Do you think it's a misconception that men want sex, women want relationships?

llechwr · 2020-07-30T14:22:29+00:00

Critical thinking? On my christian subreddit? No its easier if everything is black and white and grey dosnt exist.

Real answer, alot of people on this sub think all women suck or all men suck, all men good or all women good. Both fail to realise that the vast majority of humanity sucks, you dont suck because your a woman or because your a man, you suck because your human.

Sid_Insidious · 2020-07-30T15:01:54+00:00

[deleted]

RottingAway90 · 2020-07-30T16:25:42+00:00

Anyone who’s spent any time on FA forums can see how much single men crave relationships and how the sex is only a small part of it. Men have emotional needs, they aren’t just walking penises. Likewise, unless they’re genuinely asexual, women want and enjoy sex. The fact they’re more discerning than men is merely because there’s so much risk attached to sex for women (both biological and social).

yelo777 · 2020-07-30T14:11:42+00:00

Relationship = security. Sex = adventure. Both sexes are interested in both, but women need to have children earlier in life then men (biology). Women have their "adventure time" in their 20's, men in their 30's once they gained some status, hence the mismatch in timing between the sexes.

-Solitude-- · 2020-07-30T15:25:27+00:00

I have no idea how women think. As a guy, though, I know plenty of guys that say sex is extremely overrated, and that they prefer the companionship they get from a relationship above all else. In all fairness, though, most of the guys I know are the kind that are 100% invisible to women. Perhaps it’s true that the kind of guy that a woman actually notices is the kind of guy who tends to only be into sex.

verdantsound · 2020-07-30T16:03:45+00:00

both want both but each group find it easier to fulfill one of the two needs and harder for the other. So it appears that they just "want" that one, whereas it would be a more accurate statement to say that they are more "desperate" for the other.

As a guy, I can land a relationship pretty easily, sex is harder to come by (outside the context of a relationship)

Mkg102216 · 2020-07-30T15:58:26+00:00

I think the trope of "women want relationships" is less true now with the growing popularity of childfree women. If childfree women want relationships, its gonna be more for consistent, high quality sex than anything else. At least, that's true for me.

Edit: and I think "men just want sex" is also less true as a reaction to women going childfree. Because now it's become harder for men to get relationships as well as sex.

So I think if our goal is to bring more men and women together, what we need is a new reason besides having children.

Mimoxs · 2020-07-30T14:19:39+00:00

It's accurate for the majority of the population but untrue for a significant portion as well. It's just the general trend for it to go in the majority direction.

wtknight · 2020-07-30T13:51:55+00:00

I feel like this a misconception and actually plenty of women just want to fuck or have short term relationships that are largely physical, moving onto a different man when they get bored.

I think that these women ultimately still want to find that ideal man, but are purposely behaving promiscuously because either a) they don't feel at a stage in life where they are ready to settle down or b) they have lost faith in men and see them just as flesh dildos to get off with. Women who are of a mature enough mind that they do want to settle down and who still actually like men will be trying to use sex as a way to attract a man into a relationship so that he will help provide genetic material and resources for her children. Women and men are wired a certain way due to thousands of years of evolution, and recent social and scientific developments like birth control and feminism aren't going to change fundamental behaviors all that much.

ameli392 · 2020-07-30T14:12:51+00:00

Absolutely false, I (F) am not interested in a relationship and way more interested in casual sex. In my circles at least this divide isn't really a thing.

rubbooyuri · 2020-07-30T15:31:50+00:00

We want the same things but prioritize and get different things out of them

Zippo-Cat · 2020-07-30T13:57:21+00:00

Yeah, everyone just wants sex. "Men are gatekeepers of relationships" is just wishful thinking of betas who desperately want to keep some ground on the SMV.

Even if you replaced "Men" with "Chads" that statement would still only be 50% accurate

akihonj · 2020-07-30T14:50:04+00:00

I think you're correct but missing certain points

First point is that people tend to discuss issues in general terms, one of the ways the illiterate use to destroy any general argument is to say oh no not me so your argument is bs so there.

