How would you handle different cheating scenarios?

accounthrowaway123 · 2020-05-22T14:15:41+00:00

In all the scenarios leave. However in the last 3 run like the devil is on my heels

GhostTheEternal · 2020-05-22T14:14:27+00:00

1-4 = Leave, regardless of whether I caught them or they owned up.

5-7 = The devil is in the details. I'm ok with my partner being infatuated with someone, but if they're saying things to each other that cross the line then leave.

8 = Leave.

9 = Leave, because she's fucking crazy.

10 = Leave.

AngelFire_3_14156 · 2020-05-22T14:21:58+00:00

Just one solution - kick the cheating scumbag out. Problem solved.

_cheeky_bastard_ · 2020-05-22T14:45:22+00:00

[deleted]

DesertWolf45 · 2020-05-22T14:25:46+00:00

As someone who's non-monogamous I view cheating as an ultimate betrayal of trust since there is no excuse about the excitement, being just sex, caught in the moment etc.

Trust is the cornerstone of a good relationship. IMO if you can't trust your partner, they shouldn't be your partner.

Barely-moral · 2020-05-22T14:35:11+00:00

Long term physical and emotional affair: I leave.

Short term physical and long term emotional affair: I leave.

Long term physical affair with no feelings: I leave.

Short term physical affair: I leave.

Long term emotional affair: I leave.

Short term emotional afair: I leave.

One sided emotional affair/limerence. Obsession but nothing happened: I don't punish any tought crime. I only judge people by their actions.

One sided emotional affair/limerence with intent to make i physical. Attempted progress: I leave, the attempt to progress is an action.

Stalking: I leave.

I don't have any tolerance for people taking acions that break monogamy. I understand that emotions are irrational stupid and hard to control. Actions don't get a pass.

goatismycopilot · 2020-05-22T14:18:07+00:00

Leave.

acron5n5 · 2020-05-22T19:24:07+00:00

All of these scenarios are pretty negative. I don't know how would I handle them. Of course it is even worse if it lasts for a long time.

SherbertBacon · 2020-05-22T22:02:15+00:00

Long term physical and emotional affair.

She's done.

Short term physical and long term emotional affair (sex happened once).

She's done.

Long term physical affair with no feelings.

She's done.

—You know what. I'm going to save a bunch of time here and just say: in all cases listed above, she's done.

For the record, I was dealing with scenario 8 and 9 last year (so #10) when I caught her and she lied.

Hopefully you left. I have a hard boundary about being my partners' "one and only" while in a relationship. I give the same back to her. If she doesn't feel that way, she's not for me. It's that simple.

NarniaFox · 2020-05-22T14:07:01+00:00

What's an emotional affair?

SartreK · 2020-05-22T15:09:27+00:00

Leave. All of these cases would be proof of a fundamental incompatibility in our views on romantic love and monogamy (i.e. a proof that the very basis for a relationship would be inexistent with her)

wekacuck · 2020-05-22T18:56:15+00:00

1. Long term physical and emotional affair.

Caught in the act is worse than telling me, but I don't want to hear about it. I'd very likely not be able to restore the relationship. IMHO "telling me" is womanspeak for "I'm too pathetic to end the relationship myself so do it for me."

2. Short term physical and long term emotional affair (sex happened once).

See #1

3. Long term physical affair with no feelings.

WTF? I'm not sure.

4. Short term physical affair (1 night stand).

I will forgive this if I can understand what happened and sympathize.

5. Long term emotional affair.
6. Short term emotional affair.

Emotional affairs are fake news. I don't care.

7. One sided emotional affair / limerence. In other words your SO had an obsession with another person but nothing happened.

"Nothing happened" = I don't care.

8. One sided emotional affair / limerence with intent to make it physical. In other words your SO had an obsession with another person and attempted to progress it further but you found out.

"Nothing happened" = I don't care. The caveat there is that if I did find out I wouldn't stop it, and if it happened see #7. I very much doubt I wouldn't notice the limerance and my spidey senses would be on the lookout.

9. Stalking. Your SO is viewing another persons social media every few hours and driving by their house 4-10 times per day?

Social media stalking is whatever. Driving by their house 4-10 times per day is "something happened" That's a nope. Bye.

10. Both 8 and 9 scenarios together.

Same.

the_purring_jew · 2020-05-22T14:21:57+00:00

Number 4 is forgivable

The rest is not

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BruhMoment45886 · 2020-05-22T14:17:33+00:00

Leave for all. Emotional cheating wouldnt crush me as bad as physical though.

Meccha_me_2 · 2020-05-22T14:21:57+00:00

For 6 and 7, I would consider talking it out with them if they came clean about it right away, but it would really depend on the details. I would definitely lean toward ending things.

I would leave without a second thought in every other situation.

KapteeniJ · 2020-05-22T14:27:46+00:00

6 and 7 I'd want to hear details. Maybe with 4 too. Others it's leave regardless.

