is the pandemic making men on dating apps more sexually aggressive?

festethefoole1 · 2021-03-26T01:35:29+00:00

Where are you based because that behaviour is utterly insane and wrong

NockerJoe · 2021-03-26T01:41:48+00:00

In my experience women have also been way more aggressive during the pandemic. One chick pulled her tits out on video chat before we even met. One was exchanging nudes very quickly with no prompting. One was reasonably normal but got way too physically affectionate quickly compared to before(we briefly dated pre pandemic). On PPD Discord I found I wasn't the only guy experiencing this either.

I think before covid a lot of people had this idea that their futures were certain and they could do whatever they wanted at their maximum comfort level. Now there's a level of desperation to find *somebody* and there's a reminder that you don't control the future and can't predict how easy or hard it will be, which means people are more desperate to grab onto something ASAP.

Mustbeaight · 2021-03-26T02:06:40+00:00

To be honest i think the pandemic has made people very sexually frustrated.

I am a guy and women have been too aggressive on dating apps this year! It's ridiculous how horny these women i am talking to are.

Most likely people in the pandemic realising how lonely they are. That's probably the reason.

Sage_Planter · 2021-03-26T02:00:25+00:00

The majority of cautious, reasonable people recognize that a pandemic is a terrible time to be meeting strangers. I would assume there's a higher percentage of people who are just reckless and looking for something casual on the apps.

I tried OLD last summer and realized it was an absolute waste of time when I figured out my risk appetite is wildly different from the men I was having conversations with. I had a phone call with one man who told me how serious he was taking everything then proceeded to tell me about the 10+ people he saw indoors in the past 24 hours. It's not worth my health.

As a woman, I understand the pressure to get married. You're going to end up with the wrong person if you force yourself to this arbitrary timeline, though. Focus on finding the right person. You also have to cut yourself some slack because none of us saw this pandemic coming.

Pilling_it · 2021-03-26T06:51:18+00:00

See, the last time that was actually acceptable to meet women for myself was during the summer, because although everyone was outside, cases were at an all time low.

And now it probably won't be before the summer again, but I haven't been able to do the activities I usually do, and my libido doesn't give a flying fuck about the situation (except I do, and I keep that dumbass in check). I've been working out inside and gaining mass though, maybe that increased the testosterone level. Point is, yes, that made it worse.

Also, I know the women I've been intimate with have been sexually frustrated as fuck, as an almost 9 months dry spell isn't what they're used to. Even those who have self control I can see them telling themselves "fuck it" at some point.

The screwed up part imo is that covid accelerated an existing trend, and even if we can go back to not caring about the virus, I don't think we'll ever go back to what was before the pandemic exactly. We were always headed there though.

Murdochsk · 2021-03-26T09:32:09+00:00

You write yourself about dr grab ass “ still not sure you’ll see him again” you are honestly seeing him again yet your online complaining about it. Ok

catastrophejr · 2021-03-26T03:08:53+00:00

I hope you don’t take offense, but these guys either aren’t actually looking for a relationship or for some reason don’t see you as relationship material. Get off online dating, lol.

catastrophejr · 2021-03-26T01:57:38+00:00

God damn you need a taser on you. They go for the tongue kiss, give em a zap, laugh, and leave them on the ground.

My guess is that hookup types have been blue balled for most of the past year, so they're flooding the market and don't care enough or have enough patience to bother with actual dating. They just wanna fuck. Maybe you could try for different settings that would put off someone like that? Something that would take time and interest. My idea as a guy is always to go to museums, I feel it really shows that I actually want to do something, not someone. Hope something in there gets some gears running for you!

wtknight · 2021-03-26T04:03:31+00:00

You need to consider the type of people willing to risk exposure during a pandemic. I literally deleted all my dating apps from my phone until a week or two ago. The only reason I downloaded them again is because I got my first round of the vaccine today. I understand you are working on a timeline men usually don't have to worry about that as much. I know many people were more than happy to meet up during the pandemic but it's definitely a certain type of person. Did you have as many regular experiences like this before the pandemic?

Gh3tt0-Sn4k3 · 2021-03-26T05:54:35+00:00

Nope, was like that before the pandemic too

cloudsongs_ · 2021-03-26T04:15:03+00:00

That is horrifying. I experienced something along these lines in 2 of 5 dates. I think it's partly because we're in an "extended winter" and people want to shack up with someone till we can go out again. Doesn't excuse this behavior though.

throwaway2790473910 · 2021-03-26T23:45:44+00:00

You lost me at "really want to be married by age 30". It should have been "really want to find an awesome guy and fall in love with him". Nobody should aim for marriage, let alone set it as the primary goal before even meeting someone. But I bet it doesn't matter that much who is the someone as long as you get the "marriage" fairytale.