Well of course that's true for the specific case, generality applies to the norm not the abnormal. So for everything said there will always be special cases for which any generalisation cannot apply.

Secondly people tend to discuss issues from their personal perspective, so what I may experience others might also or at least to a degree, others might experience wildly different things related to the very same subject, however my experience doesn't diminish yours nor does your mine, conversely most people tend to think the opposite in that I have experienced horrendous lows while going through a divorce, it's natural to want others to agree with me that theirs was also likewise horrendous, that just isn't the case.

It's similarly natural that since my divorce I've agreed to relocate for work and have worked in various parts of the world, met many different women and had similar experiences which formed my views and pushed me to chose mgtow, it's natural to talk about them and to want others to agree, see my point of view and follow my example so to speak, but again the paradox that my life is not yours, applies to everyone, see the rule there, not everyone will experience the same as me so not everyone will be able to or even want to agree.

It's certainly a conundrum.

verdantsound · 2020-07-30T15:31:00+00:00

Yes, it's a misconception. Plenty of men want relationships. Men tend to want LTR's, although some of us want MLTR's.

TommyEatsKids · 2020-07-30T17:46:02+00:00

For sure a misconception. I want relationships more than sex 100%

averagedude4 · 2020-07-30T13:30:25+00:00

Of course women want sex but only with the top 10% of men

goneaway2thewind · 2020-07-30T19:25:07+00:00

I'm not 50 like some of you so I'm biased but the majority of women in my life just want to fuck and aren't interested in a relationship

flamingoinghome · 2020-07-31T01:28:56+00:00

Honestly, I think you have to look at two different definitions of "want"--desiring a thing for its own sake, and desiring it to preserve your ego.

I suspect a lot of women who try and get some loser to be their boyfriend don't actually want to be in a relationship with this loser -- they want to prove to themselves they can. I suspect a fair number of men pursue ONS's not because it gives them any greater sexual pleasure than having sex with someone they're dating, but to prove they can.

There's "wanting", but it's awfully tricky to tease out ego-want from abstract desire.

Urbantexasguy · 2020-07-30T15:35:14+00:00

Once again, Red Pillers and incels ignore the VAST effects of socialization on women. It's not that women have significantly lower BASE sex drives, it's that their drives are always STRONGLY CURBED, by concerns regarding physical security, reputation, STD's which are often more damaging to women, and of course, the BIG one....pregnancy.

Most men have very, very little awareness, of how much more conscious of their physical safety, women have to be, at ALL times, than men. Even if the other factors I mentioned above, didn't come into play, the security factor alone, is going to greatly limit women's enthusiasm for potential sexual activities with men they have just met.

Like I've said before.....understand women's socialization, understand the desires, fears and concerns, that have been pounded into them, from the time they were little girls, and you understand women.

Grave_Heresy · 2020-07-30T17:01:08+00:00

There is a disconnect between how things actually are and how we have been taught to believe they are. This is because most men are still operating off of what they learned from their parents and grandparents. In the past, women didn't have as many economic opportunities as they do today. So men were a great source of financial security. Also, sexual liberation wasn't a thing in the 40s. So women used sex to secure relationships with high value men.

Today, after title IX laws, affirmative action and government agencies such as the EEOC and changing societal attitudes about females in general, women are no longer dependent on men for resources.

On the cultural side women have more options for contraception than they ever have had in history (Even more than men). We have effective treatments, cures and vaccines for every known STD. Also, you have massive cultural shifts around sexuality with the "free love" movement in the 60s and the "Sex positivity" movement of today.

So on one hand, we have removed the need for women to secure a long-term mate and on the other we have removed every deterrent from having casual sex.

Finally, the advent of the information as has allowed people to meet significantly more people than they would ever have in the past. Apps like Tinder enable us to come across more potential "mates" in a single day, than we could have in several months without them.

The average millennial woman today has more men pursuing her for sex in a single month, than her mother, grandmother and great grandmother have had in their entire lives combined. Further more, she is able to evaluate and reject her suitors at a safe enough distance (via a smart phone) that it can be done with relative ease without accusations of shallowness (A frankly obsolete deterrent of promiscuity).

