Is it OK for a man to ask a woman he's dating for emotional support?

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-11-08T12:10:36+00:00

No advice threads

fripsidelover9111 · 2021-11-08T05:39:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Imwaymoreflythanyou · 2021-11-08T09:23:53+00:00

In theory yes, in practice no.

CheeseMonger96 · 2021-11-08T09:48:47+00:00

We're missing context, 'dating' can mean a lot of things depending on where you're from. Were you really friends or in a relationship? Or was she was just someone you sleep with and show up to when it suits you. How many times had you seen her in those 2 months? Had you ever really talked and gotten to know each other at all? Or was it still very superficial?

OneDumbPony · 2021-11-08T05:45:13+00:00

Yes, I'm my partner's rock and he's mine. We're in it together and both rely on each other for emotional support. If a girl tells you to go to her mother than that's just what she is, a girl, not a woman and therefore not worth dating.

TheMorningJoe · 2021-11-08T08:45:56+00:00

[permanently deleted]

GoWest7 · 2021-11-08T05:39:57+00:00

Don't listen to that guy. You want to find a woman who supports you emotionally. It should go both ways. Men or women who tell you otherwise are sick.

Successful, long-term relationships should be supportive - not a crutch - but, supportive. You should want to defend her, she should want to defend you.

Ignore the radicals who say otherwise.

marysalad · 2021-11-08T07:20:25+00:00

Wait what? It's nice to be there for someone. Her response very not ok in my opinion. I love being able to listen and support my people. Especially a partner.

CimZim · 2021-11-08T08:16:08+00:00

Yes, it's okay to ask. Honestly even someone who has a low "emotional intelligence" should just be able to see that it's something their partner needs.

Your gf saying "I'm not your mother" would be a red flag imo.

poppy_blu · 2021-11-08T06:56:03+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Competitive_Pen2282 · 2021-11-08T08:20:02+00:00

If you are in committed relationships where you both contribute in each other life then emotional support should be part of it.

CFinCanada · 2021-11-08T11:35:09+00:00

Dude, the girl you're dating is a cunt.

At best, you're not compatible.

You should dump her and find someone else.

quiturbitchn · 2021-11-08T11:53:07+00:00

I’ve left men on multiple occasions that couldn’t connect emotionally. It was like dating an inanimate object.

NarniaFox · 2021-11-08T06:05:15+00:00

That woman was either full of shit or full of problems. Most likely both. It's not the response you give your partner or your friend when they complain about a bad day.

It's okay to ask your girlfriend/wife for emotional support. Partners should be there for each other and be able to provide the needed support or care, it's one of the basis of close personal relationships whether we talk about dating or friendship.

My husband knows that I'm here for him whether he wants to talk about some minor things or grieve about losing his close ones. I listen to him and try to make him feel better. I consider this to be the norm. I don't see much sense in relationships where partners can't be open and vulnerable with each other, as these moments help to create and deepen the bond. It might be even more important that sex imv.

throwawaythis2020 · 2021-11-08T08:31:43+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/pxk2a7/the_two_of_you_arent_friends/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

This is 100% true

RichardsGrandeEnergy · 2021-11-08T11:03:16+00:00

Is it OK for a man to ask a woman he's dating for emotional support?

Absolutely not, she will immediately be turned off and begin to lose respect for you. Seek help either through a paid professional or an older male aquantice. If you are told any different, ignore it. Remember that what women think they will feel in a situation and what they actually feel, are often the complete opposites.

AutoModerator · 2021-11-08T05:29:27+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

2021-11-08T09:05:42+00:00

[permanently deleted]

januaryphilosopher · 2021-11-08T10:05:16+00:00

Absolutely. Mutual emotional support is essential for a healthy relationship, and if someone isn't okay with that, it's a good sign to move on to someone who cares about you the way they should.

Cupcakelover1985 · 2021-11-08T10:17:43+00:00

This should come naturally anyway if it’s been a few months. If you guys see each other and talk consistently she’ll naturally offer emotional support if she cares about you.

Willow-girl · 2021-11-08T10:41:42+00:00

Suck it up, buttercup.

pro-frog · 2021-11-08T12:00:38+00:00

What you described here is not treating someone like a mother. A lot of women do run into an issue in relationships where men want to rely on them for their emotional needs, but are unwilling to reciprocate when those women need support. There's no evidence that you were doing that in your post.

