It's OK for a man to have preferences on N-count, dating history and promiscuity

Makhmalak · 2020-09-07T23:11:05+00:00

Rejecting anyone for any reason is valid because why not.

AstuteBlackMan · 2020-09-07T23:10:54+00:00

I agree 100% however there are men (mgtow types) who want women with all these qualities but get mad if a woman wants a man who’s tall, confident, etc.

Anyone can have whatever preference they want. Im black (shocker!), if certain girls don’t want me cause I’m black that’s fine. But if those same girls got mad at me cause I wanted a girl who can cook then that would be hypocritical.

PickleLine · 2020-09-07T22:31:58+00:00

Well of course it's "ok" nothing stops anyone from having any kind of preference they wish.

But the freedom to choose, that everyone has, is not accompanied by freedom from criticism for those choices, which no one has. Of course, everyone is also free to meta-criticise, as you have.

poppy_blu · 2020-09-07T23:19:43+00:00

This strawman needs to die too.

You can have whatever preferences you want.

But guess what? So can everyone else.

If a man doesn't care if she's a virgin or doesn't care that she had a sex life before him, that's his preference. Grant him the same courtesy you demand for yourself and MYOFB.

If a woman has a high n count, that's her choice. It has nothing to do with you. Pass. Find a woman who does fit your preferences. Stop attacking her character and calling her a bad person. IE, grant her the same courtesy you demand for yourself and MYOFB.

Literally no one cares about your preferences. You all like to think we care simply because you bring it up every five minutes, but we don't. Don't mistake our eye rolls and requests to kindly STFU about it as shaming or caring. Cause we don't.

The "main argument" is no one cares about your preferences. That's the truth. Find another way to feel relevant in the SMP than played out strawman posts.

flowerfairy-1 · 2020-09-08T01:28:14+00:00

It’s not so much the fact that they have preferences because we all have them, it’s the fact that 1) they tend to be hypocritical about them and 2) shame the women who do not fall into their preferences. It goes both ways, it’s fine if someone isn’t tall enough or doesn’t have a low enough n-count, but it’s shitty to go out of your way to make fun of someone with said traits.

BleachedJam · 2020-09-08T08:49:34+00:00

I think it's obviously completely fine to have preferences. I do however this it's silly that a lot of men don't hold themselves to the same standard they hold women. I've seen a lot of men say they won't date someone after having sex on the first date. And yet, they have sex on the first date. They don't want to date women who sleep around or have casual sex, but then do the same thing themselves.

I think they are shooting themselves in the foot too. I won't have sex on the first date and don't have casual sex. I know a lot of women like that. However myself and those women wouldn't date men who sleep around or have a high body count.

If you are looking for someone with certain values then you should hold yourself to those same values or you'll have a hard time. Why would a woman not have sex on the first date, never have casual sex, and hold sex to a high romantic value and then date someone who treats sex like its nothing? It doesn't make sense.

That being said, you can have any preference you want and act however you want. If you want to be a whore and marry a virgin then keep looking until you find that, but when complaining about being alone take a look at how you are acting.

Elodaine · 2020-09-07T22:55:12+00:00

It becomes a problem whenever they're delusional and hypocritical, where they themselves have had their fair share of sleeping around but suddenly want a virgin. There's also a difference between a preference and a dealbreaker. Obviously everyone would probably prefer to date someone making 100k/year, but that is worlds difference from staing that you wouldn't date someone who makes <100K.

flamingoinghome · 2020-09-08T10:17:13+00:00

This is a strawman. Nobody is attacking men who say something is their personal preference, period, end of story. The trouble is when men say that not only is something their preference, but it's the stated or secret preference of All Men Everywhere, that women who don't fit their preference are worthless/disgusting/etc., or that men who don't share their preference are pathetic and desperate.

Also, if it is okay for men to have these preferences and be hypocritical about them, surely it is okay for women to want a man who makes more money then them, takes initiative in planning dates, commits to her very quickly, etc.

RottingAway90 · 2020-09-08T00:54:18+00:00

It’s not the fact people have preferences which irks me, it’s the fact they constantly use them as an excuse to be hateful and tear down someone’s worth as a person.

Also while you’re entitled to your preferences (as we all are), you’re not entitled to applause and respect for those preferences, nor can you control how it will make others perceive you. Just as a woman with socioeconomic preferences will be seen as a gold digger and someone with race preferences as a racist, a man with a preference for low n count will inevitably be seen as insecure and old-fashioned. It’s funny to me seeing men that want to go around calling women “sluts” and “damaged goods”, yet also want this sub to be some sort of hug box where they’re given backpats and reassurance for everything they do.

