Feminism and wokeness has completely neutered and crippled many men, afraid to be seen as a "bad guy" for having any spine at all in their relationship

baresquad · 2021-11-06T16:11:25+00:00

If you’re terrified of being the “bad guy” for what others (especially strangers) might think of how you reacted to a situation towards a woman where you had the opportunity to stand up for yourself or something you’re incredibly insecure

And if you blame it on feminism or being “woke” you’re delusional and just looking for an excuse to mask that insecurity

I am literally left as fuck meaning I identify and believe in a lot of the shit that feminist and “wokeness” perpetuates. I don’t feel crippled or neutered in the slightest when it comes to any disagreements with women because I’m not afraid to die on the hill that I stand on, strangers perception be damned. I have literally have 2 exes who have ran wild in gossip circles (both being very close to home, knowing a bunch of the same people etc.), posting online, and even contacting my parents with a bunch how terrible I am stories and I have legit not once ever gave a fuck. Was I the perfect boyfriend? Absolutely not, hell no, I was young and dumb and sure there’s a bunch of people from my college and hometown who might think I’m the worst but that doesn’t define me. The people close to me, family, friends, and social circles know that’s not me. Never gonna be afraid to stand up for myself because a few outliers might look at me different, that’s soft.

As for approaching women, it cannot be stressed enough how much of a subjective concept this is. A majority of women don’t wanna be approached, that’s fine. And if they did they would make that shit known. The idea that we HAVE to approach every single fucking stranger who may have their head buried in a book or is working as a server is so tired. If you can’t tell when one wants to be approached by you, then I don’t know what to tell you but at the end of the day that has nothing to do with feminism

figuringMylife · 2021-11-07T03:02:39+00:00

i’m sorry, damn. i just wanted to feel safe, have a job, and a bank account. 😳

Orange_Paisley · 2021-11-06T16:04:01+00:00

My first threesome was similar to this. It wasn't my fantasy, it was his. He was constantly introducing me to people he was attracted to and trying to get me into 3somes and I was still pretty young, naive, and not open to the idea. So finally I met the girl who would one day be my first girlfriend. We had the magical 3some he'd been pushing on me our entire relationship.

He freaked out. Completely. Suddenly I was not allowed to have female friends and my future girlfriend was not allowed to visit anymore and he'd bristle if I left the house to even go grocery shopping.

While it wasn't the nail in the coffin for my marriage it certainly was not inconsequential.

TotalTravesty · 2021-11-06T15:54:36+00:00

I’m pretty sure men who are afraid to stand up for themselves have always been destined for failure, no matter the era.

NockerJoe · 2021-11-06T15:50:47+00:00

The dude has poor boundaries and it isn't the fault of feminism. He wasn't comfortable with it, he should have said so and now it looks that he's just trying to rationalize why the hell he was unable to protect his interests and express his feelings. I feel sorry both for him and his partner, it's a very tricky situation and this kind of experiments do require total honesty from both partners.

LittyKitsune · 2021-11-06T16:55:49+00:00

OP says

But I knew I wanted nothing more than to leave the room and escape and it was really strange as there were two gorgeous women in front of me, i should have been rock hard, right? I should have been thanking my stars like any man should be doing

So yeah I hate to break it to you but there's more than "wokeness" and "feminism" going on here. Sounds an awful lot like a certain toxic expectation that that having a threesome with two attractive women should be every straight man's dream.

ChocolateSharp · 2021-11-06T16:00:55+00:00

Idk if feminism is to blame for him being a pussy

AidsVictim · 2021-11-06T21:42:41+00:00

Personally I couldn't give a shit about another woman, but another guy, hell yeah I would.

I never really understood this attitude. I would be equally disgusted by either proposal.

Willow-girl · 2021-11-07T00:27:42+00:00

"Pussywhipped" is not a new thing.

januaryphilosopher · 2021-11-06T16:19:46+00:00

Feminism advocates for equal rights for men and women. Not for threesomes and not for not criticising women for things you'd criticise a man for. If a man doesn't have a spine, that's his problem, not feminism's.

Khanluka · 2021-11-06T16:26:52+00:00

Personal i think both are at fault here feminism and himself.

Not standing up for yourself is on you and nobody else problem. If people ask you to do something you don't want to do say no if you cant do that you cant expect people to be able to read you mind. Men and woman both fail at this concept.

