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Every pill fails at properly addressing the biggest issue guys face when dating. Anxiety.

September 29, 2022
49 upvotes

Let's face it, this is the biggest issue guys face is fear of rejection. Previous bad experiences which weren't properly "digested" stack up creating a bucket filled with anxiety. Whenever we are facing another risk of getting rejected, that bucket fills us with anxiety.

If that anxiety didn't exist then even short and fat guys would go out there and keep trying. And when rejected they wouldn't lose sleep over it.

Every single pill has an unhealthy coping mechanism which at best doesn't help with anxiety and it can even make it worse.

Blue Pill - Women are angels, just be yourself, only personality matters.

Great way to get rejected, hurt and anxious, creating problems which will haunt you for years. Maybe even for life.

Red Pill - Just work out bro is a semi decent advice, because working out does decrease anxiety however then things take a bad turn.

Red Pill teaches that men should simply fake confidence or just be confident. If you turn into psychopath/sociopath then rejection doesn't matter you become outcome independent. However we can only become outcome independent if we do not care about the outcome, which also means that outcome is not going to make us happy, so there is no motivation to succeed. That means living like a zombi.

To compound the issue red pill does provide validation for one's problems, which does create a sense of relief. However great number of Red Pillers use TRP to vent their frustrations... and it creates this toxic echo chamber of frustrations in which everybody just get's more and more frustrated and nobody is really working on actually solving the causes of said anxiety.

Black Pill - It's ALL about the looks, if you can't achieve good looks just lie down and rot.

No amount of aesthetic surgery can fix anxiety issues and insecurities. Just look at all those people which had +20 surgeries turning themselves into.... creatures. Also go outside and take a look at all those couples. Are all those men supermodels, are all of them rich?

The critical part of fixing your dating life is to fix one's anxiety, so psycho therapy-pill.

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Post Information
Title Every pill fails at properly addressing the biggest issue guys face when dating. Anxiety.
Author smallstarseeker
Upvotes 49
Comments 118
Date September 29, 2022 12:05 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit /r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/every-pill-fails-at-properly-addressing-the.1133489
https://theredarchive.com/post/1133489
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xr63bx/every_pill_fails_at_properly_addressing_the/
Comments

[–]howdoiw0rkthisthing 16 points17 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Pretty sure that’s the point of cold approaching. No TRP Elder God actually believes (I hope) that men will have much success approaching random women on the street. The point is that it’s supposed to in inoculate you from anxiety about rejection, by being rejected a million times.

[–]bottleblank 12 points13 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Unless you unalive yourself in the process because it's a relentless assault on your already miserable self-confidence, leading you to believe you're unworthy of any kind of success or connection and therefore unworthy of being a living person.

[–]smallstarseekerDogs don’t deserve us. ❤️[S] 11 points12 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Yup.

Source: I made myself not care about the outcome, which made me immune to the rejection... however since I didn't care about the outcome I also didn't feel any happiness with the positive outcome.

So I lost all of my motivation, turning myself into unalive person.

[–]bottleblank 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Wasn't quite what I meant by "unalive", but you still make a very good point, you can be mentally switched off as well as, well, you know, physically switched off, permanently. Both outcomes are very unfortunate, given the person who suffers it probably didn't deserve to.

[–]smallstarseekerDogs don’t deserve us. ❤️[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

My first strategy for dealing with negative emotions was avoidance. And that ended up with depressions because I hated myself for being so weak.

My second strategy was to not care, to mentally switch myself off. Whenever I was faced with negative emotions I'd just stop caring. And it worked, it worked great.

Until it didn't, my motivation disappeared and I ended up having the mother of all depressions because I was directionless with no goal in my life.

[–]howdoiw0rkthisthing 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well that’s an interesting perspective. I feel like I’ve read a million cold approach “field reports” but never a more realistic account of how this goes irl.

[–]smallstarseekerDogs don’t deserve us. ❤️[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There is a healthy dose of it. For instance if a woman which has a fetish for abusers thinks you are not attractive... should you care about her opinion?

If a person compares you with the best there is, and compares himself with the worst there is... should you care about their opinion?

But there is also an unhealthy dose. If I don't care about anybody then their opinion of me doesn't matter. So immunity to critiques and rejection, but also accepting loneliness.

