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Do you women go through similar struggles like men go through?

September 22, 2022
31 upvotes

Do women go through similar struggles like men go through, do you girls get rejected a lot, fear rejectiong, fear of never finding romance, been friendzone, felt inferior to smarter women and no matter how hard you worked you don't seem like you are improving, experience jealousy, and go through deep philosophical rabbit whole relating to existential crisis and dread.

Please share your stories maybe we aren't so different after all 😊

Edit: thank you folks for sharing your experiences with me I didn't think you guys faces some the issues I listed above but you all proved me wrong. I am glad we men aren't alone in these fears and hardships

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Post Information
Title Do you women go through similar struggles like men go through?
Author roseonyxa
Upvotes 31
Comments 221
Date September 22, 2022 5:21 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit /r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-women-go-through-similar-struggles-like-men.1132080
https://theredarchive.com/post/1132080
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xl7gpp/do_you_women_go_through_similar_struggles_like/
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Comments

[–]KikiYuyuPurple Pill Woman 22 points23 points  (20 children) | Copy Link

I don't get rejected because I simply do not even try. It feels hopeless so I don't bother.

I fear all the time that I will die alone. I'm 30 and I've never even been kissed.

The guy I had a crush on (who I thought I was at least friends) with forgot my name while introducing me to his girlfriend.

I get jealous, but not over romantic things, mostly over talent and achievements.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I fear all the time that I will die alone. I'm 30 and I've never even been kissed.

I that really does hurts honestly, I wish I can give you a hug. Get involved with your hobbies and friends which I think can really help you out. I don't have hobbies and my close friends are too busy but when I am with my friends I felt happy and content with life and when I am doing my hobbies I felt the same way. Maybe some of us don't get to experience true love but we are here for each other.

I get jealous, but not over romantic things, mostly over talent and achievements

Yes this is totally me

[–]Mundane-Biscotti-176 -2 points-1 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

have you tried not only going for the top 1% of men?

[–]KikiYuyuPurple Pill Woman 11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I don't try for any men because I know how it will go. Why would I go for ripped wealthy dudes if I think I have no chance with regular dudes?

Honestly fuck off. I just shared that I was scared of dying alone and you assumed I'm some vain idiot who only wants gigachads because that's what some fucking redpill guru told you online. I bet you don't even know what a piece of shit thing that was to say.

[–]MBTHVSK 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What kind of efforts have you put in toward being more desirable or creating a real romantic experience? Most guys who can't get a girlfriend complain about putting lots of effort into attempting to become more attractive (changing presentation, improving conversational style, getting cooler hobbies) and still failing. Would you say your efforts are similar, or is it harder just to even find motivation?

[–]KikiYuyuPurple Pill Woman 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

My motivations go to other things. I have 2 ill relatives and I myself struggle with depression and anxiety. I have many other things that need tending to before I can even try putting myself out there.

Any time I mention my struggles, guys are very eager to find ways to disqualify me. So I'm really skeptical about why you're asking. I'm sure many men are in my same boat.

[–]Adept-Development-00 10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Bro the top 1% barely even appear in real life

[–]Mundane-Biscotti-176 -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

and yet all women still chase them

[–]Adept-Development-00 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Cringe

[–]Adept-Development-00 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not in my experience though I guess that's just ancedotal.

[–]Adept-Development-00 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ok I'll bite to an extent. Woman want the top 1% but that doesn't mean they'll only settle for the top 1%. Like me I want the top 1% of Woman but there's a much lower range that I'd be satisfied with.

[–]AnActualPersonGirthy 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

How do you know she's doing that? Bet you she isn't.

[–]melody_of_Islamic Women Were Right About PPD -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Probably not the top 1% alone but I'd bet good money she isint even aware the men in a similar life circumstances to herself in this respect

[–]Mundane-Biscotti-176 -3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

most average and above average women obsess with the top % men so it's my go to thought

[–]LDARbeforeROPE -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Lies

[–]KikiYuyuPurple Pill Woman 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well with a username like that, I better take this accusation seriously.

[–]LDARbeforeROPE 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sweet little lies

[–]daniiiuiiil -2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

lol bitch is out here crushing on dudes, every time I’ve EVER heard that phrase come out of a woman’s mouth it was a 3/10 saying it about a high level ass dude. Also if he has a girlfriend why are you even chasing him, you look pathetic and you’re not entitled to his attention

edit : one look through your profile told me all I need to know lmfao. Get off your ass, hit the gym, take a shower, and learn how to talk to humans IRL. your “crush” doesn’t care about your existence because you’re probably weirding him out with your femcel personality

[–]KikiYuyuPurple Pill Woman 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for providing an example of a struggle women go though. I said absolutely nothing wrong or offensive or antagonistic, and you do this. Thank you for demonstrating.

[–]Katelyn89Married, just here to observe 94 points95 points  (95 children) | Copy Link

I think a lot of men romanticize the female experience to an insanely unhealthy degree, and think most women are experiencing what the top .5% of gorgeous, skinny, beautiful, popular, wealthy women are experiencing because that's what they see on social media. Regular, normal, or even unattractive women are just people: we pay bills, go on crappy dates, get ghosted, feel like an imposter in the workplace, have crushes on guys who don't know we exist... like, that's just life stuff.

Being a woman isn't all flowers and endless dating options and rainbows and kittens.

[–]poppy_blumonogamous slut apparently 46 points47 points  (45 children) | Copy Link

  1. When they talk about women, they mean this: https://images.app.goo.gl/VMcfWMh8TddopzzB8

  2. They generally don’t interact much with people their own age IRL and rely on online extremes like Twitter, onlyfans and porn as reference points

  3. They think being a woman would be easier and solve all of their problems. They attribute all of thei problems and issues with being male.

[–]Katelyn89Married, just here to observe 48 points49 points  (29 children) | Copy Link

I really can't comprehend a world in which some men are just so completely blind to the plight of women. Even the stuff going on in Iran right now, millions and millions of women are still fighting for basic rights to exist in public spaces.

Almost every single woman I know has experienced some form of abuse or another, be it at home, in relationships, in the workplace, or otherwise. Like, where is this magical utopia where women aren't feeling fear and rejection and normal life stuff? I want to go to there.

[–]uccelloverde 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Here’s an award for perfect use of “I want to go to there.”

[–]Katelyn89Married, just here to observe 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Haha thank you! High-fiving a million angels 🙌

[–]LadyofTheGreyPathAngel Mind On Demon Time 26 points27 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I really can't comprehend a world in which some men are just so completely blind to the plight of women. Even the stuff going on in Iran right now, millions and millions of women are still fighting for basic rights to exist in public spaces.

They view those women as selfish for not being "thankful" for what they have.

[–]CentralAdmin 16 points17 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

They view those women as selfish for not being "thankful" for what they have.

No. This isn't the issue. It is that women insist men have more privilege then invalidate men's experiences. For example, there was a post here a while back where women were asked if they believed the average man could have sex just once a month with a month with a different woman. They have been ignoring the data about growing sexlessness among men and men's actual experiences here regarding loneliness, rejection and poor treatment at the hands of women.

