If women were less “picky” do you think you’d be in a LTR?

debatelord_1 · 2022-10-03T20:20:07+00:00

I think what's holding me back is moreso personality. My looks are definitely not perfect, but I don't have any major flaws either. I'm just a bit weird, introverted and high inhibition

Just always got along better with the boys...

Lift_and_Lurk · 2022-10-03T17:16:42+00:00

My wife’s friends said “of course you like him, he’s basically the guy version of you in his group!” When we first met. We have been “personality matched” ever since.

LetSuitable5665 · 2022-10-03T19:49:03+00:00

I have legitimately been "too short" to date for a few women, at only 5'7. Tall enough to fuck but they would be too embarrassed calling me their Man in public. That's more social pressure though and less about them being picky in my opinion.

NockerJoe · 2022-10-03T17:18:18+00:00

Eeeeh. I think the issue isn't pickiness so much as the criteria often being kinda questionable. I know someone who had literally over 4000 tinder matches but every dude she gave a shot turned out to be a psycho or criminal who just hapoened to take good photos. Likewise her last boyfriend was a compulsive liar who just happened to be tall and good at selling himself.

This is an extreme example but its not so much that theres a good criteria thats strict so much as the game is so much about appearances and you're just kind of hoping the most attractive glamorous dude will both be legit and also be a good partner, which are unrelated to this as far as traits go. Worse, bad people are way more likley to play the game that way and either lie or misrepresent themselves.

Its like a dude who dates a hot mess of a woman who looks good but can't cook for shit and is helpless with most chores and drinks a whole bunch. It you screen for looks first, thats what you get.

Freevoulous · 2022-10-03T20:48:27+00:00

Hell naw. Im a semi-psychopathic Chad with no redeeming romantic qualities and the emotional depth of a reptile.

Im basically a superficially charming human dildo, with no other obvious function. Every LTR I was ever in, included the current one, was because I fuck well and lie well, and I manage to solve most problems that arise by either lying or fucking her to orgasm.

I know women who are just much of flesh robot as I am, and we FWB occasionally, but LTR with them would make no sense. We would just stare at one another and wonder how to act with no actual humans to watch us.

xzpw · 2022-10-03T18:06:15+00:00

Less picky is different than only basing on personality.

If women were less picky in general - it’s not clear if my situation would be any better. It might be. It might not! If every woman just settled for whatever came their way then I’d have to change my strategy to dating 18 year olds or someone just out of college I guess. Neither of which is ideal…

Looks are mainly what is holding me back. I don’t have good frame, height, or face. I’m average at best and we all know average doesn’t cut it. I believe if we judged almost solely on personality or non-looks based criteria then I would be very well off.

After all - I didn’t win any women over with my looks before. It was my personality that actually got them to sleep with me. Again, I’m not a good looking guy - lol

ObjectiveCow59 · 2022-10-03T17:24:45+00:00

I might at least have the option for one… can’t say if it would appeal or not until you tried it

warramite · 2022-10-03T21:45:18+00:00

Of course.. dating would be easy if women's standards were like men's

I'd never have to worry about being used financially or emotionally cause I'd know she finds me genuinely attractive, no fear of BB

2022-10-03T22:44:51+00:00

For me no I still wouldn't be in a LTR because my problem has to do with my shutin lifestyle

Laytheblameonluck · 2022-10-04T01:59:59+00:00

No. What would solve it is if women were to remain properly single, not mostly single except when I go to that guys house for a bit.

Shebalied · 2022-10-03T18:28:51+00:00

I just love a lot of women who are like, looking for nice guy. Looks don't matter. I point out all of our friends who they would match up well with and they go..... OMG he is not hot. Or he is mid.

Keep in mind the girls saying this are mid at best. They are interested in really finding a nice guy. Like don't lie about looking not being important. You ain't got to lie homie. I don't judge them.

midwesternMD · 2022-10-03T17:27:37+00:00

Possibly. I think some of the women I select for, and who might be reasonably “matched” might be overlooking me. I also think some of the women I select for may be out of my league, and some are below my league.