[–]cocobabecocobabe 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well, that's a completely different issue and it actually has nothing to do with approaching women. Your sense of self worth was damaged way before you even became aware of women as a separate gender. Most people misinterpret events in early childhood as an indictment on their worthiness as a human being. But that's all that is. A misinterpretation. A misunderstanding. Just because someone made fun of you or bullied you, actually says nothing about your self worth. Only about theirs.

It is very easily fixable by looking at yourself and determining if you met you would you be your own best friend? Would you like the other you immediately. If not, figure out why. What qualities do you lack or what do you do that would keep you from liking you. Perhaps you are a bullshitter. Perhaps you lie. Perhaps you brag and try too hard to impress others. Identify these behaviors and resolve to eradicate them until you like yourself .

[–]bottleblank 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Ah, well, good then, I'm glad we've got that sorted.

[–]howdoiw0rkthisthing 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

jelly

[–]IceMysterious4265 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I think cold Approaching is in effective tho

[–]Ohms2North 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Really? I found it surprisingly effective

[–]IceMysterious4265 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't

[–]GoldenHornyChicken 10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Did you try Xanax ?

[–]Beautiful_Guest_7570 10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Yes. Got addicted.

[–]vorterNo Pill 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I will say, I have never hooked up so easily as I have when on benzos. It also fucked with my life so definitely not worth it.

[–]Beautiful_Guest_7570 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah same. Benzos have landed me in the ER or jail like 5x. But its been worth it so far.

[–]platinirismsBlackpill 33 points34 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

What do you suggest a guy with anxiety do then? I actually believe the Redpill thinking of “Fake it till you make it” works. The more you pretend the more you get used to it.

It’s like joining acting class and playing a character, the first time it’s uncomfortable and embarrassing and you wouldn’t want your friends/family watching you. 2 years later you’re at a theatre playing that character in front of everybody like it’s second nature, and that feeling of uncomfortableness and embarrassment is completely null and void.

Except in this case, you’re not pretending to be someone else, you’re just pretending to be a more confident version of yourself.

[–]RocinanteCoffee 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I am a girl but was never able to do 'fake it until you make it' because 'faking it' feels, well fake. Like I'm lying to someone. But exposure therapy is good. I don't mean like Toastmasters, but even going to a dive bar and doing karoke for some drunkies and each time you sing talk to the audience (just a sentence or two) to get you used to chatting up a crowd/talking with people. Also MeetUp was great for that if you are in or near a big city.

[–]erjkbomm 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Accept the anxious feelings and act anyways

[–]VulpixEevee 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Medication
Visit with a Therapist
CBT
ACT
Breathing/relaxation techniques
Countering negative thoughts
Desensitization (in the same vein as 'fake it till you make it')

Eventually with the work done above, you aren't just playing a character, you actually ARE a more confident version of yourself.

(This is granted the anxiety is bad enough to be clinically diagnosed)

[–]FUCK_IDEOLOGUES 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Your describing all social interactions for a introvert. You wear a mask to get through life, then you die, the end.

[–]bunnakaybirth control pill 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Assuming we're talking diagnosed anxiety: medication and/or therapy. I take Lexapro for my anxiety and it's life-changing.

[–]ExpressionNo4715 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm diagnosed. Soon to start therapy & possible medication soon. Getting help is nerve wrecking for some reason

[–]smallstarseekerDogs don’t deserve us. ❤️[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What do you suggest a guy with anxiety do then?

Either seek professional help to deal with anxiety, or the DIY approach.

If you do solve anxiety issues then there is no need to fake confidence, you actually become confident. This doesn't just help with dating, it helps in every area of your life.

[–]platinirismsBlackpill 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

DIY approach just sounds like fake it till you make it, you’re doing something you otherwise wouldn’t have done, in an attempt to no longer have the fear of doing that thing.

Both end with the same conclusion, you will no longer have approach anxiety and can approach women.

[–]cocobabecocobabe 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fear will not go away until you do the thing that scares you. You are only managing anxiety which means avoiding g the things that make you anxious and building stories around it to justify your decision. Stories such as you are not tall enough, good looking enough, rich enough, etc. It's all one big avoidance strategy.