As much as you believe men here think that it's only the top 0.5% of women who are on easy street, men have data showing they actually rate women on a bell curve for attractivenese such as through the OKCupid study. Women are the ones who only notice the top 10% of men while the rest they consider unattractive. There is serious projection among women who believe men only notice a small percentage when morbidly obese women have the same N counts as average men!

https://www.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6hxr9t/study_shows_morbidly_obese_women_have_the_same/

And when you hear the accounts of trans men and women who pretended to be men for online dating experiments, they are actually surprised to discover how hard it is.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DZTIbHIsIYw

Take a look at what happens to her self esteem after experiencing online dating as a man. And the guy wasn't even ugly!

Finally, Norah Vincent experienced life as a man for 18 months and she became a misogynist after trying to date women! She eventually declared that being a woman was more of a privilege.

So yes, you should be grateful dating isn't as much of a shit show because you don't have it as bad as men do. That doesn't mean your struggles do not exist. But love and sex do come to women far easier than they do for men. And no matter how much men raise awareness of the issue women just don't care. I doubt very much any woman would enjoy trading positions with men with regards to dating.

[–]North_Cry3591 9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I really can't comprehend a world in which some men are just so completely blind to the plight of women. Even the stuff going on in Iran right now, millions and millions of women are still fighting for basic rights to exist in public spaces.

What about the men in Ukraine? Where are all the women protesting for women to also be forced to join the military? Our media has given massive coverage and sympathy for women over a single woman killed in Iran, but thousands of men (and not women) in Ukraine have been forced to give up their life and no one seems to care.

[–]Gigamon2014No Pill 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

no one seems to care

No one seems to care? Lol pretty sure the US government just showed 2.98 billion reasons why they care 🤣

[–]Altaccount011412HVMisogynist 😤 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Even the stuff going on in Iran…

Pretty sure most men can realize the need for feminism in the Middle East, where women are ACTUALLY seen as property.

[–]Bunny_and_chickens 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

To be fair, plenty of men are abused also and when men are sexually abused they also have to deal with a LOT more stigma and shame. I think most of what the guys on here think is completely insane, but it's not helpful to bring up that sometimes women are abused when nobody is saying that it never happens. Also, the definition of abuse has become so broad you could mean "some creep stared at me on the bus and I felt uncomfortable" or something serious like child molestation. Most of the women I know have not been abused. Harassed maybe, which is certainly not ideal, but not abused.

Most of the guys on here are only talking about women in western countries and only consider women in other countries when they're contemplating how much a bang maid from one of those would cost. Like most people, they're only considering their own problems.

[–]ChudBuck -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

The real world is dark and violent. Asking for "rights in public spaces" is a fools errand, men have to face the possibility of death all the time, even more so statistically. When asking for rights in some sharia law dominated country, youre basically asking for the violent and psychopathic to simply stop being violent and psychopathic. The only way to establish such an order is by being better at violence than they are, your only options are to convince enough men to put themselves at a confrontational war with your oppressor at the risk of death or you can do it yourself (we all know women cant do the latter). You're not "fighting for rights" youre just holding up signs and pouting hoping things will change, and they never will unless youre willing to resort to force. It has been and always will be force exerted by men that has the best possible chance of you getting whatever rights you want, because you were never able to do so yourselves. But hey, at least youre in america consuming a dispraortionate amount of tax dollars at the expense of the same men that fought for your rights, only to to turn around and whine more about them. You dont want to put in the work for your "equality", you want to do none of the work and fighting necessary while reaping all the benefits and at the same time exercise the female sexual imperative (briffault's law or in other words AFBB).

[–]Katelyn89Married, just here to observe 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I live in Africa…

[–]ruboyuri 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

They know

It’s secondary to penis plight

And female empowerment is detrimental to men who can’t get a woman to like them

[–]North_Cry3591 7 points8 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

  1. When they talk about women, they mean this: https://images.app.goo.gl/VMcfWMh8TddopzzB8

What exactly is special about that woman?

  1. They think being a woman would be easier and solve all of their problems. They attribute all of thei problems and issues with being male.

Women certainly have it easier in many aspects in life, dating is one of them. Now you can disagree, but your dismissivness is telling that you're going to do the usual gaslighting of 99% of women in this sub.

[–]poppy_blumonogamous slut apparently 5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I wish I had a dollar for every time the word gaslight appeared on this sub.

[–]North_Cry3591 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

You can say what you want, but I just know that any conversation with someone like you is going to be fiddled with bad faith arguments.

[–]thetruthishere_Chads Pay Me 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Most dont even know what it actually means! LOL

Gaslighting is used like N count around here.

[–]Liberated_Asexual 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Lol, another snide, pretentious comment from the person who thinks they have a PhD level understanding of social dynamics in younger generations.

Go look at some data.

Younger generations have the lowest alcohol and drug use, and have a lot less sex than previous generations in general. A major component of socializing for a young person nowadays is LITERALLY social media. Younger people will think you're weird if you don't have at least one major social account.

[–]thetruthishere_Chads Pay Me 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Younger people will think you're weird if you don't have at least one major social account.

Some older people as well.

Men have been weird with me because I dont use FB, whatsapp, etc. 40+ men.

[–]Sad_Entertainer6312 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

When they talk about women, they mean this: https://images.app.goo.gl/VMcfWMh8TddopzzB8

Not really. I refer to women like that as "Miss I love myself"

[–]Historical-System972 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

  1. No. See, that's the thing. It's all women - not just the good-looking ones. Sure, good-looking ones have it better than the rest, but we're at a point where just having an innie instead of an outie is enough for you to live life on easy mode, even you if you look like a female member of r/PurplePillDebate.
  2. And the older I get, the less I want to interact with people.
  3. Their problem is that they're sexually frustrated, and yes, that does stem from them being male and would've been instantly solved if they weren't.

[–]poppy_blumonogamous slut apparently 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Thanks for proving my point — as usual.

[–]Historical-System972 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just lmfao at the idea of you having any point to make.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 3 points4 points  (26 children) | Copy Link

My image of women were shaped by my high school experiences. Most women I knew were these really smart women who took AP classes and were rich and the mid tear women in my school didn't seem to struggle with low self-esteem or bullying like me they still had large friendship circles with the high tier women. I barely had any friends in highschool like I would only hangout with one dude.

[–]Katelyn89Married, just here to observe 18 points19 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I think you're falling victim to comparison based on what you think or assume people are experiencing. There's a saying, "don't compare your behind-the-scenes to someone else's highlight reel." Everyone goes through hard stuff, even people who seem like they have it together.

I'd suggest starting out making some good female friends who are literally just that: friends. Learning what their lives are like, and the things they deal with. You'll probably find pretty quickly that we're all essentially the same. Some things are easier for women, some things are easier for men.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

If we go through the same struggles how come some people have it easier and better outcome. Where does the need to compare ourselves with others come from? I don't think it comes from no where or withinus though I think it's our academic culture and sooner we recognize that we can stop it .

[–]dottywineA Normal Person 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Comparing yourself should only be for collecting data of what may or may not be normal and cause for concern, not basing your self esteem. For example, I compared how long it takes me to study compared to my peers which helped me realized I had ADHD and sought help for it.

