Honest question for women about sexual interest.

KombuchaEnema · 2022-10-18T16:21:49+00:00

“Safe and secure” is a requirement for sexual attraction, not the source of it.

That’s like handing someone a handful of flour and saying “doesn’t this look appetizing to you? This is what makes cookies so good!”

While ignoring all the other ingredients that are needed to make cookies taste good.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-10-18T15:59:11+00:00

Safety is a minimum for casual sex. Safety and security are mandatory for a long term relationship. But neither safety nor security are sexually arousing. They are more pragmatic.

cowfishAreReal · 2022-10-18T15:46:22+00:00

Why are you assuming women don't find that attractive? I definitely do. Feeling safe with someone and believing they won't leave you after sex are pretty important

TermAggravating8043 · 2022-10-18T15:43:52+00:00

Safe and secure is the absolute bare minimum for me to even continue to communicate with someone let along start a sexual relationship with them.

But (and I’ve noticed a lot of guys don’t understand this) I don’t want him to make me feel safe and secure from all the dangers of the world, I want him to prove to me over time and communication that HE is safe and secure, he’s not going to start hitting or berating me when he’s angry, he’s not going to cheat the first time we have a fight, he’s not going to ignore me if I get sick or need help, those are the kinda things that are going to make me feel safe and secure

FoxcMama · 2022-10-18T15:24:05+00:00

It doesnt matter the money someone makes or if they arent a cheater, if they are insufferable or dont smell right Im just not into them.

There is more to attraction than money and security. I feel safe by myself and Im secure by myself. Any relationship I choose to have is a bonus. Im married now, but I have always had this view. So does my husband. He didnt need women to validate himand I dont need men to validate me. I was attracted to him because hes the same type of weird as me, and very soft. He listened to me and respected me even if my feelings didnt make sense to him.

Thats what is attractive, respect and relateability.

Oli_love90 · 2022-10-18T15:28:41+00:00

There are a few things I think from your question -

Sexual Interest is not the same as being interested in the person. If for whatever reason a guy becomes less sexually interested in me based on factors I can’t control, what “security” do I have?

Guys admit they find a lot of women sexually alluring, how does that foster and environment where I feel safe and healthy when I know he can easily be distracted by someone else?

Alternatively, Men have admitted to not being that attracted to a women but still having sex with/sometimes relationships with a woman. There’s no way to even tell if they’re truthfully interested or insatiably horny.

So when I consider all and more factors, being sexually alluring to a guy is not something that I consider to be a win.

ChadChasingB · 2022-10-18T15:21:00+00:00

Do you want to have sex with men in those same situations?

CimZim · 2022-10-18T16:29:42+00:00

I'm confused. Are you saying that having a partner who has a safe and secure personality is NOT sexually appealing to us? It absolutely is.

EulenWatcher · 2022-10-18T16:43:40+00:00

Safety and security are often required for intimacy, but they don't necessarily inflict sexual desire. Just as a good clean cafe doesn't necessarily make you hungry.

AquaChip · 2022-10-18T15:35:34+00:00

It’s not sexually appealing. It makes us feel comfortable openly expressing our sexuality. There’s a difference.

waffleznstuff30 · 2022-10-18T15:51:55+00:00

It's a totally different part of the brain that's thinking. Like in the heat of a sexual moment do you think I feel so safe and secure right now or is it like this is hot? I'm turned on right now.

Like sure as a whole and in regards to the relationship feeling safe and secure is a given and it definitely helps in fortifying a sexual relationship with someone. Because you can explore your desires with someone and have a good partnership. But in the act and at the moment no safety and feeling secure does not come up.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2022-10-18T15:53:23+00:00

Safety and security doesn't turn me on, it just makes me more amenable to having sex. There are men I've been sexually interested in, but they didn't make me feel safe and secure with them so I declined having sex; had they provided that security I would have been game.

Safety and security doesn't mean any sort of compensation (although compensation is an easy shortcut for this feeling) or defense against the world, but that I matter more than just another cum dump.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-10-18T15:28:16+00:00

Do men really find it sexually appealing, or can it just be practically appealing to both? I've got to tell you, nobody's telling me they're finding anyone else, male or female, sexy for being safe and secure.

Bekiala · 2022-10-18T15:46:20+00:00

Safety and security is appealing but it isn't enough to make me want to have sex with a man.

ass-thetics · 2022-10-18T16:32:09+00:00

The current technological state we live in as a society is an anomaly. For most of our evolved history, a sense of security came from a strong man - who could kill the attacking tribes, kill the food - protect in a quite literal physical sense. These are dark triad men. Leaders. Physically present men. We are machines built and designed to survive in a different world, and that's basically where all modern dating issues stem from.

2022-10-18T17:48:12+00:00

we do.

mcove97 · 2022-10-18T20:24:48+00:00

I think everyone who has sex wants to feel safe when doing so. I mean, it's kinda the baseline for you to want sex to happen. I don't think men either wanna have sex with women they don't feel safe with.

2022-10-18T19:57:44+00:00

Lol all these lying ass women talking about how safety and security is the bare minimum then they go home with the least safe people they can find

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2022-10-18T16:00:44+00:00

I like safety. I personally don't go for dangerous or mean men.

If I had to guess, it's because many can provide those things or as actually more subpar at providing them than they think. But not everyone can provide a winning personality and beautiful appearance.

hungrychick404 · 2022-10-18T16:10:22+00:00

It isn’t the only thing women need to notice for sexual interest, but are you trying to claim some women see it as a negative rather than a positive? Most women like safety and security lol.

MistyMaisel · 2022-10-18T19:51:46+00:00

Safety and security are assumed before I would even be friends with someone, let alone go to bed with them. It is not a source of sexual interest, it's prerequisite for even getting to sit across from me at McDonald's, let alone put any parts of your body near any parts of my body.

Sleepy_Mixtape · 2022-10-19T03:09:29+00:00

Can't rlly answer because I find safety and security very appealing.

Unhappy-Slice-5098 · 2022-10-20T02:26:35+00:00

For some women, it could be internalized misogyny, i.e. the types that are only after the bad boys. They think men who are dangerous and act dangerously are the only ones worth being intimate with, IDK.

I would appreciate my partner creating a safe and secure environment for me but that's not the only precursor or factor in intimacy. It is a cornerstone of it, but proper planning and communication should also be involved. But yes, I agree with your post. I think this is the only way to faciliate a meaningful & long-lasting intimate relationship.

Title	Honest question for women about sexual interest.
Author	No_Reflection_798
Upvotes	6
Comments	49
Date	October 18, 2022 3:19 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/y79x3o/honest_question_for_women_about_sexual_interest/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/honest-question-for-women-about-sexual-interest.1135925 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135925