[–]Peacesquad 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And redpill is about actually acquiring confidence to approach women how? My working out and boosting your confidence naturally. The best advice the red pill offers men is to become desensitized to rejection so you no longer fear it or let it control you.

[–]throwaway164_3 4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

What do you suggest a guy with anxiety do then?

Alcohol helps a lot!

[–]bottleblank 10 points11 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Until it doesn't.

I mean, you're right, it definitely can squash anxiety, at least temporarily, but extended/excessive use can be a problem, especially if you rely on it to be social every time, and it can also cause depressive aftereffects which induce further anxiety, self-hatred, disgust, and panic.

Additionally, it can cause you to act in ways you might not appreciate after the fact, like putting yourself at risk, or allowing you to indulge in behaviour you wouldn't have wanted to show a potential partner, because you overindulged in the confidence juice. Thinking you missed a shot at having a good time because you messed it up by acting like a wasted douchebag is quite probably worse than not having tried at all.

Signed: Anxious Depressed Autistic with a tendency to over-rely on alcohol as a coping mechanism.

[–]throwaway164_3 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Very fair.

My comment wasn’t really serious, and you raise an excellent point on the dangerous of becoming dependent on alcohol as a coping mechanism.

I think the real “trick” (if one could call it that) to losing anxiety is to become attractive and sexually successful. Alas, chicken and egg problem

[–]bottleblank 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I figured you were mostly joking, I almost didn't write my comment because I didn't want to kill the mood, but I thought it was probably important to mention given the subject of the OP, y'know?

You're right, though, the way out of anxiety (at least in my experience) is to practice and become successful at something. It doesn't get rid of it entirely, you can still feel imposter syndrome and things like that, but it makes you less reluctant to try because you've got some kind of solid foundation you can stand on, knowing that you're at least somewhat capable of succeeding. Unfortunately, if all you've ever known is failure, that's not very helpful.

[–]UrbantexasguyChad's better looking older brother 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

In alcohol's defense though, it can get you over the "humps" (no sexual pun intended) when it comes to approaching women. My first couple of sexual experiences were with "cougars" in nightclubs. They weren't exactly "Take home to mother" women, but they taught me a lot, and greatly increased my confidence for approaching women my own age.

The secret is compartmentalization. I've always only drank on Fri/Sat nights, and then usually no more than 3-4 drinks in an evening. I've never even kept alcohol at home, except for an occasional bottle of wine or champagne for holidays.

[–]Smitten_Squire 9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The biggest issue is the after affects of rejection, guys don't care if she says no, that's fine. The anxiety is from if the girls ignorant or if she has a bad personality and then calls you "creepy" even tho you did everything correctly, are hygienic, and actually wasnt creepy.

Once the creepy card gets pulled, good luck with that label in ur social circle lol.

That's what causes anxiety for most guys.

Imo its probably similar to a girl being labeled a "slut" in her social circle even tho she isnt one, but the rumor started so it sticks

[–]dmttao 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

No offense to my gender (I’m a girl), but why the fuck would you care what some girl thinks?

It is a thought - a tiny, fleeting appearance, that looks like a collection of letters, in the average mind of one of the billions of average human beings that has ever lived and will soon be dead?

[–]Smitten_Squire 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you live in a city and it didnt happen in ur social circle it wouldn't matter. But anything other than that, ur basically branded with a Scarlett letter lol.

Just like i said about a girl.being labeled a "slut" and when said girl goes out everyone knows. Know what i mean now?

[–]ohheyhi99No Pill Man 9 points10 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Anxiety is a big issue for men, but keep in mind that women are probably no less likely than men to be anxious and depressed, and some research says that women are actually more likely to be anxious and depressed. There’s something else going on.

[–]EaglePill"Everything I agree with is nuanced" 28 points29 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Anxiety isn't as much of a social penalty for women as it is for men. A shy woman can usually still be desirable as long as there are men who find her attractive, but anxiety in a man can be a huge turn-off even if he passes her looks standard.

[–]ohheyhi99No Pill Man 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Exactly.

Great flair btw haha

[–]EaglePill"Everything I agree with is nuanced" 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks, it's one of my biggest pet peeves

[–]smallstarseekerDogs don’t deserve us. ❤️[S] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

They are but, they are not the ones doing the approaching are they?

