Let's talk about dates

topredhat · 2021-07-18T23:51:06+00:00

I don't think guys and girls on this subreddit date much. I don't think most of these people are normal

SonicBackScratcher · 2021-07-19T00:02:07+00:00

Honestly I like the escape room idea to filter out idiots.

Ppdebateismental · 2021-07-19T00:16:18+00:00

Don’t have suggestions for all of A to F, but hated movie first dates. Just awkward, you are sitting close to someone you don’t know in silence for two hours. Also not great is too noisy bars, go to a quiet one with booths if you want to meet for a drink.

I know a guy getting married next year and I asked him how they met. He saw a girl on an indoor rock climbing wall and recognized her from his graduate degree program. He asked her to go rock climbing in real life, not an indoor rock wall. That seemed GENIUS tbh. Has very similar elements to the escape room I think. They took turns spotting each other, building trust (never done it, what he told me), team work, lots of adrenaline flowing. Opportunity for some touching too.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2021-07-19T00:44:25+00:00

Heh, I'll bite.

Eh.... If you want an LTR screen heavily for character traits that you genuinely like and that fit your lifestyle. People are honestly pretty fucking terrible at this and always end up confused about why things aren't working afterwards.
How much of a connection you make with your date. The good ones, you'll end up thinking on the same page as most of the time. Only time it would be expressly bad is if I detested the type of person they were. Otherwise it's just meh.
Uhh haven't ever been on any particularly bad ones. Honestly nothing is sticking out as a best but my first date with my girlfriend of 7 years was nice. Other fun one was the year we were snowed in, went to build a snowman, then got massive diner breakfast after.
Depends on the person you are dating. Less for someone off an app than someone you met IRL and have a connection with. My first date with my girlfriend was... $16 for dinner total at a Thai place, but that was years ago and it was a weirdly cheap spot.
Dive right in. It isn't awkward if you just talk it away, honestly.

My perspective is a bit unique though. I'd never consider dating someone I didn't have a warm connection with first. Meet and greet first dates I've had were always bleh.

Nickover50 · 2021-07-19T00:37:45+00:00

First date should be a meet and greet, something easy and casual like coffee or ice cream cone. Good dates are where you talk, listen and enjoy each other’s company. Bad dates are where you’re talked at, vented too, or hear about all the other assholes out there. Worst date I ever had, she didn’t look anything like her pics and had to come right up to me and say “ hi I’m Karen”. She was stuffed into lulu lemons that must of been incredibly uncomfortable as they were several sizes too small. I think she was the doppelgänger of Wanda from “in living colour” Awkwardness only happens if you’re just not compatible, otherwise a little nervousness should be put at ease once you’re talking.
My tips for ladies is. Please don’t interview or Interrogate us, just talk to us like we are friends and we are happy to answer questions. If we ask something you’re uncomfortable with, it’s ok to say you’ll answer later when you know us better. It’s just a date, we have no expectation other than to enjoy your company, get to know you and mutually decide if we want to know more.

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-07-19T01:15:58+00:00

A: Stop trying to have your cake and eat it too. Either you be a high-value person and hold out for what you want or you stick to the buffet lifestyle and settle for what's available to you.

B: Good dates are casual, non-serious and in a setting where both people feel comfortable enough to be themselves and remain open with each other without expectations. Bad dates are the opposite.

C: Not sure if I've ever had a bad date so much as a bad dating partner. Often times, people don't know what they want or their self-esteem is in the gutter so they resort to manipulation tactics and dating rules rather than being themselves.

D: However much both people are comfortable with paying.

E: Break the ice by bridging the gap. Being open with others causes them to respond by being open in return.

F: Mods gay.

XtoDoubt · 2021-07-19T00:05:23+00:00

Drinks or coffee. Anything else is too much effort for someone you don't know. If you're a dude, just pay. I used to do all this shit so that the check would be split, but the juice isn't worth the squeeze. Just pay.

SuperSupremeKai · 2021-07-19T00:20:35+00:00

Alright.

Nope, no experience to do that.
... no experience...
Uhh...
... a good meal's worth? or some coffee if it was a simple meet up?
A good joke?
I... have nothing to add.

