If men had more self respect, dating wouldn’t be so skewed in women’s favor

JumboJetz · 2021-09-04T13:15:08+00:00

A SIMPLE thing men can do - never compliment a woman that’s not your girlfriend or FWB. Women themselves say they don’t like compliments from strange men. Men in turn complain they never get compliments from strangers compared to women. This one individual action would solve so much.

razormachine · 2021-09-04T07:06:43+00:00

There is no real incentive for men to cooperate. The situation is more like men vs men then men vs women, we are competing among ourselves.

We can't persuade all men to follow a certain code, even if we would all benefit from said code.

Onlyfans is actually a negative thing for women, a relatively large number of men are giving their attention and money to a relatively small number of women... which means that average girl is going to get less attention and simping.

Kinda like average guy get's worse chances at dating with dating platforms.

cvslengthbucketlist · 2021-09-04T02:35:53+00:00

The more men follow a "dating code" the easier it becomes for the remaining men to stand out and benefit by being different. The idea is self-defeating because the alternative is too tempting not to take advantage of.

Logistically it's just an impossibility, simple as that. Not enough trust or patience for people to wait around for others to get on board. I'd say there's as much chance of that happening as there is of women collectively organizing a successful sex strike.

superlurkage · 2021-09-04T03:49:44+00:00

‘If men had less thirst, dating wouldn’t be so skewed in women’s favor”

Yeah, uh, good luck with that

TravelerSF · 2021-09-04T15:56:37+00:00

It's systematic, I think. Men's self esteem has been hammered to the ground in recent years. In society's eyes, if you're not succeeding in pretty much everything, you're not worth much at all.

SaBahRub · 2021-09-04T03:17:41+00:00

It’s not self respect

It’s thirst

I don’t blame them

brojuststfu · 2021-09-04T02:42:36+00:00

What is the point of this post? I don’t think there’s anyone that doesn’t understand that men put other men in the ultimate prisoner’s dilemma.

Ok_Razzmatazz_1751 · 2021-09-04T05:44:04+00:00

Men often complain women receive too much attention online therefore are less interested in men irl, well men are the ones simping on social media to women they don’t even know.

Especially married men . Sad .....

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-09-04T03:35:30+00:00

This doesn't really have to do with self-respect. It's about differences in sex drives and socially conditioned or expected behaviors.

Pilling_it · 2021-09-04T07:24:10+00:00

If all women didn't fuck for free, all men would commit.

It's a prisoner dilemma. And we know what happen to those.

Also what is thirst and what's self respect is subjective, so yeah. It's another thing though.

dres_sler · 2021-09-04T06:29:20+00:00

I wouldn’t say it’s about self respect but male thirst is definitely an issue that needs taking about

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-09-04T08:33:55+00:00

[permanently deleted]

orangecloverbud · 2021-09-04T11:27:17+00:00

Not being horny is called self respect now?

colemab · 2021-09-04T13:28:11+00:00

but unfortunately men as a whole are the cause of this. ... clearly conscious of them therefore in control of them

You misunderstand biology / testosterone or you are blaming it on men. Either way, this is a very close minded statement.

NoRoperino · 2021-09-04T14:10:19+00:00

There is a colossal market sustained by horny/ affection starved men, that movements high amounts of money.

Why do you think men, as soon as they can, buy the nicest car possible, brand cloths, take esteroids and go to the gym? It's a testosterone fueled market and it won't stop.

When a creepy like myself buys a videogame , a plastic chair and hides on a dark basement, it's totally unnatural and against the nature laws lol.

wtknight · 2021-09-04T14:53:36+00:00

The men who are complimenting women and giving them attention are basically sending a message that they would like to have sex with those women. This isn't going to change whether men continue to compliment and give attention to these women or not.

But what happens is that women feel that they are high value because of the attention they get and then go after the highest value men who are giving them these compliments.

The problem is that the only reason that these men are giving them compliments is because they only want sex with these women. On the other hand, many of the lesser men giving compliments to these women are ones who would desire both relationships and sex with these women. However, there is no incentive for women to choose these men when they are getting the attention they want from higher value men.

What needs to change, then, is not men giving women compliments and attention, but women not rewarding the highest value men sexually who give them compliments and attention, who then proceed to use these women sexually and who have no interest in relationships with them.

