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Marry A Virgin But it Turns Out You’re Not Compatible

September 6, 2022
43 upvotes

Okay gentlemen. Those of you that specifically seek to date virgins: Would you divorce a virgin woman if it turned out you weren’t physically compatible, or that she didn’t like sex, had no sex drive and saw it as a chore to be done. Either way, she only does it sometimes to make you happy, but never initiates.

How would you handle this situation? You literally cannot make her enjoy sex with you. Because she’s a virgin; she thinks this is how sex is, and because you’re married she knows it can’t get better: would you stay?

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Post Information
Title Marry A Virgin But it Turns Out You’re Not Compatible
Author anonymous-platypus1
Upvotes 43
Comments 215
Date September 6, 2022 7:29 PM UTC (4 months ago)
Subreddit /r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/marry-a-virgin-but-it-turns-out-youre-not.1129843
https://theredarchive.com/post/1129843
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/x7jfzx/marry_a_virgin_but_it_turns_out_youre_not/
Comments

[–]prizefighterstudent 13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

This shit is overdone at this point. 90% of dudes aren't going to marry a virgin -- and half the dudes who claim they would only date a virgin would fold if they had a solid 5 willing to cook them dinner once in a while thrown their way.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You know its really any woman willing to sleep with them. Cooking is optional: Uber eats is convenient.

[–]pookiecombs 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Especially if she pays for the Uber Eats.

[–]Anti_ThingChristpilled 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It's still something important to think about for people like myself who belong to religious communities that expect people to marry as virgins.

[–]purplish_possum 59 points60 points  (25 children) | Copy Link

Anyone stupid enough to buy without a test drive deserves what they get.

[–]EviessVeralan 12 points13 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

That doesnt always help in these situations. Ive read plenty of stories on r/deadbedroom where the woman or man "enjoyed" sex long enough to lock them down then the sex stopped.

[–]ArguesAgainstYou 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That sub, as a near-incel, is what I read when I want to feel good about myself.

Horrible situations some of these people are in and as you say, in some cases it's pretty obvious that the LL-partner was trying to deceive the HL-partner...

[–]purplish_possum 5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

The guy needs to have enough experience to be able to differentiate sex where she's actually attracted and sex where she's doing just enough to keep her plan moving forward.

[–]Ilarva 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

her malicious plan lmao

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Her plan to…save herself for marriage and have a happy marriage? I’m confused.

[–]purplish_possum -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Have just enough sex with poor hapless Billy Beta to get him to propose. Then, once the deal is sealed and the honeymoon over it's dead bedroom time.

[–]CrystalMethMyBFF -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

its not hard to tell if someone really enjoys fucking your or not regardless of experience but i get your point

[–]Diddy_1978 18 points19 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

That’s what I always say (woman here!). I wouldn’t even buy a pair of shoes before trying them on!

[–]riverden 14 points15 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Good job compare humans to objects specifically consumer objects

[–]NeighborhoodVeteran 12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Bad shoe! Bad!

[–]WhereasSpiritual -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Ooooook. Please enlighten us about what you think is a better comparison. Don't pluck a flower without smelling it first? Sicko.

[–]riverden 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

How did you get that I am a sicko from that, I just said that the comparison is not a good one. This is because humans are not consumer products like a car. Humans are more dynamic can consumer products in which we have selfish desires and the capacity for self preservation. When we get into relationships with other people it is in respect to their boundaries. Something that consumer goods don't have. Test driving people is not enough to fully understand the compatibility of a human being. I would argue test driving a car isn't enough to understand your compatibility with a car either because driving in high, elevation, or rugged terrain is not available on the test spot and I bet people don't use all the features of a car immediately either. My argument is not that we ought to marry immediately upon meeting but that we ought bond with another person in a serious capacity to understand the compatibility of said relationship

[–]jayval90PUAs are Blue Pilled 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This isn't an answer to the question.

[–]dukesaces -4 points-3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I don't usually compare women to cars but seeing as you're rolling with this analogy, i also don't pay full price for used cars, i only rent them.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

That made me gag.

[–]Ilarva 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

lmao yikes

[–]Sad_Entertainer6312 19 points20 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Divorce

[–]ManzBearzPigzIzRealz 5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

Exactly. OP is acting like it’s not relatively easy to get out of a new marriage.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 13 points14 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

So this is a hypothetical. And I’m seeing what people value more. The virgin marriage or the sex? Because I know one thing: if I’m a virgin that found out the guy I’m dating divorced his wife because of sex, then I’m definitely never taking that risk with him.

