Ladies: Is it better for the man to express his interest in you sooner or get to know you first then express interest?

shoup88 · 2016-09-26T21:33:41+00:00

If you share a class or run in the same social circles, I'd say wait for a few interactions before you ask her out. For me, it signals that you're interested in me beyond simply being a breathing woman, and that you're not desperate for a date. Waiting a little bit makes me think you have other priorities, which is attractive.

I'm always a little uncomfortable when someone first shows interest in me. If I don't know anything about you and we have no rapport, my gut instinct will be to say no, and then awkwardly avoid you forever.

In work environments it's especially important to wait a bit. If you ask out every female coworker as soon as they start work, you're going to look like a fool. Numbers game won't work if everyone can see you playing it. You can only ask out so many coworkers - save your effort for available girls who seem to return your interest.

This doesn't mean you should be treating them like a platonic buddy the whole time, though. Make sure you include some playful flirting and banter so they don't write you off as a romantic prospect.

GridReXX · 2016-09-26T20:56:42+00:00

I enjoy the courting process with a dude I find attractive.

So you don't have to go for the kill at first meeting.

You can flirt and I'll know you like me.

But I seem to fall harder for the guy under the guise of playful flirting and actually becoming friendly with one another first over a period of time.

So to answer your question, something in between is preferable for me personally.

Littleknownfacts · 2016-09-26T20:27:15+00:00

Act quick, but don't open with 'can I have your number?'. If a girl doesn't find you attractive or has a boyfriend or whatever you can save both of you a lot of time.

'Getting to know' someone first is like a game of verbal hostage. I know your only talking to me because you want my number, but I can't tell you to just GTFO because there's just enough plausible deniability that it would be conceited of me to assume you were just hitting on me and it would be bitchy and rude of me to tell you to GTFO until you actually come on to me. True story.

fullmoonhermit · 2016-09-26T20:22:10+00:00

I prefer people I know, but I don't speak for all women.

OfSpock · 2016-09-26T20:53:46+00:00

It's not really going to make a difference. We'll be getting to know each other before sex in any case.

[deleted] · 2016-09-26T23:15:32+00:00

Long enough that I know its not entirely about my looks or sex. Soon enough that I feel like the guy wants me badly enough.

2-3 meaningful interactions. In this instance, ask to study with her. Do this maybe twice with mild flirtation covertly mixed in. Then ask her out.

At a "real" job this is usually a bad idea, unless its a big company an you are a department removed.

AmericanHistoryAFBB · 2016-09-26T23:36:48+00:00

Should I the man, act quick or wait a while before going in for the phone number?

Go in for the kill right away.

anitapk · 2016-09-26T20:47:16+00:00

I would rather wait for it. Make me wait so I don't think you are desperate if we are in a situation that will make us meet again.

Find ways to spend time with me or ask me to do something cool with you without asking my number.

tiposk · 2016-09-27T03:25:24+00:00

Just because the guy is hot and I like him physically doesn't mean I would enjoy his company. I'd rather interact with him a while before he asks for my number. If he does right away I'd feel that things are not happening natural.

HumanSockPuppet · 2016-09-26T22:35:29+00:00

If he is getting to know you, he IS expressing intetest.

shogunofsarcasm · 2016-09-27T03:01:32+00:00

If you recently met her and you are interested you should be quick, but not too quick. First day is too quick, getting a number after a couple of good conversations is a pretty good time. That shows that you want to get to know her, and you can learn if she is actually compatible with you. Once you have her number trying to get a date later in the week or the week after is good. Especially if you still see her at work or school.

[deleted] · 2016-09-27T03:17:02+00:00

Immediately. Otherwise I will friend zone you :).

AmericanHistoryAFBB · 2016-09-26T22:39:35+00:00

There's not enough information to answer this question. My advice depends on how I feel about that dude. And the OP doesn't provide any info on that.

[deleted] · 2016-09-27T04:05:24+00:00

[permanently deleted]

[deleted] · 2016-09-26T20:38:23+00:00

Say I'm in a college class with you. Im a hot guy. You hold eye contact with me a lot. Should I ask for your number as soon as possible, or wait till I get to know you in class first?

i'm pretty into studies so this isn't happening unless you're the teacher, and probably not even then, because that's weird and unproductive. but to go with the hypothetical... wait until you get to know me. it's as easy as chatting after class or walking to the next room/commons together. even during a break in class. there are tons of other ways to express interest that are less... forward and easy than asking for a number.

This can also apply to work environments or other places you'll interact with the opposite sex a lot. Should I the man, act quick or wait a while before going in for the phone number?

depends on what you want, honestly. some might be up for that kind of approach, some won't.

but as for me, i'd be kind of wary of a guy who went straight for my number. if i did give the number (which i might, just to avoid conflict or an uncomfortable situation) i probably wouldn't pick up or answer unless we actually did get to know each other. i'd be busy, or sick, or 'accidentally drop my phone in the toilet' or something, and then 'get a replacement' if i changed my mind. after all, you can just get someone else's number pretty quick if you get bored, right?

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wub1234 · 2016-09-27T08:57:45+00:00

If you're attractive to them and you ask as soon as possible then they will qualify your behaviour and say that it was decisive and masculine.

If you're attractive to them and you wait until you get to know them then they will qualify your behaviour in some other way, suggesting that you took an interest in them, or there was a connection or something else.

If you're not attractive to them, it won't make any difference either way.

MisgenderedCactus · 2016-09-27T10:01:43+00:00

Become friends with me first. Then I will become attracted to you, and so long as you're not married like all my current friends are, we will eventually have sex. If you are looking for a quick lay, or someone who can follow the "3 Date Rule", then you shouldn't bother.

Title	Ladies: Is it better for the man to express his interest in you sooner or get to know you first then express interest?
Author	AmericanHistoryAFBB
Upvotes	13
Comments	61
Date	September 26, 2016 8:17 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/54mo2w/ladies_is_it_better_for_the_man_to_express_his/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/ladies-is-it-better-for-the-man-to-express-his.272755 https://theredarchive.com/post/272755