I do remember one video in which 3 women were challenged to approach guys on the street and ask their numbers... any guy they wanted. And let's just say that if women were the ones approaching all of us would be single.

[–]ohheyhi99No Pill Man 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup, that’s what I’m getting at. Men and women aren’t equally selective.

[–]Illustrious_Wish_383 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Anxiety and insecurity are traits tolerated, even expected in women, vilified in men.

[–]ohheyhi99No Pill Man 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree

[–]Correct-Warthog-9061 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Tbh, those people that act like they don't care really do care about rejection. We all care about rejection. We all feel it to a certian degree. Tbh, I wouldn't recommend going out there and putting urself asteem on the line. Enough rejections and it will bleed on to ur normal life and you won't have any self confidence for anything. Stop giving another person jurisdiction over your self asteem.

[–]cocobabecocobabe 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

You can only give another person the power to reject you if you want something out of them and you offer yourself to them. Guys typically want to be approved, liked, given a number, given sex. And they feel they have to offer their niceness, their achievements, basically trying to impress women.

All of this works so poorly that it's not even funny. But if for example you approached simply yo find out if the other person is interesting and interested, then there can be no rejection. You are not wanting anything from them or offering anything. You are just you. Take it or leave it.

[–]darkvalleys 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That is a good part of the advantage of OLD.

Unfortunately, it’s too much of an advantage, thus the sausage festival it’s become, ruined by a relentless tide of male thirst

[–]5x69fq29d0f6m33k17b0 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

It's not so much fear of rejection but the real social consequences of rejection. The anxiety is reasonable and substantiated.

[–]Smitten_Squire 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup. If she pulls the "creep" card on you, LOL good luck with that label. Even if you did everything correctly, once that card is pulled, it sticks with you.

I know a guy who talked to a girl and didn't even do anything cringe or creepy, but the girl must of had a toxic personality and behind his back said shit about him now everyone says he's creepy.

Bs like that is why guys have problems with anxiety

[–]urukshai3 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

No wonder women end up with psychopaths... they are the ones that do not care about rejection.

Women just make their own dating hell.

[–]cocobabecocobabe 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Instead of ending up wjth you? an anxious nice guy?

[–]urukshai3 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm sure any mentally healthy person shall care about rejection and social cues.

If you use trauma to shape people as you want, no wonder why you end up with people who are able to feed off that trauma and use it against you.

[–]ConcentrateOk1933No Pill 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Anxiety is just the realization that you're not liked by people.

[–]urukshai3 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

DELET

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[–]WilliamWyattD 10 points11 points  (11 children) | Copy Link

Not necessarily agreeing with all the details of the OP's logic. But the sum total of it does suggest that maybe there is something fundamentally wrong, in a deep human sense, about the very structure of establishing relationships in the modern world.

Maybe humans were never really meant to be asking strangers, or even people they know, to enter or transition to a romantic relationship without already knowing the answer. Maybe the whole setup is somehow deeply wrong.

[–]wtknightGen X Slacker 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Even in cultures where people closely interact there is a lot of anxiety when it comes to the prospect of rejection. The problem is that people often ask others for a relationship when there is not the requisite amount of mutual interest being shown, even when that person is already a “good friend”.

[–]risdeveau 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Arranged marriages it is!

[–]WilliamWyattD 6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Well, those can come in many forms. Or maybe just arranged introductions. I don't have all the answers.

[–]risdeveau 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

That is exactly how we used to do it; why wouldn’t it be the solution?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I've known a surprising number of people who've had arranged introductions.

It actually works really well. When it's done very intentionally, character and shared values are already heavily pre-filtered.

That said, this still depends on being part of a functional social network, because you need to know people who will make that introduction.

[–]smallstarseekerDogs don’t deserve us. ❤️[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I do think that modern way of living is causing an epidemic of anxiety.

At the same time I also think that modern way of living requires us to be more confident then ever. We are less social, there is less opportunity for organically growing an relationship... my father and grandfather did not had to cold approach strangers. I do.

