How do we determine if people have too high standards?

Bikerbats · 2022-10-16T00:04:27+00:00

That's pretty simple dude. If someone is getting what they're shooting for, their standards by definition cannot be too high. If you're failing every time, that might well be a sign your standards are indeed too high.

Blame_the_Muse · 2022-10-15T22:49:47+00:00

Who cares what other people's standards are? Either they can get what they want or they can't. If they can't get what they want, they'll have to lower their standards or content themselves with being alone.

kinhk · 2022-10-16T00:13:48+00:00

If you can't actually get your standard then it's probably too high lol.

Vegetable-Rub3418 · 2022-10-15T22:57:54+00:00

Most women have way higher standards than men. Because they have more options than men. When most men say that women have high standards its because their standards in general are alot higher than most male counterparts are. And when women say they don't have high standards... they are talking in relation to other women. Not most men.

Now the biggest difference between men and women is how they prefer to negotiate their standards. Women almost seemingly always highball to get a better deal. Men almost exclusively low-ball. Both parties are somewhat lying about their standards.

How do we determine if it's too high? Well it depends on what you want. Do you guys both like each other? Or does one person like someone more than the other?

Obviously if it's too high for you to own up to ....then you probably shouldn't date that person.

Applying this to guys for a second. I had this one mentor who would say it doesn't matter what a women says about how high her standards are. If she's laughing and having a great time with you then you're good.

Me personally I used to follow this advice but ....no longer. It takes entirely too much energy and time for my taste to convince women you are good candidate granted she keeps bringing up her standards. A challenge I hate indulging in.

So personally if they are not giving you heavy signs of liking you in the first 5-10 minutes or keep talking about their standards then move on

baresquad · 2022-10-15T22:54:08+00:00

It’s nobodies business to care about what others’ standards are, there’s now law that says we have to meet them, so just don’t try if they’re too high. That’s what I do.

MyLastBestChance · 2022-10-15T22:55:38+00:00

No one can unilaterally decide that another person’s standards are too high. Only the standard holder can choose to do so.

If someone is unable to be successful with those who meet their standards, they have a few choices:

Keep looking, wishing and hoping.

Improve themselves to be more appealing to those who meet their standards.

Adjust / reprioritize their standards.

Give up.

Bitch endlessly on Reddit about how unrealistic their target population is while gnashing their little teeth and stomping their little feet about the unfairness of it all.

That’s it.

learn2earn89 · 2022-10-15T23:41:08+00:00

My “standards” are really innate. I like tall men with slim faces. I used to think I was asexual because I was never around these type of men so I had no sexuality. As soon as I changed jobs and was around these type of men, I realized that I’m just very picky. I don’t think they’re standards, because it’s not something I have control over.

Aromatic_Shop9033 · 2022-10-15T22:56:10+00:00

Entitlement is baked into modern dating.

Looks like Lizzo, demands Idris Elba.

GTFO 😂

Mind125 · 2022-10-15T23:08:48+00:00

I believe a good way of determining whether your standards are too high is to determine whether the experiences needed to acquire specific qualities contradict.

For example, expecting a woman to be extremely beautiful while also never having sexual experiences while also being good in bed and having a PhD in rocket science and be 100% interested in you and only you would suggest a very odd series of life experiences to get to that point.

On the male side, expecting a man to have a six pack, 6 figure salary, that built a business from the ground up who has free time to spend on a consistent basis at the age of 25 requires a series of experiences that contradict (or requires a genetic lottery of being born into many of those qualities).

Take the qualities you want, imagine what was needed to acquire them. Then see if an actual human can actually attain them. Then ask why you’re the comparable human they would want to be with too.

RIPGeorgeHarrison · 2022-10-15T23:03:52+00:00

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_know_it_when_I_see_it

caption291 · 2022-10-15T23:58:00+00:00

The way to determine if your standards are too high is to look at where you rank relative to your competition and see if your standards would exclude someone that is your equivalent in the other genders competition.

If they do your standards are too high.

The other possible(but less reasonable imo) way to do it is to simply look at if you are able to get what you want. If not your standards are too high.

The problem with the later is that the standards themselves influence the market so there's no notion of "too high" because eventually you could break the other gender into conceding to your bullshit....but it would still be bullshit.

Sleepy_Mixtape · 2022-10-16T02:23:40+00:00

Your standards are realistic when you could realistically find partners that fulfill them.

AstronautLoveShack · 2022-10-16T04:30:11+00:00

We don’t. Unless we are talking about you in particular, it is not your business and anything you say about another person’s partner or lack thereof, can and will be used against you. You’re better off just supporting your friend and studiously ignoring their standards or lack thereof.