[–]ManzBearzPigzIzRealz -2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Then I would say you lack empathy. If a woman left her husband because he refused to be affectionate with her (ie treated her like a platonic friend that he had sex with) I would absolutely not judge her for it.

What do you mean, “divorced his wife for sex”? That’s very ambiguous. No sex? Not enough sex? Not the kind of sex he wants?

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

As a virgin I would be afraid of the same thing happening to me. You had the fairytale and it didn’t work. That would stress me out.

If you’re waiting again to have sex until marriage. If be thinking the entire time “what if it happens to me and I can’t please him. Is he going to take my virginity and divorce me too?”

Though I think you wouldn’t do the same thing twice, and as a virgin, I’d probably still want to wait for marriage.

[–]Anti_ThingChristpilled 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

And I’m seeing what people value more. The virgin marriage or the sex?

Why put those two things in opposition? Having regular sex within marriage is just as important as preserving virginity before marriage.

Because I know one thing: if I’m a virgin that found out the guy I’m dating divorced his wife because of sex, then I’m definitely never taking that risk with him.

Why is that? Unless he has perverted desires, there's not risk of him leaving you for that reason as long as you understand your marital duties.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Way to resurrect an old thread. I wouldn’t take that risk because he already divorced a wife for not being able to please him in bed. As a virgin I have no way of knowing if I’d actually enjoy sex: or if I have a sex drive thats compatible. He’s already created precedent that he will leave if not sexually satisfied.

[–]kvakerokEvolved Red Pill "Chadlite" 9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

A better question is why would she want to stay married to a progressively more salty man, assuming he decided to stay while cockblocked in his own marriage?

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I mean why did he decide to stay? They love one another.

[–]InfamousBake18591 points [recovered] (24 children) | Copy Link

Wow these replies are like 🤮

I’m glad I’m not married to a man who demands I have sex with him even if i don’t enjoy it and must continue it like a chore.

Sometimes I want to please my husband but I’m not in the mood myself. (It’s still my choice to initiate it or not stop it)… but if my husvand picks up that I’m not in the mood - he loses his urge too. If you love someone, you wouldn’t force someone to have sex with you. And no, sex and chores should not be the same thing. Bleh.

[–]EviessVeralan1 points [recovered] (11 children) | Copy Link

OP was referring to a full on dead bedroom, not just "not being in the mood right now". Men arent evil for having needs.

[–]anonymous-platypus11 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

I think they were more referring to the men that were saying “as long as she does it anyway I’m happy”. Divorce is a lovely option in this hypo because asking someone to not have sex ever is unfair.

[–]LondonLobby1 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

i mean i could just always open the relationship up on my end.

there are positives and negatives of every situation. in this case, if her only flaw is her sex drive is abnormally low, then that means the chances of my wife doing some hoe shit and embarrassing me is extremely low compared to most women.

but if she’s a dutiful wife, willing to have children, and pleasant to be around, then i don’t mind. my kids get to have a good mom who’s not a hoe. that combo is uncommon these days 👌🏻

[–]anonymous-platypus11 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

Wait, but you want to be able to open up the marriage and do hoe shit and embarrass her!

[–]InfamousBake18591 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

Dead bedroom due to libido. That should kill your own libido too… having sex with someone who finds having sex with you a chore

[–][deleted]  (3 children) | Copy Link

[permanently deleted]

[–]InfamousBake18591 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

Sure but perhaps don’t go around only marrying virgins

[–]cult-imagery1 points [recovered] (11 children) | Copy Link

You really just read whatever you wanted and didn’t even digest the context smh

[–]InfamousBake18591 points [recovered] (10 children) | Copy Link

There would be no context that would be acceptable for someone to be like “my spouse should continue to have sex with me even if they didn’t want to”

That a rapist mindset. Thanks for your admission?

[–]cult-imagery1 points [recovered] (5 children) | Copy Link

Who said any of that? Are you delusional? That’s not even in the original post nor in my response. You’re either a troll, illiterate or both.

