LTRs and Marriage

Mr_Smoogs · 2019-03-19T16:33:03+00:00

We repeatedly get MGTOW "convince me to LTR a woman" posts here. I'm glad this isn't one of those posts in intent but it seems to be conceptually the same lol

Life is just better with my partner. Being a team and conquering obstacles together are worth the risk if the woman is good enough.

concacanca · 2019-03-19T16:44:09+00:00

Been with the wife for 12.5 years, married for 6.5. She's the hottest woman I've been with, smart and from a very good family (the extent of which I'm still discovering). She chose me when she was just 19 with a very low n count but a libido filled to bursting. From day one she pushed and supported me to be the best version of me that I could be. Back then I was just a guy with potential from a top quality university and an edgy sense of humour.

Over those years she's stuck with me through some harder times and now into some really good ones. She's given me room to do things I never dreamt I'd do and likes to come along for the ride. She'll make a wonderful mother to any future kids of mine.

So a whole bunch of stuff really. She's great and makes me want to be great.

LeaneGenova · 2019-03-19T17:46:13+00:00

I come home from the chaos of this world and I only find blissful peace, warmth and love in her arms. She heals me.

How could I not want to stay?

On the opposite, the woman I divorced made me feel that the madhouse of an office I was working at was actually my refuge from having to go home at the end of the day.

I perfectly now know how a LTR is supposed to be.

-TheGreasyPole- · 2019-03-19T16:51:21+00:00

The answer to this question

why a man would opt to commit to one woman

Isn’t neccessarily the same as the answer to this one

what was it that made you want to commit to your SO?

But this one first. I was more or less actively looking for a wife in university. I’d already had a series of LTRs and some success on the STR market and I explicitly looked at university as being the right place to meet a great girl.

When I broke off my previous LTR (she wanted to get engaged but wasn’t the right one) I decided my future wife was the girl I was most interested in that I knew. Pursued her over a few weeks and “snagged” her.

It became obvious she was the right one for me over the next 6-12m and with university ending we did a kinda implicit deal that we’d leave uni, live together, go travelling within 5 years, and if that all unfolded as we expected we’d get hitched and have babies. Not spoken that way, but with us both aware that was the deal.

It unfolded that way, so we got hitched and had babies and lived happily ever after. Some time later I discovered RP and started posting here in PPD.

Would I advise other guys to do this ? Probably not. This worked because of a lot of factors idiosyncratic to me as far as I can see.

The other question here “What circumstances would you advise other guys to get hitched?” Is a different one.

I’d probably only advise this where several circumstances have been satisfied.... You want to have kids relatively imminently... You’ve already had a successful STR career you’ve now had enough of.. You’re prepared to drop the plates and go “sarging a wife” instead (DONT marry your top plate!)... you’re willing to bet the rest of your life on your own judgement.... you’re happy you know enough about how humans work to keep the whole thing under competent control.

If all those are in place, then I’d say you can get hitched at your own risk as i did.

As a male strategy it works, and works better than “just having an LTR” in that specific setup only. If elements of that setup are not satisfied your best bet is probably still plates (or other STR strategies) and/or LTRs but not marriages.

One of the ways I’m an RP heretic is that I can see some areas of the "Male Strategy Landscape" where marriage is worth it. They’re small. They revolve around having kids. But they are there. As many older RPM (including the bloggers) have discovered but prefer not to talk about.

SkookumTree · 2019-03-19T17:09:19+00:00

Why would I commit to a woman: I think she'd be a good partner! Also never really interested in casual sex.

chaddad9000 · 2019-03-19T16:46:53+00:00

I was always a "never getting married" guy and my only real rationale for getting married was because I badly desired to have children with a particular woman. There are advantages to having a partner and a family of course, but I also know of child-free long-term cohabitating couples and they're doing fine too.

WestsideMoonWalker · 2019-03-19T17:21:41+00:00

Because she is awesome. And she (and our cat) keep me toasty in the winter months. Also she is a fucking weirdo and I love it, because I am also quite a strange person.

Edit: the cutest fucking thing is when I come home and the fluffy little butt of a cat we have (well ok, not little, she round) is nuzzled up against my SO as she is reading. The cat will try to snuggle her way under the book for more cuddles and it's adorable.

2019-03-19T22:37:46+00:00

When you find a woman you like spending time with you keep her around. Its really not any more complicated than that.