There's a lot of talk in this thread about women saying they want emotional openness but that they'll leave you if you actually express it. I have no idea how common it is, but there's no doubt that what you're afraid of is a risk.

What I hope you don't take away from that is that it's inevitable or inherent to all women, or that it's a better dating strategy to not rely on someone else at all. It's not, and you'll just end up unhappy.

This is just one of your standards. It seems like you're more aware of your emotional needs than men typically are, and that's a great thing. You need someone who's willing to be your emotional partner. You could try to fight it or change it to make yourself more "alpha" or whatever, but it's a great strength to know what you need. It likely makes you a better emotional support for your partner, too. There are plenty of women out there who will appreciate and respect that.

Orange_Paisley · 2021-11-08T06:00:40+00:00

Why would you not be emotional support for someone you love? I don’t understand this.

LotBuilder · 2021-11-08T07:07:12+00:00

If you want to get her to break up with you, it’s a good strategy.

_mwk · 2021-11-08T06:51:08+00:00

it is but imo you have to ""diversify"" your support sources. there are many issues I don't feel comfortable going to my bf for support for and it's not his fault, it's about me so I go to someone else that I feel comfortable with. he doesn't need emotional support very often but he likes complaining about things after they're resolved and it doesn't make me feel like his mom to listen to that, that's weird. that girl's reaction is mean.

I'm able to meet and date women just fine, but I have this lingering fear that some day I will have a rough spot and they'll leave me.

that's a valid fear, and imo the only way to handle this is to test and vet the women you date to get close to one who will be supportive.

_Oh_Be_Nice_ · 2021-11-08T09:42:22+00:00

Not facts; just my opinion.

No man is entitled to "emotional support".

No woman is entitled to a "rock".

No one is entitled to someone "opening up".

No one automatically requires unsolicited advice.

Working through your own mental pathologies is just one more dimension of the individual struggle of managing the sometimes very unjust burdens of life.

Having support is nice, but don't expect it. Plan for being alone through your journey; accept a willing partner who will support you as a pleasant but ultimately temporary resource.

tryingmybestatm · 2021-11-08T10:52:43+00:00

women are saying its ok to confide to ur woman, it's not. they'll lose respect/ attraction. they're only saying ok becoz it's the right thing to say, they don't want to look bad. there are very few outliers and don't think you can find one.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2021-11-08T05:58:02+00:00

Maybe I'm a psychopath...

..but I have no real idea of the function emotional support serves or its use.

Like...talking about how I had a bad day doesn't make me feel better. I want to just go to bed and kick ass and bathe in the blood of my enemies tomorrow (ha some psychopath humor there).

I don't want to talk about my problems so that the world or my partner or whoever knows and "understands" my feelings.

It's gay. It's useless. My feelings to me are calls for action.

Now...women seem to really get something out of this whole, "I hear you...man, that's terrible...I'm here for you..." sincerely meant, of course.

That shit just has 0 utility for me.

Edit:

HOWEVER...

Any woman who is UNWILLING to do this for you or sit on the bench ready to get called into the emotional support game sucks.

A woman who doesn't worry about you (in a good way) isn't one you want around.

I'm just saying that I don't utilize that support because I don't see the point.

kyjolski · 2021-11-08T11:06:40+00:00

In theory, yes, it should be normal. In practice, no. IME, also a hard no. It probably heavily depends on the person and how they themselves deal with emotions, what kind of issues or lack thereof they are having.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-11-08T06:59:11+00:00

It's probably just me but...

someone who was on my side.

Is that what you actually said? Even after over a decade of being with my guy, I'll still call him out when I think he's being dumb (as he does with me). At four months, I'd probably think "Why am I automatically on your side?"

That DOES sound like something you'd expect from your mother, not your partner.

Title	Is it OK for a man to ask a woman he's dating for emotional support?
Author	markv12
Upvotes	17
Comments	124
Date	November 8, 2021 5:29 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/qp6wmj/is_it_ok_for_a_man_to_ask_a_woman_hes_dating_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-it-ok-for-a-man-to-ask-a-woman-hes-dating-for.1085300 https://theredarchive.com/post/1085300