It’s possible that my personality is simply atrocious, and if women were less selective, I’d just have lots of first dates.

All things being equal, I think if single women were a bit less selective on the grounds of looks, there would be a higher probability that I would be in an LTR or able to secure casual sex with greater ease. But that would only hold true if I didn’t have a defective personality AND if I am in the “barely didn’t make the cut” from an attractiveness standpoint. If single men grossly outnumber single women on the apps, then it will still a rat race for who is most attractive.

JMoon33 · 2022-10-03T17:04:02+00:00

I'm in a relationship now, but the reason I was single wasn't that women were too picky, it was that I was picky lol

Eventually I found someone who fit what I was looking for but I had to be patient.

2022-10-03T17:25:42+00:00

No, I've got other priorities at the moment

Khanluka · 2022-10-03T21:51:46+00:00

I have no idea if my personalty is good enough. But i am pretty sure getting a first date is whole lot easyer.

Hoopy223 · 2022-10-03T18:25:44+00:00

Yeah but I’m big enough to admit that it goes the other way too lol. My hot ex did a number on my brain unfortunately.

StopTheIncels · 2022-10-03T17:19:48+00:00

No, I'm stacysexual apparently. And I'm not rich/hot enough for stacy yet

2022-10-03T20:12:11+00:00

Yes because my physical limitations are obvious and have high impact: I am severely balding and started losing hair at 19, I am not only a minority but have genetic skin discoloration so severe I got prescribed strong skincare products (it’s getting better), and I am otherwise average-looking. My #1 physical advantage is height, I’m 6’2”.

My male friends and I swap each other’s OLD profiles and it’s obviously to us that I get significantly fewer matches, there’s no controversy at this point. All of these male friends have met girlfriends (sometimes multiple GFs) over the past 3-4 years online (increasingly so after Covid). I have had some short-term relationships but no proper GF (partly due to my standards, the girls I met were often into drugs or other questionable lifestyle choices).

Personality-wise I tick most boxes, I have lots of friends, hobbies, good career, accepting of others, good listener, socialize and make friends easily, etc. Yes I’ve had relationships before and lots of ONS so I’m by no means an incel.

stats135 · 2022-10-03T17:19:17+00:00

Yes. If nothing but for the fact that I'd be willing to LTR women who are not picky.

Picky women shop around. In the dating market that usually means they get passed around. Since I refuse to pay full price for used goods, it means no LTR.

Conversely, if women are less picky, they settle down early. Young marriage all around. Women's prime years would be in marriage, which makes LTR worth while.

Bandit174 · 2022-10-03T19:45:38+00:00

I think so yes. It would be easier to get casual sex and relationships.Women are the gatekeepers/bottlenecks of how much sex men have and how hard it is to get into relationships so less pickiness would make it easier on both fronts.

PMmeareasontolive · 2022-10-03T21:35:40+00:00

I think my odds would be slightly better. But maybe not significantly better. That's because I think my personality is slightly more attractive than my face, but I'm not 100% sure on that.

kokorwqac · 2022-10-03T19:24:38+00:00

I ended up ugly wish my mom was more selective

Play_Muted · 2022-10-03T17:25:05+00:00

analt223 · 2022-10-03T18:23:40+00:00

Yes.

TheSongsInYourHead · 2022-10-03T18:31:49+00:00

Yes if women paired off solely based on personality compatibility the answer is pretty maybe rather than a raw yes. There have been a few women in my life that I've gotten along with really well, who I think if that were the only factor they would be interested in me.

Even then there'd still be competition for them, I'm not the only man in the world that's compatible with them, and I can think of far more men than women who I get along famously with.

vogel777 · 2022-10-03T19:19:34+00:00

Ah the classic male refrain of if only women would lower their standards so that those standards wouldn't eliminate me. While your at it why not just request that every woman makes her body and domestic labour "free use" to any man that wants to utilise her? Or alternatively just accept women are and should be free to reject any man they want to for any spurious reason she cares to come up with.