Anyway, yes all those men were inappropriate to say the least.

tossa445 · 2021-03-26T03:47:07+00:00

That is bad behavior. As a man I don't use dating apps because frankly I think that using them at all is a red flag for me. I realize this eliminates a lot of people, even some who aren't promiscuous types, but it's just easier that way for me. I don't expect that men who use the apps are any better, maybe even worse.

carl_chelsea · 2021-03-26T03:14:05+00:00

You’re in the wrong place, the numbers skew to favor men in NYC. If I were you I would move to the Bay Area ASAP if you want to maximize your youth to leverage getting a good guy by age 30. Read the book dateonomics if you want to know more.

toasterchild · 2021-03-26T05:42:00+00:00

Where are you going on these dates? Atmosphere can make a lot of difference. Maybe you should start with morning coffee dates.

2021-03-26T06:15:56+00:00

No. Traumatized is the right word. This is why I quit apps. I would 100% rather be single than subject myself to this in the hopes that one guy is gonna be different.

lingualistic · 2021-03-26T05:03:53+00:00

DO NOT SEE HIM AGAIN DEAR LORD.

2021-03-26T06:14:19+00:00

Jesus.

As a man myself, I’m definitely not more sexually aggressive on dating apps. Or... really at all actually (not asexual BTW, just not looking for sex or a pump and dump from the get go; want to get to know a woman first with the hope that feeling develop between us that evolve into a relationship that would EVENTUALLY lead to sex).

But as an Aspie, I’m definitely less apprehensive to approach because I’m not in a public setting surrounded by other people and because I can at least know a little bit about the woman from her profile beforehand (in my case, I use OkCupid and this is provided that she actually filled out her profile and answered enough question).

I’ve had no luck of course, but I still feel I have a better shot than having my anxious, awkward ass try approaching a woman IRL first.

Throwaway_for_redd · 2021-03-26T06:14:52+00:00

Um, you’re on a dating website? Idk but I’ve never really seen any good relationships from a dating website

kinkyghost · 2021-03-26T02:26:44+00:00

People are definitely a lot more sexually frustrated, lonely (emotionally, physically, sexually), etc. Obviously does not excuse that terrible behavior.

I wonder if you are dating different types of men now than you would have before, those numbers do seem awfully high. But it might also just be really, really shitty luck.

Apologies on behalf of NYC men.

1Here4Bach · 2021-03-26T03:37:20+00:00

I know this comment is going to sound bad so I’ll lead with saying that is very shitty and should have never happened to you. That being said, I have no doubt that these 5 guys were most likely 7/10’s and over lookswise who have probably done this with other women successfully and were reciprocated. There’s no way they would do that if it wasn’t working for them prior, it’s just not normal behavior to see 5 times in a row like you said. I think you’re preselecting top tier men lookswise and that’s it, nothing to do with the pandemic imo.

souredskittles · 2021-03-26T01:52:18+00:00

Sister, please don’t have the mindset to get married and have kids ASAP. You will set yourself to tolerate treatment that you will regret later.

I’m not on old but I’ve definitely noticed they’ve been acting more thirsty than usual. Too many stares when I’m out and about. I’ve been followed more often at drugstores lately.

basedmillennial95 · 2021-03-26T04:58:17+00:00

You're in NYC. NYC is a sewer populated by the dregs of society. If you want better prospects, I'd say get out of there.

wtknight · 2021-03-26T12:15:24+00:00

Probably. All I know is that any guy who would claim that it’s OP’s fault for any of this is probably the same sort of guy who would behave like this on a Hinge date if he got a chance to.

Kasabian56 · 2021-03-26T12:30:45+00:00

Both men and women are hornier/more aggressive after spending a year in lockdown. They haven’t seen anybody, haven’t fucked anybody, in a year. Still doesn’t excuse their behavior, and I’m sorry you had to go through that.

mydikishomofobik · 2021-03-26T16:19:59+00:00

COVID-19 has shut down avenues for men to get laid. Can't go to clubs or bars in many places. Strip clubs closed in some places. Legal brothels probably closed in some places where prostitution is legal. Curfews at night in some places. Malls closed in some places. Harder to talk to strangers. Less people going to school, college, or work in person. Some guys probably can't even jack off cause they live with other people who are now working from home or whatever.

So yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if men became more sexually aggressive on dating apps. It may also be that the type of aggressive guys who'd normally go for chicks in real life have migrated to dating apps if they can't go to nightclubs or bars anymore. Although I couldn't say for sure cause I don't date men.

fabio0o1 · 2021-03-26T21:17:23+00:00

Nah, men were always like this, nothing's changed.

If you're on dating apps like tinder, bumble you can expect to find men looking to pump & dump or use you for sex in one manner or another.

The dating app hinge however, was god tier amazing for everyone I knew looking for serious relationships back in my college town and it became popular 2017 - 2019. However I have no idea how it is now but still worth looking into. Some happy married couples arised from Hinge and a few GF/BF couples from tinder out of 100s of matches, is that good? Perhaps, if the gf/bf end up married.

The truth is if some men see you a certain way they might assume you're just a dtf girl & more for short term relationships, its toxic but its real. You can try dressing more classy/prudishly on dates and this will weed out a good % of men not really into you. For the rest they will either question/poke fun of you dressing with no cleavage & showing no skin or focus on growing a connection with you & enjoying you as a person.

There's also a some fear guys have... if a women doesn't sleep with him quickly enough he's either 1. Not masculine enough or 2. She isn't interested in him much and never will be. This stems from men being able to assume the girl has been with other guys already so why shouldn't sex be on the table the way kissing/making out was for the first couple of dates decades ago? No man wants to be that guy that waits 10 dates to have sex with a girl when finding out she did it on the first encounter with 2 other guys in town he knows, it will make him feel less like a man & not want to be in a LTR with her.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-03-26T03:26:06+00:00

No, i think you just had a bad sample.

andreea_carla_b · 2021-03-26T06:11:10+00:00

I see where you're coming from, but with online dating, 5 guys isn't really enough to make an assumption that guys are more aggressive. Just from a numbers perspective, not taking anything else into account.

I do agree that they were inappropriate and too pushy.

Sadly, in online dating, it is a numbers game.

2021-03-26T02:24:08+00:00

That's just flat out unacceptable. You should report these men for sexual assault. That's all I have to say.

lady_ven0m · 2021-03-26T03:55:31+00:00

I’m glad it’s not just me. I was seriously baffled at how many guys touched or kissed me on a first date. These were relatively normal looking dudes too. I just got way more selective about who I choose to meet and so far it’s working. I meet less guys now but at least I’m not being assaulted.

OXOzymandias · 2021-03-26T01:36:15+00:00

1/5 spanked me 5 MINUTES INTO THE DATE (!!!)

hope you called the police, cus he might do it again or even more next time with someone else...

analt223 · 2021-03-26T04:07:56+00:00

The pandemic and social media in general is turning a small but enough men into fucking nutsos and turning large amounts of women into asexual or lesbians. Dating apps ruining it for normal people.

I hope you find a guy who is reasonable

catastrophejr · 2021-03-26T01:32:41+00:00

i would guess being lockdown does make people somewhat erratic. you should look at other dating apps

davidfosford21 · 2021-03-26T04:36:55+00:00

everyone is horny because of the pandemic , that incudes women

telepathicavocado · 2021-03-26T09:55:41+00:00

Jesus, that’s gross. I don’t know if that’s just really bad luck on your part or really good luck on my part seeing as I had 2 tinder dates, dated one for a month with no weird shit and am in an LTR with the 2nd one. Honestly, I think judging on the messages I got from guys I didn’t end up meeting in person, I just happen to be lucky.

Shadowgirl7 · 2021-03-26T10:19:10+00:00

Yes, it's the virus fault. Not that they are utter pieces of shit, it's the virus.

2021-03-26T11:19:16+00:00

Are you vetting these guys pre-date? Online presence can drop hints. One thing that's helped me, is talking to them for a little bit before a meet. Always meet in public and house dates/movie theatres/private places should all be off limits for a first meeting.

wtknight · 2021-03-26T11:25:26+00:00

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2021-03-26T13:56:48+00:00

I used Hinge before for a bit and I deleted it because it was full of landwhales and oversize grotesque monsters.

So yeah... I know what they mean now when they say on the advert that it's designed to be deleted.

SoManyEffinQuestions · 2021-03-26T14:05:32+00:00

First of all, I’m sorry you had those experiences. It makes me extremely uncomfortable just THINKING about any of those things happening. That’s absolutely not okay behavior and you shouldn’t have had to endure it.

Second... My biggest piece of advice for you is that if you really want to find your future husband; Give up on the dating apps. They’re freaking garbage and I’ve personally never seen a successful relationship that started that way. Go about it a different way.