Hoodratshit1212 · 2020-09-08T03:03:59+00:00

It’s not okay for men to be hypocritical at all lol but everything else is true. Dating preferences are up to you because it’s your body and who you sleep with is your choice.

medlabunicorn · 2020-09-08T03:24:40+00:00

Sure. It’s just not ok for him to be a hypocrite about it.

cunningcaring · 2020-09-08T10:02:27+00:00

It's not ok to be hypocritical. Nice try.

LittyKitsune · 2020-09-08T01:27:41+00:00

N-count

Also, it's OK for a man to be hypocritical about his preferences because men and women experience dating differently. The symbolism, effects and experiences of those traits are entirely different for men and women.

Ime the problem with this sentiment is that it doesn't just stop on the male end (I have a hypocritical preference). It becomes an expectation of the other party as well (women should not have this preference). As in it is OK for me to feel this way, but it is not OK for the kind of women I want to feel this way.

I encounter this on two fronts, both for my N preference (virgin men) and my age preference (about 3 years younger to me, no more than 4 years older). I have yet to meet a non-virgin guy who has said "oh I totally get that as somone who has my own preferences on age and n." More often I'm told that I'm being brainwashed by the angry women on this sub, that I'm mistaken, that men aren't affected by N (even though every study I've seen on this sub as well as my personal experience indicate that this is false), and that older men are totally attractive and having such a narrow age preference is unreasonable.

Redpillisposion · 2020-09-07T23:31:20+00:00

There's nothing wrong with a man having preferences, but don't get mad when a woman prefers a guy that's 6 ft tall.

Sekina7 · 2020-09-08T05:05:49+00:00

YET most of you hate FDS for having standards....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

2020-09-07T22:36:45+00:00

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2bitgun · 2020-09-08T17:09:54+00:00

I had a friend in highschool who'd only date virgins, who he'd then sometimes successfully, sometimes not try to fuck. I don't think it was a fair standard since he would actively pursue them sexually.

nemma88 · 2020-09-07T23:23:45+00:00

If its preference its fine. If it gets all hate and morally then it's fine to attack them hatey and morally back. Reap what you sow.

Sekina7 · 2020-09-08T05:33:05+00:00

I completely agree with the concept. It’s not only men getting shamed for their preferences though.

Imagine a woman writing this: “ I like rich men. I only want to date a wealthy man, that’s my preference.” and the response it would get.

Snacksbreak · 2020-09-08T00:12:06+00:00

Sure, of course. Anyone can disqualify anyone for any reason from sex.

If someone will only date white people, that still indicates some racism whether subconscious or fully conscious though. They can make that dating choice, but that doesn't mean it has nothing to do with racism.

Men that think men that have lots of sex are studs while women that have lots of sex are "sluts" are definitely sexist. Period. They can still make the dating choices they want to make, but yeah they hold sexist views.

mistresswhat · 2020-09-08T03:51:13+00:00

He can have preferences on anything he likes. He can choose not to date women who wear blue socks. It's up to him.

I am free to think he's a weak little bitch for it though.

It's interesting how these men get incredibly sensitive when anyone suggests that men who share their preferences are low-value.

rosephase · 2020-09-07T22:33:19+00:00

If you discount people for dating because they behaved like you have, then your a hypocrite.

Of course preferences are fine. Having STANDARDS that you demand in a partner when you don't meet those standards? You are a hypocrite which makes you a bad person to try and build any relationship with.

It's fine to be attracted to women with low n counts. It's fine not to want to date women with high n counts. What isn't fine, is if YOU have a high n count and then automatically discount women who have a high n count. Being a hypocrite is a bad thing. It means you do not meet your own standards. It's morally flaccid.

phlegmdawg · 2020-09-08T00:59:47+00:00

Not gonna lie, you had me in the first half there.

Simply having preferences (with no prejudice behind the reasoning) does not make someone a misogynist, misandrist, sexist, or a bad person.

Being a hypocrite, and holding yourself to different standards based on faulty gender stereotypes, does.

Hypocrites should not be surprised when they are called out as such when they don’t hold themselves to the standards they’re seeking. They don't have to listen to the people trying to talk sense into them, but they have to recognize their right to an opinion too.

bepispinner · 2020-09-08T02:50:47+00:00

Thank you for saying this and I 100% agree. As well as with anyone, men should be able to have preferences. And I think this also bleeds into not wanting to date someone because they are trans or a certain race. I dont think its transphobic or racist to have preferences. It's when you dislike a person and treat them badly simply for those reasons that it gets problematic

wekacuck · 2020-09-07T22:36:25+00:00

It's not so much having standards that's attacked, it's the whining related to self-emposed standards that's attacked.