Additionally, comparing yourself may not be an accurate way to get that data so always take it with a grain of salt.

[–]Salt_Mathematician241 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Man if only you knew the humiliation and poverty I went through as a teen and young woman, pretty much an orphan, living in shitty derelict apartments and shared housing. I was attractive, yet having a swarm of guys wanting to smash didn't make it easier. I didn't want to have to trade myself over for a meal ticket anyway, I had strong values and wanted true love and meaningful relationships.

[–]Mundane-Biscotti-1761 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

don't compare your behind-the-scenes to someone else's highlight reel

that's such cope lol, their lives are just genuinely 100 times better

[–]Mrs_DrgreeNow Accepting Simp Applications[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your comment was removed for cope.

[–]EugeneCezanne 22 points23 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

My image of women were shaped by my high school experiences. Most women I knew were

Bro, those were not women. Those were girls.

I swear, half this subreddit wouldn't exist if men waited until they had real world experience before posting...

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy Link

I am 23

[–]EugeneCezanne 3 points4 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, that's my point. You're only 23.

[–]dottywineA Normal Person 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

News flash - rich people don’t have as many struggles as not rich people

Another news flash - even rich people have their own personal issues and struggles

Also how do you know they don’t have low self esteem? Having a large friendship circle doesn’t mean they are actually healthy friends nor does it mean you have higher self esteem.

Also you’re talking about high school kids - not women.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It seems like their friendships were healthy to me at the time but you are right idk. I just assumed it which was incorrect of me to do

[–]thetruthishere_Chads Pay Me 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You never know what goes on at home. I know one of the popular girls in HS lived in an abusive home but you would not know it. It happens more than you think.

[–]SoleMatesC4SPurple Smut Peddler 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think a lot of men romanticize the female experience to an insanely unhealthy degree, and think most women are experiencing what the top .5% of gorgeous, skinny, beautiful, popular, wealthy women are experiencing because that's what they see on social media.

Some of us actually have female friends and deal with women on a regular basis and hold the same opinions because we see it in real life. Whoops

On the other hand you are correct. I work with literal models all of the time, and they sit down to shit just like the rest of us. It's sick how guys simp for these women and act like they're on a whole 'nother plane of existence.

At the same time, though, I can't sympathize when any of them gets nervous over a guy or has relationship troubles. Even the fattest BBW fetish model I've ever squeezed into frame had a legion of dudes willing to drink her bathwater. You can't find a halfway decent boyfriend in that situation, I don't know what to tell you.

[–]JumboJetz -2 points-1 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

But when you crush on a guy who doesn’t know you exist you can offer him your pussy and there’s a 70% chance he will say yes. Men would kill for the ability to have one night with their crush.

[–]Katelyn89Married, just here to observe 5 points6 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

What the fuck good is that? Lmao

[–]JumboJetz 3 points4 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Plenty of good and a reason from the male perspective on why we have less sympathy for women claiming dating issues. They literally treat sex as nothing when men desire it substantially. I don’t really see our problems as being on equal footing when a base human need that is only a rung or two up from food and shelter in the hierarchy of needs is simple for you to come by and a constant struggle for us.

[–]Katelyn89Married, just here to observe 4 points5 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

I’m not even going to explain the million reasons why this is wrong.

[–]IceMysterious4265 -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Even with that being said it's still 20 times better than the average man

[–]kaycyy__plutoI’m probably not serious 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Is there a reason you just used descriptive factors that make men attractive to describe a desirable woman?

[–]odd_cloud 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

He, I don’t think you are correct in your assumption on what men think.

So, in my opinion, average women get somewhat active dating lives. Women who are in top 0.5% by attractiveness get money thrown at them for their attention. In comparison, average guys get somewhat existing romantic life.

Social media plays a little role in forming those ideas in men. Men have female friends and acquaintances, see what they do and hear their stories.

So, a little bit of my experience. When I was in uni, most girls around me had relationships or hook ups, whatever their preference was. After the uni, I am not a close friend with many women, but I have a couple of female friends who tell me what they discuss. They constantly date, have short term relationships and hook ups. I discussed dating with some of these women a couple of times, and they don’t believe someone can get 1 match in 6 months. Their hardest problem is that a guy they date currently is head of a department, not a chief officer. Or that he is only 6’ and not 6’6”. There is one woman in their circle who does not really date. She once scrolled the whole tinder in her area and said that they all are kinda ugly.

In comparison, most of my male friends meet a woman who likes them once 1 or 2 years and usually put on effort in order to not lose their chance.

[–]_revelationary 13 points14 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

I met my husband when I was in college, but early on in college I experienced those things. I had some HUGE crushes that were unrequited — one guy was a friend and I told him, but he was pursuing a different girl. I was cheated on by the next guy I dated, so yes, jealousy came up.

I noticed that the times I was more hyper-focused on dating and finding a relationship, the less happy I was. When I was focusing more on my classes, my friends, other goals, I ended up not feeling so desperate. And I really just lucked out in starting to date the guy I ultimately married when I was just 20 years old…I’m sure if I was single longer it would’ve been harder for me, because I’m someone who always wanted to get married and be a mom.

Yeah, I think men have it harder than women in certain ways. But I think some of their experiences are universal and women go through this stuff too.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for sharing your experience I appreciate it 😊 I have a questions though, I want to focus on making friends and my hobbies but I am scared if I do I will loose interest in finding romance so how do I overcome that.

[–]_revelationary 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

What’s the worst thing that would happen if that were true?

Isn’t it more likely that you’ll still be interested in dating, but you’ll just find other things in your life that are important too?

[–]roseonyxa[S] 1 point2 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

It would invalidate my childhood experiences growing up with romantic subplots

[–]madcapitola 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

And what's the worst thing about that?

Sometimes invalidating a faulty thought process is exactly what's needed to adopt more productive thought processes.

[–]learn2earn89 16 points17 points  (46 children) | Copy Link

Yes dude. My family worries about me sometimes due to all of that.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (45 children) | Copy Link

I believe but how come I don't really feel it deep within my guts. I always fall back to envying women for all their success and even their ability to give birth as weird as that sounds

[–]toasterchild 11 points12 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Some people are prone to comparing themselves to others negatively, it's a pretty common thought pattern. Some people do it the other gender, some to more successful people, neighbors, old school mates, etc. You've chosen to focus on women and see what your brain wants you to see to believe that you have it bad.

[–]roseonyxa[S] -1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

No that's not it, we compare with others because we live in a competitive driven economy. We compete with each other's for jobs because we have to. If we are not the very best we won't get that job. I chose to focus on women mainly because I was never close friends with women in highschool they always felt distant from either because they were to smart or they had big friendship circles

[–]toasterchild 7 points8 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Why do you only see yourself on the negative side of the comparison? Comparison is the theft of joy for a reason. You can stop if you want to.

[–]Bunny_and_chickens 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If we are not the very best we won't get that job.

From my experience the very best never gets the job, the person who says they're the best the loudest/related to the boss usually does.

