I ran across this post today and it made me wonder.

Essentially I feel awful. I feel bad even writing this post to ask for help. We’ve been together 5 years, my boyfriend loves me to bits and I love him too. We really get along and rarely fight, he treats me well and has always been there for me. It feels like lately I just don’t fancy him. I don’t know if it’s because we’ve spent so much time together during lockdown or if it’s because this has been my longest relationship to date. I think we do have a good sex life and it’s not like I’m repulsed by him or anything like that, I just don’t feel a spark like I used to.

The other trigger for this could also be that I stopped taking my pill around 5 months ago. When I was on the pill my emotions were very muted which is why I stopped taking it. I felt like I wasn’t really present. Now that I’m off my pill it’s like I can feel emotions a lot stronger. The issue with this is that it feels like now I’ve noticed I’m not as attracted to my boyfriend.

I also started working out in the last year and feel like I put a lot of effort into how I look where as maybe he doesn’t do the same. I watch what I eat but it seems he doesn’t really care about doing the same. It doesn’t bother me too much but sometimes I kind of feel like we don’t put in an equal amount of effort to look good for each other.

I love him so much and I wish I didn’t feel these feelings. I honestly wish I could just stop feeling this way which is why I’m asking for help on this. We have a whole life together and I don’t want to throw everything away. I know he would be crushed if I broke up with him or if he knew I felt this way. I really don’t want to hurt him.

Thanks for any advice on this!

If anyone has any studies on the subject that would be very welcome.