Think of your male friends (past and present) and if any of them maintain the qualities you’re looking for in a gentleman and go from there. Connect with them and get a feel for things.

Another great way to go about it is talking to your closest friends about it. Let them know you’re looking for a serious relationship and what type of man you’re looking for. Ask them if they know anyone who would be a good match and if they could set up a small get together or something like that. If you have good friends they’re going to be sure that anyone they send your way is a quality person.

dayda · 2021-03-26T14:56:41+00:00

Social interactions in general are all out of whack. I don’t think guys are any more or less aggressive than before Covid, but are more likely to act / say things outside of societal norms, since we’ve hit the rest button on that. We’re all going to relearn behavior to a certain extent.

I went to a gathering recently with vaccinated friends and we all were over talking, over sharing, interrupting, highly emotional, and generally just out of sorts. We all realized it and talked about it.

But don’t give up on all online dating. Especially in NYC. I found my better half on Hinge and there is absolutely no way we would have ever crossed paths in real life without it. We couldn’t imagine being with anyone else now.

feeblekitty · 2021-03-26T15:18:17+00:00

Doctor Grabass is hitting you over the head with a red flag the size of a 2X4. Don't ignore the flag!

BadSkinGoBrr · 2021-03-26T15:22:38+00:00

Lmao you’re a funny lady tbh you really expect quality from dating apps?! People on these apps are mostly degenerates and goners.... they are the worst that the society has to offer (not in all cases but mostly yes). If you’re a decently attractive person then you don’t need dating apps. But since it’s the pandemic what I would suggest is doing a video date first before you meet them in a public place. Men are horny and I’m sure the pandemic has made everyone more caveman in their mentality so be careful it’s a shit world ma’am plus you live in NYC lol dating apps in major metropolitan cities of the world are bound to give extremely trashy options so please be careful.

supportivepistachio · 2021-03-26T15:22:46+00:00

Is your goal marriage by 30 or finding the right person? You could marry any of these men before turning 30. The distinction is you have standards. I'd re-assess your goals and confirm the queen you are.

Thesinglemother · 2021-03-26T15:45:58+00:00

Love this post and update. Honestly proud of you and cant agree more. They became so sexualized in general communication

skgvz · 2021-03-26T16:03:06+00:00

Dating apps are a cesspool of men who are too lazy to appreciate the women around them. You don’t need to be married by a certain age and you won’t find what you’re looking for on a place where men make their judgements about you in 1 second based on if you’re attractive or not. Work on YOU and the good guys will come ❤️

Geothunder · 2021-03-26T16:13:01+00:00

I've only ever dated on dating apps. Judging from what I hear from my girlfriend, and all of my previous partners I've ever met on dating apps this is an all the time thing

neetykeeno · 2021-03-26T16:25:09+00:00

Online dating is full of turds and weirdos...the fish everyone keeps throwing back in the pond. Maybe widen your social circle and meet a normal guy that way.

chingness · 2021-03-26T16:45:11+00:00

37F here Please stop giving yourself a timeline for being married. Marriage is not a target, or a ticked box. It is the start of a whole new journey.

But putting this timeline on when you have to be married by it is forcing you to consider men who aren’t right for you, or stay in a relationship you aren’t fully happy with so it doesn’t mess up your timeline.

What if your ideal partner exists but you don’t meet him until you’re 34 and you’re already married to a douchebag who grabbed your ass and you ignored it and forgave him because he’s the best option you can see to fit with your “by 30” timeline.

I’m not saying you have to give up the hope of being married by 30. I’m saying reframe your goal. Your goal should be something like “to meet the right person with shared values who respects you and inspires you”

I’m also worried that you’re dating older men with the idea they are more ready to settle down. The men in that age bracket that are looking to date younger women may well have been the men that women in their own age bracket won’t put up with. They date younger and less experienced as they think they can get away with more bullshit behaviour... and it does seem to me that is what you are experiencing.

Give guys your own age a chance, and grow together. Don’t lose out on the best experiences of life over a target - trust me.

Good luck!!! I hope you bump into the perfect one very soon and it’s magical ☺️

Naus1987 · 2021-03-26T16:47:26+00:00

I feel like women have normalized sex on the first date that men are becoming to expect it.

aerial_coitus · 2021-03-26T17:11:05+00:00

4/5 tried to go back to my place or straight-up asked me to sleep over

Okay. Regarding the 1/5 who did not do this, do you have plans to see him again?