[–]howdoiw0rkthisthing 10 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

ability to give birth

You really shouldn’t envy this. It’s a burden. Am important and even joyous one, but still a burden.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Burden I don't mind, I know I am wierd but the idea that I created life would be awesome to me that I know it came from me.

[–]learn2earn89 10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

You compare yourself to women who are doing well. Many women aren’t doing so great either.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah I see what you mean it's just I have not really interacted with a woman who is also not doing that great in a deep and meaningful way.

[–]JumboJetz -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

As women love to gleefully point out on this sub though, they certainly will be doing better than OP in getting sex if they want it.

[–]learn2earn89 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I mean, yeah, I’m sure if I go to Skid Row and ask some rando there if he wants to sleep with me I’ll get many offers.

[–]greedyleopard42perc pilled 7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

it’s because you’re not a woman. it’s definitely a grass is greener fantasy. when you havent experienced something you can build it up in your head as much as you want

[–]roseonyxa[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yes this is exactly what happens to me honestly

[–]greedyleopard42perc pilled 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

a good way to get out of it is definitely to make female friends. but also just reading our responses is good for sure

[–]darkvalleys 5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

That’s because some people find it easier to externalize, pedestalize and fantasize than deal with the world as it is and the hand they’ve been dealt

In other words “woe is me”

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

How do we know what the world is, what if we can change things.

[–]bluemooncookiedough 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is a great comment in my opinion! Humans created the language we use to understand the world. With that we assume so much. Only you can make your own reality and decide what you are going to feel. External forces will always be there but you control your own sense of the world, how you connect to it.

We each have so much power to influence our world and touch the people around us. But it takes time, patience and practice to learn how. Many people don't want to put in that much effort so instead they tell others they are also powerless.

[–]darkvalleys 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

The world is telling you

You don’t want to listen

It doesn’t matter what words you use

[–]Choice_Poetry73841 points [recovered] (12 children) | Copy Link

Oh trust me - being pregnant and giving birth is not so fun. You are so hormonal and it is getting so hard to move. You are also not allowed to eat raw fish (sushi), any alcohol (well very small portions are okay) and more. Then you are incredible insecure because you grow so big and you feel so fat. So many doctors visits, so many needles. Birth itself is not fun aswell. Extremly hurtful and you need years to recover fully. Well I mean your body will never recover fully

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy Link

Wait the body never recovers from giving birth?

[–]Bunny_and_chickens 5 points6 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Not really. Some fair better than others, but pregnancy will wreck a body. Calcium is leached out of the body and can cause tooth loss, stretch marks, incontinence, increased risk of prolapse later in life...and that's if there's no major complications

[–]tinasnow-poty 17 points18 points  (30 children) | Copy Link

Of course we do. On online dating guys stop replying mid convo, make lukewarm plans, flake often. I’ve had many crushes that didn’t materialise. I feel inferior to lots of girls my age who already have grad jobs and know what they want to do when I don’t. I have existential dread for lunch. The girls on tiktok have such perfect bodies, I use the app for gym fuel. You’ve just got to rise above it. Focus on what you do that makes you feel good. I’m the same age as you, there’s hope for the future yet

[–]Mundane-Biscotti-176 9 points10 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

The girls on tiktok have such perfect bodies, I use the app for gym fuel

at least you can, instead of never being able to come even close due to just not being tall enough, not having a skeleton wide and robust and not being on a shitload of anabolic steroids

the "perfect" female body is way more achievable than the perfect male body

[–]tinasnow-poty 2 points3 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Well women also have different skeletons to the perfect female body. Some girls have wide shoulders and look like linebackers. Some girls have wide ribs and will never have the perfect waist to hip ratio. You can’t change your breast size. You just have to make do with what you have.

You can’t change height that’s true but not having a wide skeleton is not really an excuse to not try, because swimmers bodies are also great and they’re not particularly wide. Lean and defined is also a good goal

[–]Mundane-Biscotti-176 1 point2 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

not having a wide skeleton is not really an excuse to not try, because swimmers bodies are also great and they’re not particularly wide. Lean and defined is also a good goal

totally

https://i.redd.it/zjfsngcs5ya11.png

https://www.wykop.pl/cdn/c3201142/comment_1635176423WWXScJCFDD8tb59IOnUJt3.jpg

Well women also have different skeletons to the perfect female body. Some girls have wide shoulders and look like linebackers. Some girls have wide ribs and will never have the perfect waist to hip ratio. You can’t change your breast size. You just have to make do with what you have.

they might not hit some perfect mythical ratio, but unless a girl is a total fridge, she will be able to get an attractive physique no problem

hell, even an untrained female body is attractive and "hot", while an untrained male is disgusting

but for men, a good genetic base is required to look good, furthermore, women often say they like a "lean" look, meaning little muscle and just good wide skeleton

[–]tinasnow-poty 0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy Link

That guy doesn’t even train at all. I can agree with you that his untrained body is not ideal, but not all are like that. I’ve dated guys who didn’t go to the gym and liked them so it’s definitely not disgusting.

A girl with poor genetics has to train to look attractive, a guy with poor genetics has to train to look attractive.

[–]IceMysterious4265 3 points4 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

I think girls flake way more

[–]tinasnow-poty 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I can’t speak on that. All I can say is I’ve had my fair share of flakes too

[–]Psych_FI -1 points0 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

… comments like this are why I struggle empathising with some men. It’s always about comparison - there are plenty of guys that have no problem dating.

[–]IceMysterious4265 0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy Link

They are rare

[–]Psych_FI -1 points0 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

I disagree. Plenty of men get married, have committed relationships and have children.

On case I’ve misunderstood please clarify what exactly is rare?

Dating can be difficult for numerous reasons such as what you are looking for, who you are, where you live, economics, race, religion, beauty, gender, personality etc.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for sharing your experience with me I appreciate it 😊

I will rise above it

[–]januaryphilosopherWoman/student/UK/radfem/makes first move/healthy BMI/bi/taken 21 points22 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes to all. They're normal human experiences. Women aren't immune to, like, life.

[–]JumboJetz 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I too can relate to the starving child in Africa by telling him I once went to bed hungry because I was too tired and lazy to make food or even order pizza.

Totally relate to their human experiences!

[–]januaryphilosopherWoman/student/UK/radfem/makes first move/healthy BMI/bi/taken 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Did I say that was a normal human experience? I said the examples listed were normal human experiences.

[–]wintergreen233 16 points17 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Absolutely. I spent my entire teens and 20s struggling with literally all of those things. Rejection, fear of it, guys who I was interested in not liking me back, feeling totally inferior to other women, feeling like I must just be hideous and unlovable. Literally every thing you mentioned, yeah I went through it, hard.

I am happy to say it got much better after that, though.

[–]Mundane-Biscotti-176 2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

I am happy to say it got much better after that, though.

and all you had to do is stop chasing only the top 1% men

that's why men can't relate

[–]wintergreen233 8 points9 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

lol, I never, ever, ever chased “only the top 1% of men.” Ever. You guys really gotta drop the idea that every single one of us are fixated on “Chads.”