PlayfulLawyer · 2021-07-19T01:23:03+00:00

A. Do you have any dating tips for the same or opposite sex?

When I go out on a date I put on as little a facade as possible, I've put my life in order to where I don't have to tolerate a lot of the bullshit that comes with dating girls so I'm not going to tell a whole bunch of fibs, and honestly keep the first date casual, I believe in the person who does the asking out to pay for the date, so even though I have the means, for the most part I'm not breaking the bank on the first date .

My advice for women would simply be, if you're really feeling the guy, surprise him and actually ask him out and take him for the date, I think I saw a study a long time ago that show that women who make the first move actually those relationships last longer, I initiated the contact with my girlfriend but she was the first one to ask for my number, and she actually paid for our first date, even though it was just a couple things of coffee and some muffins, that was a very pleasant surprise

B. What makes a good/bad date?

Basically just having a good time with the person, if you leave the date wanting to see the person and talk to them again afterwards, that's a good day to me, a bad date can range from never wanting to see that person again to just having no chemistry

C. Tell us about the best/worst date you've had.

Well I've never really ranked my dates like that, there's some that do stand out, like I remember when I met my girlfriend back in college during spring break, the week we had to start off the following four and a half years was such a young love High but that's a longer story, as far as the worst date I had nothing really horrendous oh, some girls were a little rude there was one day that I was on with a feminist who said the words patriarchy and equality and all those buzzwords to such an extent that I just had to let her know before I went to sleep that it wasn't going to work, sometimes there's just no chemistry Etc

D. How much should be spent on a first date?

There's not an exact limit but like I said I'm not going to break the bank for you oh, now I live in Chicago there's obviously a lot of great restaurants here for a good price but odds are I'm not taking you somewhere super high-end, and not to mention a lot of times in general mom and pop places have the best food anyways , high end stuff is generally pretty overrated

Now this is not to say that the First Dates always need to be at some restaurant, sometimes it can just be at some activity , maybe something is in the area, who knows, in this day and age though it might be a good idea to just start talking through video calling, maybe there's no need for a date anyways lol

E. How do you overcome the initial awkwardness?

A few jokes to break the ice, if needed,it usually comes pretty naturally, and not to mention it's a good way to see if your senses of humor matchup

And yeah I guess that's mostly it unless there's other questions lol

xFallacyx69 · 2021-07-19T11:58:10+00:00

A. Match each other’s energy. A lot of people treat others based on how they feel or what the other person says, and not how that person treats them.

B. Good chat/ mutual attraction. Bad date? Bringing up past relationships way too much… Being rude (this includes to waiters/waitresses.

C. Had tons of good dates. Worst date was a chick who was dating someone else and her bf started catching on so mid date she nuked it by acting like a complete bitch out of left field. I laughed about it on zoom and she apologized but it never grew into something more for obvious reasons.

D. Not much. It’s just getting a vibe.

E. By talking about interests and acting happy to be there.

F. Don’t let people treat you bad. I know… he/she is cute. You can’t carry a relationship. It’s been tried many times and failed. Look out for #1

2021-07-19T01:11:57+00:00

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Comprehensive_Zombie · 2021-07-19T01:45:46+00:00

A. Do you have any dating tips for the same or opposite sex?

Go in with an open mindset. Come prepared with like 5 good open ended questions with segues into them and related stories if your not good at shooting the shit or talking with someone new. But also don’t turn it into a job interview. Be an active listener.

B. What makes a good/bad date?

Good dates are either comforting (as in this man makes me feel so at ease with his presence) or exciting (this guy is so much fun). As for bad dates I feel like it’s lack of conversational flow. Aggressive or rude personalities. It’s okay to be a little shy and maybe take pauses in conversation but don’t be fearful of your date.