This-Present4077 · 2021-03-26T17:22:10+00:00

I just want to confirm that the pandemic is making men on the CRAIGSLIST RIDESHARE PAGE more sexually aggressive. So to answer your question, totes

kickedofflotsofsubs · 2021-03-26T18:02:03+00:00

I’m just throwing this out there. When I dated guys in that age range I had the same experience. I quit dating anyone under 30 because of this. Pre-pandemic. Just my experience....

lets_get-2 · 2021-03-26T18:46:33+00:00

Jesus: people saying “stop pursing chads” that’s ducking shitty.

trolltodile777 · 2021-03-26T19:25:17+00:00

Wow that's so different from where I'm from, I'm from the Midwest. I'm 25f and guys that are my age are way more sexually aggressive it's sick. It's even worse on dating apps, they all want one thing, is to fuck. I started dating guys a little older and they were all great guys. I'm currently with someone who is 32 and it's the happiest relationship I've been in, and he's also a tech bro. :)

HeartbreakHotline · 2021-03-26T21:56:25+00:00

Dating apps have a high tendency for hookups, not serious relationships, perhaps that’s the issue, do it the old fashion way, explore and meet people

2021-03-26T22:55:28+00:00

This is assault please try to file a police report if you are comfortable.

fabio0o1 · 2021-03-27T22:46:55+00:00

Just because men want to fuck doesn't mean they want to marry you it's gonna be really hard for you to find man for marriage in your dating pool

Majority of men just want sex and if they don't get it from you they will get it from someone else

4everrekt · 2021-03-29T15:00:20+00:00

You probably want to get off dating apps OP. It doesn’t really make sense for a thoroughly solid guy to be on dating apps.

While I personally consider the behavior you pointed out as excessive and grotesque, it is also polarizing. Fortunately you were able to find that you weren’t compatible with these men during the first date, rather than investing months into a guy that’s pretending to be a certain way so you’ll sleep with him.

GetChillGetThrills · 2021-03-26T04:35:55+00:00

Pick better men?

You're probably only going for guys who are much more attractive than you and therefore don't take you seriously. Try lowering your standards.

2021-03-26T03:29:36+00:00

Kind of, yes. The pandemic makes it more difficult for men to go out and meet women, so the guys are going to be more sexually frustrated and its going to show through in places like dating apps.

PrincessFKNPeach · 2021-03-26T03:41:18+00:00

Log the fuck out

Chemical-Ad3703 · 2021-03-26T04:08:27+00:00

A pattern to me seems like you picked all similar personalities.. cocky! Looking for a hook up only didn’t even want even try to impress or waist time.. straight to the point.

bowserfire73 · 2021-03-26T04:43:08+00:00

I think it's much more likely that you are going after aggressive men than most men being aggressive.

svstonefree · 2021-03-26T05:47:18+00:00

Just blurting an intuition that came to mind as I read this thread. In your profile and in person when you meet are you leading with your appearance, particularly excellent make up and clothes that accentuate your sexual attractiveness, e.g. a waist-to-hip ratio that may cause lesser men to think with their little heads? Pls, I’m not victim blaming here and the behavior you described is inexcusable. Just wondering if you would have better experiences in your partner search if you intentionally wore little make up and conservative clothing, hopefully communicating to the men you meet you’re much more than just a pretty body. If they like that you, the whole you sans grope, and want to see you again and again, you’re started. And after you’re in a relationship and put on your best look, wow!, maybe even telling your bf/fiancé, “You make me feel so sexy.” his attraction will double and he’ll be locked in. Good luck. 🍀

athrowaway283222 · 2021-03-26T06:14:47+00:00

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Im_The_Daiquiri_Man · 2021-03-26T07:59:24+00:00

If it smells like shit everywhere you go ...

YoelTheIncel · 2021-03-26T11:25:18+00:00

You purposefully select for men with these behaviours. If you stopped chasing chads, maybe you'd be treated better.

Blightning421 · 2021-03-26T09:20:07+00:00

Yeah this is because of the kind of men you're chasing

Clearly focused on career and looks and not actual quality of character

You deserve your current situation

GunnzzNRoses · 2021-03-26T05:24:20+00:00

No, it's making men more desperate.

This doesn't reflect on men as a whole. Men who routinely use dating apps as a main source of women are already the worst cut of men, don't let negative experience make you a bigot.

2021-03-26T06:49:16+00:00

This is your brain on chad only. Lol

SeemedGood · 2021-03-26T07:53:07+00:00

This isn’t the pandemic.

