I cherish being alone. I cherish my freedom to do what I want. I love how things "don't matter". I cherish not being responsible for a wife and kids. Every time I was in a relationship, the only thing I got out of it was anxiety, agony and heartbreak. I felt chained down to the Earth, and I always felt so guilty about the things I did wrong. I want none of that anymore.

And yet, whenever a girl shows interest, it puts my heart in a race. My knees feel weak. I feel magnetically drawn. I almost can't resist the overwhelming urge to pursue it. Pulling myself away from it is a struggle.

I'd honestly chop off my balls if it didn't have extreme side effects and if it didn't make me "not-male", just to clear up this biological mist that obscures my vision.