[–]InfamousBake18591 points [recovered] (4 children) | Copy Link

Look again. Here is one user u/barely-moral

No, i’m not going to list out individual user names. Literally read through the comments

[–]NationalistGoy1 points [recovered] (3 children) | Copy Link

I understand where you come from, and I agree that you shouldn't be forced to have sexual intercourse with your husband, but please let me ask you this and be honest.

If you were a stay at home wife/mother, and you decided not to have sex with your husband, should he continue to provide for you? He will continue to provide for the kids, but like he literally tells you to get a job and he is going to get himself a mistress. Should he continue to uphold his side of the deal?

[–]InfamousBake18591 points [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link

If she leaves. Is he going to hire a full time nanny for 24 hours a day? That’ll be like 160k

[–]SmarmyPapsmearsMarried but likes to talk shit 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I wouldn't marry a girl before sex so this hypothetical would never happen.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (30 children) | Copy Link

Does she have a condition or something, or she just hates sex because that's what's needed for the idiotic scenario to work?

[–]MadadeppPurple Pill Woman 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There are people with really different sex drives and that can be incompatible in bed in a extreme way. There are people that only want sex 1 or 2 times a month or even less, people that don’t want at all. In the sub dead bedrooms there are several history’s about people that married virgins and then they was totally incompatible in sex / really different sex drives, in this sub there are a lot of stories about the partner just loose the sex drives (a lot of times there was signs before marriage that this could happen but they was ignored), so if the ones that had sex before marriage have risks to end up in a Db imagine the ones that was virgins before marriage

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 8 points9 points  (27 children) | Copy Link

No, she has like inorgasmia. Im a woman with that condition. And it sucks.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (26 children) | Copy Link

So you're basically asking; what if I found myself married to a woman with inorgasmia, with no underlying other causes (or some underlying cause that couldn't be discovered or fixed), who didn't know about it until after she married me because she is a virgin?

In that extremely tortured edge case I would stay with her. It's ''for better or worse'' after all.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 7 points8 points  (24 children) | Copy Link

They don’t know the underlying issue that causes inorgasmia. It’s a real thing and does happen. I see people on here talking about marrying virgins and still having this great sex life. It’s likely it’ll take a lot of time (if she hasn’t done anything with you physically to get there). If she’s never done anything and is from an ultra religious family, then it’s likely she’s been told sex is a duty for procreation: not sometime to be enjoyed. So, there may be some roadblocks there too.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (23 children) | Copy Link

I had a look since I hadn't encountered that word before and a whole load of possible underlying issues were mentioned, most of them mental.

In any case, you are trying to conflate two things. On the one hand is this conditon called inorgasmia, and on the other is the unrelated concept of the woman being a virgin. There is no neccessary link between these two things. If you have evidence that women who are virgins at the time they get married are more likely to develop this condition, or that they have lower sexual frequency with their husbands after X amount of time, then you need to present that.

As it is all you're really doing is scaremongering and trying to insinuate that a virgin woman has a high likelihood of somehow never being able to enjoy sex.

[–]MorphonNo Pill - Universally Skeptical of all Pills 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Someone very close to me had that exact scenario.

He stayed with her, but she eventually had an emotional affair and divorced him. He was sad at first, but got over the "loss" pretty quickly.

[–]riverden -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Bro right this is a stupid scenario like why even bother with this shit, this has to be the most dull hypotheticals I have read

[–]baresquad 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’d never marry a virgin in the first place, but I’d leave that marriage so fucking fast lmao.

[–]Neptune-Jr 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I would stay married to her and take out any sexual frustation with porn. Assuming that the other aspects of our marriage are nice and lovely.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

See like three or four men have said this! Most have been like “she’ll learn to enjoy it, pretend to enjoy it, or divorce”

[–]Anti_ThingChristpilled 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

You didn't specify inorgasmia in your post.

There's a massive difference between someone who has a legitimate medical issue that makes sex an issue on the one hand, & someone who wants to manipulate their partner or simply doesn't care about them at all on the other hand.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

The post isn’t about inorgasmia specifically, but just the sexually incompatibility. Are you going through my post history or something?

[–]Perfect_Promise_943 3 points4 points  (29 children) | Copy Link

Good question something I think a lot about. My current partner is a virgin and she wishes to stay a virgin until marriage. I am a virgin and not necessarily want to wait till marriage but I am willing to for her.

The topic of this post has come to our relationship plenty of times.