This is men reacting to having more generalized (and thus widely dispersed) knowledge about how women’s sexual selection process actually works.

Thus fewer men are willing to play the game inherent in the female imperative. They understand your dichotomous attraction and are just expressing their desire not to be “relationship guy,” because being “relationship guy” is the losing position from our imperative.

The bottom line is that the guy who wins this contest:

I'm 26F, single, and really want to be married by age 30.

is the loser.

Because your goal is to be married and thus the man who you ultimately choose to fulfill that role is reduced to no more than the means required to achieve that goal.

We don’t want to be the means. We want to be the goal.

catastrophejr · 2021-03-26T03:12:37+00:00

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Cheesieblaster · 2021-03-26T05:14:19+00:00

Yep! Not just them but exes and male followers on instagram. For the past year, they will not fuck off.

Some of these guys I hadn't heard from in years. Now they're obsessed because they're horny snd they know women are even warier to go out with them than usual.

xKalisto · 2021-03-26T06:50:19+00:00

Aggressive behaviour can be a sign of male depression. Maybe everyone is going bonkers from all the social isolation.

At the same time, wow such pigs. That is honestly disgusting. Like no man I'm dry as Sahara desert from that comment alone.

i_wind · 2021-03-26T01:49:43+00:00

Nah i’m chill af. Because I know I can always pull another girl whenever.

Why would I be aggressive ? lmao

wtknight · 2021-03-26T04:31:05+00:00

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WanderingSchola · 2021-03-26T11:09:37+00:00

Are you wearing a choker or collar in any of your profile pics? It's become a kind of non-explicit shorthand for "I am sexually submissive" on dating apps of all kinds.

These boys are still displaying douchebaggery by the standards of the BDSM community too, but it's honestly the only thing I've got that could explain it.

Det_Steve_Sloan · 2021-03-26T11:13:17+00:00

I've gone on five Hinge dates in the past month.

You're taking less than a week to get to know these guys, before agreeing to meet. You're the problem, not men.

-WolfieMcq · 2021-03-26T15:42:21+00:00

It’s porn culture taking over reality.

Decoseau · 2021-03-26T19:36:23+00:00

You’re choosing high earners in a city in which they have the pick of the litter in the dating market. These type of men despite being average in looks and physical appearance have women throwing themselves at them as if they were celebrities rock stars.

2021-03-26T20:25:09+00:00

You are on a dating app not church.
Don't want to date losers don't look where losers hang out.

catastrophejr · 2021-03-26T01:41:48+00:00

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athrowaway283222 · 2021-03-26T02:56:15+00:00

Has the pandemic made things worse?

You tell me lady, it sounds like you just want me to validate you.

I'm honestly traumatized.

Wow, i wish i had problems like this. I get that it sucks and all, but like, you chicks made the dating scene like this. You can say it's guys, but they're really filling a demand. If nice men were popular There'd be more around. (Lord knows we brainwash them into trying to be like that first) They didn't get appreciated so they disappeared. Horniness had nothing to do with it. Guys felt like they were being treated WORSE for not being that way. And they were right, and they're still right. That's on you and your girlfriends. Enjoy the wall.

athrowaway283222 · 2021-03-26T04:18:18+00:00

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Ohmaygahh · 2021-03-26T14:16:11+00:00

Traumatized? Really? Because those men found you attractive and got physical? That's a low bar. I would describe most of what you said as forward and assertive, with just the spanking 5 mins into the date as aggressive, but even that depends on the context of what you guys were talking about/atmosphere.

Maybe I'm confused, but is "college-educated professional men" woman code for men who are low libido/not interested in sex or something?

I'm curious as to whether you state on your hinge profile that you are specifically looking for LTRs that can lead to marriage only.

2021-03-26T03:18:30+00:00

It's you

athrowaway283222 · 2021-03-26T04:08:26+00:00

So... you went on dates with men you’re not sexually attracted to.

ApprehensiveWheel32 · 2021-03-26T05:38:38+00:00

Selection bias and a joke of a sample size.

2021-03-26T08:53:44+00:00

Few men want an LTR. The conditions are unreasonable risk for little reward. The behavior is unacceptable none-the-less, they probably should have told you from the outset what they expect. Most men on dating apps are just trying to scratch that itch and then get out of dodge with their lives intact.

Sad reality. If you're after an LTR, you might be better served getting a dog.