Therefore, there is no reason for men to change their behavior. High value men will still always try to compliment lower value women just to get into their pants, just as lower value men will try to "simp" higher value women on OnlyFans by paying them money for attention. Men's sexual desires aren't going to change based upon the attention they give. What needs to change is women not willing to give the higher value men sexual rewards for attention. Then, these men won't even bother complimenting lower value women. It won't be worth their time and effort.

It's up to women to change this by decreasing their willingness to gamble by having sex with higher value men and then getting pumped and dumped. This is the biggest reason why there is a skew - the fact that such behavior is considered acceptable.

In short, if casual sex were shamed as it should be, then only lower value and equal value men would be complimenting women, women would then choose the most desirable man (their actual attractiveness match), and most people would be content in monogamous relationships with plenty of sex.

CentralAdmin · 2021-09-04T14:57:32+00:00

If men were not so desperate it wouldn't suddenly light a fire under women. Look at Japan. The men are approaching less and all it did was lead to a birth rate decline.

You would need a cultural shift to happen first. Because we can wish for me to adhere to a code but then we would equally need women to do so. By this we admit the SMP is about incentives and morality has little to do with it.

While for men it means controlling their thirst and not putting up with women's shit, for women it means vetting more before sex happens and giving up casual sex. This would lead to a more conservative culture. There are too many promiscuous women around who would not want to live under those conditions. We have liberated everyone and now are beginning to see the effects.

StereoFood · 2021-09-04T15:17:03+00:00

Women have tests that you Need to pass. That’s not simping. Telling them they’re so hot and messaging all the time or paying for photos is Simping. That latter to needs to stop.

NPCFactChecker · 2021-09-04T15:18:49+00:00

I agree but women still need to be incentivized to marry. When men have more self respect, our population will start declining like in Japan because women would literally rather die alone than settle.

Women gravitate towards the best when they have too many options. Sometimes all these options cause more cognitive dissonance than freedom of thought.

It's like when you have a million workout programs and a whole year passes but you've never stuck to a single one so you made no gains. Compare that to a guy with limited gym equipment being trained by his uncle and actually sticks to it.

It's a supply surplus problem, not a demand problem.

It's like the war on drugs, all you can really do is stop the supply because you cannot control the demand.

parfaitimme · 2021-09-04T15:44:17+00:00

Whatever bro code you're dreaming of will go out the window the moment men see a woman they want to impress

Haljeit · 2021-09-04T15:32:21+00:00

Women possess inherent value. Men are designed to want to ejaculate into as many women as possible In order to increase the possibility of our genetic survival. Yet our conscious mind doesn’t crave children, only our biological impulses drive this compulsive behavior to pursue sex. Because there are fewer attractive women in the world, determined by universal physical characteristics of healthy fertility, men are forced to compete for the few. Any man at any time could have daily sex if he humped city beasts, but he wants the top tier prospects. A guy who plays hard to get, will be left masturbating in the mirror wearing a wig. women know their value, and also know the more men that hump them, the less value they hold. No one wants to marry a prostitute, and the absence of monetary exchange isn’t the factor why. That too is a biological turn off for men. The problem with the dating scene is no one respects the purpose of courtship. All they care about is primal uninhabited impulses. So you want to hump a girl and diminish her inherent value in the eyes of all other men, and you expect her to do it for the petty exchange of a meal? How stupid and oblivious can one be? Her, inherent value will determine the possibility of her survival of having a man contractually obligate himself to her for life protection and provision. The older, she gets the less she can compete against younger competitors with more vibrant characteristics of fertility. She has a 1 decade time frame. Beyond that, she is settling for who would settle for her. Why would she waste time with people who just want to hump without prospective future security for her? Now women that make their own money still find themselves in a conflicting biological situation because unlike men, they are more about the harvesting of fruit than they are about the sowing of seed. So they have money, which is of no appeal to men, because most men see money as a means to obtain top tier access of women. But the problem is women think men crave what they do, and men think women crave what they do. If men just focused on God and their eligibility for being a husband and provider, they would very attractive to top tier women. But because men want everything for nothing and live with roommates or their moms playing video games, they get nothing, and vent on purple pill like victims.

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jiggywitit2 · 2021-09-04T12:35:44+00:00

It’s like mutually assured destruction, where we each up the anti and wear ourselves down in the process.

We swipe more because that’s what you have to do to get any matches, which then feeds into the cycle for example.

