How much do you value the n-count of your partner?

Full-Pumpkin2330 · 2021-09-06T12:15:29+00:00

No. I would never have dated a man who had been with lots of women when I was single, it would mean our values would be far too different

HappilyMrs · 2021-09-06T13:40:49+00:00

N-count is very important to me. I would be screwed if I had to date again as I am 38 with an N count of 1, as is my husband. I value committed sex and casual sex and its inherent risks is not something I find sexy at all

Reisiluu · 2021-09-06T19:28:19+00:00

100 n is a no under all circumstances.

The virgin hasn't had the opportunity because... he was away on a research assignment for 5-10 years? And is ok looking? That would be nice. He'd do anything I wanted after 5-10 years of built up thirst. But if he's a virgin because he's ugly, there's a good chance I'd find him ugly before he even tells me about his n count.

65364764 · 2021-09-06T12:48:55+00:00

If their personalities were the same, I'd choose the virgin. The other one probably fears commitment and has AIDS.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-09-06T14:14:13+00:00

Has the first guy ever had any STIs or oops babies?

Madssmkay · 2021-09-06T12:09:26+00:00

If all else is equal, I’d prefer the second guy. I am young enough that a guy not having had relationship experience isn’t some sort of glaring red flag.

100 ONS is a huge turn off. He fucked a 100 women and just walked away🥴 he most likely doesn’t view sex the way I do then.

Mimoxs · 2021-09-06T19:20:21+00:00

Is it a turn on that a guy has been with a lot of women?

No the only guy I was with had like 6 and even then I felt really kinda grossed out by it. He had to talk me into it? He kept telling me about how every girl dumped him and cheated on him and make me feel pity for him. Idk I felt disgusting during/after fucking him bc I couldn't get that fact out of my head. And didn't get any enjoyment out of it.

The only 2 enjoyable experiences I ever had were with virgin boys, not just low disgust but they were better at what they were doing

girlindolor · 2021-09-06T13:22:54+00:00

I would only marry a guy who hasn't had sex before marriage. And i'd only be with a guy if i can see myself marrying him, in fact ive always wanted to have just one boyfriend ever and marry him. But thats just my irrelevant predisposition

learn2earn89 · 2021-09-06T13:37:20+00:00

As a 0 n count person, I’d prefer someone similar to myself. More than 5 would probably be a red flag for me.

xQueen-Bx · 2021-09-06T12:50:16+00:00

One has had a hundred ONS and zero relationships (by choice). The other one has had zero ONS and zero relationships. The second guy has not been intimate with anyone because he has not had the opportunity (in other words it’s involuntary).

how do they loook the same? whats wrong with the second one? do you not see how utterly retarded this is.

its not the N count per se, its BEING the kind of guy who can and does GET an N count...aka an attractive man who is normally lusty and sexually aggressive and knows how to deal with women, aka masculinity.

I would also like to add that there is nothing wrong with the second guy emotionally, psychologically, mentally etc.

more "thought experiement stupidity". there is something significantly wrong with the second guy in your stupid example, otherwise he couldnt possibly "look the same" as a man i would be interested in who also was able to obtain sex. how can you posit a sexually unsuccessful man and then claim theres "nothing wrong with him". i dont want him near me and i dont want to make gross asexual weird unsuccessful sons with him

do you idiots actually think it is the raw N count NUMBER that matters, and not the personality traits and physicality that OBTAINS the N count?

merlinscalculator · 2021-09-06T13:40:10+00:00

Why the fuck is it always two ridiculous extremes with you fools

Glum_Status94 · 2021-09-06T17:10:04+00:00

im not a slut why would i have to be with a slut

NarniaFox · 2021-09-06T12:26:10+00:00

I'm not into casual myself nor I've ever had it, so I'd prefer the dude with zero experience over the one with 100 ONS. But I'm also in my 20s and it's still somewhat okay at that age. I think if I was late 30s or 40s, having no experience at all would be a drawback (still not as massive as 100 ONS), but it would depend highly on the reasons.

rft24 · 2021-09-06T13:58:39+00:00

if i have to choose: the second guy because the idea of being with a man who’s had more than 10 sex partners is disgusting to me.

the virgin has higher value in general, simply because he’s not a hoe.

i also believe in energy transference and soul ties. no thanks on a guy who’s got everybody and their mama’s energy all up in him, i don’t want that.