Thatguyjanhuan · 2021-03-26T14:22:28+00:00

Of course, your dates' behavior is weird, but have you thought about the way you present yourself? Did you wear revealing outfits when you were seeing them? There must be something going on on your side that has provoked such a reaction from those men

NeedingAdvice86 · 2021-03-26T14:28:07+00:00

You seem attracted to autistic, unsocialized dweebs to be honest......

Not to be flippant but you seem be selecting some weirds who either have never gone on many dates, have no concept about social interactions in general or likely whose only "experience" is what they READ on some obtuse PUA internet site about how an equally unsocialized narcissists invented some "method" where he pretends he picked up 10000 women across the globe....but in reality, neither the PUA nor the students have any experience in dating actual women at all so they come across as creepy and weird.

Just because someone has a degree and dresses the part or works at some large company doesn't mean that they are NOT anti-social....particularly if they are in the STEM field.

Lots of guys I meet in my consulting work dealing in some the country largest companies in the D&T world, have impressive degrees and positions but boy, they have zero social skills and are awkward as crap.....

catastrophejr · 2021-03-26T16:33:05+00:00

This seems like a fake account

Cobra_x30 · 2021-03-26T17:12:42+00:00

My bet is that you aren’t good at dating. How long did you talk to these guys before a meetup? How emotionally invested in you were they?

This isn’t about your looks or your actions. It’s a general failure to do what women need to do in order to move from sex partner to relationship partner in the minds of these guys. The pandemic is just making your issues glaringly obvious.

2021-03-26T17:28:05+00:00

You're also in NYC. The men you want have essentially limitless options, so they can be as bold as they want. You're on the receiving end of abundance mentality.

Mustbeaight · 2021-03-26T02:06:39+00:00

Lol who are you going out with?? They just kissed you without consent? Damn I thought only ugly guys were creeps then..shiiitttt I wouldn’t say men are hornier because men are always constantly horny at a constant high level..but that shouldn’t make a man just spank your booty outta no where on the first date and kiss you outta no where either..strange.. did all those guys have similar characteristics prior to meeting(except being good looking Ofcourse lol)? Maybe you might wanna stay away from those types of guys in the future

michael1962-01 · 2021-03-26T06:14:26+00:00

I am a lot older so take my pov with a distance.

But i am with a woman younger than you who i'll wife up or give her conparable security if the relation continues like it is.

I'm approached from women often but not those i'd consider ltr or more material.

Online dating?

Never did so i can't tell about this.

But - you want (to be married at 30).

Why?

What are your life goals? What do you bring to the table?

Why do you see 'hard working' as a positive trait?

If i'd do OLD i'd surely go 4 a kiss and that more as your limits are at the first date. Why? Lifetime is limited.

To 'know' someone there are social circles.

OwOFemboyUwU · 2021-03-26T20:39:23+00:00

Women don't care about men's looks as much as you think we do.

Our results suggest that the responders' perception of the targets' physical attractiveness, specifically that he or she was higher than the responder on physical attractiveness, was, amongst the traits studied here, the only significant predictor of romantic interest.

why do women gaslight?

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Noodlecase91 · 2021-03-26T06:38:03+00:00

Goes both ways but that’s nature playing it’s role More “danger” reproductive drives gets heightened

The modicum of exposition of sex has never been higher than it is today in the online world. 24/7 basically it sends the brain into overdrive

Females/Males when I was young wasn’t like it was today. Post internet/social media generation it’s wild the stories I’ve heard from both genders only more in lockdown.

Environment is highly dependent too so different individual experiences ensue

ironmanalex97 · 2021-03-26T07:30:50+00:00

I’m from California, so still US my friends and I have agreed that since places are opening up we’ve felt more forward and outgoing, but not the type to be super handsy. Before the pandemic we weren’t the most boisterous or outgoing, mostly introverted, but now that bars are open we’ve been looking for almost every excuse to go out, be loud, and have a good time.

MasterTeacher123 · 2021-03-26T10:56:12+00:00

Men were always sexually aggressive on dating apps

I will also say there is a section of men who never got ass pre pandemic and are using it as an excuse for their lack of success

Kelevracado4287 · 2021-03-26T10:57:21+00:00

i cant even get likes without needing a subscription. only reason im aggrsessive.

CregSantiago · 2021-03-26T12:15:18+00:00

You should video chat, or chat a bit before going on a date, you need to filter out the scumbags first. Also when you go on a date especially a first one you should do something during the day thats in public. The purpose of the first date I find is to meet face to face, and the women should "test" the man to see if he's worthy.

Confident-Working595 · 2021-03-26T13:04:27+00:00

I was reading something about quarantine making people more socially inept so that could have something to do with it. I find that nowadays dating is just a numbers game, you need a series of bad ones until you meet someone that isn't as bad.