LaloTwins · 2022-10-03T17:52:25+00:00

Lol I have no interest in an LTR

Sunnymood_Today · 2022-10-06T09:21:23+00:00

Ultimately, everyone is responsible for the way they look. It's a matter of hitting the gym (no matter the shape and size, everyone could be toned up if they'd truly want to), dressing well and appropriately, hair care, skin care, personal hygiene.

Looks play a major part in infatuation and in the desire of pursuing a relationship, as oxytocin is unfortunately not naturally released when you're with someone you're not naturally physically attracted to.

Now, looks aren't everything. Compatibility, values, personality, couples dynamics, communication, emotional intelligence and maturity, passion, and most importantly work are required for a fulfilled LTR, from both parts. So the question you should ask yourself is "If I, as a men, was working to be the best version of myself I can be, would be confident, would want to continuously improve, would take initiative, would I be able to hold a LTR?"

Too much complaining, not enough actions.

Sofia_sticated91 · 2022-10-03T17:30:31+00:00

"Do you think you would be in an LTR relationship of any kind?"

Nah. Not longer than 3 months. I get bored.

"Would you have more sex than you do now?"

Probably. Wouldn't agree to an LTR otherwise

"Do you think looks alone are holding you back from dating?"

Mental issues not looks. I was a model

TheRedPillRipper · 2022-10-03T18:39:43+00:00

Would you have more sex

The pivotal factor is attraction. Even in an LTR. Taking your premise, most men would have more sex, in a LTR. If attraction wasn’t a factor.

Personally I presume my partner is still attracted. Even despite rough times. Especially after childbirth. That said solid communication, plus both of us prioritising our health, and fitness, has helped a ton.

If women were less “picky”

It wouldn’t be beneficial. As competition forces improvement.

Godspeed and good luck!

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M3taBuster · 2022-10-03T18:29:04+00:00

It probably wouldn't make a difference for me personally if they were less "picky" per se, because it's already the case that I don't think my appearance is the problem. My problem is mostly just that it's really hard for me to meet new women where I am right now. But if women were more receptive to meeting strangers and more willing to participate in spaces specifically designed for dating, then it'd be much more likely that I would be in a LTR right now.

SuperBodybuilder7405 · 2022-10-03T22:17:36+00:00

No, I'm anti-social. I could look like prime Brad Pitt and it wouldn't make any difference.

Khidorahian · 2022-10-03T22:26:50+00:00

No, purely on the basis that i would still be maidenless because of my interests and the fact that i am a homebody.

No woman could ever get me out of the house except my mum.

Sad_Top1743 · 2022-10-03T22:48:43+00:00

For me personally, no but for many men, yes.

2022-10-03T23:20:15+00:00

It’s not their pickiness. It’s mine lol

jayval90 · 2022-10-03T23:31:27+00:00

No, because the problem isn't women being "too picky." The problem is the slow painful death of monogamy.

Women could be as picky as they want, as long as the pool of men above my head keeps shrinking as they get monogamously paired off. With modern Peter Pan hookup culture, those guys "above" me never get off.

domdomdom333 · 2022-10-03T23:58:23+00:00

Doubt it.

Life's a grind now, don't really see how a relationship would enhance my life in any way. In a sense it would be worse cause right now I know I am alone so I can fully focus on work, where as if I had someone waiting, missing me everyday it'd be unbearable, I wouldn't want to work and want to sit at home all day long.

bigapple4am · 2022-10-04T01:16:59+00:00

social_mule · 2022-10-04T01:28:53+00:00

My relationship status would remain unchanged.

2022-10-04T02:01:33+00:00

No. Even when they pick you they waterboard you with their emotions. I never want a woman living with me in my home ever again. I understood guys who worked 12-14 hour days when I lived with a woman.

Da_Famous_Anus · 2022-10-04T02:37:46+00:00

Esterwinde · 2022-10-04T04:40:34+00:00

I think I would, had a few clicks here and there but idk….

anonymous-platypus1 · 2022-10-04T11:59:19+00:00

I for once always wanted to stick with only one woman my entire life. It never happened. What I observe on these forums though is sad for me, because I get shown that apparently a majority of men on her desire frequently changing partners and I don't see how that will solve anything.