There is few things that we do and will continue to do to prevent this. Like we are constantly researching about what other couples do and like, we explore with ourselves(not together) to see what we like, what we dislike, what we can handle and can’t handle. We talk about what we like to watch or read about. Expectation we have and practicing for such as close as possible.

As of today, she hasn’t been diagnosed or anything but she has yet to find sexual desire. She has the desire to want the desire because she does want to do those things with me, but she never has the urge for sexual pleasure. We have talked about it a lot since I’m extremely sexual. Here have been out hypotheticals:

Following a similar scenario like yours. In the case we do get married and she just doesn’t enjoy it. There is a few options before we get to divorce.

First question, is it medical/physical? As in she can’t have sex or is really painful to have sex. If it is medical. It’s not her fault and we would work ways to enjoy the little sex we can get. Maybe she can give me oral, maybe we can figure out how to please her purely with nipple stimulation, buying toys to help out, etc.

If it wasn’t medical, and she simply didn’t like it. Than we have a few other options.

Second question, how much do you hate it? Is it something you despite? Or is it something you just don’t enjoy like a romantic movie that you are willing to watch for your partner?

Is it something you just don’t find attractive and don’t have any desire to do. Then, assuming we have tried everything possible for you to get into it and you just don’t like orgasming or can’t get into it, then if she was willing to, than maybe a case of like free use kink. In the sense that maybe we treat sex as something purely for me. If she doesn’t care, it doesn’t hurt her, and she doesn’t hate it, than maybe we can have sex just for me. We have talked about this possibility and to use her own words she would be willing to be a “pillow princess” in the sense that she would be willing to just lay down and me have “my way” with her but don’t expect her to do much on a daily basis. Maybe once or twice a month she will actually “get into it” and move and do things and not just lay there as a “toy” for me.

If she hated it, than we would try toys and kinks that perhaps didn’t involve actual sex. Some guys like being in chastity have a remote vibrator or things attach to him and all she needs to do is to talk dirty or be cruel and click a button. Perhaps on special occasions like birthdays or such more than that, maybe a blowjob or maybe even sex.

If she hates it that much she can’t even do that. Then the next steps would be toys for myself and spend lots of money on things to help me. Maybe online girl that it’s purely transactional. She has also mentioned the possibility of getting a 3 rd person involved. Not a full relationship but someone I can release my desire with and then be done and come back to her.

All of this are just option we have talked about and gone in depth. And we do have “trial runs” and practices to get a better idea which I’m more than happy to answer any questions about.

[–]Feisty-SaturnRed Pill Woman Who Lives a Blue Pilled Life 6 points7 points  (13 children) | Copy Link

Unless your gf is on birth control or some other drug that would affect her hormones this is something you should be concerned about. No sexual desire is indicative of low libido. If you’re saying you have a high libido there is an incompatibility there. And once you’re married there’s really no incentive for her to fix the issue especially if she doesn’t think sex is a huge importance to a relationship (a lot of people put value in the other things they bring to a relationship)

You should check out the Christianmarriage subreddit, I’ve noticed a few stories on there similar to yours.

[–]CruelAngelGradThesiscall me omae 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Even as a virgin waiting until marriage that scenario sounds...concerning.

Some virgin couples can barely be in a room alone together because they know they want each other badly and it'd be an issue if the opportunity came up. It's tough but often a solid indication that their married life will be fruitful.

On the other hand a relationship where one or both feels no temptation/desire for the other at all can spell trouble. It's kind of ironic in a way.

[–]Feisty-SaturnRed Pill Woman Who Lives a Blue Pilled Life 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I agree. Desire has nothing to do with being in a relationship. Years before I was in my first relationship I still had a high libido and was masturbating.

[–]Perfect_Promise_943 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy Link

I have not seen this Reddit thread and I thank you for the recommendation and I will definitely look into it. She is not on birth control but we are also young. I’m 21 she is 19. She think it’s just that as she continues to get older she will desire it more. She doesn’t hate playing with herself. She mentions she likes for example using a vibrator, but she doesn’t enjoy using her hands. She feels good and she enjoys it but she doesn’t have a desire to do it again necessarily. Like I’ve explained how I personally have an urge to do things with myself or her. She more does it because we want to practice for the future.

But you are right, she could very well have no reason to fix this once we get married. We talked about all the option and I made it very clear that if she is not willing to take one of the many option, all good, no resentment but I will divorce cause I can’t have nothing.