I feel like there must be some sort of mindset shift adopted communally to see any difference in this regard.

WilliamWyattD · 2021-09-04T14:06:22+00:00

If men had more self-respect and used their big brain to override their small one more, then yes, the dating scene would improve. So would a lot of things. But there would be limits. Women would still be more selective and have less raw libido. This would always effect leverage in a relatively free dating market.

But as for men really using some type of collective bargaining, it's a bit of a prisoners dilemma. And you just cannot expect average men to really prioritize gender interest over personal. However, collective action is taken--that's what social and legal norms are. It's just that we have lately decided that the less of them the better.

PeskyHijinks · 2021-09-04T15:25:46+00:00

Well what's the alternative? It isn't really men's fault that women's standards have risen to what is essentially unobtainable levels for 90% of people. It's really the internet's fault and the communication tools we now have.

TheSmallerGambler · 2021-09-04T15:28:54+00:00

“Men as a collective”

Why would men ever organize as a collective?

monstera-delicious · 2021-09-04T15:49:58+00:00

Dating is not really skewed in women's favor. Women get constantly used and abused by men

sootlord · 2021-09-04T17:06:02+00:00

Women chose the men they lay down with. Doesnt matter if Men have self respect or not, Women are the deciders regardless.

NordJitsu · 2021-09-04T17:19:44+00:00

Universal imperatives may work for Kantian morality, but they’re really not very productive for real world problem solving.

What’s your proposal? Get all men to start acting all the same all at the same time? How?

If 90% of guys stop paying for dates, the 10% who do are suddenly given an advantage.

The only thing you can really do is determine what the dating market actually looks like in reality, what you can do individually to maximize your chances, and then individually act in accordance with that.

ShinyBronze · 2021-09-04T17:43:20+00:00

The red pill is the solution to the problem you presented just now.

There’s a reason the manosphere is exploding all over the internet. It’s getting so big that people within the manosphere are turning on one another when before they couldn’t afford any of that.

EfficientComputer5 · 2021-09-04T20:06:48+00:00

Or we could genocide 70% of men and inflate the value of the rest of them.

LMM-GT02 · 2021-09-04T20:48:48+00:00

I have every incentive to act like an insurgent that engages in ample amounts of looting and banditry instead of a tax-paying citizen on the good side of the law.

Welcome to the social wastelands.

Guilty_Neat_8120 · 2021-09-04T03:03:19+00:00

Your absolutely right op, men make it easier for women to have an easier time dating and to a degree created some of the problems men face today. What I disagree with you on is that this behavior is not necessarily intentional to an extent. The reason for these behaviors is because of old order beliefs and values(traditionalism) that have been enforced into men at a young age that you should do “x” because your “z” to get “y” when we don't live in that type of society anymore(but women are adamant about making sure men uphold their gender role but not theirs) This is why the red pill is most important now than ever because men learn the truth about female nature and learn what NOT to do in the dating game. So it's not a lack of self-respect it's a lack of knowledge and experience.

EstablishmentKooky50 · 2021-09-04T12:24:18+00:00

I think we should differenciate between men and boys (women and girls as well though). The problem is the lack of maturity. There are a plathora of people, reaching 35, with an emotional maturity of a 16 year old. They spend almost their entire life behind screens, in social bubbles and are often neglected. They have distorted concepts of what reality is, because they assess reality trough interpretations of those bubbles, rather then trough first hand experience.

Just one example. Online dating is very different from "real life" dating, and it abides to a different set of rules. Online dating and online interactions in general is starting to become the norm, because it requires minimal investment and "easier to manage" risks of rejection.

I would argue that the majority of men are in fact boys, and a lot of women are in fact girls, and this is likely to be caused by social media and the fact that the online sphere is starting to replace real life.

gimpgirl555 · 2021-09-04T04:40:16+00:00

Dating is pretty much infinitely easier for the average woman than it is for the average man, but unfortunately men as a whole are the cause of this.

Only until 30 buddy. After that men go younger.

ARGUS_99 · 2021-09-04T06:01:21+00:00

And all of this is men’s fault, don’t validate people that don’t deserve your attention,

If you have many people advertise a ferrari for $500 then the general public will perceive its value as exactly that much

You are what you market yourself as, and you can’t expect women to respect you if you don’t even respect yourself

J-MAMA · 2021-09-04T09:25:51+00:00

Hopefully we can one day skew the market by creating fake women who are complete super sluts. Basically make it seem like the market is flooded with women who just bend over and take it as soon as possible.