C. Tell us about the best/worst date you've had.

Best was this guy who I met up with for drinks. We initially planned to sit in the bar but I wanted to walk around so we walked around while buzzed and watched different street performers. He was really easy to be around, we liked a lot of the same things, and he just went with the flow, and he was funny. 2 worst dates I’ve had was one guy who just wouldn’t shut up. He just wouldn’t stop talking about himself, I couldn’t get a word in. He never asked me any questions, or turned the questions I asked him back towards me. By the end I could describe his best high school rugby match, the names of all his siblings, and his dogs medical conditions and he probably could not even tell you my last name. The other bad one was a guy who I went to dinner with who just couldn’t look me in the eye. He asked very “surveyish” questions (what’s your favorite color/what animals do you like/ what’s your favorite season). I knew he was nervous and so I definitely tried to guide the conversation towards things I knew for fact we both enjoyed but he wouldn’t let me? It was weird. Like I’m trying to help you dude, please.

D. How much should be spent on a first date?

I think first dates should be light and breezy so only enough to get coffee or drinks in your area. If it’s an activity maybe 30 per person.

E. How do you overcome the initial awkwardness?

I used to get really nervous going on first dates but then I started to go in with the mindset of just treating them like I’ve known them for years and I’m just going out with a good friend. It took the edge off me mentally and I feel like it helps the person I’m dating feel at ease if they’re more shy.

F. Anything else you'd like to add or discuss? Feel free.

I agree dinner dates are played out. You’re not talking for half of it, it’s rarely in a personal setting, and the environment is stagnant and not conducive to conversation. I like activities and I agree with how they will show you a date’s character but I feel like we’d need to stay on task for the activity as opposed to focusing on each other and letting the conversation lead wherever. It’d still be something I would do, but probably in a later date.

Ladyofblades · 2021-07-19T02:20:38+00:00

Don’t set dumb expectations by aiming too low or too high. Meaning choose a nice place that doesn’t smell of broke or too fancy. Aim within your means and suggest one that fits your own lifestyle. Avoid being basic/generic stuff like meeting at Starbucks and choose a place that reflects who you are.

Had a guy ask me to a swanky bar and all he ordered was a bagel. No drinks no nothing. That was dumb and turned me off him immediately, so I just finished my drinks and gave short answers before it was time to leave. Of course I paid for my drinks

06534956 · 2021-07-19T03:59:50+00:00

A. For both: be intentional and honest with yourself and with the other person. Figure out what you want and let those desires be known within the first 1-2 dates.

For the ladies: shut up. Don’t talk about your relationship woes or childhood trauma. Ask fun and playful questions rather than interviewing him. You want to know HOW he thinks, rather than WHAT he thinks.

For the men: be impressive, talk about the cool things you like to do and show off. Be a man, handle the situations, but be playful too.

Life is fun, life is playful, don’t worry so much.

2021-07-19T06:18:57+00:00

A. Do you have any dating tips for the same or opposite sex?

yes for the same sex :AMALT until proven otherwise assume that men are creeps who lie,cheat,force and pay for sex and aren't the RoMaNtIc gender like they like t portray HENCE the goal will be to meet men who put their cash and dicks where their mouthes are. as in men who aren't creeps nor hypocrites

oh you don't like the current casual/hookup scene??then best not be participating in it 😏

oh you don't like the existance of the sex industry??great me too but better not be participating in it in anyway whether it be porn,strippers,escorts,ONLYfans,CamGirls etc

oh you don't like goldiggers??cool,then don't be superficial going after looks then get suprised that you are used for cash esp when you are older than the said goldigger

B. What makes a good/bad date?

bad date:one where the man goes on about sex,leads everything to sex etc ,i simply put such men in the to be used for cash 'box'

good date:where the man talks about everything except sex,hasn't lied about his age,nor relationship status

C. Tell us about the best/worst date you've had.

Worst date:met a middle-ages men(30s+) who lied that he was in his 20s,so decided to play along,strung him along for a while ,made sure to never meet him alone,then ghosted,blocked etc him when he kept trying to lead me to be alone with him CREEP had the nerve to get angry at me saying i used him for cash (what else does he offer with his lying aged -self??nothing)and got another number to tell me off - heck the way i told him off in return - i wouldn't be suprised if he went off OLD for a while 😂👌

D. How much should be spent on a first date?

that's up to the asker to decide

E. How do you overcome the initial awkwardness?

am talkative so i break the ice all the time,so to speak

thelajestic · 2021-07-19T07:06:37+00:00

A. Do you have any dating tips for the same or opposite sex?

Do something a bit fun and engaging. Drinks are fine but activities are good icebreakers - playing pool is a fun first date activity.