a man who sleeps around like that has completely opposite values than i do concerning sex, so i’m not interested.

realistically: i would choose neither and look elsewhere lol

Aggressive-Complex79 · 2021-09-06T12:07:25+00:00

I make decisions based on looks, personality and chemistry first and foremost. I wouldn’t know if a guy has had 100 ONS unless he told me, which would be weird. The missing context is that personality sets these guys apart since you said they look the same, why else would the second guy be an incel? These are two extreme examples but I will say for me, it’s not a turn on that a guy has had 100 ONS. That doesn’t mean I would pick the other guy though. I don’t think it makes sense to decide on a partner based on their sexual history.

poppy_blu · 2021-09-06T13:56:51+00:00

They’re both red flags.

The first guy isn’t into relationships. So why would I think he’d change for me?

The second guy is too passive. “Haven’t had the opportunity for a relationship?” Does he think women are supposed to fall out of the sky into his lap?

yamb97 · 2021-09-06T13:31:11+00:00

I think this is going to be highly dependent on who you are. Me personally, the guy with 100 ONS. We probably share similar values and will get along better. On top of that he has experience and is clearly attractive enough to be desired. You say it’s involuntary for the other guy so I’m assuming he’s ugly or something. That’s a no from me.

januaryphilosopher · 2021-09-06T16:20:07+00:00

I'd take the second guy. Having had a lot of sexual partners is not something I'm keen on in a partner and I'd prefer someone with a count closer to my own (one) for various reasons.

LittyKitsune · 2021-09-06T17:36:59+00:00

Whose RMV and SMV do you perceive as higher and why?

For me personally, the zero ONS and zero relationships guy.

For RMV, I want to marry someone I can share firsts with.

For SMV, the idea of messing up a virgin and being his one and only is more arousing to me than the idea of sleeping with someone who's already done it so many times before.

reconfinement_acc · 2021-09-06T20:06:07+00:00

If he has high n he probably has problem staying committed to just one woman. Like who would like to come back to plain ol rice after having buffets for dinner the last decade? Even if he's done with fooling around and wishing to settle down, those sexual adventures stay with him for life. Probably is fukced in the head. I'm not setting myself up for failure. Long story short can't husband a ho.

chalkandapples · 2021-09-06T20:59:10+00:00

I would very much prefer a virgin, since I was also one before I dated my new husband.

healththrow345 · 2021-09-06T23:07:23+00:00

100% choose virgin as a virgin woman that is the only man I'd marry as one. Very rare to find though so I'm better off getting some dating experience before marriage. My biggest fear is marrying a man who was a hoe and me being a virgin. I'd rather die alone. Idk why that gives me so many nightmares but it makes my stomach turn.

DiamondLilyD · 2021-09-07T01:14:02+00:00

Would not tolerate over 5 previous sexual partners.

fakingandnotmakingit · 2021-09-06T12:35:25+00:00

It's not the number that matters, it's the attitude towards sex.

I personally don't believe in "holding out" or waiting for marriage or whatever. But I generally think sex for me happens after an emotional connection.

I have generally had sex by date three or four, but admittedly all those men I hung out with "unofficially" in a group setting for a two or three months. So I generally already knew them pretty well.

In the end it just means I need to find a guy who matches that. Someone who just has lots of casual sex isn't going to be for me. On the flip side a guy who insists on waiting for marriage (or waits for ages) isn't going to be for me either.

In your scenario is say guy 2 is more likely to align with my attitude towards sex than guy one. But at the end of the day if he wants sex way before or way after me it's not going to work. It is what it is.

CFinCanada · 2021-09-06T13:08:36+00:00

I don't think I care either why. I have deflowered a couple of guys in my late teens and also been with guys who've been with lots of women. The only corresponding thing seems to be age.

When I met my boyfriend at 29, his longest relationship had been 6 months only. That to me was the red flag which lowered RMV, not how many women he had dated but for how long his longest relationship had been. I had concerns that he had commitment issues.

superlurkage · 2021-09-06T13:11:29+00:00

Why would a guy with 100 ONS/zero relationships want one with me? No, thank you

If he had even one it would be ok, but none? I’m not arrogant enough to think I’ll be the exception, nor that he even wants to be around me

Zero sex, zero relationships? Almost as unnerving —- is he sure he isn’t asexual?

JoeRMD77 · 2021-09-06T16:40:41+00:00

The second guy has not been intimate with anyone because he has not had the opportunity (in other words it’s involuntary).