As a result, females in the West are much freer to exercise their hypergamous nature in the dating market. They are being bombarded with hundreds of advances on Tinder and Facebook. They are given a massive amount of non-sexual attention in the form of affirming statements and reposts by low quality beta males on Twitter. Finally, they are casually flirted with irl ogled with on Instagram.

I think that the majority of women have sex because they want to have new exciting sex. They consider relationships only when they begin to get close to the wall. This is why women report getting bored with the sex in their relationship before men do, it's why women initiate the majority of divorces.

Their hypergamous nature combined with the vast amount of sexual experience that they have compared to the men that they settle down with makes their husband or bf unbearable in the long-term. So they have to dump them to continue to pursue casual sex with high value males.

So yes I believe that women are just as interested in casual sex as men if not more. The problem is that people are still operating off of way things were 70 years ago when a woman couldn't afford to be as casual due to the biological, financial and social consequences.

Folks need to update their schemas. This is 2020 not 1920.

MerryVegetableGarden · 2020-07-30T15:49:35+00:00

I don’t think it’s a useful ~~generation~~ *generalization.

2020-07-30T16:48:01+00:00

It’s a very harmful misconception that men only want sex and women just do it because they “have to”. There are plenty of men out there with a low libido or are straight up asexual. And there are plenty of women for whom having sex is very important. This misconception causes a lot of hurt and confusion for everyone involved

SpencerWS · 2020-07-30T17:13:48+00:00

Its true that sex plays a larger role for men than for most women, but that doesnt mean that men dont want relationships.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2020-07-30T23:05:02+00:00

On a general level fine, but I think the reason a lot of hypersexual women cheat & all this divorcing is happening is precisely because they don't want the "wife and girlfriend" lifestyle, I do not think all women want to be some dudes wife for 30 something years & grow out of it in the marriage itself

Too many dudes approach these random women thinking they want to be treated like a wife or some guys forever girlfriend and trying to tie down the type of woman that likes that freaky shit and being with certain types of men

WilliamWyattD · 2020-07-30T23:38:44+00:00

There are biological differences in the urges underpinning the male and female attitudes, but those biological urges are more complex than one would think and highly mediated by culture.

In today's western culture, I still do think that on average men have more interest in sex, casual or otherwise, than women, while women have more interest in a relationship. But the difference is less stark than in the past and there is room for a lot of variance in each gender, and overlap between the genders.

ivy176 · 2020-07-30T23:44:14+00:00

I don't necessarily equate men who prefer relationships as automatically more sensitive. Some men that want lots of casual sex are soooooo sensitive and needy for attention and affection and validation.

But yes, I think it's a misconception and that most people of any gender want relationships with the right person and some people are strictly No I Just Want Sex Long Term but they are men and women. Though men are pushed into that more often by their peers and taught it means you're more successful in some way because you humped someone like a mindless chihuahua. So it's probably a bit more men. I think a lot of men that are proud of it and try to sleep with as many people are usually fairly insecure. The guy that sleeps around the most that I know cries a fair bit.

jonathaninfresno · 2020-07-31T02:49:54+00:00

It’s complicated. Women want resources but also have a biological impulse to breed but also biologically reject emotional beta men. Guys are wire to protect care maintain women. We must also add to the equation to 65% divorce rate. And if we read the statistics 75% of chilsren are born to single mothers. Also 126,000 abortions are performed evwey day. That all mean this: u enter into a relationship at your own peril

L0SERlambda · 2020-07-31T03:24:44+00:00

Unfortunate misconception.

Apprehensive-Tiger78 · 2020-07-31T06:23:08+00:00

This is a misconception. I’d say both want both. I think that this misconception arose as a result of the older generation’s “standards” of a “proper” male and female.

MisterJose · 2020-07-31T11:20:56+00:00

I think the difference lies in the power and idealization of the feminine in the male mind, particularly when they're younger. It adds an extra layer on top of everything. Without that, you might think "hey, we're mutually horny now, nothing horrible about having some fun with this person."

