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I think it's OK to hide icky history. But only if we can really keep it a secret.

October 23, 2022
0 upvotes

I think it's OK to hide the icky history as long as we do not let it influence our relationship.

For instance I am a BI guy, no STD, haven't slept with a guy in over a decade, won't cheat with guys. My BI past won't pop up to haunt me.

The only part of my BIness which can ruin the relationship is my partner feeling ick for it.

So if I keep it a secret, and it doesn't create the ick. No harm done.

However if my BIness is revealed and my partner feels the ick, I did a horrible thing.

So I think it is OK to hide icky past, but only if we can really keep it a secret.

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Post Information
Title I think it's OK to hide icky history. But only if we can really keep it a secret.
Author smallstarseeker
Upvotes 0
Comments 65
Date October 23, 2022 9:55 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit /r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/i-think-its-ok-to-hide-icky-history-but-only-if-we.1136724
https://theredarchive.com/post/1136724
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ybu42o/i_think_its_ok_to_hide_icky_history_but_only_if/
Comments

[–]saraimarsena 22 points23 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

so basically you’re saying … is lying by omission really thaaat bad? if they don’t find out you omitted it?

very very slippery slope.

seems better to idk, find someone who’s accepting of ALL parts of you, rather than lying to make yourself more attractive to someone you might just not be compatible with.

[–]Bane_Of_Atlanta 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

so basically you’re saying … is lying by omission really thaaat bad

Nondisclosure is not "lying by omission". "Lying by omission" is when you tell only part of the truth to mislead the other party.

By your logic every promiscuous girl who doesn't volunteer that information that to guys they are seeing is "lying" to them.

Admitting to being bisexual, especially if they bottom for other guys, is a death sentence for guys looking to date women. They should never, ever, disclose that.

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It would be best to find someone who loves every part of me. The only problem being that I have a hard time dating as it is. No need to tank my chances to the bottom of Mariana trench.

Is lying by omission really thaaat bad when the only damage is coming from the information itself?

[–]januaryphilosopherWoman/student/UK/radfem/makes first move/healthy BMI/bi/taken 6 points7 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

It's immoral to lie. Look, I have also been tempted to hide my bisexuality to put less people off. That doesn't change that it's still wrong to do, and I acknowledge that. It's not right just because it's advantageous to you.

[–]Bane_Of_Atlanta 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I seriously doubt that it hurts girls as much as it hurts guys. Also you don't need to lie in order to hide something, just don't bring it up.

[–]januaryphilosopherWoman/student/UK/radfem/makes first move/healthy BMI/bi/taken -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

It'd be hard to not bring it up for an extended period of time. And yes, biphobia affects women too and many people don't want to date them because of it (men especially have a common habit of fuckzoning bisexuals).

[–]Bane_Of_Atlanta 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I seriously doubt that it hurts girls as much as it hurts guy

Please read carefully. I never said that it doesn't affect women at all, but ever since the Roman Empire was Christianized female homosexuality has been considered more socially acceptable than male homosexuality in western culture.

men especially have a common habit of fuckzoning bisexuals

You may not think this is ideal but it's definitely better than being completely rejected. Many women seek out casual sex these days anyways.

[–]januaryphilosopherWoman/student/UK/radfem/makes first move/healthy BMI/bi/taken -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Female homosexuality has been differently stigmatised, sure, but not less stigmatised. And being fuckzoned is being rejected for relationships. Most women would rather just be outright rejected than treated as only good for sex.

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Yes it is immoral, but I decided it's OK.

Nobody is going to find out 🤫

[–]januaryphilosopherWoman/student/UK/radfem/makes first move/healthy BMI/bi/taken 4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

It's not okay. It's immoral. Meaning it's wrong. This applies even if you aren't caught!

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Dude, It's totally OK.

People are being dishonest and lying in dating all the time. The only shitty part is they are so bad at hiding it 😏

[–]januaryphilosopherWoman/student/UK/radfem/makes first move/healthy BMI/bi/taken 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Other people doing something that's wrong doesn't make it any less wrong. Lying isn't okay. It is a shitty thing to do. Don't pretend it isn't, even if you may have reasons to do that shitty thing.

[–]dbz_111Blackpink-pilled 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

All is fair in love and war

[–]Laytheblameonluck 3 points4 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

Same for infidelity then.

Past promiscuity and past infidelity, it's all the same shit really.

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 1 point2 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Can people really cheat without it influencing their relationship badly?

[–]Laytheblameonluck 1 point2 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

What's the difference?

Plenty of dead bedroom stories, they break up and it comes out that one of the partners was in the closet or hiding something.

The other partner blames themselves, it's like the lyrics:

Why is the bedroom so cold? You've turned away on your side. Is my timing that flawed? Our respect runs so dry. Yet there's still this appeal that we've kept through our lives.