A large group of feminist (not all) do spread the info that all men and male behavior is evil. If you keep shouting it at some point people are gonna believe it. And nobody wants to be evil so they will start trying to find out how to not be evil to the large shouting group. I would say the big problem with feminism is that they don't correct each other and shut down the extremist. Cause girl need to support each other even to you know your sister is morel wrong. i will say the same can be said for men. Both genders really need to shut down extremist in there own comity.

Edit a good exemple

would be looking at the ask feminist sub reddit. And looking for a post made by a woman that extremely hateful toward men and looking if any other woman even try to correct this person.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-11-06T16:17:48+00:00

How is it feminism's fault that this dude couldn't say he didn't want to have a threesome? My husband is feminist AF and has no problem articulating what he does and doesn't want to do.

Gigamon2014 · 2021-11-07T11:40:51+00:00

People here are so full of shit. It's the typical grandstanding from the typical redditor who is almost always a bitchmade pussy in real life...which is what brings them to reddit in the first place. I'm a hugely confrontational person. Have been in plenty of street fights, actually fight competitively as well, have been in trouble with the law...and yet even I find myself doing things outside of my comfort zone in order to not be seen as a dick or a mood kill.

It's funny how on pretty much every other space I visited, reddit had a rep for being full of fedora wearing "white knights". This is why I think polyamory was so important for me (and can be for many men) about learning about women's true sexual nature.

I remember being involved with an older woman where we went to some sex party and got involved in some group scenario. There was a couple, a single guy who was a friend of the couple and myself and the woman I was with. Now whilst she asked me about sucking the other single guys dick before she did, she later told me how much she felt the experience was rather lacking for her and how she wasn't at all attracted to that guy. I come to find out later that she was already messaging this guy later that night.

Now I don't have any ownership over that woman and expecting any such "exclusivity" would be foolish. But there is a thing called tact. In this modern dating landscape men are taught that exercising any kind of flexibility beyond heteronormative behaviour is toxic masculinity. This same woman talked about her "stable of dick" and that's all fine and "empowering". If I was to do the same then it would be me leading women on. When I told her how unhappy I was with the situationz she didn't even understand what she did wrong. Not because she was a bitch or a terrible person but because she hadn't really been taught by our culture that, no matter how sexually liberated you are or no matter how guys claim they're open to it, only a with zero masculinity or self esteem wants to feel like they're simply another dick on a conveyor belt. A lot of women never hear that and then wonder why can never seem to keep a man despite what society tells them.

PM-ME-YOUR-STOMACH · 2021-11-07T09:20:52+00:00

Imagine the rugpull of constantly hearing about how traditional masculinity is bad for this and that reason, and then realizing paradigms of traditional masculinity are exactly what attract women. Number one thing being tall and looking like you'd be able to defend her from danger. Basically, being capable of violence.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2021-11-08T06:08:43+00:00

Dude...honestly this reads like an OP written by someone who hasn't had much experience with the threesome life.

....a lot of latent underlying personal baggage will come front line and center.

This dude's centered around marriage and some conservative minded shit. All good. Good on him for assessing himself and who he is critically.

That's not anti masculinity. That's macho to the bone to know yourself, your emotions, and to PROPERLY compartmentalize them relative to your time and place, i.e. he recognizes his impulses are at odds with the current sexual climate, gives it a try...

Idk it seems like the thrust here (haha) is "bro this is a broh fantasy why is he being such a puseeee" which ya...sounds like a notion borne from a lack of real world experience with these situations. They can be very personal.

Empathy is tight.

ConsultJimMoriarty · 2021-11-06T19:37:36+00:00

Are you Reed Richards? Because this seems like a massive reach.

SaBahRub · 2021-11-06T16:58:19+00:00

Like men who profess terror of being metooed, it’s only the guilty, weak or clueless who are afraid of this

Or the ones who think trash is their only option.

whitenoise10hours · 2021-11-06T20:20:07+00:00

That guy is perfectly capable of standing up for himself and no one would think he's unreasonable for it. He's just doing learned helplessness, and you're falling for it.

superlurkage · 2021-11-06T21:04:18+00:00

Please. Normal people don’t appeal to the majority, they use their own individual judgement and priorities

In other words, they take responsibility like adults

kyjolski · 2021-11-06T17:17:38+00:00

So feminism pushes for FFM now? Where do I sign up?

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-06T16:12:57+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Barneysparky · 2021-11-06T17:08:59+00:00

Does feminism tell couples not to communicate their feelings?

2021-11-06T16:39:25+00:00

Read feminists because know thy enemy.

If you let them brainwash you, why wouldn't they?