More incel stuff on here.

quiturbitchn · 2021-09-06T12:43:04+00:00

I don’t want a virgin nor a man whore. Anything less than 20 and more than 1 is fine. But really within that range skill is the most important factor

tunalunalou · 2021-09-06T12:34:20+00:00

I think age and location have a huge impact on the question.

If he's 40, 100 women is about 5/year if he started at 20. Probably leans heavily toward younger years, but that doesn't seem insane to me for a guy with a high sex drive. Especially in places like NYC where the culture leans so much more toward one night stands, and guys are able to get girls a lot easier.

If he's 25, then that's way too many. I would be a bit leery if a Midwest boy slept with that many (the effort to even find that many women would be a lot and a turnoff vs NYC where girls basically fall into your lap and who says no to easy sex).

But I also just don't put a lot of value in n-count.

ashpr0ulx · 2021-09-06T12:31:16+00:00

i don’t care about n-count, and i don’t want to know the n-count of man i’m dating. just be clean & healthy, please.

i would feel a touch uncomfortable with a man of zero sexual experience, but not necessarily in a bad way. i’d just feel more responsibility in that situation.

TheElusivePeacock · 2021-09-06T12:54:54+00:00

I don’t do relationships, so I wouldn’t want a relationship with either and sex with only with the high N count guy.

I’m a fan of casual sex however, surprisingly to most people I am very wary of anyone with a super high n count. If someone has tons of sex for the orgasms, sure. But I very rarely find people with a high n count who don’t have actual mental issues they’re using sex to cover or feel validated. For instance, I have a friend who’s n count is like 36. Never had an orgasm with any of these men. I asked her wtf is she actually getting out of it?! It’s insecurity and need for validation that never ends well. I find this with men too. I know someone is going to come in here with this “well biologically” stuff, and I’m not denying that, but I’ve never found a man with a high n count who also didn’t have mental issues, low self esteem, desperate for validation, insecure as hell, need to prove “he’s a man”. I very rarely find people, men and women, with high n counts who just want orgasms.

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wtknight · 2021-09-06T12:57:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

crookedsummer2019 · 2021-09-06T13:30:35+00:00

Depends on the age:

Early 20s: the high n count guy with no relationship experience is not as big of a red flag due to many young guys just wanting causal fun at that age. It’s not something that’s admirable but it’s not suspicious. The guy with no experience, also not suspicious at that age given that they are still young and maybe still working on confidence, how to talk to girls etc. I mean we hear those stories a lot here of male members who say they were shy and awkward as young men and didn’t get dates.

Mid 30s: it’s more of a red flag that a mature man is sleeping around and either can’t or won’t bond with women. Also more suspicious if the same aged man has never had sex (for reasons that are not due to religion or being very unattractive physically).

flamingoinghome · 2021-09-06T13:33:42+00:00

The second guy has much higher RMV. A guy who has elected to have a hundred ONS and no relationships is a guy who has zero interest in relationships. And...frankly I'd be a bit uncomfortable around him.

Sexual experience is irrelevant to SMV.

Opposite-Scar7575 · 2021-09-06T14:45:05+00:00

Just a similar attitude towards sex, I'm not bothered by 'n count' per sa.

Hasn't paid for sex (can only get off when the other person is getting off
Has experienced some casual sex.
Has experienced LTRs and cohabitation with women.

malin_w13 · 2021-09-06T15:10:08+00:00

I wouldn’t find out about n-count either way. All I’d know is that neither have been in a LTR and maybe the 2nd dude would share they have no experience?

Overall; if looks are the same then personality would be the tie breaker and I’d assume the first one is more extroverted so I’d prob end up with him.

Lonely_23_1997 · 2021-09-06T15:14:50+00:00

Logically the first one has higher smv because he’s been able to sleep with so many people while the second guy hasn’t.

In my eyes though their smv would be the same as they look the same but the second guys rmv would be higher because he probably values relationships more and is kinder.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-09-06T15:40:34+00:00

My partner has a triple digit N count and 2 marriages under his belt (one divorce, one died). Prior to dating him I would have called those red flags and probably would have opted for the virgin in your scenario. But it’s working out well for us. He gave me his STD results on the 3rd date so I would know he was clean. We’re similar in values on most issues. And we have a lot of fun.

ohdiddly · 2021-09-06T15:51:28+00:00

I don't care at all.

houstongradengineer · 2021-09-06T17:29:19+00:00

I'm 27 N=1, married. Second guy is ideal almost if I was single again. Except for the part poppy said where he needs to not think women are just supposed to fall into his lap... oh you're gonna automatically add that there's nothing wrong with him that way? Perfect, I'm in.