Women who are the true individual agents in the system would look at this and be very concerned before they simply adjusted their behavior to be similar in order to not be left out.

FinancialThanks1 · 2021-09-04T11:10:40+00:00

Dating isn’t skewed in women’s favour. Women have thousands dms/matches and can have casual sex with mostly whoever they want. However most women have no interest in online simps and don’t want to have purely sexual relationships with men. They are not getting what they want out of dating, they’re getting what you want out of dating.

goldenstatewaves · 2021-09-04T07:06:07+00:00

Most men are fucking lazy. It doesn’t take much to stand out and be attractive to women. Just put in some effort for Christ’s sakes. Women settle for a lot of horrific shit and it sounds like you want men to lower the bar even further. Lol WTF

mandathor · 2021-09-04T10:05:42+00:00

pff, what a load of bollocks. you are basically saying that the average woman who doesn't do anything of these things can get a man no problem, but a man has to work a lot to get above average to have a chance; that is in no way fair... and even if he works to be above average there are severe fixed biological determinants that still make it hard; fixed intelligence/IQ and fixed height and face. they are major hurdles in casual sex.

swiping left is only going to decrease his chances further. the attractive guys will not have any problems juggling even more hot women for casual sex. I'm pretty sure women not looking for relationship will just become more eager to date the hot guys, they do not get desperate becuase at no point in casual market do they have to get desperate.

the cause of harsh female sexual judgement in the causal market is barely caused by mens behaviour. okey so say every man followed your idiotic "fix" of working out, swiping more left etc etc. women would still go for the better looking more intelligent men, because these men would still accept those women as short term sexual partners, and these are the men the women want. All the other men working hard to be better people is only going to slighltly increase their chances, yet while the average or even lazy women have no problem getting the hot guys. So thats what the endgame is: women don't have to do anything for casual sex, hot / intelligent guys can have an average effort and get most of the girls, average and under average guys have to work a lot to increase their chances a little bit. Your whole point being that the sexual market is not unfair, its only so becuase of men is not true, its obvious here that average men will have to work harder for less gains, and women don't have to do anything...
you have little idea of how female sexual attraction works.

Khabeni412 · 2021-09-04T14:28:14+00:00

That's not how it works. Women control everything, not just in dating. A woman can get a date anytime she wants, men have to actually work for it. Just like literally everything else. Men have to be responsible, women don't. If women weren't so superficial they might actually find a good man.

houstongradengineer · 2021-09-04T05:26:26+00:00

Sex. You mean sex is skewed in women's favor (to the extent that we have more access, anyway- not that we have more orgasms or comfort or pleasure, of course).

Women receive attention, only fans pay, and matches from men who want to sleep with them. As for a man who offers to PAY FOR A DINNER DATE? That's much rarer. I admit this is more than what men get, usually. But "dating" is equally skewed against women based on the pressures that we have to be seen as wifey material. No one ever questions a man's worth in a relationship, unless he acts up really badly. I don't know what hoops you think men have to jump through, but I'm sure a quick look online will show you about a million and one hoops women jump through to try and be successful in dating. Whoever said we have "easy mode" is a damned liar.

stlmick · 2021-09-04T07:34:50+00:00

My friends George and Laura both used tinder. Both were slightly above average.

George would message 100 girls, get 10 conversation, and on average one date.

Laura would download tinder on Tuesday, spend Tues/Wed sifting through hundreds of solicitations and dick pics to find 8 or 10 guys who could carry a conversation. Delete the app on Thursday. If she found anyone that was interesting she would schedule a date with a guy on Friday and one on Saturday. Usually something would come up, so most often one of the two couldn't make it. She wouldn't do this often because it was pretty much two full work days to find a date for the weekend.

I do not envy womens position in dating.