Laytheblameonluck · 2021-11-07T00:05:53+00:00

This is the case, however it's not in the way you describe.

The feminist and "woke" movements actively shutdown any discussion where women are in the wrong.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-11-06T18:10:44+00:00

Ok I'm going to skip the part when I talk trash about him for not having, metaphorically speaking, the balls to set some good boundaries...

And instead I'm going to talk about the guy having literally no functioning balls at all. The guy is literally a fag.

Like come on, "two beautiful women in a room" what the fuck is wrong with him? His fiancee literally brought home a hot girl willing to have a threesome, and what the man does?

"You would thing I should have been rock hard huhu but I was not"

WHAT A FAG!

I can understand breaking up a relationship over those "Reddit help please Threesome Went Wrong" horror stories where the girl picks a dude who she swears has never met before and when the husband opens the door it's like a 6.4' muscled tanned greek god with an 8' dick that throws the wife in the bed and pounds her to Oblivion and back while the hubby sits in the corner of the bed sobbing, yeah dude that happened to a friend of mine, actually she is a really fun and loving girl (and quite hot too) who thought she was awesome in bed til she saw another woman with his boyfriend and the guy was all over the place shooting blanks through the roof and she couldn't stand it and had to break up after that.

I also know a girl who got pressured by her husband to have a MFM threesome with a REALLY good looking guy, she got double teamed, she got up to get some water and when she came back hubby was giving the other guy a blowjob. Hey he said he wasn't "homo" though, just experimenting. Huge massive nuclear blow to the relationship.

So I get it, I've heard some pretty bad stories about threesomes, but this one?

Come on the only explanation to this is that the guy is A) gay B) He went soft because he's gay C) he had a view of her fiancee like a virginal girl and that vision of her got shattered because he's gay D) he's gay, or some combination of all those + the guy is a fag.

So now the worst part...

No matter the outcone of all this, the world has now another woman who will never EVER EVER do a threesome again because her fiance was a massive douche-fag and from now on she will be very cautious of experimenting, with him or with any other dude that comes after, and she will probably grow to resent pretty much all non-standar sexual experience.

Do I blame feminism on this?

Fucking no. For the first time in history feminism DID SOMETHING RIGHT, feminism empowered that amazing woman to go out of her confort zone and give something very special to her man, like THE TOP 1 MALE FANTASY EVER... And the guy ruined it.

I blame on the father of that pussy fag, first for not teaching him what having a spine is and second for rissing him like a fuck sick limped dick turbocuck faggot.

DUDE! IF YOU ARE GAE IT'S ALL RIGHT!

Come out of the closet I swear it's warm here in the outside.

Just don't go around screwing women over with your insecurities.

And sent your fiancee back to me, I'll marry her right now.

Matthew351111 · 2021-11-06T20:56:38+00:00

It goes double for fathers that the slightest thing can result in the women walking out the door with his kids. I have a friend that didn't see his son for 30 years and he has always been a good man too me so it is so unfair.

Feminism and women generally feel that they have a right to force a man to conform to their fucked up belief system or else.

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2021-11-06T15:54:05+00:00

For all this I was expecting the third would be a guy lol. Can't relate I guess but overall yeah boundaries are not possession, and even if people claim they are, it's still your life and you have the sovereign right to call off anything at any time for any reason or no reason (given that this is true of even marriage now, of course it's true of commitments short if marriage)

neetykeeno · 2021-11-06T17:50:57+00:00

Pfffft. Far more common than reluctance to be seen as the bad guy because being seen as the bad guy is temporarily uncomfortable is reluctance to enforce boundaries because he knows he brings fuck all to any relationship and thus has no leverage in this relationship and the RMP in general.

If you are a man putting up with bullshit on a long term basis, and are not physically or mentally disabled in some way that enables a classic abuser/abused scenario of fear, it is overwhelmingly likely that broadly speaking you will have several attributes that match you to the profile I will describe.

You are not particularly driven or outstanding at work. You spend most of your time off work in sedentary occupations. You are physically soft and weak. You are either outright fat to the eye or have the sort of fat that you pretend is not fat because your overall size is the same as an acceptably strong man even though almost none of it is muscle. You have few friends. You do not know how to behave in company to avoid shameful talk or actions. You lack useful household skills. You routinely fail to pull your weight. Someone else ends up cleaning up your messes of which there are many. At any time there is very little in your life that has been attended to thoroughly. When other people need help you do not provide help but regularly either actively demand help for yourself or neglect issues until you need to be helped or others will sustain harm.

