If men wanted women to be less selective, they should be more selective

tired_hillbilly · 2022-10-15T20:18:30+00:00

How does this actually work for the individual guy though? I can't make men everywhere stop flirting with every girl. So if I'm more selective, I become invisible. It's not gonna make women initiate with me.

Barneysparky · 2022-10-15T21:01:03+00:00

I've told this story a few times and it never goes over well.

When I lived in SJDS I witnessed how tourists use Tinder in a beach nightclub setting on more than a few occasions. If you swipe on ever woman you consider possibly fuckable within a km chances are all those women are all sitting together in a booth laughing about the guy who swipped on all of them.

DRliveseyyy · 2022-10-16T06:44:07+00:00

No, people throw the "your standards are too high" at our faces then.

HOOPONOPONOPONO · 2022-10-15T20:07:03+00:00

Too true! Guys are not nearly selective enough and this makes it harder for everyone!

WideAwake550 · 2022-10-15T22:32:24+00:00

Like I said in other posts, average men are like people on food stamps whereas women are like people who shop at Whole Foods.

Yes. It's imperative that both people eat healthy for their survival but one group has way more variety of food to choose from and can afford to be picky compared to the other. A person on food stamps doesn't have enough money or options to say "Hmmm...let me check the ingredients to make sure this is the ideal meal I'd like to eat."

Men shouldn't become so desperate or simp-like. I agree with that. We should also have standards as well. We're in agreement there. But one gender generally has more options or opportunities to sort through options and pick their ideal partners than the latter and it's not men.

hungrychick404 · 2022-10-15T21:35:39+00:00

Hmm, looking for your soulmate at a bar. Not sure I find that fully credible. Don't get me wrong, that may be a long term goal. Or a goal after you've sobered up, if you will. But not in the moment. Which is why in the very next line you say: "I’m generally going to only talk to one or two a night who stand out to me based on shallow characteristics."

tonyghow · 2022-10-15T21:04:34+00:00

I’m generally going to only talk to one or two a night who stand out to me based on shallow characteristics. … Men have such low standards… I meet his only standard of not being fat.

So you admit that you use the same shallow criteria to vet men as men use for women. Hypocritical much?

Men can’t be picky because they are the ones who have to make the move.

If both genders were picky, no one would approach anyone.

Our biology is such that men are turned on by a large swath of body types. And women have to be careful due to the risk of being taken out of commission for a 9 month pregnancy + recovery.

We’re not going to change that dynamic by men “talking to their fellow man”.

Simping, on the other hand, should be reduced. There’s no need to give women free resources.

Wide-Illustrator2906 · 2022-10-15T22:05:11+00:00

The biggest supporters and enforcers of hypergamy are men. Men as a whole are the ones who are agreeing to sleep with any women that passes their base level of attractiveness. Women are actually being selective about who they sleep woth and are aiming for the absolute best guy they can get. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, men need to adopt the same strategy.

Banestar66 · 2022-10-16T14:13:26+00:00

So how are we supposed to select a woman we don’t even know yet as the designated person to pursue?

And you really think pursuing fewer women would lead to more success for men?

Fun_Push7168 · 2022-10-16T19:00:14+00:00

Yeah no kidding. But it's prisoners dillema.

JumboJetz · 2022-10-15T20:45:48+00:00

I’d argue feminist men (I consider myself one sort of) are sort of trying to do this by calling out men to not do street harassment and stop sending dick pics unsolicited, don’t hit on women at work etc.

Of course all our work at making it easier for men at large is being undone by manosphere types who advise men to aggressively approach anything with a pussy.

JumboJetz · 2022-10-15T23:06:51+00:00

OP getting approached 12 times in a nightclub is a bit expected given it’s literally the 1 place in modern society it’s socially acceptable to approach in real life.

Do men approach you constantly outside of the bar and club scene?

hungrychick404 · 2022-10-15T20:49:59+00:00

I am amazed at how men do not comprehend this.

But you’re not gonna get men to stop being desperate lmao

BeepBeepSaysTheJeep · 2022-10-15T20:10:47+00:00

You either meet their standards, which are at the bottom of the ocean, or you can be their Achilles heel.

Be the latter.

Life_Level_6280 · 2022-10-15T23:03:49+00:00

This is like a prisoners dilemma. For an indivudal guy the most useful strategy knowing other guys ask every girl out, is to ask every girl he sees to date him. But the end result is that its worse for every guy.

There's just a difference in initial attractiveness for women and men. So men are less selective at the start causing a big imbalance.

Acceptable-Truck3803 · 2022-10-15T23:00:56+00:00

I disagree. Won’t use any YouTube videos for this, but as a man, your life is numbers game. You are taught to talk to everyone and everybody to build a friend group. You are taught to talk to women you find attractive and state your intentions early enough. If she says no, you don’t waste your time, say your happy to meet them and wish them luck for the future.

A conversation of 5 minutes doesn’t hurt anyone, and you find out right away if you’ll maybe get a date or if someone isn’t interested at all. If you don’t try you will never know.

redemption_soon1 · 2022-10-16T00:39:56+00:00

But men's selectivity isn't necesarilly a choice. Men naturally just find a much large proportion of the female population attractive than the female population do for men. Sure you could try to hope that hope that billions of men simultaneously try to suppress their natural biological urges to pursue every other women, but I think that is quite improbable.

dbz19_kai · 2022-10-16T01:03:01+00:00

Men get shat on for being selective when it comes to marriage and get called hypocrites.