BandaNaVizier · 2021-09-04T05:13:17+00:00

Nope. Dating is skewed in favor of women because women are all competing for hot men and if they don't get them they have no problem staying single but there are not hot men trying to get their attention but since women don't want nor need them it puts all the power in the hands of women, they can pretend that looks are subjective so those guys believe they have a chance so they get what they want from those guys or they can be straightforward and get the wealthiest of those undesirable men and get them to pay for their lifestyle.

hundunso · 2021-09-04T11:14:28+00:00

Why should men have respect for themselves when society acts like they dont respect/appreciate/compliment/care about them. Its hard for a man to feel somehow worthy or valuable

Nihi1986 · 2021-09-04T12:39:21+00:00

It'd absolutely help the average guy. Promiscuity/slut shaming for both genders would help a lot too.

There's no reason for the people benefitting to stop doing it. It's like asking for a better share of world wealth, or just wealth among classes. It's never going to happen.

The average looking girl is going to enjoy all the attention. She will also see the happy average girl succesfuly dating the handsome man and think that she wants it for herself too, and there's a (low) chance it will work, some guys get attached to the average girl, even marry her.

The hot guy will never get bored or sexless and spin plates until he finds a good enough woman, or simply not commit and enjoy a hedonistic life which is basically the only thing current society offers to most people: entertainment and pleasure.

If you are not the average looking girl or the handsome man you'll have to compete the best you can or settle/go MGTOW/give up. Nothing will happen because nothing is free or fair unless you fight for it and obviously you can't really 'fight' for the right of dating your looks match, that's incel stuff.

yelo777 · 2021-09-04T12:52:17+00:00

The reason is that men have two different goals (often), meeting short term partners and long term partners, looking for both at the same time leads to the behaviours described by OP. Many men would like to hook up with a woman that showcases some of these behaviour, only based on being attracted to her looks. A man that is only looking for long term partners, can "afford" being more picky, since having sex wasn't the primary goal anyway.

PM-ME-YOUR-STOMACH · 2021-09-04T16:53:32+00:00

Okay this is weird to me. How are you going to impede men for onlyfans and say it has to do with “self respect” and then kind of absolve women of any responsibility? All these posts are basically saying that MEN are responsible for the behavior of women.

You can’t shame men for buying onlyfans without saying women who start an onlyfans also have 0 self respect. Why do we act like women are the standard here that men are having to live up to?

And men aren’t a hivemind. Men are specifically taught and raised using right wing rhetoric. Everything is your responsibility, everything is on you, you are the one in charge of your life and you have to provide for yourself. I mean we can see it right now in this thread, apparently men are now responsible for women’s behavior too.

HumanSockPuppet · 2021-09-04T17:57:39+00:00

So what?

The habits that make dating easier for a man also make his life better in general. Let the unwashed masses of men wallow in their obesity, indecisiveness, and World of Warcraft. The competition cannot keep up.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2021-09-04T18:13:55+00:00

There is a saying argentinian hooligans sing everytime they find some group of cute girls...

"Si nos organizamos cojemos todos..."

Organization is the key bro.

_ToiletPaperHands_ · 2021-09-05T02:15:33+00:00

I certainly agree but instincts are instincts

DplusLplusKplusM · 2021-09-08T18:55:52+00:00

Dating is only "skewed in women's favor" is the objective of dating is meaningless sex. If a woman is dating to find a committed life partner the guy usually holds all the cards.

pokemin49 · 2021-09-09T10:33:26+00:00

Stone cold truth.

PM_ME_STRIPPERS · 2021-09-10T22:58:46+00:00

"women control the dating market so it must be the mans fault because x" is how this reads to me.

men bad, women good.

PutDry7816 · 2021-09-11T01:23:38+00:00

What do you think the red pill was made for It’s time people started understanding ( males especially) that this a self respect thing. And the the thing that grinds my gears more than the Simps are the ones perpetrating the red pill or saying they can’t have a women disrespect them. Meanwhile there they go subscribing to OF. I noticed this especially while watching a mainly red pill podcast y’all might know them as fresh and fit. ( recently exposed as beta but the put up a good show) and they were asking how the f do u watch a podcast telling women this is not the way and commenting how these types of women ain’t this and that. But each time they bring a new women on. they IG, and OF followers goes up by a lot. Stop perpetrating

Title	If men had more self respect, dating wouldn’t be so skewed in women’s favor
Author	rivetcitymayor
Upvotes	199
Comments	317
Date	September 4, 2021 2:23 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/phj1do/if_men_had_more_self_respect_dating_wouldnt_be_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-men-had-more-self-respect-dating-wouldnt-be-so.1066988 https://theredarchive.com/post/1066988

Facts.