I was a quiet, nerdy weirdo in high school who was interested in the guys who were the same. In early adulthood, I hung out in various social subcultures where I pursued more or less the same type of guy relative to that subculture. It’s always been the nerdy weirdos for me.

The difference in my dating success later on was largely that I made myself a mentally healthier, more physically groomed and attractive, more confident, more socially adept and overall more appealing person, and also learned to deal with dating and rejection in healthier ways. I was a really unhappy person in my younger years, I don’t blame guys for staying away.

[–]Mundane-Biscotti-176 5 points6 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

women by default don't see or register men that are below average, so right out of the bat what they think are "all men" is just the top 50%

In early adulthood, I hung out in various social subcultures where I pursued more or less the same type of guy relative to that subculture.

and I'm without a doubt sure that the guys you pursued had some kind of high status in those subcultures

and from my experience there's no such thing as a woman who wants a "quiet, nerdy weirdo" - probably what you mean by that is a guy who's a little less socially outgoing than extroverted chads, but still very socially competent nevertheless

like I said, a "quiet, nerdy weirdo" would never even pop up on your radar

[–]wintergreen233 7 points8 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

You don’t know the men I’ve dated, or the men I’ve been interested in. If you did, you’d agree that I am being accurate in my assessments, and no I wasn’t going after guys with any particularly “high status” relative to the group. And yes, they were guys on the “shy, awkward weirdo” side. Both my first boyfriend and my later longest-term partner had severe social anxiety. I didn’t care, I had social anxiety too and I adored them both.

My issue in dating was always me, period. I just really wasn’t a very appealing option for a partner earlier in life, and men were right to stay away.

The men I pursued didn’t change. What changed is that I was a mess, and over time I made myself not a mess. That’s pretty much all there is to it.

[–]AstronautLoveShackOne Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater 10 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Yes, all those things can happen to women. It can be especially bad if the rejection is happening within a relationship (cheating, withdrawing, etc). Nobody’s life is perfect and without struggles.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

But where I am coming from is more so no matter how much some people struggle we won't ever be good as the very best

[–]AstronautLoveShackOne Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

There is no “very best.” Adam Levine is a handsome wealthy celebrity but he is also clearly a cheater. I don’t know much about his wife but my guess is she would not be thinking he’s the very best right now.

[–]roseonyxa[S] -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I am talking about intelligence and academics who cares about looks or getting dates, to me my jealousy is primarily focused on career and academics

[–]AstronautLoveShackOne Eyed One Horned Flying Purple People Eater 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Your OP was about rejection, fear of never finding romance, and being friendzoned. It didn’t really mention academics at all.

[–]dottywineA Normal Person 10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

We fear rejection, we do get rejected but we are not attempting as often as boys are, definitely women fear never finding true romance - that’s a big one. Yes, women get friendzoned, made to feel inferior to other women…

I mean everything you’re describing is just part of being a human being. Also the smarter you are, the more you struggle with these things and I saw a study that says it hits smart women even harder.

I don’t know how young guys don’t see women as humans. I don’t get it. Even if you’re prawn addicted or see women in general as the object of your desire, surely you can comprehend we are human beings…

[–]Mundane-Biscotti-1761 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

I don’t know how young guys don’t see women as humans. I don’t get it.

because their lives are so different from ours. Endless dating options, easier time socializing while being more social biologically meaning huge social lives

I'm forced to rot, while women are allowed to live fully

[–]BigOleGreenTrees 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No one is forcing you to rot (unless you're actually on Reddit in prison??) but go ahead be the victim. Move to Iran where the women are forced to rot instead and then you can stop victimizing yourself. Your logic is some people have a better experience than me so I might as well have no experience at all? You may find a lot of benefit talking to a professional about some cognitive behavioral therapy, with peace and love.

[–]Mrs_DrgreeNow Accepting Simp Applications[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No incl content.

[–]Rhubarb_Fair 9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I think we have similar challenges, but additional ones too....

For example, I don't think men understand just how Judged, endlessly endlessly Judged, women are. And in a way that women simply can't "win".

Not a virgin on your wedding day - slut. Wont put out on a first date - prude and using a man to get your dinner paid for

Not married and no kids after 25 - washed up old hag. Marriage and kids before youre 25 - irresponsible young mother

Not wearing make up - you've let yourself go. Wearing make up - slut

Got a good job - man hating & career obsessed. Not got a good job - gold digging bum

Whatever you do, youre screwed

[–]roseonyxa[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have a folk theory about this is that modern and past patriarchy are at odds with each other they both want women in contradicting ways to server patriarchy. But it's just my thoeory. I empathize with you, feeling like trapped like that. Society needs to be changed

[–]pop442No Pill 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ehhh....I feel this highly depends on where you live.

My adopted sister is 28(same age as me), 6 ft tall, has a decent n-count, and is a career woman who owns her own place.

Literally none of that has stopped her from dating different types of men. In fact, me and my brother/father had to damn near have an interview process for every dude she got with to make sure they were good enough for her in a relationship.

I think, at one point, women were judged harshly for these things but, nowadays, men are shameless simps who will loosen their standards just to claim that they have a gf or slept with somebody.

Even the single moms with different baby daddies I know get booed up quicker than the nerdy, quiet girls I know.

In small towns or rural areas though, I can see what you're saying come into fruition easily.

[–]SoleMatesC4SPurple Smut Peddler 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

For example, I don't think men understand just how Judged, endlessly endlessly Judged, women are.

lol

If you think men don't get judged by double-standards, I have a bridge to sell you.

[–]ruboyuri 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

No, women have no struggles. It’s all easy, we make no effort, are never dissatisfied. La, la, la, piles of money show up, there’s never any physical risk, people bow down to us as we walk by, etc

[–]roseonyxa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I will take that as you being sarcastic

[–]risdeveau 20 points21 points  (29 children) | Copy Link

Guess you don’t realize that Wimmin B Human

[–]roseonyxa[S] 6 points7 points  (27 children) | Copy Link

I guess I don't because of my personal experiences and I never hear them have these specific troubles. I could go on about my past and my ocs but for now I am giving you all the chance to potentially prove me wrong. I want my mind to change I want to feel empathy towards women

[–]risdeveau 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don’t believe in begging people to consider others human

[–]Blame_the_Muse{<my pussy tastes like pepsi cola>} 7 points8 points  (25 children) | Copy Link

So you don’t have any female friends?

[–]roseonyxa[S] 6 points7 points  (22 children) | Copy Link

No I don't unfortunately

[–]Blame_the_Muse{<my pussy tastes like pepsi cola>} 5 points6 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

That explains it. How would you know what women go through if you never talk to them?

[–]GlamSunCrybabyMoon 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Do you have a mom

[–]darkvalleys 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

And yet you feel perfectly capable of assuming and judging

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Damn lol only reply is someone roasting him

[–]darkvalleys -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And she’s right

[–]Rubber-duck7203 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The frequency matters. Women never experience those at the scale at which an average man does.