RMV higher for the second guy by far at my age. SMV too, no way the second dude is clean from STD's. Women who aren't super super low value are pickier than that.

Is it a turn on that a guy has been with many women? No, nasty nasty nasty. Turn off.

As for MY answer to your original question: how much do I care about N count? I care as much as it correlates to a guy being STD free while also loyal, interested and actively participating in a faithful, committed marriage with a woman. If he's fifty and never bothered to go on a date, he probably ain't the one. If he's 25 and had 100 ONS, he also ain't the one but with AIDS. My husband has N=4, which kinda makes me uncomfortable when I think about it too much, but as long as he's clean and faithful I'm happy. He proposed and he never looked at me as just a number. That's my main standard with sex. Do I think guys who pay for sex look at women as numbers? Yeah, yeah I do, by the way.

neetykeeno · 2021-09-06T17:48:36+00:00

So the first one enjoys and can get sex but is gross like a used toothbrush and is probably only a few degrees separated from just about everyone in town. And the second wants but can't get sex at all so is probably gross like weird with bad eye contact.

Neither of them make the grade. I turn them both down and go home to play Sims 4 and eat a small pepperoni pizza and one of those prepackaged salad kits. If I must take one or die I take the first guy because at least he is going to have some idea how not to injure me so I won't need to talk to him to instruct him...also it is a plus that he can likely just wander off and find a new woman and not be clingy...however I am probably going to need to get somewhat drunk.

midwestufohunter · 2021-09-06T18:30:31+00:00

If he’s a good wholesome partner idgaf about his past.

But if I didn’t have that info I’d swipe left on high n count bc he’s likely a player.

Good-Strong · 2021-09-06T19:09:14+00:00

Don't care unless he's a late virgin, or got a ridiculously high one (20-30+), since both are red flags imo.

Anything in the middle is fine.

y2kjanelle · 2021-09-06T20:01:56+00:00

No two guys are exactly alike. And I don’t think body count matters at all.

What matters to me is safety, similar views on life, communication and social skills. Who I sleep with isn’t your business and who you sleep with isn’t mine. I’m so much more concerned with who you are.

_mwk · 2021-09-06T21:34:29+00:00

i don't really care, i just don't want to hear about it. 0 relationships wouldn't phase me at my age, but 100 ons would make me pause. why only ons? what was the point? why none of them turned into something more, not even a fwb? i probably wouldn't date him longterm, my anxiety wont let us have any sort of pleasant relationship if i knew that.

i also probably wouldn't date the 2nd dude longterm either, for the same reason. my anxiety wouldn't let me get attached comfortably and have a pleasant relationship knowing he never had anybody else and it wasn't a choice.

Superfluous_Toast · 2021-09-06T23:46:07+00:00

I'll take number two. Somehow I don't think number one is interested in a relationship.

DXBrigade · 2021-09-07T08:00:21+00:00

I choose the manwhore considering he has no STD, virgin men tend to be bitter incels.

akticker · 2021-09-09T00:59:16+00:00

My partner has a N count and for the longest it really bothered me like really. Then one day I realize I had to get over it and except it or break up with her. I decided it was not worth my relationship to break up with her and I love her. So I got over it and once I did I felt very free and considered her an equal to me. The only thing that would bother me now is if my friends and family new about her high N count I think that would be quite embarrassing.

LMM-GT02 · 2021-09-09T05:31:49+00:00

A dude that can get a lot of girls but chooses them and only them because they are special.

cloudsongs_ · 2021-09-14T19:49:57+00:00

I don't think I'd really care that much. As long as we have the same values towards sex and relationships at the moment we begin our relationship, I don't think it would matter (unless there is some trauma they need to work out from these previous relationships)

Title	How much do you value the n-count of your partner?
Author	Habil13
Upvotes	0
Comments	161
Date	September 6, 2021 11:59 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/piy22u/how_much_do_you_value_the_ncount_of_your_partner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-much-do-you-value-the-n-count-of-your-partner.1067302 https://theredarchive.com/post/1067302