BirdManBrrrr · 2019-03-19T16:50:20+00:00

I want kids and I refuse to have anything other than a cohabiting nuclear family to raise them in. That requires me to be monogamous to my pending baby mamma, as most would expect. As for her, specifically, she has a set of values and life experience that aligns very well with mine and she's low maintenance and easy to be with. Took me a failed marriage and years of wasted time to figure that out but things are much better now than they would have ever been with my ex wife.

passepar2t · 2019-03-19T17:01:51+00:00

I travel from shithole to shithole doing investigative reporting. All my earthly belongings fit in two suitcases and a small US bank account. I barely earn enough to make ends meet. Everything can come crashing down at any moment. God knows how I've survived this long but I don't know how to live any other way and I have no other skills.

This is entirely incompatible with commitment. Women want nothing to do with me in the long term. If I was looking for commitment, I'd have to radically reimagine myself and live a life full of compromises, and live up to another person's standards. And that just sounds untenable for me. Compromise too little and you get frustration, resentment and breakup. Compromise too much and you get complacency, resentment and breakup. I can't walk the fine line between the two. It's beyond my ability.

Plus, if you're not hitched by 35, it's over for you, male or female. And I turned 35 in August.

blackedoutfast · 2019-03-19T16:52:26+00:00

there's nothing wrong with LTRs/commitment/monogamy. marriage is a bad deal for men.

Here4thebeer3232 · 2019-03-19T16:42:31+00:00

I'm not currently in an LTR, but I've been in them before.

They have to add value to my life, not take from it. If a woman allows me to do more, enjoy things more, and the time without her is lesser than the time with her, why would I not want to commit. I have high standards for the kind of person when I'm with. But when someone meets those standards, I lock that shit down because it would be stupid to let something that makes you happier and more fulfilled slip by.

GrumpyOldHistoricist · 2019-03-19T23:23:20+00:00

what was it that made you want to commit to your SO?

She loved me, I loved her, it was great times together, we meshed well.

We dated a long time, marriage was just dotting the I and crossing the T.

No real regrets in 20 years.

gattaca_ · 2019-03-19T23:52:16+00:00

The question boils down to: Is your life better with or without an significant other?

From a strictly analytic point of view, everything has a cost.

Being single has a cost, as does frequently switching partners, and so does staying with the same person long term.

For many, being single isn't ideal and neither is swinging from vine to vine. Settling down is the best option.

Arsenio Hall said a long time ago that after banging a ton of women all the time, it starts to feel the same. While the sex doesn't necessarily get old, it's not as high a priority, not as exciting as I get older. Maybe an analogy is that for older people enjoying a quiet night having dinner with good friends is more appealing than going to a deafening club getting piss drunk; when I was younger I'd enjoy the club, but now prefer the quiet night out.

wingbark · 2019-03-19T16:57:22+00:00

She’s very pretty, she’s smart, fun to be around, and sex is good.

jax006 · 2019-03-19T17:50:23+00:00

I think I would thoroughly enjoy an LTR with the right woman, because well who wouldnt enjoy having someone mostly resembling a close friend but you can also find sexual fulfillment from? Sounds great imo

2019-03-20T12:09:44+00:00

I've never really liked ONS, I felt depressed afterwards. For me sex is an emotional thing and I learned that quickly.

So I've always been seeking out relationships. What made me commit to my specific SO is that she's just perfect for me. She treats me wonderfully, she's sweet, I trust her, we make each other happy, and we have a shared vision for what we want our future together to be like.

From the first time we met there was just chemistry and things have grown and grown over the past six years. She's the best woman I've ever been with.

Honestly she's the reason I'm still alive, otherwise I'd just be dead already.

I love her more than anyone or anything. It's really a hard thing to describe unless you have felt it yourself.

She gives me something to live for. It runs deep man.

Edit: I am still anti-marriage though. I don't see what possible benefit marriage could bring me that cohabitation can't which is worth the risk of divorce. Also neither of us wants kids.

mgtow_1 · 2019-03-20T13:32:04+00:00

Most men can't get reliable access to sex without a relationship. I entered my LTRs because that was what was expected of me. It starts out as a short term thing, but the woman just keeps asking for more and more commitment and some even give ultimatums. I shut things down at the marriage level everytime because of the financial implications. I have since realized that committrd LTR and marriage don't offer me anything I want so I avoid them. It took me a lot of years to deprogram the idea that I must be married, but breaking it down with a cost benefit analysis was eye opening for me.

2019-03-20T15:36:47+00:00

I think people expect too much from their relationships. As long as she's somewhat attractive, not high maintenance, and enjoys the same things as me she's a candidate. That's hard to find though.

UEMcGill · 2019-03-19T19:05:27+00:00

I wanted a family, and to be a family man. My wife has the same values as me and was a good match going forward.