But with that extra layer guys get, you're thinking "OMG she is so hot. If she were to like me, want to be with me, have sex with me, that would be the most amazing thing that would possibly happen. And the reasons I want that to happen have to do with the idealized role I've cast for this image of woman, rather than the actual person behind it. Everything I now do must be a strategy to try and get that to happen, and all I care about is what will work to make it happen."

Various things, including experience with women, getting laid, age, self-confidence, etc. can help to take away that aura. But other things, such as loneliness, youth, bad experiences, social disconnect, lack of confidence, etc. can enhance it.

So, it's not that it's one or the other, it's that men get this added thing which alters priorities and thinking when it comes to the value and role of sex.

Zombombaby · 2020-07-30T14:27:47+00:00

No, I love sex. Women can love sex. We're just constantly told not to.

kwalden2 · 2020-07-30T14:08:50+00:00

Yes, it's a large misconception. Individuals come in many varieties with many different desires. No set of imperatives is so overwhelmingly common that is is acceptable to make assumptions based on gender.

Mememaker13 · 2020-07-30T18:02:30+00:00

I just want to be loved

BerniesAnalSlave · 2020-07-30T13:33:00+00:00

I think we are all humans with human needs. Men might have a little bit more testosterone that makes them a little bit hornier. But really the differences are small.

Sid_Insidious · 2020-07-30T16:35:42+00:00

Men like sex for it's own sake. A man can have good sex with a woman, even an anonymous woman he just met, and find that experience enjoyable. If it's spontaneous, hot and she enjoys herself, this makes the experience 100x better. There is something very powerful about attracting a woman and spontaneously having good sex.

Men can also enjoy sex within a relationship - ranging from FWBs, to LTR, to marriage...

WOMEN on the other hand. Oh boy! It's a bit more complicated.

Women CAN like the spontaneous "gotta have it" sex, but I think it's far less common with women than with men. Women don't get motivated as much by the visual and physical ALONE like men do, and seem to need other emotional and mental processes for sex to be desired and... "functional"...

There also seems to be (a) sex with alpha (HOT!) and (b) sex with Beta in honeymoon stage (Not bad!) and (c) sex with Beta during marriage (Ummm....) and then affair sex and post marriage Carousel Part II Cougar sex. Oh, and baby making sex - that can be hot, or not. Sometimes it's more about cycles and dates and "OKAY NOW! GET IT IN!". Scary.

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Workaholiconew · 2020-07-30T17:19:24+00:00

It is a misconception.

Men want sex(all) and long term relationships(betas).

Women want relationships with the best men.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-07-30T18:10:59+00:00

Both want both but men are hornier

Christian_Kong · 2020-07-30T18:22:47+00:00

I would say that by in large it is not a misconception.

For women, I dont really know many that sleep around without relationship like attachment. They just jump from STR to STR every few weeks/months. I don't think I have ever met a woman that chooses to stay single(the internet has talked about it) They may call some guys FWB's but they are just dating around. Sex it semi important but it seems spending quality time with a guy is a necessity to live. In my opinion women more enjoy the ups and downs of relationships. They are addicted to the emotional push and pull significantly more than the physical aspect of things.

For men I think it's the opposite to where relationships are semi-important. Their friendships serve nearly as well as their relationships for filling the relationship void. If most guys could have some sort of harem and it were socially acceptable, they probably would do so. A smaller amount of guys than that would be happy with a 1 way(he only gets to do it) open relationship. An insignificant amount would belong to the women are only good for sex camp though.

In the end I would say both want a bit of both but heavily favor one of the two aspects over the other.

Stokelly100 · 2020-07-30T23:52:20+00:00

Yes, it's accurate for the most part. Men are definitely in for the sex and also want a relationship. There are exceptions like everything, but still, I think the fuel in this case is the sex part. My classmates mostly did subtle sex talk with their buddies about their girlfriends, whereas the girlfriends talked mostly about the relationship.

tropicsGold · 2020-07-31T00:21:54+00:00

I think the axiom is that women are the gateway to sex, and men are the gateway to relationships. Of course both sexes want both. They just have different points of power.

tallwheel · 2020-07-31T03:13:33+00:00

Generalizations are generalizations. But they can sometimes be useful to make broad arguments about general tendencies in groups.