And one of the main details is if they came clean on their own. If yes, discussion can happen. If I found it out on my own, trust is gone.

psychedelictree_ · 2020-05-22T14:38:30+00:00

I would dump all apart from maybe 1 night stand depending on the context. And only if he used a condom and was genuinely devastated about what happened

mangolover97 · 2020-05-22T15:11:33+00:00

Long term physical and emotional affair.

I’d leave in this scenario because that means they’re in love with someone else so nothing to be done but move on.

Short term physical and long term emotional affair (sex happened once).

Same as above

Long term physical affair with no feelings. If it’s just a boyfriend I’d leave if it’s my husband that did this I’d suggest opening up the relationship and us both seeing other people to spice things up.
Short term physical affair (1 night stand). Same as above
Long term emotional affair. This one I’d leave too
Short term emotional affair.

Im honestly not sure depends on how exactly things went down I’d talk to my partner about it and see why they felt they couldn’t come to me.

One sided emotional affair / limerence. In other words your SO had an obsession with another person but nothing happened.

Same as above

One sided emotional affair / limerence with intent to make it physical. In other words your SO had an obsession with another person and attempted to progress it further but you found out.
Stalking. Your SO is viewing another persons social media every few hours and driving by their house 4-10 times per day?
Both 8 and 9 scenarios together.

For these last 3 I’d leave because it’s a crime/intent to commit a crime.

death_by_1000_cats · 2020-05-22T15:12:15+00:00

(Assuming all of these are happening in my marriage, not just with some bf of six months or whatever in which case I would just leave for all of these.)

1 would be pretty hard to come back from.

2-6 would be forgivable/fixable if he showed genuine remorse and cut off all contact with the person.

7 is a nothingburger. It's unlikely I'd ever find out. If I did, I'd be hurt and I'd want him to stop doing whatever he's doing to feed the obsession.

8 is worse than 7, but again not a relationship ender if he shows genuine remorse and cuts off contact.

9 sounds creepy as fuck. Would probably end the relationship eventually if it continued.

10, same answer as 9.

TheGirlGetter9000 · 2020-05-22T15:31:42+00:00

I think the ones that don't involve fucking the person are bound to happen in some form throughout a life-long relationship. Now, normally you're not aware of it.

If you did become aware of it, it'd present a difficult choice. I think you'd have to leave. It's different than anything physical actually happening though. In that case, you 100% leave no questions asked.

CommanderOfTheDeath · 2020-05-22T15:31:47+00:00

Leave

Doesn't matter wether its physical or emotional. If someone cheats emotionally that means they already checked out of the relationship mentally and it's just a matter of time untill it turns into physical cheating. Also the fact that the partner rather has an emotional affair instead of talking to you and trying to fix the problem is another deal breaker.

Tyler_Gatsby · 2020-05-22T15:46:04+00:00

Honestly I'd bail or be looking to bail on any of them. Even the, "They haven't actually done anything yet, you can just tell she kinda wants to fuck him" scenario. I would just assume it's coming. Might not be with him, but my time is up.

2020-05-22T15:55:20+00:00

None of these are different. They are all signs of disrespect for the relationship and she would be lucky to ever be allowed to talk to me again. I personally do not take any sign of disrespect lightly, I've blocked women out of my life for much less.

Million-Suns · 2020-05-22T15:56:37+00:00

I leave in all cases. That means even scenario n° 12, 13, 14,etc.

cantandwont24 · 2020-05-22T16:33:09+00:00

I couldn’t physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually handle my SO choosing another person over me in any way for any amount of time

eboy4hire · 2020-05-22T16:37:12+00:00

Long term physical and emotional affair.

Drop her off at the dude's house and be done with her.

Short term physical and long term emotional affair (sex happened once).

Drop her off at the dude's house and be done with her.

Long term physical affair with no feelings.

Drop her off at the dude's house and be done with her.

Short term physical affair (1 night stand).

Drop her off at the dude's house and be done with her.

Long term emotional affair.

Lmao her beta orbiter actually thinks he has an affair going on.

Short term emotional affair.

Lmao her beta orbiter actually thinks he has an affair going on.

One sided emotional affair / limerence. In other words your SO had an obsession with another person but nothing happened.

Oh wow, she's obsessed with Justin Bieber. That's cool. lmao

One sided emotional affair / limerence with intent to make it physical. In other words your SO had an obsession with another person and attempted to progress it further but you found out.

Drop her off at the dude's house and be done with her.

Stalking. Your SO is viewing another persons social media every few hours and driving by their house 4-10 times per day?

As long as she's fucking me and not that guy I'm good.

Both 8 and 9 scenarios together.

Drop her off at his house and be done with her.

jumblesandtumbles · 2020-05-22T16:43:46+00:00

I would consider sticking around to work things out in the short term emotional affair scenario, and the most comfortable I would be sticking around in that scenario is if my partner acknowledged lines in a friendship had gotten blurry and pulled back.

I posted last night how I've tried to work through cheating before in the past, and one of the things I learned from it is that while it doesn't mean that I can't forgive someone, in my past experiences it changed my feelings because it changed how I saw them - that loss of trust made me reevaluate who I knew them to be, our relationship, etc. It may not be accurate; people make mistakes and I know that. But it doesn't change how my feelings change.