It's all the same mess when we keep secrets to get the best outcomes for ourselves.

Your problem is internalised homophobia mixed in with a bit of internalised misandry.

You don't feel worthy enough to be honest.

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 1 point2 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

No it's not. I'm awesome and I love myself 🖤

Also never had a partner complain about the sex life.

[–]Fun_Push7168 -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm awesome and I love myself 🖤

If that were true, you don't have to lie. If a potential partner has an issue then you have a fundamental incompatibility. They are free to leave.

Otherwise, yeah, youre insecure, or ashamed, one of the two. So you really aren't ok with yourself

[–]Laytheblameonluck -2 points-1 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

Then wave that coloured flag and tell people you are bisexual and have a history.

Be honest.

[–]LaloTwinsLaloPilled 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

I disagree, I think if you're asked directly that you shouldn't lie.

I don't think you owe it to anyone to mention this unless it's brought up. Even if they're just generally talking about their requirements.

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 9 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

My sexuality is fluid, when asked directly I turn heterosexual.

[–]Bane_Of_Atlanta 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

yeah this is big brain time

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's the observer effect, happens all the time in quantum physics and with my sexuality.

Observation of phenomena changes the measurement.

[–]LaloTwinsLaloPilled 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

LMAO

[–]KirthWGersen 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

You can avoid lying when asked a direct question by saying something completely truthful like, "I'm not comfortable with the approach you are taking by asking that question. I would prefer to talk about something else."

It is completely honest but avoids discussing things you don't want to discuss.

[–]Cold-Proposal4008Pink Pill Woman 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

[ Removed by Reddit ]

[–]Lost-Zebra6453 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I don’t entirely disagree, what you did sexually in your past is your business but where it could cause Problems is if you not communicating truthfully and maybe even repressing what you enjoy sexually. Maybe she would be happy to put a strap on on for you but if you are keeping everything under wraps it might not happen.

And then I also think if you answer a direct question with a lie it’s wrong. Like say you are talking about your past and she mentions in college she fooled around with a girl to try it. You both laugh about it and then she asks if you ever fooled around with a guy. If you say no you Are now lying and not just omitting information. And that’s not right.

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's just the thing, I don't have to repress anything. I can sleep with a girl and I can sleep with a guy. I don't have to sleep with guys to express my sexuality.

The ick part is the only thing influencing a relationship.

Me fooled around with a guy? LOL good one!

There I just omitted information again without lying 😃

[–]SwimmingTheme3736 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I’m really sorry you feel you have to hide that part of you, it’s shocking in this day and age you still have to

[–]h1shmanAdonis Pilled 29M 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Why is it shocking that women typically don’t want to have relationships with men who get fucked by other men.

There is a big difference between acceptance and involvement.

[–]SwimmingTheme3736 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I just do not understand why anyone who care,

[–]h1shmanAdonis Pilled 29M 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Some people, while accepting of it, find the behavior of two men being physical as gross. Most can compartmentalize and not care if they aren’t involved with the person intimately. Not so much in an intimate relationship.

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Thank you, and it's OK I'm used to it 🙂

[–]SwimmingTheme3736 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Shit like this really pisses me off, I’m bi too but as a woman so many men get excited thinking it means a threesome, but the way bi men get treated is not acceptable.

I really hope you find someone that loves and accepts every part of you

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I knooow, most guys are like that. I guess it becomez frustrating with time.

I doubt I will, but it's OK. I can't feel mad because people feel the ick. I can't force them not to. All I can do is work around it.

[–]Salad-undressing 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just say you were going through your wild and experimental phase, but you’re ready to settle down now if you’re ever found out.

And your past shouldn’t matter. That was just cheap sex. You’re in looooove with her. Those other guys meant nothing.

[–]Apprehensive_Cut_146 5 points6 points  (10 children) | Copy Link

No. Women are expected to be honest about their count, why would men be given a free pass to lie about it?

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Women keep saying they can just lie about it.

IF the ick is the only thing which would affect the partner, no harm done as long as he doesn't find out.

[–]Apprehensive_Cut_146 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

And why do you think they say that?

They are called slts, whres, “damaged”, “railed”, “ran through”, “been through” etc. Men talk about their bodies as if they were a trophy to win (“she gave to him for free”) or an object they would be getting (“he got pssy”).

Idk about the men on real life or how much they choose to externalise, but this sub is an echo chamber of how they think or feel. Under this condition, why would I hold a man under less standard than I hold myself? If I am being honest, you will be the same or GTFO

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Dunno. They say they do not have a problem getting awesome guys to commit, so it's really beyond me.

[–]LaloTwinsLaloPilled 8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Women are expected to be honest about their count

Lol what, by who?

[–]Apprehensive_Cut_146 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

First day off the ban and trolling again, eh?

[–]LaloTwinsLaloPilled 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

It's a genuine question.

I don't think anyone expects women to be honest about their body count.