B. What makes a good/bad date?

Good - if you vibe well and are both equally interested in carrying the conversation.

Bad - awkwardness/silence, generally indicates you aren't well suited. Or if you start negging/trying to be edgy - great way to end a date immediately

C. Tell us about the best/worst date you've had.

If we're going on first dates: - met for drinks first and we had a great vibe. Went for dinner after and I don't normally do dinner dates, but we'd discussed cuisines and settled on Japanese and he asked about going to a very little known non-chain place because he really wanted to try it - it's my favourite Japanese restaurant so that enamoured me to him. Plus I ordered eel and he tried it so I liked that he showed her could be adventurous with food. Then went back to mine, discovered we have greatly overlapping tastes in music, and then we had excellent sex. Great date from start to finish.

I also once had a date that started great - we went to pay pool and have drinks, played for so long that we then went to a local pub for some dinner. It was then ruined because I invited him back to mine but he asked to go to his instead as he had an early start the next day. All fine, except his flat was the most disgusting place I have ever seen. I've never witnessed anyone live in such mess and filth before. And he was clearly unbothered by it because otherwise he wouldn't have invited me back. I couldn't see him again because I couldn't stomach the thought of dating someone that messy. So that one started off as one of the best then ended as one of the worst.

Worst: again started nice, went for coffee and then a walk. Then went into a music shop where he sat down at a keyboard where he proceeded to play for ages. He was a good player, but it was exceedingly awkward to just be standing in a cramped shop getting in everyone's way for ages while he just played and played. And then he was an atrocious kisser. I did see him a second time because I enjoyed his company other than the music shop bit, but I couldn't get over the awful kissing.

D. How much should be spent on a first date?

As little as possible! Cheap or free ideally, and if you're going for dinner etc it should be a mutually agreed upon place that you can both afford to go. I always split the cost on dates but I don't know people's personal financial situations and I'd never want them to be in a position where we've gone somewhere too expensive for them and they're worrying about how they're going to afford their share.

E. How do you overcome the initial awkwardness?

Activity dates help to break the ice. Or alcohol 😅 Generally in advance we've had enough of a chat that there's something we can pick up in conversation, but also I'll generally ask how they are and what they've been doing with their day so far and see if there's anything I can pick out of that to run with in conversation.

PM_ME_STRIPPERS · 2021-07-19T08:36:11+00:00

A. Do you have any dating tips for the same or opposite sex?

Dont be on your phone

B. What makes a good/bad date?

Being on phone, acting uninterested, only went on date for free food

C. Tell us about the best/worst date you've had.

nah cbf

D. How much should be spent on a first date?

depends what it is, but dinner dates should just be casual and should be SPLIT unless the guy is willing to pay

E. How do you overcome the initial awkwardness?

Talking

F. Anything else you'd like to add or discuss? Feel free.

Soon-to-be-Catlady · 2021-07-19T09:03:56+00:00

A. Do you have any dating tips for the same or opposite sex?

For both: consider communication style. Some people like to react and share stories and listen to you sharing stories, some people only ask questions and reply to questions.

B. What makes a good/bad date?

Good chat throughout and laughter.

C. Tell us about the best/worst date you've had.

Best date: going to an exhibition about mountains with a geographer.

Worst date: going for a coffee with a guy who studied fridges for his master's and told me a lot about how a fridge works.

D. How much should be spent on a first date?

Max. £15 each if you stay at one place, if you get along well and go to another place it can be more.

E. How do you overcome the initial awkwardness?

Don't put a lot of pressure and expectations into that "date". Consider it more getting to know a friend of a friend or a new colleague.

F. Anything else you'd like to add or discuss? Feel free.

I follow the motto "a good chat is never time wasted" so I won't have big expectations or be disappointed if it doesn't work out.

KirthWGersen · 2021-07-19T11:39:57+00:00

For me, dates are simply drinking, listening and talking. I just have fun and ask indirect questions that teach me more about the person than anything else would. I tease, I joke around, create closeness and gradually test the waters with touch as it feels appropriate.

It is just a fun time that will lead to sex when we are both feeling it.