Have whatever standards you want, just STFU about being volcel because of them.

2020-09-07T22:53:18+00:00

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GhostTheEternal · 2020-09-08T03:19:27+00:00

It's OK if people say that it's irrational to have the preferences. It's not OK for people to attack his character

I think attacking someone's character because they are irrational is absolutely fine. Irrationality can be very dangerous, it's a severe character flaw.

I don't think it's irrational to exclude someone as a potential partner because they have a high N count though.

2020-09-07T22:43:40+00:00

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givemeausernameplzz · 2020-09-09T23:13:54+00:00

I’ve thought a bit more about this. It feels like these preferences, while not misogynist in isolation, are 1. Consistent with an outdated approach to women’s autonomy, which I would consider borderline misogynistic. 2. Discussed frequently in red pill circles, for some reason.

If we take the red pill as a given, then why aren’t red pill men more accepting of high N counts? It’s possibly the least most important thing when selecting a partner. You wouldn’t even know if you didn’t ask most of the time. Yet it always comes back to this?

Mimoxs · 2020-09-07T22:34:44+00:00

No one says men can't have preferences. The problem is that men insist on having their preferences then get red in the face shrieking about how women can't have theirs, regardless of what they are.

She wants some high n Chad? Unrealistic! Too demanding! She wants a virgin boy? Unfair she doesn't deserve it! She doesn't get to have a choice if it goes against the norms!

If you personally don't do this, you're fine, but most men do.

ThatGirl50 · 2020-09-08T02:14:35+00:00

Yeah I don’t want to date a fuckless virgin, so I’m glad those men point themselves out :)

Brainless-Wonder · 2020-09-08T00:23:27+00:00

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with ANYONE having a preference for whom they date, but two things that can make it wrong are if 1. The person exclusively chases a model for that type with x, y, and z characteristics that just doesn’t exist and is an unreachable standard, and 2. If the person is outright disrespectful toward those who do not fit these neatly defined preferences.

Case in point: I know how many women feel about short guys. I’m short myself, and I’ve never actually been self-conscious about it unless if it gets pointed out by some particularly rude, shitty women. Personally I don’t care if their preference is taller men, but let’s say I have a female friend in the conversation and she’s like “oh, I could never date a guy shorter than me like you for example” or “they have to be taller than you to ride this” (both things that have been said) then kindly fuck off forever.

Lord knows I have my preferences - there are certain characteristics regarding physique/body type, drug/alcohol use, past sexual/relationship history, careers, and ethnicity that I tend to prefer over others. But I’d NEVER go out of my way to shame anyone for them.

So men, of course we can have our preferences! Just don’t be a dick.

ashitanothrowaway · 2020-09-08T04:38:03+00:00

The issue is that all of these things can be lied about, so it is easier to just get to know her for her and just set your own standard of not being part of her future if you’re not part of her “past” of casual sex.

A lot of guys have these standards based off of a feeling of sexual inadequacy that is brought up by the idea of being compared. If you establish sexual chemistry through casual sex before determine if you want a relationship with her, then the fear of being negatively compared sexually to a guy having sex with her without investing in her first won’t feel like she’s punishing good behavior or trying to pretend to be someone she’s not to get a partner.

I used to have an issue with and judge women based off of their body counts when I was younger, then just realized that most women have pasts because people explore sexually and a woman not having a promiscuous past won’t prevent those moments of nature taking over in the moment and another man taking advantage of it.

I see it like this. If you want a woman who is very picky about who she sleeps with, what would make her want to sleep with you? & what if she didn’t always have that mindset about guys or had a “ho phase” before, after, or during you where she has a sexual awakening.

I understand the rationale behind it, but I think some things just can’t be helped and there are predatory women who will lie about it.

I think a past of dating no good guys is a big red flag because toxicity maybe part of her sexual imprint, but I’d rather have a woman who I can have that affect on than a woman who no ones has had that affect on, including me, not knowing is that is just a ticking time bomb.

I personally prefer a woman who takes some time to get to know herself sexually, but would much rather prefer that happens with me in a way that attaches her to me, specifically.

I just try to be realistic about the chances of it.

BlackDogRamblin · 2020-09-08T01:07:55+00:00

They use labels to manipulate you. Don’t take it personally and don’t take it seriously. Our society keeps pushing us to accept unacceptable behaviors from women. No matter what a woman does is right and good, or at least justified because “men bad” or “men do it too”.