2022-10-16T01:05:11+00:00

Basically you are asking guys to chose between 0 in 12 odds or 1 or 2 in 12 odds. I wonder what men will chose.

Logical-Confection-7 · 2022-10-16T02:10:22+00:00

Men do that to gender roles. If the gender roles where reversed and women were the ones supposed to approach, they would do the same and men would hold on.

We should compare this to for example lesbian clubs. Do women in there get hit on only once? I bet a few times. And since they are also doing some effort, I bet the twelve interactions still happen. End gender roles, you will see the change.

Choice_Ad_6230 · 2022-10-16T02:46:57+00:00

Man i almost agree with you if the world worked with sense. It doesnt. A man needs to do the thibgs that allow him to be available. Youre asking for monk like behavior from the average joe. The attention from a woman is addictive. Im just asking you to imagine not being capable. Imagine not being alright looking ( hard for men to say theyre attractive, when most men like this are probably more attractive to these women out here ). Imagine it and extrapolate from that.

the-lone-squid · 2022-10-15T21:41:44+00:00

Sounds good in theory but flies in the face of biology..

Men want to spread their genes, and women want to select the best genes.. if a woman mates with a lvm then she will give birth to an incel and her genetic line will end

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cassowaryy · 2022-10-16T00:07:42+00:00

The thing that you’re not realizing is that men and women have different “mating strategies” so to speak. A woman generally wants someone who they can develop something long term with; someone who can support them emotionally and can provide in terms of lifestyle, fun moments, financial stability etc.

Men on the other hand, mainly just want to f#%k. Our balls create millions of sperm everyday and there’s a strong urge to release… if you don’t release it then things start to get uncomfortable and the only thing you can think about is sex. This is why guys are much more open to hooking up with someone they hardly know than women are.

Because of these different biological urges, we have the current dynamic between women and men. Women have to be selective to get what they want because many guys will hit on them. Because of this, a man HAS to be less selective and hitting on multiple girls to get what he wants. Realistically it’s not possible for a man to be hyper selective and get what he wants (pussy). The only way a guy can get that, and I speak from experience, is by initiating dates and conversation with lots of girls. Even if a man is more selective than usual, he will still have to talk to many girls that reach his standard in order to get laid.

I see your point, and in an ideal world maybe that would work. But the reality is that if I’m taking the passive approach, I’m not getting anything, whereas the guys who put in effort and talk to many girls will at least get “accepted” some of the time. There is that grey area where sometimes a guy doesn’t even try and eventually develops something with a coworker or someone in his friend group… but even then you have to be pushing things forward to get anywhere. It’s just how nature works

TheWickedOldMan · 2022-10-16T04:26:21+00:00

Yep. There will always be bottom feeders. The embarrass us, they embarrass themselves, and they embarrass women. But- as women are so fond of saying, "men are like dogs". Yes, some are, and just like dogs, they only behave in ways that reward them. Remember when you meet a male bottom feeder - A female bottom feeder TAUGHT HIM to behave exactly that way.

2022-10-16T10:47:14+00:00

Yes and this was even true 15 years ago. Never once met a guy at a bar that I would consider a relationship with. I only ever had relationships with people I knew through hobbies, friendship groups or common interests. It’s better to let relationships build in that way anyway, at least then you know the interest is genuine and not cause you’re just someone who looks ok enough at a bar.

Lovers691 · 2022-10-15T22:04:31+00:00

The truth is your belief would have made sense if the average man was attractive to the average woman compared to how attractive the average woman is to the average man, but women are as attracted to men. The truth is that if men raised their standards they will get even worse results than now, only Chads and HVM have the right to be picky.

wtknight · 2022-10-15T22:11:05+00:00

If men want women to value their attention, maybe they shouldn’t give it out to every woman like it’s cheap

Men do this because, eventually, the woman who is the best that they can possibly attract will talk to them and not ignore them.

The real issue is men taking rejections from the hotter women personally. They should realize that not every woman is going to be attracted to them, realize that some woman eventually will be, and to persist and not give up just because they are rejected many times. Male selectivity is not necessary. Men not being overly sensitive is.

Da_Famous_Anus · 2022-10-15T22:38:59+00:00

I think it's often that the issue is not about getting women to be 'less selective' per se but rather that they should be considering different criteria if what they want is really a lasting, satisfying relationship.

PirateDocBrown · 2022-10-16T06:33:09+00:00

I'm very selective. I'd rather be on my own than with a substandard partner.

Any woman I see has to have her shit together, not have primary custody of kids, be fit, and at least half way decent looking. You'd think that there'd be lots of gals like this, but you'd be wrong. Women complain the bar is low for men, but for them, it's non-existent.

Otherwise, I'll just go out Friday nights and laugh it up in the bar with the guys.

Perfect_Promise_943 · 2022-10-16T06:47:45+00:00

You are 100% right. And it works both ways. The problem is that to change a society, people have to make the sacrifice and start to make the change. Those people will probably suffer a lot but if they do it right, they will push more and more people to change and in a few generations will be what we are looking for

Kronbopulus · 2022-10-18T08:28:56+00:00

Lol if people actually applied this you would have a lot more guys living alone in shitty apartments with their fish.

Title	If men wanted women to be less selective, they should be more selective
Author	hungrychick404
Upvotes	68
Comments	222
Date	October 15, 2022 7:50 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/y4wx2q/if_men_wanted_women_to_be_less_selective_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-men-wanted-women-to-be-less-selective-they.1135502 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135502