I think it's OK to hide icky history. But only if we can really keep it a secret.

saraimarsena · 2022-10-23T21:57:29+00:00

so basically you’re saying … is lying by omission really thaaat bad? if they don’t find out you omitted it?

very very slippery slope.

seems better to idk, find someone who’s accepting of ALL parts of you, rather than lying to make yourself more attractive to someone you might just not be compatible with.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-10-23T22:26:59+00:00

It's immoral to lie. Look, I have also been tempted to hide my bisexuality to put less people off. That doesn't change that it's still wrong to do, and I acknowledge that. It's not right just because it's advantageous to you.

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-10-23T22:43:34+00:00

Same for infidelity then.

Past promiscuity and past infidelity, it's all the same shit really.

LaloTwins · 2022-10-23T22:23:06+00:00

I disagree, I think if you're asked directly that you shouldn't lie.

I don't think you owe it to anyone to mention this unless it's brought up. Even if they're just generally talking about their requirements.

Cold-Proposal4008 · 2022-10-23T22:18:01+00:00

[ Removed by Reddit ]

Lost-Zebra6453 · 2022-10-23T22:18:01+00:00

I don’t entirely disagree, what you did sexually in your past is your business but where it could cause Problems is if you not communicating truthfully and maybe even repressing what you enjoy sexually. Maybe she would be happy to put a strap on on for you but if you are keeping everything under wraps it might not happen.

And then I also think if you answer a direct question with a lie it’s wrong. Like say you are talking about your past and she mentions in college she fooled around with a girl to try it. You both laugh about it and then she asks if you ever fooled around with a guy. If you say no you Are now lying and not just omitting information. And that’s not right.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-10-23T22:48:38+00:00

I’m really sorry you feel you have to hide that part of you, it’s shocking in this day and age you still have to

Salad-undressing · 2022-10-23T22:48:40+00:00

Just say you were going through your wild and experimental phase, but you’re ready to settle down now if you’re ever found out.

And your past shouldn’t matter. That was just cheap sex. You’re in looooove with her. Those other guys meant nothing.

Apprehensive_Cut_146 · 2022-10-23T22:08:19+00:00

No. Women are expected to be honest about their count, why would men be given a free pass to lie about it?

ViolentTakeByForce · 2022-10-23T23:45:26+00:00

If women were proud of their N count they wouldn’t have to lie about it. I don’t trust any female except those with very low and obvious dating history to be honest about their N count. They know it makes them less desirable for LTR and marriage.

Or they convert to Christianity after being ran through and now their N count is their “past life” lol.

MarBitt · 2022-10-23T23:28:27+00:00

Are you really sure that you have completely cut yourself off from your past and that it does not affect you in any way?

Or do you carry it and will always carry it with you, as a part of yourself, but you don't want your partner to ever know about it? Such a locked, hidden chamber of Bluebeard.

lovelythecove · 2022-10-23T23:40:25+00:00

Yeahhh because lying to your partner (by omission or directly) is definitely conducive to a healthy, loving, mutually accepting relationship…..

Why not find a partner who accepts you for who you are, instead of hiding who you are to appease someone who would reject you if they knew the truth?

I’m a bisexual woman and married a bisexual man. All of my past boyfriends were also bisexual, and most girlfriends were also bisexual (one was gay). That was intentional. I don’t think straight people get it. Straight men fetishized or slutshamed me (for presumed promiscuity bc of my sexuality, not actual promiscuity); many straight women “get the ick” from bi men because of biphobia.

Gay people kind of get it, but many have the same biphobic ideas about bisexuals (we’re promiscuous, more likely to cheat, we aren’t bi and it’s only a matter of time until we “pick a team”, we all want threesomes, etc.) I didn’t have this problem when I limited my dating pool to other bisexuals. Now I don’t have to hide who I am and neither does my bisexual husband.

CrackedAnus · 2022-10-24T00:00:38+00:00

If you are serious about having a relationship with them, you should disclose or bounce if they ask and refuse to take “I plead the 5th“ for an answer,.

Someone you love deserves to make an informed decision about the amount of risk they are willing to take. I have a different standard for rando women that show up in your bed though.. if you are into risky sex thats fine, but don’t do that to someone who doesn’t play that game.

Ryantobefunny · 2022-10-24T06:55:44+00:00

Bro I think that answer here is to just find a partner who’s okay with you being Bi. It’s a part of you and any girl who gets the ick from it isn’t some one who fully accepts who you are, like it’s not something you should have to hide. Obviously some girls are going to be put off by it which will make it harder, but it’s worth it to not be with someone you have to lie to.

dbz_111 · 2022-10-24T07:54:44+00:00

Honestly, I get it. I always say if a guy has never had a gf in the past, he should LIE LIE LIE about it. Women don’t want to be the first gf for whatever reason, so it’s basically like applying for a job where they want experience but you have none, and the only way you can break out of the Catch 22 is by lying. So I fully encourage men to lie about that

everythingelseisfull · 2022-10-24T10:18:07+00:00

Essentially, people don't need to know your life story. People just want someone they can introduce as their partner without being embarrassed. A few secrets are OK.

Smitten_Squire · 2022-10-23T23:48:34+00:00

Honesty is the best policy

AcanthocephalaNew947 · 2022-10-23T23:02:11+00:00

This is bait.

But yeah agree. It’s not my business who you fucked a decade ago.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2022-10-24T00:38:29+00:00

Well a person's sexual history isn't any of their current partner's business, at least that's what the women on here say so I have no issue with it.

ClaraBow01 · 2022-10-24T07:16:59+00:00

If it’s for a short term relationship, then fine. Long-term relationships should not keep secrets from each other especially when it’s hiding one’s sexuality. If a woman thinks you are icky because you are bisexual, she’s a bigot and doesn’t deserve you.

AutoModerator · 2022-10-23T21:55:43+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Few_Ratio5835 · 2022-10-24T12:59:17+00:00

the most important thing is the truth

Title	I think it's OK to hide icky history. But only if we can really keep it a secret.
Author	smallstarseeker
Upvotes	0
Comments	65
Date	October 23, 2022 9:55 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	/r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/i-think-its-ok-to-hide-icky-history-but-only-if-we.1136724 https://theredarchive.com/post/1136724
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ybu42o/i_think_its_ok_to_hide_icky_history_but_only_if/