A go to label is misogynist. Misogynists hate all women and that’s bad so you don’t want to be stamped with the label misogynist. If this happens IRL and the label sticks there can be serious consequences. So we have a natural aversion to getting tagged with a bad label. Women use this aversion to their advantage to manipulate you.

If you don’t want to date fatties they will say you are a fat shaming misogynist.

If you won’t want to LTR a promiscuous woman they will call you an insecure misogynist.

If you don’t want to date a whore some woman are actually calling you a misogynist nowadays.

The important thing is to just STFU about this stuff IRL. If you don’t want to date a fatty just say you didn’t feel compatible. If you don’t want to date a whore just say she’s not your type. You need to have the frame to realize that calling you a misogynist is absurd and not allow yourself to be manipulated. But also play the Game.

If someone does try to stick a label on you the best response I’ve found is to simply ask why. Why does not wanting to LTR a promiscuous woman make me a misogynist? Then never give a straight answer and say IDK know why I feel that way. It’s just how I feel I guess.

There are only so many plays in the Female Manipulation Playbook. Once you’ve learned to recognize them they become funny and you can start to to just have fun with it.

ldonnawho · 2020-09-07T22:29:54+00:00

This is all good but the attacking starts when men complain about women having "high" standards when they themselves have standards that can be dubbed high by just about anyone.

If men can have these preferences and don't want to be bashed for them, women should be granted the same. Men here go absolutely ballistic on any woman that has standards that would eliminate a large percent of men.

vargstrike · 2020-09-08T01:18:36+00:00

The women on this sub are fine with those preferences. They just believe that few men on this sub and in general are worthy of those preferences.

nik6979 · 2020-09-08T07:11:33+00:00

What I'd like to know, do you have a straight talk of sex facts , position, and partners data information gathering on the first or second date and how has this worked out for you ?!?! Are you trying to date younger people or older than yourself . So you compare how many blowjobs said potential has given to what you have obtained yourself and this helps you decide if she's a keeper ? Lol Really .... Lulz

Overall-Influence300 · 2020-09-08T01:10:29+00:00

I think it’s okay to have a preference, I just don’t agree that you need to broadcast that to the world.

Why do you need to “state your preferences?” It just seems like a way to be judgmental and make others feel badly, hence why you get backlash

I personally judge men based on their dating history as well — I get it. It feels really good to know you’ve been selected out of a pool of great options and that he chooses to be selective with the women he sleeps with.

That being said, I don’t feel the need to make someone feel ashamed of their past or feel that they were wrong for something they can no longer change.

wtknight · 2020-09-07T22:41:46+00:00

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wtknight · 2020-09-07T22:42:40+00:00

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Kaisern · 2020-09-08T11:35:31+00:00

One can have any preference one wants, as long as one understands that the more rules one has has, the smaller the selection of mates becomes.

And wanting virginity as a man who isn’t one is only hypocritical if one believes that men and women are the same thing and are attracted to the same thing.

Expensive-Guitar3609 · 2020-09-08T19:37:32+00:00

Of course we have. I do, and anyone who doesn't like can go fuck him/herself.

However, as a corolary:

You can't get pissed off if others hold you to the same standard (if not then fine)
You shouldn't get pissed off if your pool is reduced becouse of your standards don't match your options

All men have standards regarding women's count, thing is most dudes just get what they can. Few men can slut around and then take the girl with a prude past to marry.

RedPill_is_a_cult · 2020-09-08T02:51:56+00:00

Having preferences is fine, but it's also fine to examine why people have certain preferences, and critique the reasons for those preferences. And if those reasons are rooted in sexism and misogyny, I don't see it being unreasonable to call it out as such.

Guys are almost never attacked for having preferences, but rather, making moral judgments on women for doing things he doesn't like, or for hypocritical behavior, or his preferences being rooted in racism/colorism/some other prejudice.

This sounds like the sort of argument that thinks free speech also means being free from others criticism of your speech.

emperatrizyuiza · 2020-09-08T05:30:37+00:00

Ppl are allowed to reject anyone for any reason but just know most women aren’t honest about how many ppl they’ve slept with lol

thetruthishere_ · 2020-09-07T23:30:49+00:00

I dont have a problem with people's preferences. We all have them.

I only see issue with a guy that has been around the block expecting a virgin. You want a virgin and yet you're a man slut?

Im a sex worker and I know some men would never date me, its ok.

Id probably be one of the best girlfriend they ever had as far as being loyal, tidy, domesticated, no deadbedroom, frugal, have my life in order, still thin, take care of myself, understanding his needs, self aware, etc. The man who is willing to, wont be sorry he did.