In fact I think they expect women to obfuscate it or outright lie.

Sure they might want women to be honest but that's far from an expectation

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Not true. I only expect women with high body count to lie about it.

[–]Apprehensive_Cut_146 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Fair enough, wrong use of word.

[–]CrackedAnus 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree. If you ask a woman and she refuses to answer, you gotta bounce. (If you care).

This is for relationships only though… ONS.. well they get what they get, they obviously don’t care about their health or anyone else's.

[–]Fun_Push7168 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed, and I'm fully expecting the same women who defended lying about count to respond here saying it's not okay for OP to lie.

[–]ViolentTakeByForce 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If women were proud of their N count they wouldn’t have to lie about it. I don’t trust any female except those with very low and obvious dating history to be honest about their N count. They know it makes them less desirable for LTR and marriage.

Or they convert to Christianity after being ran through and now their N count is their “past life” lol.

[–]MarBittNo Pill 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Are you really sure that you have completely cut yourself off from your past and that it does not affect you in any way?

Or do you carry it and will always carry it with you, as a part of yourself, but you don't want your partner to ever know about it? Such a locked, hidden chamber of Bluebeard.

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Nothing to cut out really. I can have sex with women and with guys. Don't need to do both of those to satisfy some urge or something.

It's like, man can have sex with all women, but when in a relationship he doesn't have to go around cheating.

I have been hiding it for my whole life and it's not weighting me down.

[–]lovelythecove 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Yeahhh because lying to your partner (by omission or directly) is definitely conducive to a healthy, loving, mutually accepting relationship…..

Why not find a partner who accepts you for who you are, instead of hiding who you are to appease someone who would reject you if they knew the truth?

I’m a bisexual woman and married a bisexual man. All of my past boyfriends were also bisexual, and most girlfriends were also bisexual (one was gay). That was intentional. I don’t think straight people get it. Straight men fetishized or slutshamed me (for presumed promiscuity bc of my sexuality, not actual promiscuity); many straight women “get the ick” from bi men because of biphobia.

Gay people kind of get it, but many have the same biphobic ideas about bisexuals (we’re promiscuous, more likely to cheat, we aren’t bi and it’s only a matter of time until we “pick a team”, we all want threesomes, etc.) I didn’t have this problem when I limited my dating pool to other bisexuals. Now I don’t have to hide who I am and neither does my bisexual husband.

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Because finding an accepting partner is extremely difficult, and I'm not getting rejected over this again. Straight people do not get me, gay people do not get me and... I don't even know anyone IRL who is BI.

Hey, my family doesn't know and we are having a loving, healthy, mutually acepting relationship. Except for my asshole brother who I'm never ever speaking again.

If we were all taking whats on our mind all the time everyone would reject everyone.

[–]CrackedAnus 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If you are serious about having a relationship with them, you should disclose or bounce if they ask and refuse to take “I plead the 5th“ for an answer,.

Someone you love deserves to make an informed decision about the amount of risk they are willing to take. I have a different standard for rando women that show up in your bed though.. if you are into risky sex thats fine, but don’t do that to someone who doesn’t play that game.

[–]Ryantobefunny 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Bro I think that answer here is to just find a partner who’s okay with you being Bi. It’s a part of you and any girl who gets the ick from it isn’t some one who fully accepts who you are, like it’s not something you should have to hide. Obviously some girls are going to be put off by it which will make it harder, but it’s worth it to not be with someone you have to lie to.

[–]dbz_111Blackpink-pilled 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Honestly, I get it. I always say if a guy has never had a gf in the past, he should LIE LIE LIE about it. Women don’t want to be the first gf for whatever reason, so it’s basically like applying for a job where they want experience but you have none, and the only way you can break out of the Catch 22 is by lying. So I fully encourage men to lie about that

[–]everythingelseisfull 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Essentially, people don't need to know your life story. People just want someone they can introduce as their partner without being embarrassed. A few secrets are OK.

[–]Smitten_Squire 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Honesty is the best policy

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

And Indigo is the bestest color.

[–]AcanthocephalaNew947Willing to tell you its your face not your personality. 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is bait.

But yeah agree. It’s not my business who you fucked a decade ago.

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's really not. I swear.

[–]Wide-Illustrator2906 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Well a person's sexual history isn't any of their current partner's business, at least that's what the women on here say so I have no issue with it.

[–]ClaraBow01 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

If it’s for a short term relationship, then fine. Long-term relationships should not keep secrets from each other especially when it’s hiding one’s sexuality. If a woman thinks you are icky because you are bisexual, she’s a bigot and doesn’t deserve you.

[–]smallstarseekerCritical thinker[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

As long as people are open and honest about it, not a bigot, because we can't control what we feel icky about.

Like if I tell you that I get the ick knowing about past sexual partners, and that I don't want to know.

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the most important thing is the truth

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