jellicles 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

I think it happens, although I don't know how common it is. It is a protective instinct; any man, even the biological father, presents as a possible danger.

I got pregnant accidentally; the father was a good man who wanted to make an honest woman of me, and we did in fact get married, but if I had had the resources to support myself and my child, I would have preferred to go it alone. And this was before I was old enough to realize the ways in which my mother had protected me from my own father and his nasty temper ...

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

So do you think by nature women hate having biological father around?

[–]Willow-girlKeeper of the Jellicles 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I think it's possible there is a sort of hyper-protective instinct, yes, because I've felt it myself. How common is it? couldn't tell ya.

[–]Stop_Maximum 2 points3 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

I think some don’t mind, especially if they have the necessary resources to bring up the child. There are women that adopt or have children on their own and are doing okay, but they are usually better off financially. While others might not be because they ended up pregnant by chance, sometimes from a relationship, a FWB or ONS. They might keep the baby although they might realise it’s not that easy, but doesn’t mean they won’t do a good job.

In the case of women choosing to have children on their own, the biological father usually isn’t present but other father figures are. In the case of women getting pregnant by chance, the father might be aware but the choice is theirs to be involved or not.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 1 point2 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

So does that mean humans are going to end up like elephants where the absence of the biological father is the norm.

[–]Stop_Maximum 0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy Link

To be honest I don’t know, people will do what’s easier for them.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy Link

Is it easiest without the biological father around

[–]Stop_Maximum 1 point2 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

For some people it’s easier or not as hard. Some people might struggle because they’re not stable financially, mentally and are not able to control emotions. While others have nothing of the sort to worry

[–]januaryphilosopherWoman/student/UK/radfem/makes first move/healthy BMI/bi/taken 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't think many people really prefer it or would choose it, but some will accept ending up in that scenario. I don't think it'll ever end up that common as raising human children is a collaborative effort abd doing it on your own is very hard.

[–]blockboii190 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Bro go talk to woman lol you have a wild thought process

[–]roseonyxa[S] -2 points-1 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

So are you ok with abolishing the concept of biological fatherhood

[–]blockboii190 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

When did I say that lol look woman don't want to be single even more so with a kid you have a fake woman in your head that represent all woman.wait are you a girl?😭

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I am a man, this fake women was developed from reading bunch of articles and interacting with women online. These articles were women magazines and stuff on tribal societies. These articles mention how biological father hood is not present in some tribes, how love is not meant to last, and how some girls get pregnant from casual sex and is ok with raising the baby by themselves. This makes me believe that this is the true nature of humanity and that the only reason men and women are together is because of cultural and economic pressure.

I also believe humans are solitary animals because I heard there is a hamster species that are social but once given resources they all seperated from each other. And people keep saying we have more freedom and I am noticing more asocial identities like introverts, aromatics, touch averse, etc... Things were more social for me in the past and I had good friend group but now they are gone and I feel alone. These are the reasons why I believe humans will become solitary. I have OCD so I ruminate about these thoughts everyday

[–]blockboii190 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Bro please frfr just talk tomorrow woman irl not online

[–]blockboii190 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

*to more

[–]risdeveau 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

In some places is it normalized, yes

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Like where?

[–]risdeveau 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Poor areas, where it’s already common

[–]darkvalleys 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If everyone around them is, they will too.

[–]RocinanteCoffee 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Some women choose it, but usually only if they are wealthy or if they have a great support system.

Quite a few upper middle class career women decide to have a child before they age out of their childbearing years and by artificial insemination or surrogate. They can afford to have additional paid for care while they are working.

That being said it's much more common for women to have babies in a loving relationship (or at least the relationship starts as loving).

[–]briiiana1122No Pill 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don’t know anyone with any degrees of separation who had a child from casual sex. I’ve known 2 people to break up while pregnant and keep the child so I guess they are choosing something like single parenthood but in both cases both parents are very in the picture and work together with 50/50 custody.

I don’t really know why the average person would choose to be a solo parent, but someone with enough money to hire full time help, I do get it if they want a child but haven’t found the right person. I don’t know anyone who’s done this though.