Now, of course, different people have different experiences. Coming from a state that didn't really embrace any kind of quarantine or curfew, nothing changed and people were still doing the same things you mentioned. I laughed a little because my friend who still lives in that state said the same thing to me yesterday that you are saying now. It could honestly just be that's who those guys are. Especially the 4/5.

bp4throwaway · 2021-03-26T13:23:01+00:00

Lol a guy told me he realizes the juice probably won’t be worth the squeeze so his mentality is “lets just cut to the chase” OLD will be success rate will probably be the same regardless so a super direct approach can be a time saving cost benefit thing. Like you probably wont become a couple/wont get married/wont have kids - so lets just skip the formalities.

Thats why OLD is useless. Talk to women in public lol.

Iluvalmonds83 · 2021-03-26T13:36:57+00:00

Ugh that sounds unpleasant to deal with. How does the online conversation usually go before you decide to meet up in person?

Sometimes you can kind of glean a person’s intentions from the way they initially converse with you. If they steer the initial conversations towards your looks / body/ anything directly sexual and don’t make an effort to talk/ask about other qualitative factors about you or themselves, that’s usually a big red flag for me.

The guy being average looking doesn’t really filter out dudes who just want to hookup with you. They sound like they are in the act of proverbially throwing everything on the wall/trying anything without reserve to see what m “sticks”

yelo777 · 2021-03-26T13:38:24+00:00

Many men come in to these kinds of situations with a fixed mind set on getting sex. It doesn't matter who you are as long as you're hot enough to fuck in their minds. If he states his hopes for sex early on, he can suss out what kind of person you are and if you're worth pursuing (time, effort, money). If you dismiss his attempts, he'll know what you'll expect and he can move on to the next woman (if his goal only is sex) and try the same thing. So, for these guys it's a numbers game. Also, doing all this interaction online protects him from shaming and ostracization from a social context, lowering the threshold to pursue this tactic. Some of the other comments on this thread shows that some women are in to casual sex, and these men are trying to find them. I'd suggest you state clearly that you're dating with the goal of marriage in your dating profile.

corey_trevorson · 2021-03-26T17:15:02+00:00

Yeah, sounds to me like a bunch of dudes that are super desperate... Probably the types of guys used to doing the whole ONS Tinder "thing." As a guy looking for an LTR, I'm not dating right now because I figure people are really stressed out and I'm being more or less patient for when I can go on dates and have them be relaxed...

I've just been focusing on taking care of myself and improving my life through this whole debacle. The heightened sense of danger throughout all of this has really had me motivated, and I would say my primary focus is not on dating right now.. As in I would go on one, but I'm not actively seeking them out if that makes sense.

Brilliant-Hornet1916 · 2021-03-26T19:02:36+00:00

Feminism pushed to normalise and de-stigmatise instantaneous and casual sex - and now women are complaining that men are trying to get quick and easy casual sex..

If women wanted men to have the mentality that they need to go on 10 dates before sex like a gentleman, maybe they should have kept that standard rather than glamourise and encourage our current "fuckbuddy" culture.

Workaholiconew · 2021-03-27T01:21:05+00:00

Men are sexually desperate. It is affecting their game.

PM_ME_STRIPPERS · 2021-03-27T03:20:54+00:00

Or maybe its you thats picking the wrong type of men? Have you considered that?

And to answer your question properly, no, its not men being more sexually aggressive, its more frustration and loneliness because of what the pandemic has done to peoples mental health etc

Not saying that there arent sexually aggressive men, of course there are, but these are a small percentage and do not represent the average bloke, and generalising men as sexually aggressive or even thinking it is pretty negative imo

SigourneyReaver · 2021-03-27T07:01:00+00:00

They're not Chads, they're just thirsty assholes who think they get to act like predators.

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xFallacyx69 · 2021-03-29T15:57:11+00:00

Online dating is shit... that is all

2021-04-15T20:12:16+00:00

yeah, me as a 28M, all of this is cringe and pretty disrespectful. sorry that's happened to you, at least not all 5 dudes acted up. dont write us all off please!

Title	is the pandemic making men on dating apps more sexually aggressive?
Author	catastrophejr
Upvotes	279
Comments	439
Date	March 26, 2021 1:25 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/mddiyf/is_the_pandemic_making_men_on_dating_apps_more/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/is-the-pandemic-making-men-on-dating-apps-more.1187627 https://theredarchive.com/post/1187627