[–]JoeRMD77 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Most men aren't going to get anywhere with cold approaches. In fact, I'm almost 40 and I've never done that. Every woman I ever dated or slept with I at least knew for a little bit beforehand. Imagining a woman saying yes to a random guy on the street just doesn't sound like it's going to go anywhere to me, but in the same breath I know it's happened. But how many of those people are married now? Probably not many.

[–]grummthepillgrumm 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm a woman, and I would never be comfortable with a man "cold approaching" me randomly on the street. Absolutely hell no. That's the creepiest thing. Even if the guy is a 10, it would still come off as he's just trying to get in my pants, and that's a no-go for me (and I imagine most women).

I'd feel much more comfortable with a cold approach if I've seen his face a few times already and I'm able to observe his natural behaviors a bit (like if I see him on campus, in class, at work, at the gym, etc.). So maybe a lukewarm approach is what most women would be more okay with?

[–]cocobabecocobabe 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

110% agree! Men need to understand that women are security seeking creatures and they are biologically turned on by a man who can provide protection. This comes up in many different forms, and it can be wealth, fame, being tall, confident etc. But the biggest obstacle is anxiety and fear. Because a man who is afraid is not capable of protecting a woman and making her feel safe. Think about it? If you had to walk through a bad neighborhood at night, would you feel safer with an anxious cowardly friend of yours, or a guy who can handle himself in any situation?

For the guys who are wondering how to overcome this? There is only one way. You have to constantly face your fears head on. Not avoid them. Not pretend they are not there. Not try to manage them and fight them. Literally face them head on until they disappear. Because all fear is an illusion. A con your mind plays on you (not talking about self preservation here of course such as being attacked by a rabid dog or a crazy mob).

[–]wtknightGen X Slacker 4 points5 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

This is an important point and one of the reasons online dating is so popular among men. More than it being an easy way to find a potential partner, being rejected online when someone doesn’t swipe approval of you hurts much less than being rejected to one’s face. Even if one gets rejected at the point of actual texting it hurts less because you’re not seeing her face when being rejected, although being stood up or ghosted probably sucks even if that interaction started online, I imagine (hasn’t happened to me before so I’m not sure).

[–]smallstarseekerDogs don’t deserve us. ❤️[S] 4 points5 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

Yup OLD has almost zero emotional cost for men. I can send 1000 messages and if nobody bothers to answer I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. But one nasty reject IRL can scar me.

However our chances on OLD are crap, because... well everybody can send 1000 messages with almost zero cost. And the ratio is about 4 men on every woman.

[–]wtknightGen X Slacker 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I used to do chatrooms in the old days because the gender ratio was about equal and I met my wife in one. These days if I were young and single I’d probably just stick with social media if I wanted to do something online, since the gender ratio is much better there than with online dating apps. I have pretty bad social anxiety and online interactions in the 90s with women were a life changer for me so I can’t really relate to people’s criticism of meeting people online first rather than approaching in real life.

[–]SolidusMonkey 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

These days if I were young and single I’d probably just stick with social media if I wanted to do something online,

I see people say this but I don't really understand how that even works. The only thing I could come up with is browsing hashtags for your city and hoping that an attractive girl in the same city posted something in that hashtag and messaging her. Which seems worse than a normal cold approach lol

[–]bottleblank 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Yup OLD has almost zero emotional cost for men.

I disagree. Somewhat, at least.

If you mean rejection in the sense that nobody swipes on you so you just never get any sign that they even really existed, no message saying you were rejected, no real investment in them being "the one" (or whatever), sure, there's some distance there which allows you to consider it "not really a rejection".

But if you're actively sending messages or actively trying to engage with women you think seem nice/interesting/attractive/whatever, if they don't respond, or if they reject you via text, or if they ghost you, that's different, that's actively being turned down, "to your face" (or the closest online equivalent short of a video call where she tells you she's not interested).

I see what you're saying about it probably hurting less than showing up in person and being told to go away, but I don't think the psychological toll of being ignored and ghosted on OLD should be underestimated. It might not be a single hard rejection, but it could be a death by a thousand cuts, slowly etching away at your hopes, day after day, as you get few/no matches, or all your messages ignored. That is, ultimately, still rejection, and for many men it will still contribute to the overall feeling of hopelessness, because you signed up to OLD for a reason, and if it's unsuccessful then you've failed, just like you would've failed to build a relationship with a woman who rejected you IRL.