[–]urbangothNo Pill 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Most women I know who were/are single moms got pregnant with a partner then either broke up or had relationship issues, or sometimes the man didn't commit. I don't know anyone who got pregnant from casual sex, but I'm certain it happens.

One situation was actually a statutory rape where my coworker (back when she was 15, way before I knew her) was "dating" a 30 year old and got pregnant. She lived in a state with strict abortion laws and, because she was a minor, was essentially unable to go get an abortion and was forced to have the kid. Obviously the guy did not stay in that picture for many reasons.

Overall it doesn't seem like women want to be single mothers, they simply see it as the better option to being with an abusive or shit partner, or the partner leaves. None of them actively decided they were going to get pregnant and raise it on their own. They all seemed to think there would be a partner there.

[–]NoCall6197 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think the appropriate question would be: why are the number of single mothers only ever increasing?

Women have become more empowered, or rather learnt to gtow. We live in an ever more self-absorbed, individualised society where the value of a family isn't even appreciated in 2 parent families.

When you become a parent you transition in personality, and outlook on life because the centre of your existence becomes the children. But no one wants to accept that reality, people just want to carrying on living their free single lives as they did before the child was born hoping to 'have it all'.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah this definitely makes sense, it's just no one wants to reduce the number of divorce or single parenthood. It's almost as if these people feed off this shit

[–]HobbitShaker88 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes its true.

I dont know of any women getting purposefully pregnant by a man and leaving the man out though...I meet a wide variety of people at my very social job and have met 3 women who never met the right man, used a sperm donor and are happy single mothers by their accounts. Id never do that but I dont judge others that do it.

However, all of these women were financially set. 2 of the 3 have alot of support. If children were cheaper there'd be more women doing this, its a common reason to not pursue it.

Alot of women get pregnant and decide against abortion (many in red states arent given that option now) and the man doesnt want to be involved. I also know several women like this and despite their struggles, they state their child is a blessing.

You should read the singleparents subreddit on here. There are many people there that prefer being a single parent over a married parent or co parent because their ex/co parent is an awful person and their life is better without their presence. This is the reason why I know single parents that are happier than married parents.

[–]SwimmingTheme3736 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Me no I’m not ok with that. I have three children, my oldest 2 with my ex husband youngest with my current. I would not of kept a child from a hook up.

My best friend was a single mother as her long term boyfriend left when she was 28 weeks with their planned child.

I don’t know any woman in real life that got pregnant from a random and kept it.

I know a lot where marriages or relationships have broken down

[–]mandoa_sky 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

one of my neighbours is divorced. she told me she likes being a "single mother" even with all of the court visits since the ex was acting too much like son no.3

[–]ashleyrose56Pink Pill Woman 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am not comfortable with the idea of being a single mother, I wouldn't ever possibly be in the position of getting pregnant from a random because I don't have casual sex BUT I life happens and the future baby Dad's could turn around and be nasty, and in that case some men are better as absent fathers than anything. Or he could cheat on me, so I would divorce. Or he could die. That's why I wouldn't have more than 2 children because that's the amount I'm comfortable raising by myself if for whatever reason I end up being a sinlge mother.

I think the majority of women don't willingly put themselves in the position of being single mothers, it just happens. Unless they are terribly irresponsible and have a baby from someone they have known for less than 2 years.

[–]KombuchaEnema 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Women are only genuinely happy to be single mothers if they are focused 100% on their own needs (i.e., they don’t care if their child is happy). A mother who knows anything about child psychology would never be genuinely happy to raise her children as a single parent.

Most women who claim to be “proud single mothers” are only doing so to combat the stigma. In reality they’d prefer an intact family with a good husband and father.

But at some point you have to look at your own past and say “yeah I slept with a POS and this is my life now and I can either beat myself up or make it work.”

Some women go overboard and act proud to be single mothers. That’s just a cope. Being a single parent is hard. Some people can handle all the hard work (cooking, cleaning, working full time, childcare) but they still can’t confront the shame of having slept with the wrong person and bringing a child into a shitty situation.

[–]SkookumTreeRomantic relationships aren't necessary for happiness! 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There are some women that choose to be single moms.