[–]greedyleopard42perc pilled 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

not so much dating hardships anymore because i’m in a long term relationship, but i used to a LOT. for the longest time i wasnt a girl that guys were interested in. i got rejected plenty for sure.

not much insecurity in the intellect department, but i suspect if i didn’t get ridiculous praise from teachers when i was young i would have. if i wasn’t seen as a prodigy, i bet i would have felt insanely insecure- most people i know are insecure about their intelligence at least to a degree. it’s a very human experience, and sometimes i wish my head wasn’t blown up so much in that aspect because i really don’t think i always see myself in the right light. i guess that’s it’s own insecurity

[–]17milestoempty🖤 black pill lady with pink pill energy 💖 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I’ve never been rejected, but I also don’t approach men & have never had a crush on a man who didn’t already express interest in me. I have a very reactionary dating style.

I’m a very competitive woman and do often feel inferior to other women who are smarter, more experienced, or more skilled in certain areas. I’m a lot more dominant around men/male clients than I am around powerful female peers.

I experience jealousy, but not often. More envy, I guess.

[–]pop442No Pill 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Kinda interesting to hear how often women feel jealous of other women over non-romantic things.

I'm also hypercompetitive and always comparing myself to other men. When I'm in the gym, I'll watch how much certain men are lifting and try to outdo it, sometimes to my own detriment. Back when I was in sales, I used to always try to one up other salesmen so I could have the best report of the week. In basketball, I always try to shoot 3's to impress the other players and spectators and make myself look good.

It's hard to tell if this is due to confidence or lack of too because it's clearly an insecurity but I always challenge myself to get on that level or surpass it which requires confidence.

[–]17milestoempty🖤 black pill lady with pink pill energy 💖 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes, I know, it’s very weird that we’re also humans and don’t operate 24/7 with thoughts of romance and sex. I find it kinda interesting how many men just don’t.. realize that.

[–]pop442No Pill 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, you have to admit that women are very good at maintaining the image of having a "sisterhood" with each other and bonding better than men do. Many women even boast about this belief as well.

It's already accepted that men are hypercompetitive with one another in many aspects whereas the main time women get exposed competing with other women is over a man. This is heavily promoted in the media as well and non-romantic competition among women is well hidden and not really shown.

So, it's a number of reasons why that gets overlooked. It's not unbelievable at all but women don't get covered for it as much as men get covered for competing with each other or showing envy among each other. I guess you can say women have great PR in that aspect.

[–]greedyleopard42perc pilled 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

op you seem like a nice person who genuinely wants to learn. what are you doing on this sub lmaoo

[–]ffandyy 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Of course they do

[–]localmicrodosechamp 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

i am pretty sure i will never have a good relationship with men because so few men are wholesome that i am sure they have their pick of women and i'm not a top woman nor do i want to spend my life trying to get/stay on top. I don't think any of my exes would say a guy wouldn't be lucky to be with me because I do try really hard in relationships and have some solid things to offer outside of that, but it's a numbers thing.

to be clear by wholesome i mean he doesn't watch porn and is interested in being his authentic self and pursuing a loving longterm partnership with me where we build a life together.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I know what you mean it sucks there is only a few wholesome men these days. Id believe your exes. I hope you find that wholesome man you are looking for

[–]localmicrodosechamp 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

thanks

[–]Bekiala 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I think women struggle as much as men but they struggle in such a hugely Hugely HUGELY different way than men. This difference is why it is so difficult for men and women to understand each other.

The struggles you list are what men struggle with. Women struggle with different issues.

[–]anon018274031 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The struggles he listed are what men and women struggle with. They are human struggles.

Why do you think women don’t experience them?

[–]Chalkie_Average guy 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's not that women don't experience these issues.

It's that women do not experience them to the same extent men do.

[–]Bekiala 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Of course women struggle somewhat with these and everyone is different; however, I would expect women to struggle less with being friend zoned or rejection.

I see women as struggling more with possible violence and harassment. Also women may struggle with internalized misogyny as well as being seen as lesser.

Men seem more to struggle with social connections and isolation. I know there are many women who do too just not to the extent that men do.

[–]BasicallyYogurt1 points [recovered] (7 children) | Copy Link

Yes, but not in the area of dating. If a young woman has dating issues in the current era, they must be either terribly ugly or extremely unpleasant to be around.

[–]anonymous-platypus11 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

That’s 100% not true though. You don’t think women get rejected? Or ghosted? Or anything like that unless they are ugly?

[–]BasicallyYogurt1 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

Oh it happens, just far far less frequently, and for much different reasons.

[–]anonymous-platypus11 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

Every single woman I know has been rejected by someone. Or if not outright rejected they’ve been put in the sex only category by a man they really liked.

The only thing women have easier is getting casual and emotionless sex. That’s absolutely it. Getting actually companionship and love generally takes two people that are open to it.

[–]BasicallyYogurt1 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

Like I said, different reasons. And no women absolutely have an easier time getting companionship, that's hardly debatable.

[–]Mrs_DrgreeNow Accepting Simp Applications[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Please check the post flair and repost your comment under the automod if necessary.

[–]bunnakaybirth control pill -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Of course... they just rarely have to do with dating.

[–]darkvalleys -2 points-1 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yes, but all you care about is that we can get sex any time we want

[–]roseonyxa[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

No I don't actually

[–]darkvalleys -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

All dating problems stem from the mismatch in libidos

[–]roseonyxa[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That's reductionist

[–]darkvalleys -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

But is it untrue ?

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[–]DreysunTheOne 3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Not a woman, but you can't really think women don't have it kinda shit rn too. Everything you listed is the same most girls are going through, the only difference is they can more easily find casual sex (which most women use for validation and don't usually enjoy).

Women haven't made rpg characters to describe their dating struggles, but many women envy "Stacy", wish Chad would love them and many wonder why they aren't good enough for xyz.

The same way guys envy Chad and wish Stacy would fuck them etc.

Alot of girls are short, chubby, and unremarkable, just like most guys (in the us) are.

It's hard sometimes to take a step back and realize the women putting men down and pretending like they have it all on tik tok aren't the women you see in your day to day life. And it's harder here with women ridiculing exactly these problems in men every other thread, but I promise it's not rare to find a girl who isn't really having a good time.

Girls get impregnated then dropped, have to deal with scary situations with both strange men and men they love, aren't respected for anything other than their bodies, etc.

All the problems men are having, women are having a foil occur, men complain about just being atms, women complain about just being lady bits. Men and women both complain about the other not taking enough responsibility. Men complain they can't find sex, women complain they can't find love.

The list goes on and on but the fact women can get sex they hardly even want just to feel a shred of male intimacy doesn't make up for the fact that life and dating in general are difficult and require effort

[–]Historical-System972 4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Alot of girls are short, chubby, and unremarkable,

Yeah, and they still carry themselves like they're Helen of fucking Troy for some reason.

[–]DreysunTheOne 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Bruh then treat them like they aren't, they'll either fall in line or at the very least not be around you with that shit.

I certainly won't treat a woman like she's worth shit unless she IS or there is sex on the table.

[–]Historical-System972 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

How I personally choose to treat them is immaterial. The point is that's how the world treats them, which is why they keep doing it.

[–]Topfet30 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is bs as a man I can't even post thread on here without it getting deleted and when I talk about my problems women either ignore it or use it as a chance to shit on you.