[–]ohheyhi99No Pill Man 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

“Yup OLD has almost zero emotional cost for men.”

I disagree. Online dating can really take it out of you, but the difference is that IRL can cost you even more.

[–]SolidusMonkey -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yup OLD has almost zero emotional cost for men.

I very much disagree with this. I find spending time reading through profiles and coming up with unique clever opening lines tailored to the other person, only to get nothing in return, to be extremely demoralizing and emotionally exhausting. Especially when you know there's tall hot guys out there dropping "hey u wanna fuk?" and getting responses out the wazoo.

[–]smallstarseekerDogs don’t deserve us. ❤️[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I find spending time reading ... extremely demoralizing and emotionally exhausting.

Well most men don't.

[–]cocobabecocobabe 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Online dating is another big anxiety avoidance strategy.

[–]TermAggravating8043 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Definitely believe this is a factor often ignored yet is highly important. Before the days of online dating, people could really only date those in their own social circle, their peers and colleagues. Every now n then you might meet someone outside your circle and manage to date them but it wasn’t common. Your pool of pickings wasn’t too big that you couldn’t find someone nearer was it too small that you didn’t want to date at all.

Nowadays, online dating which was supposed to make dating easier for those who struggled, by allowing them to create profiles and picking out a potential date from the comfort of your own home. Everyone jumped on it and you could potentially date someone from the other side of the world, the dating pool exploded.

And what’s happened? The promiscuous ones among us have those pick of thousands of other promiscuous people, the prevents and predators use it to pry on vulnerable and younger people, the vain use it to glorify their existence, and the people it was originally intended for are now more anxious than ever because everyone is reduced to a profile and due to their anxious nature already, they’re unlikely to ever really improve.

[–]Fit-Faithlessness149 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I completely agree. Think about it from a historical perspective. Pretty much up until the last 25 years or so it was much easier to find a partner as a man. The amount of people that your average person had interactions with was quite small and limited to a few hundred or maybe a few thousand if you went to University. For tens of thousands of years humans lived in villages or small groups where there was typically a process for how mates were chosen. This usually consisted of rights of passage, male hierarchies and parental involvement such that they would actually choose the partner for you. Very rarely were men left to their own devices to strike out into the world and just find a random woman who would fit with them. As centuries rolled by and towns and cities grew larger we still only had a relatively small group of a few hundred people that we knew about in interacted with on any regular basis. It was this group of a few other people that we would typically choose our mates from. Once the internet rolled around the entire world was opened to us. Unfortunately all of the traditional methods by which men were paired up with women have also mostly been abolished in Western society. Also women have completely changed the rules by which men are to interact with them. From an evolutionary psychology perspective and a sociological perspective men are not equipped to handle this very well. This is not how any of our ancestors operated and so we are like fish out of water.

[–]flualpluvr 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

xanaxpill

[–]RocinanteCoffee 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Just a note, working out sometimes makes anxiety worse. If that's the case best to distract yourself while working out (watch a show, listen to good music/podcast, or work out while doing an activity you genuinely enjoy like skateboarding, surfing, dancing, swimming or what have you).

Anxiety is a very large interruption to successful dating, on all parts of the gender spectrum it's true.

[–]Smitten_Squire 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

For sure. Don't fall into the bodybuilder rabbit hole/roids.

Imo always compare to ur starting point, and see how you improved, don't compare to the massive freaks. That way you always win. Cuz you will always be better than when you didn't lift

[–]risdeveau 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, yes, of course they do

Because a solution already exists

It’s called alcohol.

And we use it for all sorts of psychological anxiety, not just dating related. I use it all the time, whether I’m single or not

[–]ClaraBow01 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think this issue is something that can’t be solved by any kind of gender politics. I am a girl with social anxiety. I basically haven’t had a friend outside of my family in years. I think genuine communication coaches and advice can be helpful. I think Charisma on Command and Max Beaumont are good channels for communication that actually give advice without it being toxic.

[–]rivetcitymayor 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

OP you think guys who are successful are anxiety free ?

[–]cocobabecocobabe 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Anxiety is often caused by excessive niceness which we know doesn't go over very well with the average woman.