Mouse_trap1 · 2020-09-08T12:07:42+00:00

Who cares about the preferences of a man I'm never getting with. It's the way those men spread their preference as a fact, in how women should be and what other men need to do.

Take 'I'm uncomfortable dating a woman who has casual sex' vs 'nobody should be dating high n count sluts'.

AlphaMan69123 · 2020-09-08T01:13:00+00:00

If a woman asks how tall you are, do not tell her but ask her how much she weighs, the woman has preferences, so can you, she

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2020-09-08T08:00:16+00:00

Yes it is. And it is also OK for a woman to block these clearly untreated OCD - mentally ill spam posts and strawman's completely irrelevant to this sub torturing us all into insanity. Please reply underneath, so I can block.

wtknight · 2020-09-07T22:45:52+00:00

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Tosserboxes · 2020-09-08T00:06:36+00:00

If a woman’s proximity to other men sexually and/or socially is a deterrent for a man dating her it’s because he has a very low opinion of men, and judges a woman who interacts with them freely as debasing herself.

CJs_goldfish · 2020-09-07T23:14:37+00:00

Have your preferences, as long as you don’t use gendered or misogynistic language to describe it. Your loss. I personally find it easier to be with those who have a bit more experience, built up a little maturity, and know know what they want.

2020-09-08T15:44:31+00:00

Yeah it's ok for men to have the preference I just think it's dumb and gross. You can pry my low cut tops from my cold dead hands.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-09-08T00:57:22+00:00

Where are men getting attacked for not considering sluts? Send me a link or sth

_mwk · 2020-09-08T07:26:22+00:00

i get shamed and angry dms every time i say i like a 6in to 8in height difference

so i understand the sentiment

the_purring_jew · 2020-09-08T11:01:40+00:00

if by "perfectly ok" you mean "will not be punished by law" or "is allowed", then yes. if you mean "dumb internet holes you shouldn't care about wont try to shame you" then no, most of what men do will never "be ok" because dumb internet holes will always try to shame men. why pay attention to them?

ModsRControlFreaks · 2020-09-08T05:19:15+00:00

Men don’t reject women for not possessing a physical trait only 15% can ever hope to achieve.

Look at how many women are openly, rudely discriminatory about height in their online dating profiles, and then look at men’s profiles. Men are nowhere near as crudely superficial and dismissive as women. There really isn’t any comparison.

All types of women have their fans. Short men have to “make up for” being short constantly. It’s always a negative that has to be overlooked. Women’s view of male value is extremely narrow. Hence women are far, far shallower.

Priscacara · 2020-09-07T22:41:20+00:00

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wtknight · 2020-09-07T22:51:03+00:00

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yelo777 · 2020-09-08T09:49:51+00:00

This post made me think of this video i watched recently. "There is a difference between men's and women's casual flings, and science says so" - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=488F9P9vZ7c&ab_channel=BetterBachelor

Umbran_scale · 2020-09-08T18:08:29+00:00

I've nothing against people that want to go an a sexual adventure, want to participate in a bukkake? Go right ahead. Want to drown in drugs and alcohol? Sky's the limit and then some, you're body, your choice.

you're deciding to go for what you want and no one can tell you otherwise and I respect that. But respect my decision in wanting nothing to do with that kind of person.

dadlington · 2020-09-08T18:38:28+00:00

Can someone kindly explain to me what an N count is?

rubbooyuri · 2020-09-09T15:07:42+00:00

You know it’s not the preferences that are the problem but the hypocrisy and insistence on nonjudgement. You’re free to have choices and also free to receive criticism about it

givemeausernameplzz · 2020-09-09T19:23:08+00:00

Thanks for helping me perceive my own biases OP. I probably should be less quick to pass judgement about that.

relish5k · 2020-09-08T11:44:04+00:00

Absolutely go ahead and have your n count preferences. My "objections are two-fold:

I question a mans ability to actually accurately assess this short of straight out asking
The idea that all men have this preference and that it is a deal breaker for all men unless they don't have "other options" is a silly fantasy for shaming anyone with an n count deemed too high.

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wtknight · 2020-09-08T02:29:57+00:00

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Title	It's OK for a man to have preferences on N-count, dating history and promiscuity
Author	PickleLine
Upvotes	344
Comments	486
Date	September 7, 2020 10:26 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/iohlki/its_ok_for_a_man_to_have_preferences_on_ncount/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/its-ok-for-a-man-to-have-preferences-on-n-count.212629 https://theredarchive.com/post/212629