TheGoldenChampion · 2022-10-04T12:14:48+00:00

Hopefully

I currently have none, but with my ED that might stay the same, but hopefully it would not.

I don't want to die a virgin, and if I were in a relationship with a woman I would obviously want to engage in mutually satisfactory physical intimacy.

No, I'm also very awkward and uncharismatic, plus I have the aforementioned ED.

7-11-21-Luck · 2022-10-04T14:02:43+00:00

Do you think you’d be in a relationship of any kind?

No. Picky never been a issue for me. It's certain expectations and women behaviors we are expected to just deal with that annoys me enough to enjoy being single

Would you have more sex than you do now?

Hard to say. Currently I'm not actively trying.

Do you think looks alone are holding you back from dating?

No the only thing holding me back is myself. After Losing my home, good paying job & truck, moving back in with my mother & currently stuck at a dead-end job, I don't even care to be bothered with sleeping around until I get myself back together.

cloroxfornialove · 2022-10-04T15:38:10+00:00

My sense of humor is pretty abrasive which makes my personality an acquired taste, but I think I would have been in at least one LTR. Whether I'd still be in one is another question.

CosmicBioHazard · 2022-10-05T01:15:44+00:00

Women having high standards really isn’t the problem; If they had no standards, they’d still just take the best they can get, and when you’re a woman that’s effectively whoever you want. Sure, he doesn’t have to be a 10/10 in looks, but the 10/10 is interested, why pick him over the 9/10?

Could personality net me a relationship if looks weren’t a factor? Hell no, I’m a shy nerd who could maybe impress a gamer girl, but the female-to-male geek ratio is tiny, I struggle to impress them now and if we put the gargantuan percentage of nerd guys who are short and fat on an even playing field I just fall further behind. For reference I’m 6’3” and most often have my appearance compared to Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker; idk how accurate that is I never saw Spiderman.

ConvolutedMaze · 2022-10-06T01:52:51+00:00

They would probably put up with my anxiety and joblessness for longer and maybe even help push me out of the house and out of my bubble. In return I could cover for their weaknesses and we could have a mutually beneficial relationship as I'm extremely affectionate and loving to my partner and can offer the little things that often don't get appreciated.

odd_cloud · 2022-10-06T21:11:52+00:00

I would be as I am in a relationship now. But I'd have more fun when I was younger.

SNAILSLIVEONJUPITER · 2022-10-08T21:31:41+00:00

Anti_Thing · 2022-10-10T21:16:17+00:00

I kinda have the opposite problem. I'm not too bad looking but I have a horrendous personality. I literally have NVLD (which is more or less like having Asperger's/high functioning in terms of social skills) & on top of that I'm naturally an introverted & nerdy person with no interesting hobbies.

For the most part it's my pickiness that keeps me from relationships. I've come across numerous women who were probably into me, but I refused to pursue because they didn't share my religious or political beliefs.

I don't believe in sex outside of marriage. I'm looking for a wife, but I haven't even managed to get a girlfriend despite years of trying. I struggle even to get first dates. I've deliberately avoided sex for my entire adult life & I have no idea how it would go if I tried to get it outside of marriage. If I had normal political & religious beliefs for my social setting, I would likely have had sex a few times by now, but only or almost only in serious relationships.

I'm not the best looking, but I think the main things holding me back are my learning disability, unusual beliefs, & bad circumstances (such as growing up in a small church, deliberately avoiding dating when I was younger, & more than a year of heavy Covid restrictions).

at--at-- · 2022-10-19T00:17:14+00:00

Did you know men don’t initiate divorces? Of all divorces, 70-80% are initiated by women.

Men don’t leave true LTRs. Women usually throw man away for a better option, sometimes a man they already found, but more often because the grass is always greener!

Title	If women were less “picky” do you think you’d be in a LTR?
Author	anonymous-platypus1
Upvotes	29
Comments	154
Date	October 3, 2022 4:51 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/xuosky/if_women_were_less_picky_do_you_think_youd_be_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-women-were-less-picky-do-you-think-youd-be-in-a.1135250 https://theredarchive.com/post/1135250