Reisiluu · 2020-05-22T17:54:15+00:00

Only 7 is acceptable. You can't help your feelings but those feelings will go away quickly if you ignore them and the person in question.

5 and 6 may be forgivable assuming it was never going to be physical and also depending on other details.

Absolutely no way I would stay in any other situation. If you catch them before something happened, you should treat the situation like you never intervened.

DesertWolf45 · 2020-05-22T18:41:22+00:00

Leave in all cases except for 7. She can't commit, respect your emotional trust, or respect your physical health. On top of that, going as far as to stalk someone means she's fucking crazy and dangerous. Don't trust her.

You can't control what people think or feel. Obsessions come and go. Part of me will always still love my ex-girlfriend. However, strong feelings can still damage a relationship. Some relationship counseling might be needed. I would stay with her on the condition of repentance - as long as we can establish monogamous commitment and agree to distance ourselves from targets of infatuation, it'll work.

2020-05-22T18:58:00+00:00

1-10: see ya!

deadsandsushi2 · 2020-05-22T19:52:56+00:00

Leave in every scenario. I have abundance mentality so I fear losing no one.

FeniZio94 · 2020-05-22T19:57:47+00:00

All scenarios are handled via LEAVING

ElectricalStatement7 · 2020-05-22T20:27:15+00:00

I'd leave in virtually every situation. The only one I'd be abit more understanding about is one sided infatuation. I'd give them a chance, but I wouldn't be ok with them being around the person they're infatuated with anymore. If their feelings didn't reduce, I'd leave them. It's not their fault they have feelings, but I won't punish myself by being some sort of runner up prize and staying either.

And no, it wouldn't make any difference if I caught them in the act or not.

Boss123456789a · 2020-05-22T20:34:56+00:00

Leave except for 6 i guess

SqueaksScreech · 2020-05-22T21:03:20+00:00

Gotta throw the whole person away

SkookumTree · 2020-05-22T21:09:59+00:00

I'd leave if there was 1, 3, 9, and 10.

Peacheslikeyou · 2020-05-22T21:16:07+00:00

What is an 'emotional affair'?

AchromaticFade · 2020-05-22T22:56:04+00:00

F'ing leave in all scenarios. A vibrator is cheaper than the theraphy I'd need if I stayed.

dylang92 · 2020-05-23T00:31:05+00:00

1-10 I’m out of there immediately. I don’t need shit like that in my life l.

dio_genes_ · 2020-05-23T12:08:24+00:00

All of them I would leave. It's more about not knowing what my partner is thinking than sex it's self. Since I would like having multiple partners in a relationship when I finally get a relationship. So him wanting other people isn't really the issue. It's not sharing enough and that's what makes me think we don't have a close bond. So if he gives into some hot girl with big tits thats fine & hot, who wouldn't fuck her? I certainly would fuck her. But if he doesn't tell me about it that means we aren't that close. And I want someone I tell everything to. Which goes far beyond any kind of sexual perversions.

pongaminbloom · 2020-05-23T21:33:01+00:00

Long term physical and emotional affair. –I’d leave him immediately.
Short term physical and long term emotional affair (sex happened once)— That’s not much different from number 1. I’d leave.
Long term physical affair with no feelings.—I’d seriously consider leaving because any form of long term cheating would require him to go behind my back.
Short term physical affair (1 night stand).---I’d forgive him, especially if it was unplanned.
Long term emotional affair.---I’d leave. There is no point in being in a relationship with someone whose heart belongs to someone else.
Short term emotional affair.—There is no such thing because emotional affairs take time to develop. I would leave.
One sided emotional affair / limerence. In other words your SO had an obsession with another person but nothing happened—It really depends. If we are talking about a crush on a celebrity, I would find it irritating but not break up. If it was on someone from my family or one of my friends, I’d definitely leave. If it was on one of his friends or co-workers, I’m not sure how I’d react.
One sided emotional affair / limerence with intent to make it physical. In other words your SO had an obsession with another person and attempted to progress it further but you found out.—I’d only stay if he was willing and able to stop seeing that person.
Stalking. Your SO is viewing another persons social media every few hours and driving by their house 4-10 times per day?—I'd leave. He's nuts.
Both 8 and 9 scenarios together.— Same.

InfidelCastro11 · 2020-05-24T00:49:27+00:00

1 through 10: leave

AdolfGandi · 2020-05-24T01:57:24+00:00

Dump the cunt and cut her out of my life for good.

VaporwaveVampire · 2020-05-26T05:10:07+00:00

Leave in all situations involving infidelity. Why act single when the whole point of marriage is commitment?

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TheBlockedUser · 2020-06-01T20:24:39+00:00

My answer to all the above scenarios:

Bye Bitch

Title	How would you handle different cheating scenarios?
Author	tom-anonymous
Upvotes	1
Comments	68
Date	May 22, 2020 2:03 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-would-you-handle-different-cheating-scenarios.666936 https://theredarchive.com/post/666936
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/gojx2f/how_would_you_handle_different_cheating_scenarios/