[–]OhyarlysmilesI'm the guy in my profile pic pill 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Every single pill addresses the fear of rejection

What do you think 'just be yourself' means? Just go up and be authentic. What do you think 'it's just a numbers game' means? Keep trying and it will work out. Blue Pill has it covered.

TRP = "men are the aggressors and must initiate," "fake it til you make it"

Black pill = do whatever you can to make it into [arbitrary percentile] of looks. If you can't, then avoid the situation. Avoidance is a coping strategy for rejection.

[–]RabidusRex 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

IDK I feel like men and women wouldn't fear getting rejected so much if some people weren't so cruel and insensitive about it..... And if you're asking someone out that you don't know very well, it can be difficult to gauge how they're going to react.

[–]HazyMemory7They hated me because I spoke the truth 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

You are incorrect.

TRP tells men to get off their ass and actually talk to women, in person. There's even a term/thread flair for it, "field report"

When people say these things they should at least spend 5 minutes lookin into the ideologies they are critiquing. Professional help will NOT fix the anxiety and fear of rejection in the context of dating. There is a place for professional help for people who suffer from generalized anxiety, but you absolutely have to get out of your comfort zone and talk to women. A lot of women. There is no other way to stop getting anxious and hung up over rejection.

[–]smallstarseekerDogs don’t deserve us. ❤️[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

There is no other way to stop getting anxious

You are incorrect.

Also adding more anxiety on top of the anxiety you already have is a nice way to fuck up your confidence even more.

[–]HazyMemory7They hated me because I spoke the truth 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Serious question: are you successful with women? Do you have the life experience to back up this stance?

[–]cocobabecocobabe 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

What do you think a therapy professional will make you do? Talk you out of anxiety? Every self respecting therapist preaches exposure therapy.

[–]HazyMemory7They hated me because I spoke the truth 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Medical care for anxiety -> prescribe an anxiolytic and/or therapy.

Every self respecting therapist preaches exposure therapy.

You aren't wrong, but for dating specifically:

  1. Nobody with common sense should need the necessity of approaching women to be explained to them.

  2. A therapist will likely have very little insight into the how to actually approach women.

Therapy does not fix anxiety and fear of rejection in dating. You fix it yourself, by talking to women.

[–]cocobabecocobabe 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Why, because talking to women is like talking to aliens? Stop over complicating things. It's not that difficult. It's not scary. I've approached hundreds of women and been with a bunch sexually. I guarantee you none of them know karate or kungfu.

[–]HazyMemory7They hated me because I spoke the truth 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Game and emotional intelligence are not nearly as simple as you are making them out to be.

Takes time to develop those skills. Comes more naturally to some than others obviously, but the difference between a charming, charismatic guy with actual game and the average joe is literally night and day.

[–]Laytheblameonluck 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Red pill says to spin plates to reduce anxiety.

[–]CameronJohns88 0 points1 point  (22 children) | Copy Link

Anxiety isn’t the biggest issue guys face while dating. Especially when it’s OLD

It’s womens hypergamy

[–]Lift_and_LurkNo Pill 4 points5 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

If dudes are only doing OLD they need to try more things. If they can’t because anxiety makes them freeze up in real life, then they are fucked no matter what.

[–]SolidusMonkey 2 points3 points  (20 children) | Copy Link

Most guys don't really have options besides OLD. Even in the major metros, meeting people dries up like the Sahara after college

[–]Lift_and_LurkNo Pill 4 points5 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

You gotta be out and about. The social groups are out there. You just gotta find them. It’s too easy now to go home and screen time. Don’t. 9 guys for every 1 girl ARE, and that’s why that’s the OLD stat. Those other 9 women are out there. Find them!

[–]SolidusMonkey 5 points6 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

Find them WHERE, dude? Those are just vague platitudes. And since single men outnumber single women at a 2:1, those other 9 women are not "out there".

And I swear to God if you say "salsa dancing, cooking, or yoga classes" I'm gonna fuckin scream lol

[–]anonymous-platypus1 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

I agree.

Almost every woman I know has encountered at least one guy that got violent or threatened violence in the face of her rejection. The number grows when you account for the number of times women have been verbally harassed/insulated by men they either expressly told they had no interest in, or ignored.