Banestar66 · 2022-10-16T16:34:44+00:00

All I can say is women are literally getting mad on here for men having too low standards and overwhelming them with too many possible choices so I don’t think it’s men having standards too high.

NakedStreets · 2022-10-15T22:54:09+00:00

“We” do not.

You can’t decide a person’s standards are too high, because they don’t owe you participation in dating.

Everyone is allowed to be single. You’re allowed to be single because you don’t want to date anyone, and you’re allowed to be single because you don’t want to date almost anyone.

You can say, “I don’t want to date anyone except Harry Styles.”

Will others get tired of you complaining that Harry Styles doesn’t want to date you? Possibly! But just as you are allowed to have boundaries, others are allowed to set boundaries with you.

Would you be better off dating people other than Harry Styles, compared to being single? Possibly! But there are plenty of happy single people, and plenty of miserable partnered people, so who knows.

Relationships are a risk, and only the people entering into them are in a position to decide which ones are worth the gamble.

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-10-16T02:26:15+00:00

If you roll over the next morning and look at the person asleep next to you and go “hell yeah!” Your standards aren’t too high. If you roll over and it’s an empty bed like always, they probably are.

alphasupremacy5555 · 2022-10-16T03:51:24+00:00

Everybody is entitled to want what they want. The problem is women will demand what they want and never be realistic about how they are themselves compared to the men they want. With men we are more realistic and honest about how we are compared to the women we desire. Because the vast majority are ugly betas in the eyes of all women and women have extremely unrealistic sky high standards, the majority of men have to either drastically improve themselves, settle for women they don't really want or deal with close to decades of loneliness. Women demand a man be over 6 ft tall making way over $100,000 a year with six pack and a 6-inch penis and that's just to name a few of the things they require. That's only just under 5% of all men.
Men don't want much. We just want a woman who is gorgeous and submissive. The thing is you can lower your standards but it's not good to do that even though you're going to get way more options bc you don't want the vast majority of those options. A man settles for a girl he can get but he's not really going to be happy with her he's not the woman he really wants. The same with a woman she goes for a man she don't have any genuine burning desire for she might end up cheating on him with a man that she does. While women absolutely outright refuse to lower their standards bc in their minds they over qualify for the man they fantasize about, a man is more willing to lower his standards bc it's either that or loneliness. A lot of women will insist that they are 10s but yet can't keep the man they fantasize about and as far as their concerned they see nowhere they need to improve in order to keep that Chad, Tyrone, Pookie or Ray Ray they want to be with long-term. When a lot of men do improve after a number of years, his value goes up while time diminishes a woman's desirability but yet she expects him to now that he's become the man she would jump into bed with except her even tho she's now less than what he wants. When it comes to what men want, social media does a great job of misrepresenting how women's looks and bodies actually are. While most women don't care what a man wants, they know what a man wants. When women use social media platforms such as Instagram, they have the power of camera filters and editors along with the assistance of heavy fake-up and plastic surgery to become extremely desirable to the vast majority of men. Not to mention body shapers and waist trainers. So a lot of the 10s(the GigaStacies well above average women), and 9s and 8s,the standard Stacies and Trixies who are above average in women are really just barely 7s(stacylites slightly above average women) and 6s average women or Beckys when the fakery comes off. Women basically have the best chance to lock down that high value alpha they fantasize about in their early twenties but most of them don't do that bc they are deluded themselves into thinking they actually become sexier the older they get and that isn't the case in the slightest. A lot of them begin their adult lives on easy mode and then hit the wall. Whereas most men begin their early adult lives at the wall and if they drastically improve themselves become more sexually desirable and become the prize to the women that day sexually fantasize about.

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Lovers691 · 2022-10-15T23:21:40+00:00

Based on what is on the market and how much you have to offer. If you are Henry Cavill in terms of looks no one will say wanting a Scarlett Johansson because you are the same level of looks or the other hand if most men want a woman with a Jessica Rabbit tier hip/to-waist ratio as a very important factor for mate choice that is also unrealistic because that is statistically unlikely.

My personal opinion though is that anyone can hold any standard they want no matter how unlikely it is.

purplepillowed · 2022-10-16T00:36:33+00:00

Your standards are right if you are satisfied with the results.

It’s a market and standards are subjective.

bunnakay · 2022-10-16T01:01:08+00:00

Who cares what someone else's opinion is when it comes to standards?

2022-10-16T01:15:30+00:00

If you can't accomplish your objective with the person that reaches those standards.