I asked what am I supposed to donif I'm thirty five with no relationship experience and women see that as a red flag and the answers were I was sol. So why should I care about the plight of women?

[–]JDWhiz96Suburbs 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yes, agreed. They do not care about my plight so spare me this “men need to have empathy” BS.

[–]throwaway164_3 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Women live dating life in easy mode compared to men. They’re too proud to admit it, but all of us know it’s true.

Sure, women do have many struggles of their own, but for dating and sex, that have it orders of magnitude easier that the average man.

[–]kljcfgTruth depends on whom I am trolling -2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

They are just a man with low libido ,high neuroticism, more or less constant sexual validation.

[–]Stop_Maximum 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Some women and men can go through the same thing. I’ve never dated during high school. I didn’t start dating until when I was 21. I am 23 now. I got reject even without opening up to some people (in my teens). I got rejected even when I opened up to people. I didn’t get many rejections but I didn’t like many people in my life (probably 5/6 since high school). What I’ve realised is that I didn’t mind being rejected, like at all. I think when I like someone, it’s not really about wanting to be in a relationship, but more of wanting to get it off my chest. So no I don’t fear rejection. I don’t fear not finding romance, I am actually aspiring to enjoy it although I want to travel more 😭. Never been friendzone apart from this one time, but I didn’t like the guy. He thought I did maybe, although it was weird cause we were not close like that.

I started dating when I was 21, and in that same year I decided it wasn’t for me. Would love to know if anyone can beat that record 🤣

Never felt inferior to smart women, but I’ve been called one eh eh. I think it’s not right to be jealous about others, you should always be happy so that when it’s your turn it comes back 10x more. I am glad to see people being happy.

[–]roseonyxa[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

So you never had interest in forming a relationship but experienced crushes?

I disagree with you, jealousy is ok it's just we have to use it in a productive manner

[–]Stop_Maximum 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I didn’t have any interest unless with the last person I liked, although it was liberating anyway to tel him that I liked him. That was back in 2019/2020. When I started dating I thought about it, although now I can’t really imagine them 😅

I think it’s more about the individual. I don’t feel like I can ever be jealous about someone achieving something, instead I’ll be screaming like it’s mine aha. But that’s me, I could only care if they took something that’s mine (not a person but maybe something I actually own).

[–]Mundane-Biscotti-176 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I didn’t start dating until when I was 21

at least you could start dating without spending 20k in plastic surgery and years in gym first

[–]SwimmingTheme3736 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I don’t know about all women but me no

I have had different struggles

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

What kind of struggles did you face?

[–]SwimmingTheme3736 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I have been attracted by a partner

Raped by one

Felt trapped

[–]roseonyxa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am sorry you had to experience you don't deserve that, thank you for sharing your experience, I hope you recoverd from that terrible event

[–]EmeraldsFaure 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

My struggle is having attraction for a certain niche of guys. I have a paradoxical personality, it’s difficult to find a man who shares similar personality traits. As a result, I tend to go for men whose personality traits are only partially compatible with my own.

My last relationship was with a highly intelligent, witty guy. We matched and connected on an intellectual level, but not on other qualities. I function on almost equal parts logic/ rationality and sensitivity/ feelings. Being in love with someone who lacked sensitivity to feelings was emotionally draining for me. On occasions where tenderness or vulnerability on his part shone through, he would quickly default to his emotionally detached self.

That’s been my struggle, being attracted to men who are successful, intelligent yet emotionally detached. I in turn seem to also attract this type of men. Philosophically I have good insights on relationships in general, but have been unsuccessful in applying said insights to my own relationships.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I know exactly what you mean I have a friend irl who is a cool dude but he seems emotionally detached unfortunately but it's fun hanging out with him. Thank you for sharing your experience with me. What kinds of insights do you have in relationships?

[–]EmeraldsFaure 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve always been good at “reading” people and situations. People seem to gravitate to me for advice, this is aside from patients. They volunteer personal concerns to me for some reason. I think it’s because I come across as calm and having empathy. I try to put myself in their unique circumstances instead of basing off of my own experiences. But I also don’t shy away from giving honest assessment. Mostly, people just desire a confidante to unload concerns. If they can get a suggestion or two out of it then it’s a win-win.

[–]Weshnon 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

No, I don't endure this at all since I left my teens. Late teens onwards offered much more potent existential dread than "who is smarter than me", 'he doesn't wanna date me whyyyy', or "I'm jealous of this cunt who gets all the chads".

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Yeah the existential dread gets scary to face as you grow older

[–]Weshnon 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

No it doesn't. It takes much more potent forms than "will I get friendzoned" and "am I uglier than brad"? When you get older than like 25 and live an actual life and endure real life shite, your existential dread starts to look more like "how much longer will I be able to afford this small but cute flat", "will I have to endure my already deranged parents senility" ,"is my partner hindering my career opportunities", "will my sports related injuries ever heal", "will I one day get a flat big enough for another pet friend 10 years after my previous ones died". Adult shit like that.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

But that's not existential crisis I think, existential crisis is like about life and death.

[–]Weshnon 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yes. You living with permanent injuries or disease, you keeping a roof on your head in this economy, you dealing with your parents decline towards death, you dealing with death of pets after loving them for 20 years. Not being "rejected" by "girls", finding "romance", being "jealous" and teen shit like that

[–]baiser_vole1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

My experience as a reasonably attractive relationship oriented woman I think has some similarities with beta bux' concerns. The difference is that I was mostly given my looks and my reproductive organs, and beta bux worked to achieve financial success. Yes, the effort required was different, but the concerns are not too different imo. We both desire to be respected and loved for who we are.

I have a somewhat extreme personality and is usually hit or miss with people. I would say that it is more often than not a miss. Anyway, there are so many guys who approached me with romantic interest only because of my looks while wanting me to be someone else. Does he actually love me if he wants me to someone else and constantly tries to change me into someone I'm not? No, he is only in love with the way I look, and even if he doesn't necessarily try to change me, he still isn't in love with who I am inside. The Beta Bux concern is somewhat similar in a way, because BB are concerned they would only be appreciated for the money they have.

I think being an attractive woman is still better though. I'm sure I have gotten rejected for my personality, and there were guys who took no interest in me due to my personality. I don't fear rejection anymore though. I do get a bit stressed out about never finding the right person (I have even been told to maybe move by multiple people due to my beliefs). But yeah. I am not in the worst position at all, no I don't think that. I have it fairly good, but I still have the concerns I do.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for sharing

[–]IceMysterious4265 0 points1 point  (14 children) | Copy Link

Not really

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy Link

Your word against the others here

[–]IceMysterious4265 0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy Link

I understand that. But I'm still welcome to disagree. For the most part they don't have to deal with it as much. Unless they're in the very bottom tier of women

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy Link

Where do you fall in the dating political spectrum?

[–]IceMysterious4265 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

What you mean?