If she likes you (or is well-practised) she will make it easy for you. If it feels like a struggle, just finish up and go and do something else. It really isn't hard.

pubgmisc · 2021-07-19T13:02:40+00:00

Just a small opinion. Maybe a low investment date like a coffee etc, and a place where things are happening like a park or museum etc so you have stuff to talk about, and see if you get along. Just throwing it out there

rosesonthefloor · 2021-07-19T18:05:10+00:00

A. If someone’s not responding or giving you the same energy back, let it be. Good things don’t need to be forced, they happen naturally.

B. A good date IMO has an activity portion and a discussion portion. Sometimes those overlap. Like walk and talk, escape room and drinks, bike ride and picnic, etc.

C. Worst date - he didn’t ask any questions, only responded to them, didn’t seem interested in moving beyond surface level chatting, and it was just kind of awkward that I was the only one keeping the convo going. He picked up the tab even after I offered to split and then later got mad at me and harassed me with texts and calls when I didn’t want to continue anything. He also demanded I pay him $15 for the food when my meal was $13 with tax.

Best date may have been the time we got food/drinks then went to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show at a local theatre with antics galore. It was my first time seeing the movie!

D. I’m a big fan of free dates. Walks, bike rides, etc. My bf and I went kayaking for our first date and it was really really lovely. But if people wanna do other things for their first dates, the cost would depend on that.

E. Lean into it! Laugh about it. It’s a first date, no one’s super comfortable, don’t take it too seriously. Don’t be afraid to say you’re a bit nervous or something like that. Just embrace it.

F. I’m a big fan of activities too. Escape rooms are so fun, and I agree that you can learn a lot about a person that way. Activities also give you a natural topic to talk about, and keep things flowing. They also give you freedom to not talk for every single moment, which can take some pressure off

helloiamheretohelp · 2021-07-20T23:33:41+00:00

For men:

(1) Remember that high attrition rates are the name of the game. If you’re not getting rejected after most first dates, you’re not aiming high enough to achieve your full potential at your current looks level. Rejection is good, it tells you where your value is at and if you can do better.

(2) pre-date try and get a short video call, voice call, or at least voice messages out of the way. This helps filter out the women who won’t be into you from the jump. The order above is from best to worst medium. On the call just chat a bit and flirt a bit, save the heavy escalation for later.

(3) You are aiming for first or second date sex. Anything after that is ok if you want to make it a casual arrangement but never LTR/emotionally invest in a woman who takes more than two dates to fuck you. She just doesn’t fancy you enough, and you want to be in the top bracket of guys your LTR has fucked. Trust me.

(4) Depending on the previous answer, write a ‘map’ of how you’d like the date to go. You pick the bar. The bar should have side-by-side semi-secluded booth seating. You want to map out the escalation process, checking for green lights as you go. This escalation is both verbal (teasing, talking about racier topics, compliments/statements of intent) and physical (arm touch, hand touch, hand hold, leg touch, hair touch, makeout). You do not move to the next escalation level unless she responds enthusiastically. If she keeps not responding like this, finish your drink, tell her you had a nice time, and go home. If you get the makeout, spend some time doing this, then lead her outside and ask if she wants to come to yours. If she says no on d1, she may still really fancy you but be super uncomfortable with stranger danger/have some neurosis. It’s not perfect but try again on d2.

(5) Remember: front-end, girl-specific effort is horribly inefficient. What you want is a repeatable system that occasionally but fairly reliably gets you girls at the top of what you can attract. They will be sort-of enthusiastic about you, but frankly they can take or leave you. This attitude is exactly the same if you ‘date further down’, so don’t think that because a woman is less conventionally attractive she is more likely to look at you like a coyote looks at an open dustbin.

(6) Overcoming awkwardness… you have a job to do, engage in a little tried and tested emotional suppression and just choose not to feel the awkwardness. Get on with what you have to do. Other things apply too e.g. meditation, therapy for severe anxiety, a shot of liquor before you leave the house…

Title	Let's talk about dates
Author	_Neon_Shadow_
Upvotes	6
Comments	55
Date	July 18, 2021 11:44 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/lets-talk-about-dates.793272 https://theredarchive.com/post/793272
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/on2au7/lets_talk_about_dates/