If your objective is marriage with a wonderfully funny 7' Chad millionaire then your standards are too high.

techr0nin · 2022-10-16T01:21:54+00:00

Your standards are probably too high when you get zero results for an extended period of time. But it is relative and not absolute, and has as much to do with your environment and level of competition as your own SMV and standards.

As a society it is driven by supply and demand. As such I don’t think it’s something you can just educate away, especially since our social institutions are terrible at educating. If you want to change it long term, you’d have to change things like societal structure and resource distribution, and not only is that difficult it would also require tradeoffs both foreseeable but also probably a host of unforeseeable consequences.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-10-16T01:34:51+00:00

That's interesting that it worked for you to "reset" your standards. Most people agree that constant porn viewing tweaks the brain somehow but few would agree that consumption of "beauty" in non-porn media does the same.

I don't think my standards would lower, but I'm a very low level consumer of the beautiful via media. My standards are already low (I think they are realistic but it's subjective). However, I think OP is excellent advice for some guys in this sub. Whenever there's a "rate this or that" girl thread here I realize the guys are tripping, and I think they are getting their "standards" from media consumption, not real life.

So would it lower women's standards to go on a media fast? I'm not sure because it doesn't seem like women are getting their standards set by media as much as guys seem to be but maybe they are.

newlevel666 · 2022-10-16T05:30:34+00:00

actually most of the men are not good looking. women are natural born beauty (if she care himself) but if you're men its most about the genetics

AssistTemporary8422 · 2022-10-16T05:32:45+00:00

Your standards are too high if you are rejecting everyone who likes you, and everyone who you like is rejecting you. If so, lower your standards, or raise yourself.

HazyMemory7 · 2022-10-16T06:27:07+00:00

Firstly, this post seems to be implying that the commonly perpetuated myth women always bring up about men only wanting hot model-looking women is accurate. It's not. Literally every single piece of data we have says otherwise. Men rate women's attractiveness like a bell curve, and simply being thin or fit will make you attractive to most men. As far as your question goes, you can assess it subjectively and objectively:

Subjectively with logic and reasoning. You have to assess what women want, and then decide whether or not their standards are realistic based on their own desirability. This requires information about how rare certain parameters are statistically, and insight into what exactly determines a woman's desirability to men.
Objectively based on the level of man a woman can actually get commitment from, in reality. If a woman has been dating for several years, wants a tall handsome 6ft dude with a high income, and can't sniff anything close to that, then her standards are delusional.

If you can't get commitment (not sex, having casual sex with a desirable man doesn't mean jack shit) from a man that meets your standards, your standards are unrealistic. So you either have to improve yourself, lower them, or be content growing old alone.

SincereJustice · 2022-10-16T06:33:37+00:00

Whether they get what they want

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-10-16T08:36:54+00:00

If you are regularly putting yourself out there and are not having any success, your standards are probably too high. That’s how you know. There is no council of elders that determine if your standards are fair or unreasonable. It’s what you can get.

RinoaRita · 2022-10-16T08:54:07+00:00

I mean you live and you learn or you observe and learn.

Your standard can be as high as you want but if you’re single and looking for an amount of time that causes you duress it might be too high.

If you observe other people who are comparable to you in terms of looks and jobs etc and their partners and your standard is significantly higher than what they’re pulling your standard might be too high.

That being said there’s always the bar is on the floor standard of this person must make me happier than if I was single. At that point no standard is too high if you can honestly say if your partner doesn’t meet these you are happier single.

DisasterPeace7 · 2022-10-16T15:02:10+00:00

I'll say somebody's standards are too high if they are nowhere near what their dream person would want or if they just start rejecting people over the dumbest most superficial shit

2022-10-16T20:32:50+00:00

The fact that you only talk about physical attraction when taking about dating standards already tells everything

Ok_Chicken3237 · 2022-10-17T03:15:51+00:00

All those proves that you’re a sheep minded follower, nothing else. The “women of Instagram” don’t even look like that in real life.

Pathetic admittance on your part, one that’s probably even avoided by most 16 years old.

Additional_Speech164 · 2022-10-22T17:48:24+00:00

Everyone’s entitled to their own preferences and standards. Its good to see all that’s out there and make decisions on what you’re into accordingly.

Title	How do we determine if people have too high standards?
Author	Life_Level_6280
Upvotes	12
Comments	105
Date	October 15, 2022 10:31 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/y50k58/how_do_we_determine_if_people_have_too_high/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-we-determine-if-people-have-too-high.1135487 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135487