[–]erunzzz 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

Yes for sure, I’m in college and I’m worried that I’m never going to meet anyone. I hear everyone saying that women have it “so easy”, but as a woman myself, that is so false. I’ve never been hit on or asked out, I’ve received virtually zero male attention throughout my life. I’m about average looking but guys simply aren’t interested in me. I’m worried that I’ll never find a husband who loves me and is attracted to me. I have one ex boyfriend who left me because of my looks, and guys called me ugly behind my back in high school. Women don’t have it easy unless they are in the top 5-10% or so. My closest friend has been rejected by many guys and my other close friends have never been in relationships. It’s not as easy for women as society makes it seem.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think you are nailing this on the coffins, it's good for us men to change our cognitive biases even when coming to dating. Now that I am reading these posts I feel like women are more relatable to me which makes it easier to empathize with you folks. I hope you find the husband your looking for but for now cherish your friends

[–]erunzzz 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it! I’m so happy that you could relate to my answer and the other answers you’ve received to this post :) I hope you find love too, wishing you all the best!

[–]Mundane-Biscotti-176 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

I’ve never been hit on or asked out, I’ve received virtually zero male attention throughout my life.

you must be quite below average then in addition to not having much contact with men

Women don’t have it easy unless they are in the top 5-10% or so

no just don't be in the bottom 10%

are you fat? you sound fat. I've never heard of a non fat girl not getting attention

[–]erunzzz 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

I’m actually a division 1 college athlete who’s average weight believe it or not! My ex actually did compliment me on my body and thinks I’m quite thin. I’m really curious to what makes me so undesirable to men. I’m still trying to figure out what’s “wrong” with me. My female friends are all surprised that I receive virtually zero male attention since they all think I’m beautiful/above average. Women randomly tell me I’m pretty all the time, so I’m dying to figure out what makes me virtually invisible to all men.

[–]Mundane-Biscotti-176 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I’m still trying to figure out what’s “wrong” with me

don't bother, I already know - you only count attention from men that you are attracted to, and that is most likely a very small % of men, so of course you won't be getting much attention overall.

they all think I’m beautiful/above average. Women randomly tell me I’m pretty all the time

I wouldn't say that's the most precise indicator, I see women gassing up other women that are not beautiful at all. A lot of compliments women give are just empty.

I guess the best indicator imo would be jealousy from other women. That would let you know you're truly above average and better than them.

what makes me virtually invisible to all men

what makes me virtually invisible to few select men I care about

fixed that for you

[–]erunzzz 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I'm a college student and I'd be over the moon if I got attention from even the most unattractive man. It would show me that I'm at least desirable to someone. Since being in college I haven't received attention from a single man, attractive or unattractive. I wish I received attention from unattractive men, I really wish I did. It would boost my self esteem.

My ex rated my face a 5 and my body a 7. He said I'm about average and knows I'll have no problem finding somebody in the future. He just wasn't attracted enough to me to continue the relationship... People I know told me that he's about a 4. I was pretty much the first woman to ever give him attention. They thought that I was out of his league, and swore that they aren't just saying it to be nice.

[–]SkookumTreeRomantic relationships aren't necessary for happiness! 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

1) are you on the spectrum 2) are you physically unusual in some way 3) are you a racial minority at the university of Iowa or something?

[–]erunzzz 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

  1. For the most part I don't think on the spectrum, but every so often I think I am. I always wonder about this. I'm definitely socially awkward and have zero clue how to flirt with/show interest in a guy. I've always been shy and have struggled with social skills, but I'm working on it.
  2. I don't think I'm physically unusual, but one feature I'm insecure about is my nose. It's on the bigger side and I have a dorsal hump, which hinders my side profile.
  3. I'm half white and half asian. I used to live in a state with a large asian population, but I now attend school in a state with a much smaller percentage of asian students.

[–]Rhubarb_Fair 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Think about what men go through, then add this:

https://youtu.be/fZPabO7fY-U

I cant say it any better

[–]jjema 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Im a woman and have never experienced these fears and realize that im quite privledged in that aspect.

With the exception of jealousy. I definitely get jealous. Working on that one.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is why both gender should really empathize with each other and understand our struggles and help eachother out. We are social animals after all we exist to help eachother out 😊

[–]jjema 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Completely agree. I feel for anyone who has these types of struggles.

[–]Ok_Brilliant_4935 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

24 virgin kissless female here. Yes i feel this way often. I'm a little chubby and not very physically attractive . The few men who showed interest in me were only interested for sex , which made my self esteem worse. And no i have never chased after top 10 % men. And this point in have become too cynical and want to remain celibate forever.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

I can relate to your frustrations, I am in the same boat as you except I am one year younger than you. I can definitely see how men only wanting you for sex makes you feel and mess with your mind. Your struggles are 100%valid. We might be celibate forever but at least we have each other for support 😊

[–]Ok_Brilliant_4935 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Thanks queen 💕. What i have noticed is that as long as i am surrounded by great friends and family and have an active social life, I don't really care much for dating/relationship. Once in a while it does get lonely, but when I go on the internet and see the kind of stuff women want to date have to go through, i do feel relieved that i am not going through any of that.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Oh I am a dude by the way lol. I am glad you have a great support system some lonely men like me barely even have that. It's ok to feel lonely and want romance though. I am glad I am not part of mainstream dating culture I am doing my own thing and it feels nice to not conform to those stereotypes. I wish we had our own culture and community to call home

[–]Ok_Brilliant_4935 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

We have internet and reddit to call home 😅

[–]lalelu2727 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

I can only speak for myself: yes I do get rejected quite often bc I actually only do OD and that doesn’t really go well. Yes I am often worrying about never finding someone who will love me and I am at a point where I see myself as unlovable and questioning what is wrong with me. I have a very low selfworth and there is a lot of days where I hate myself deeply. The thing just is that I know that’s my problem, it’s no one else’s fault and I have to work on myself bc no one and no relationship will safe me. And why do you even think men and women are so different? Women are humans, we have emotions too, we are insecure, doubting, questioning ourselves, asking ourselves big existential questions. Why in gods hell is that even difficult for you to imagine?

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for sharing your experience, I definitely have gone through something similar myself in the romantic department. I just want to say that just because its your problem doesn't mean you can't get help from your family and friends we are social animals for a reason. I think women are different than man in big ways is because I had little exposure to women and didn't really connect with anyone of them as friends and instead I was only exposed to high achieving women in my school and the women in my academic level might not be smart as those women but they had big friendship circles and did other things.

[–]lalelu2727 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Than you should really start to question your experiences or mit generalise from that. Forst and foremost women are human beings. Stop putting us on a pedestal, we really are not different. Someone’s gender is not their entire personality. Having friends and social activities is really not a womens thing, it’s a peoples thing.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's why I made this post to combate my cognitive biases. I never claimed women didn't go through these struggles but wanted to know if they do.

[–]Annual_Werewolf_54481 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Yea of course. I’m short, chubby, have brown skin and my face is weird looking. When I go to college I’m surrounded by all these girls who look 100 times better than me with flat stomachs and pretty faces, ofc I get insecure. I don’t even try to go after guys cuz ik they wouldn’t find me attractive 😂 plus my personality just sucks in general. I’ve been friendzoned many times too.

[–]roseonyxa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am sorry to hear that, that's shitty you had to experience that. I hope things get better for you 😊

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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