Now we have three kids and it's been a whole lot of fun seeing them manifest different versions of your wife or your personality. All my kids are like me, but not like me. They're also like my wife but not like her.

cxj · 2019-03-19T19:50:02+00:00

Not married, I agree with TRP that marriage is a huge risk with poorly defined benefits but so does my gf so that’s a big plus. I’m with her because she’s cute in a wifeable way, sweet and nice, feminine, cooks, does everything I like in the bedroom, and the standout trait really is that Shea’s willing to be with me when I was broke (although she knew I’d eventually have money) and paid for most of our outings for like a year, and didn’t lose interest when I had a panic attack and she had to call the ambulance. She likes video games and her cat.

Barely-moral · 2019-03-19T18:12:24+00:00

I wanted to be in a LTR that only ends with death since I have a concept of what a romantic relationship is.

So I only had to create the situation/find the person that would allow me a chance that is enough of a low risk so I can give it a try.

Took me a few years but I did create the situation, I did find miss moral and 7 years after that I am still with her. I am giving it a try.

What make me commit to miss moral. I could say that it was because she was good to me and she improved my mood just by the way she acted. But that is not it. If that was the case I could have commited to other women. I decided that I was going to commit to her because I was/am convinced that she can't get any better than me.

darla10 · 2019-03-19T19:54:39+00:00

I'd commit to a woman only if she has a high status like me. I aim very high. In the end, my life is pointing towards the art - music, graphic art, creative writing. Unless she's interested in those and in working in those, I have no reason to commit.

Only weak people want to start a family.

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2019-03-19T17:30:44+00:00

I eventually want kids, so I'll commit once/if I find a good mother for them.

DaphneDK42 · 2019-03-20T05:42:12+00:00

For those of you who are in a serious relationship (LTR/married), what was it that made you want to commit to your SO?

Kids.

2019-03-20T06:52:19+00:00

Being in love and wanting a family make me want to commit.

jkonrad · 2019-03-20T08:18:46+00:00

Time and quality. It takes too much time to keep a rotation, and regardless, the highest quality women only do LTRs.

the_calibre_cat · 2019-03-20T20:17:52+00:00

Life partner, adventure sidekick, someone to be there, offspring manufacturer, sexytimes collaborator, etc. I want those things, but the power dynamics and politics of modern relationships frighten me into thinking that I may never actually get that.

Also, women hold the cards and sort of make us commit to one woman... so we do. If we could, we might have a few women with whom we are intimate with... but most of us cannot do that, since most of us aren't Chads. If that was the world we lived in, 90% of men would never get laid before death.

Honestly, it seems pretty obvious to me why men want women. It is considerably less obvious to me why women want men, given the, uh, rhetoric, about men, from women.

ThatDamnedRedneck · 2019-03-21T01:46:24+00:00

I was interested in having kids, and she wanted a nuclear family. We also have a lot of compatibility, and since we got together when I was pretty much broke I wasn't exactly worried about her being a gold digger like I would be if I had to start dating again.

2019-03-21T02:57:45+00:00

Despite me being hesitant to commit to her at first, I was in my first LTR because i liked her company, her personality, nurturing and motherly instincts, her vulnerability with me and most importantly constant access to sex. We broke up in College and i went on a fucking spree with a lot of women at the same time. It was too dangerous and soulless for me (Risks of STDS, Pregnancy scares)

I just left an exclusive FWB and i'm really happy. I love variety and I like fucking multiple women and it makes me happy. Anytime i try to commit to one particular woman i feel powerless. I currently only have sex with 3 women on the regular atm. But i don't mind having ONS with other women and if they have great personalities i add them to my roster ;)

2019-03-21T14:28:02+00:00

I was expected/wanted to get married and start a family because "thats what grown men do once they have established themselves." I found someone who was smart, conservative, kind, and whom I thought would make a good mother. I also, quite frankly was tired of "the game" and did not find the "prize" to be worth the chase so to speak--I was quite bored with one-night stands and meaningless sex.

In retrospect, I regret getting married, as the institution is fucked six-ways til sunday and now I am trapped.

sadomasochrist · 2019-03-19T17:45:21+00:00

nAWALT, like most men.

couldbemage · 2019-03-19T20:29:31+00:00

If I get along well with, and day to day life works, that's all I need. But never to one woman, that's silly. There's no reason to do that, so I don't.

I really don't understand why anyone is monogamous, apart from societal programming.

	with children	childless
married	ideal	nonideal
unmarried	absolutely unacceptable	nonideal

Title	LTRs and Marriage
Author	SmurfESmurferson
Upvotes	34
Comments	137
Date	March 19, 2019 4:22 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/b2zfs2/ltrs_and_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/ltrs-and-marriage.256688 https://theredarchive.com/post/256688