All of these things should and would cause dating anxiety. But few women I know have that much anxiety surrounding rejection to where they behave like some men here do.

I think it is a question of being psychologically healthy and not internalizing what’s said to you by someone you may not really know. I think the best course is getting to a healthy mindset.

[–]ohheyhi99No Pill Man 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

“All of these things should and would cause dating anxiety. But few women I know have that much anxiety surrounding rejection to where they behave like some men here do.”

Are you saying that these women have less anxiety about rejecting others or less anxiety about putting themselves out there to be rejected by others? Major difference.

[–]anonymous-platypus1 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

I think it’s both. We have anxiety around both: because one may lead to men approaching us there we inevitably have to reject because it’s not a fit, which could lead to the bad reaction.

[–]ohheyhi99No Pill Man 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You don’t seem to make the case that women actually have less anxiety about rejecting or approaching.

I don’t think women have less anxiety about rejecting. The fear of a bad reaction would probably give them higher anxiety.

I don’t think women have less anxiety about approaching either. Lots of women hardly approach or approach indirectly because they’re too anxious to do it outright, despite that approaching as a woman is arguably easier.

[–]smallstarseekerDogs don’t deserve us. ❤️[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's not just about rejection, but everything that makes you feel less worthy. Your "bucket" can get filled with shit your parents say long before you start dating.

Some people are walking around with filled buckets and anything that get's thrown into them can result with an emotional outburst.

It's not just about not internalizing new stuff, it's also about emptying the bucket by deconstructing old stuff.

[–]BaiKinguTranssexual MtF 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Literally this, but how anxiety often works is that the mind will try and find any angle but straight through it.

[–]debatelord_1 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Incels talk about mental issues like high inhibition, social anxiety, depression, autism etc. all the time wtf.

[–]trail22 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Why would you keep trying at something you fail at that you dont enjoy and you make no progress in.

[–]smallstarseekerDogs don’t deserve us. ❤️[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Because if you do keep trying you get better at it you will see progress. And eventually you will make it.

However if every failure feels like shit... it's easy to just give up altogether.

[–]trail22 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No you wont. not always. One day you wake up and you are in your late thirties / early fourties. You have dragged your self through self improvement and socialization. And you realize the day you were supposed to sacrifice for is far past. That your parents were married with kids almost a decade before your current age.

But the thing is, people think it will take a year or 2 to see results. They dont realize that isnt true for peopoe. Thye dont realize people can go for decades and still be unable to get a date.

[–]ruboyuri 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy Link

We had a perfectly good solution, but you guys ruined it with your impatience and thirst, as you ruined any previous attempts to make things easier.

I daresay any subsequent solutions will face the same problem: Dudes are so horny that everything devolves into a rude and crude sausage fest, which of course drives women away

[–]SolidusMonkey 7 points8 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

"Men are sad and lonely in record numbers; women most affected"

[–]ruboyuri 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

I didn’t say anything about women, other than that they are turned off by excessive male thirst

[–]SolidusMonkey 3 points4 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

You said "we had a good thing but then men ruined it". Who do you think you're kidding right now?

[–]ruboyuri 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy Link

“We” meaning society

[–]JoeRMD77 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I guess I've already been living red pill then because I'm confident and don't care if women choose me.

[–]HobbitShaker88 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Most of the men Ive dated IRL dont seem to struggle much with dating anxiety...even the ones who dont date much. I think this only applies to men online...

[–]RootingRound 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Best thing to address anxiety is exposure therapy. If you're clinical, go to a psychologist who will do it, if you're normal levels of nervous, self administer rejection in manageable doses until it's not a big problem any more.

[–]notquiteright519 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

So question then...what about 'fear of rejection' in other areas of your life? Like your job, your community, your family....do you suffer the same fear of rejection or is it just with women? If you can be confident in your job but not with women, then what is the difference here? It's not a 'your confidence' problem, it's maybe understanding the realm in which you're playing. With your job, maybe you fully understand what's required. Maybe not so much with women? So...learn more? Be open to ask questions, then be yourself. You shouldn't have to change who you are for anyone.

[–]billsull_02842 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

hard to believe these smiling faced wonderful women make men nervous?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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