Mkg102216 · 2020-07-31T12:20:01+00:00

Well it's important when you're in a relationship to have similar needs when it comes to sex. If you're in a relationship and having sex, it should be because you both want a relationship AND sex. You shouldn't be in a relationship to have sex, and you shouldn't have sex to be in a relationship. This misconception portrays unhealthy relationships as normal or expected. I don't want to be in relationship with someone just to be in a relationship if that person values sex over everything else.

YetAnotherCommenter · 2020-07-31T14:31:40+00:00

Both want both, but the weighting varies between the sexes.

standerpington64 · 2020-07-31T20:42:38+00:00

you're right that men want sex, but wrong that women want a relationship merely for the sake of it. the woman typically wants protection and resource provision. a relationship simply defines the (proposed) exchange of sex for protection/provision taking place between typically a man and woman.

thowway99999 · 2020-08-02T05:08:57+00:00

Somewhat. I personally can say that I’d rather have a meaningful relationship over meaningless sex any day of the week. Being in a relationship almost feels like a drug tbh, and a breakup feels like withdrawals. I can have an orgasm by myself but I can’t date myself. I can’t say the same with women wanting relationships though. I know a lot of girls who actually are loyal (or claimed to me and were as far as I know) but nowadays I’m seeing more and more who post their boyfriends every other week while a few dudes in the squad copped nudes or fucked her a few days ago. Shit like that makes me scared to be in a relationship. Which is probably why some guys stick to meaningless sex.

prunusamygdalis · 2020-08-02T07:43:15+00:00

Hmmm examples. How about the nonstop rape of women and girls? Are you brain damaged?

I mean, that’s just the most extreme “example.” There’s also the nonstop sexual harassment/catcalling/groping. The drugging women’s drinks. The coercion, refusing to take no for an answer, pursuing girls that are young and inexperienced with the goal of violating and dominating them body and spirit.

Examples lmao.

Suck-Less · 2020-08-02T23:50:14+00:00

People want sex only or relationships at various times in their life. It's not a gender driven binary answer. The big difference today is that many men have seen what happened to the boomers when she got board and he lost everything. So men are learning to view relationships from a self protection perspective instead of a happily ever after view.

This is especially true now that many women make as much as men, but all it takes is her saying she was abused and all hell comes down on the man.

Personally id rather be with a woman I fuck every day than fuck a different woman every day. But that's just me... maybe?

I don't fall for the "women are innocent, men are dogs" garbage. I do however notice that when women a more stable income they seem to magically start wanting relationships instead of working harder.

Put away the gynocentric garbage. Men and women can have a high or low libido.

Alberic2092 · 2020-07-30T13:37:38+00:00

Men want sex and relationships, women want status.

masterdarthrevan · 2020-07-30T15:47:47+00:00

This is generalization but the way I see it you have to look at 1) age group of x gender .. 2) their smv and 3) that person's potential to bring in resources. So for example if u look at 30s-40s middle income men = 75% just want sex ~ 25% want relationship ( this is made up) whereas same age bracket and social caste for women you'll get the reverse 75% want relationship ~ 25% just want sex/fun. A man with lots of recourses aka rich would tend to be in the just want sex bracket but probably won't care about the females potential to bring in resources. So depending on where you look and how you choose to look at it you will get different results.

Gordon-G · 2020-07-30T16:23:23+00:00

Legalize prostitution,...make it safe, inexpensive, readily available, and without stigma...simple business transaction! Won’t have so many thirsty monkey-simps placing women on a pedestal!

sylvesterthecat11 · 2020-07-30T23:00:17+00:00

Female here. I’ve noticed that even if I knowingly and intentionally start something as “casual,” I end up wanting a relationship. Even if I know the guy is bad for me/not compatible long-term. I love men. I love sex. I don’t love getting hurt when it doesn’t work out.