[–]roseonyxa[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's not so much as being proud of being a single mother bothers me but the thought that women actively want this for themselves. But I understand what you mean, maybe these are just irrational thoughts I have

[–]bunnakaybirth control pill 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't know any women who got pregnant from casual sex.

[–]Bekiala -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I remember a story about a woman that dated a guy just to get pregnant. She really didn't want anything to do with him just wanted a baby.

Be careful out there guys if you don't want to be a sperm donor don't let it happen.

[–]mcove97Purple Pill Woman -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't mean to cast a value judgement here

Why not? I sure as hell am, but I digress.

but are women generally ok with getting pregnant from casual sex and leaving the biological father (even if the father is a positive person).

It sure seems so from my POV as a woman. Personally though, I would not be okay with that, but that's because I'm generally not at all ok with getting pregnant at all considerating I'm childfree and have a strong dislike and disinterest for pregnancy and children. I think having children is vastly overrated and I do not personally value it at all, despite the fact that I'm a woman, and while I'm at it I'm gonna judge the hell out of uteruses and call them fucking bloody cramp machines, that to me as a woman has zero value at all considering I'm childfree. Anyway, yes most women are indeed ok with it? Why, I have no idea.. other than the fact that they must like or want kids, for some unfathomable reason I personally can't grasp (poop diapers and all. Disgusting.. ya know)

I don't care about people having the freedom to do this more so is this a common thing and will it ever be common?

It already is common yeah, cause women want kids and don't necessarily care if the dude with the sperm does. Then thats how it goes.

Do women have desire to keep the biological father around or are the averse to this idea?

Depends it seems. If they like them then yes, if they don't like them, then likely no.

I get that it depends on the women but my question what kind of women are ok with this scenerio and which ones are not?

The ones who are desperate to have kids probably is fine being a single mother. People who really want something are willing to suffer for it.

I am more than willing to have my mind changed so please don't feel like I am a stubborn person.

You seem pretty open minded to me

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[–]Laurely4u 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

If I had plenty of money I might consider becoming a client of the repository for germinal choice in Escondido California. I don’t necessarily see myself Tinder dating anytime

[–]hdksndiisnate all the pills, still digesting 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What’s this repository do/offer?

[–]Wide-Illustrator2906 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Most single mothers I've met were casually fucking a guy and got pregnant. They were trying to be in committed relationships with these guys but it never went that far.

Most women hope the guy they get pregnant by sticks around and they become a family but this rarely happens because they weren't in a relationship to begin with.

[–]Katatonicsnake 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn’t mind. If I was single and wanted a child, I would just pay for sperm. I see no issue, really. Casual sex is not my thing, and if my primary goal in life was to have a child, I wouldn’t make a random choice like that.

I have many friends who are considering independent motherhood as an option, three women I know have already done it. They are all financially stable with a high education, and are quite artistic, but that describes my circle of friends anyway. My great aunts were single mothers and their children are doing well, so I guess I always grew up thinking that was a choice among others.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

How come they don't want a man helping them raise their kids? No judgement

[–]Katatonicsnake 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

They haven’t found the right one, and don’t want to have kids with someone who’ll just do. Sometimes life happens, and you realize you’re at that age where it’s time to think about family, but you don’t have a man. I believe it’s partly because (in many European countries at least) young single women live, study, and work in different areas than men around their age.

The single mothers I know have other support networks. Some of them have found a man after kids.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

If men were better people would we see women choosing single parenthood less?

[–]Katatonicsnake 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Men are good people, humans usually are in my opinion. It’s more about different lifestyles, wanting different things, and timing. One of my best friends is considering buying sperm. She likes men, but she doesn’t get them I think - and men don’t get her. Maybe it’s because she didn’t interact with boys and men growing up, maybe she just isn’t there yet. But if she wants kids and is ready for that, she shouldn’t wait.

There was a study in my country just recently. It concluded that half of single men in their late 20s and early 30s hadn’t even thought about having kids. That’s unfortunate, because that’s the best age for women to have kids. And since most people want to have a partner who’s around the same age as them, things get difficult.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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