And that's how you go about creating a situation in which you are so shit scared of rocking the boat despite probably being twice as physically strong as your partner

DeJuanBallard · 2021-11-07T03:55:45+00:00

Amen.

Megabyte7637 · 2021-11-07T05:19:06+00:00

Yep.

LillthOfBabylon · 2021-11-07T10:59:44+00:00

OMG! YOU MEAN PEOPLE CAN BE TOXIC AND MANIPULATIVE?! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT!

Man, that really drives home how this anti-masculinity narrative has crippled some guys.

This sounds no different from feminists whining about patriarchal rape culture because of the few cases of men sexually abusing women and children.

Does Jeffery Epistein, Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, and R.Kelly prove rape culture? Or is it merely an example of evil people who use their influence to hide heinous crimes?

How many times have you heard of men talk about why they don't approach women isn't just because anxiety

Apparently women don't have anxiety at all. Apparently, they don't have fear of rape from men while on dates or walking home alone at night.

Puzzled9999 · 2021-11-07T11:33:09+00:00

Society lol. Men who aren’t totally spineless laugh at the feminism and wokeness crowd. There’s a reason outspoken male feminists are at the bottom of the social totem pole.

Either way the girlfriend in the story did nothing wrong. She communicated a “sexual want” and he agreed and at no point asked her to stop during the act. Men ask for threesomes all the time and women have the balls to say absolutely not. But I guess not this guy. Good luck buddy.

Awan-Zada · 2021-11-07T13:12:04+00:00

Nah this guy is just a pussy and probably watched too much threesome porn and now he's paying the price for being an idiot.

ThexAntipop · 2021-11-07T17:24:40+00:00

Being whipped is not a product of being woke or a feminist.

Being a feminist means looking at women as your equal, EQUAL, not superior. That means no one is telling anyone "how it is going to be" and everyone is communicating their wants and needs (in the context of a relationship obviously) and doing their best to satisfy those needs in your partner *without sacrificing your own needs*.

If you need monogamy that should be communicated (on some level if not explicitly) and if your partner needs some form of polyamory then you two simply aren't compatible and this literally has nothing to do with feminism or "woke culture"

NewGuy6456 · 2021-11-10T02:51:57+00:00

The guy seems to be lacking self respect.

He is not standing up for himself and she's taking him for a ride over it. Very unfortunate it came to this, but this is the price he is tolerating, hopefully after getting this burnt he heals and learns to value himself enough to stand up for what he believes in. If she was wanting to add another partner and he wasn't, then they could go their separate ways. The end. We can throw feminism and anti masculinity into the mix to explain his behavior but for all we know he could be a feminist-gym-rat who mentors guys and shit. I have seen people of all backgrounds, personalities and values that lacked self respect and are experiencing a similar fate. If you don't respect and work on yourself to excel at life, others will work you into the ground.

AwareCicada2163 · 2021-11-15T05:04:50+00:00

I don't know. I'll give the benefit of the doubt.

When women talk about "bad males," they're talking about men who come up to them and say things like, 'Bitch, can I buy you a drink?' and so on. If you're not being sleazy, you're good.

But I don't think that this is a feminist thing. 80s, 60s, 40s, 20s, even 1900s. Women openly rejected sleazy men. Always have. Men either adapt and learn to behave or don't. Not a modern thing at all.

2021-11-06T20:36:06+00:00

Very true. I used to try and be a feminized Good boy. Luckily i wised up in my early 20's.

Much happier after i stopped giving a fuck about all of that shit.

Natural_Student3300 · 2021-11-06T17:15:16+00:00

Here's the thing. Enough women have hated that I stand up for myself, or really spoke up about their BS that they have conditioned men to be exactly what you're talking about. How exactly do you continue to be what they want if they don't bother to reinforce the things that they say they want. You don't you have to play the RedPill games in order to stand a chance.

The purple pill side of me wants to believe there is nuance and a middle ground. But women have time and time again proven they don't know what they want. Even if they do, they do everything to condition the men in their lives to do THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE. And can only be solved by self awareness from women, which is EXTREMELY RARE these days.

Title	Feminism and wokeness has completely neutered and crippled many men, afraid to be seen as a "bad guy" for having any spine at all in their relationship
Author	Circ-Le-Jerk
Upvotes	86
Comments	167
Date	November 6, 2021 2:03 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/qo0w9i/feminism_and_wokeness_has_completely_neutered_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/feminism-and-wokeness-has-completely-neutered-and.1085605 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085605