I’ve come to the conclusion that oxytocin is a bitch.

I ended up making a deal with myself—no more casual relationships. Aka, no more having sex with a guy I find insanely attractive who does not have the undercurrents of a potential relationship. It’s worked out wonderfully, as I am now in a happy and committed relationship with a man who wanted a relationship and wasn’t forceful about the sex. Go figure.

dalia-chan · 2020-07-30T23:33:58+00:00

Simply because men can get a relationship 100x easier than women with the opposite sex, while women can get a one night stand 100x easier than men with the opposite.

An plain chick can get fucked by a chad because of how sex thirsty he can be, just like I see plain dudes marrying Stacies because of how the Stacy want to settle down.

I literally see men complaining of how they’re so ugly that they can’t get sex without getting into a monogamous relationship, while women complain about how they’re not pretty enough to get commitment easily ( and no they’re not aiming the top tier men). I see a dozen of average looking men shorter than 5’8, who could easily get a relationship with above average looking women, but they don’t want to, cause they prefer to fuck around. All the men in my family and my neighborhood who aren’t hideously ugly , never think about settling down before the age of 40.

Men can like romantic gestures, sweet talks ( think about the prostitues that literally offer a girlfriend/wifey experience) the problem is that they usually want that with multiple women , because of how much they crave variety.

Sea-Buffalo · 2020-07-30T16:54:49+00:00

It really depends on age. Men do want a relationship early on in their adult life till about mid 30s. After they they realize life is not bad single and have are ok being single and realize it has it perks. They still want sex but not a relationship unless the risk is low (no kids and prenup).

Women on the other hand don’t want a relationship but do want sex early on till they hit their late 20s early 30s. Then they realize they are running out of time to have kids and family. As women get older they want a relationship more and sex less.

Men hold the cards when it comes to commitment these days because of what each gender offers. This is why you see so many single moms today.

Aspanu24 · 2020-07-30T17:25:10+00:00

Yes. It’s hard to find single women worthy of dating, the same as it is finding high value men. Single moms, 3 kids, different dads to deal with, no career, known for sleeping with tons of men, multiple men per week.. lots of baggage for someone who has no kids of their own yet, a career, their own house

HUSLIME · 2020-07-30T18:28:01+00:00

Not a misconception. Male instincts want sex. Female instincts want sex and security from top males. Therefore male sexuality will manifest more often because it is unadulterated (purely sex) and is not limited to the best females. That's not to say men do not value companionship. We do. Sex just takes a greater priority whereas for women it is mixed. Exceptions do not make the rule.

gopher_glitz · 2020-07-30T20:16:08+00:00

I think it's by and large accurate but there are always exceptions to the rule.

Imagine two islands 5 miles apart. 1 is full of women and 1 is full of men.

Men are going to be building rafts and shit or just straight up swimming over to the female island and it wouldn't be so they could listen to their problems. It would be for sex, where the reverse wouldn't be true.

prunusamygdalis · 2020-07-30T21:26:22+00:00

No, I think that's generally the way it goes. Is it ALWAYS the way it goes? Absolutely not. But enough so that it's not a misconception.

I actually did experience the opposite for the first time in my life. An actual relationship was impossible because of timing/life/logistics. I was happy to have a casual thing as long as we could and enjoy each other. He couldn't deal with the reality that it was so impermanent, that we'd be in separate states in a couple short months. We had to just stop because he was catching feelings too hard and unable to enjoy our time together, which ruined it.

UTC24 · 2020-07-30T18:40:20+00:00

For women sex is the mean to the end, which is a man's resources and utility. For men it is the end. Women can very well do without as many of them here attest and men can't. Most of them anyway. This makes tremendous difference in how men and women operate.

Title	Do you think it's a misconception that men want sex, women want relationships?
Author	BumblingBeta
Upvotes	199
Comments	311
Date	July 30, 2020 1:26 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-its-a-misconception-that-men-want-sex.719148 https://theredarchive.com/post/719148
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/i0m015/do_you_think_its_a_misconception_that_men_want/

Do you think it's a misconception that men want sex, women want relationships?

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