And she is working on herself right now. Like she and I are more attracted to the option of “free use”. What she does is that she does things to herself often even if she doesn’t have a desire to do it(which is never) to get a small idea of how it would be if we were married if and she was “free use”. She does this to see if she can’t even deal with doing things to herself often, than we are 100% won’t work in a marriage, but if she can.. than there is a higher chance than she would be able to live in a “free use” lifestyle

[–]420cheezit 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I’m glad you guys are talking about these things and it shows you have a healthy amount of communication. That being said, I wanted to clear some things up about your “free use” solution.

Free use is a form of CNC (consensual non consent) that involves the “user” having access to the “used” body at the users discretion. This permission is granted by the “used”, usually because they are turned on by the lack of control or something related to that. I want to stress that this is very much an opt in, subclass of D/S Kink. The submissive (used) is actually the one in control, as they have the ability to withdraw this consent at any time with a safe word. IMO, free use is one of the kinkier kinks, and I wouldn’t recommend it for beginners.

The point is, free use should be opted into because it’s something your girlfriend wants that will sexually gratify her, rather than something she does to appease you and meet your sexual desires. The issue with granting this as a solution to a low libido/high libido relationship, is that the low libido partner is probably really misfit for the “used” role. Even for the experienced, CNC scenes can bring up some very heavy emotions. If practicing free use while uninformed, the effects could be very bad for your girlfriends mental health. Because she’s a virgin, she’s really going to need to grow into her sexuality before practicing this. If it’s done as a solution to her indifference towards sex, she’s going to feel like she’s lost her bodily autonomy, feel hurt, and grow resentful.

[–]Main-Leek7908 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

100% this. Im super glad you took time to explain this because i was very alarmed by his mention of free use in this context

[–]Perfect_Promise_943 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think you are totally right and it’s definitely dangerous and we need to be very careful with it. The reason why we have talked about this one, it’s because we are both on Reddit a lot and we read about peoples issue and we have read about a lot of girls who has a low libido and used free use as a way to feel less pressured and it actually increased their libido. I don’t know how often it happens but it is a common answer we have seen in threads of people with low libido.

But you are totally right, it’s not for beginners and we would have to grow into it. We are already in a dom/sub relationship. It’s sort of funny since she is not interested in the sexual aspect but she is a non sexual little and wanted someone that would take care of her.

[–]Feisty-SaturnRed Pill Woman Who Lives a Blue Pilled Life 2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

Yea I don’t think it has anything to do with age, especially since she’s gone through puberty already. Years before I had my first relationship I was masturbating because I was just horny. The same way there are single men who desire sex, single woman also desire sex.

I have a friend (26) who intended to wait till marriage but eventually had sex with her bf after 2 years. She admitted to me that she doesn’t enjoy or crave sex, often she wishes it to be over the few times she has done it. She blames this on her Catholic guilt. She believes her desire will go up when she gets married. I think it’s highly unlikely that her feelings are going to change once a piece of paper is signed.

It is good you made your feelings clear though.

[–]CrystalMethMyBFF 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

Is he just ass at sex? I dont get this, if he was someone worth marrying then he'd try hard to get better at sex

[–]Perfect_Promise_943 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I hope that won’t be our case. If it ends up being ours I hope we can figure out but if not than it has been made clear divorce would be the next thing.

Thank you for your kind words.

[–]Main-Leek7908 2 points3 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

Don’t marry this woman. You’re not going to be fulfilled with someone who has such a different amount of libido than you. As much as people like to pretend it isn’t, sexual satisfaction is a very important component of marital satisfaction and intimacy.

Nobody is going to be mentally well trying to have duty sex for the rest of their lives, either.

[–]Perfect_Promise_943 0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy Link

Well my take on it is that im a virgin and so is she. I have been able to have a good healthy relationship with her so far. Why would that change? And I don’t see why seeing sex as a duty is so bad? It’s just as bad as any other duty in a relationship

[–]Main-Leek7908 2 points3 points  (12 children) | Copy Link

She has no libido. She doesn’t actively desire sex ever. So once you want to physically penetrate her body, which is a whole different world of sexual exploration (not to mention that the first time can be physically painful), it’s always going to be duty sex.

Do you understand what it would be like if you had to make yourself put up with somebody else putting a part of their body inside you for the rest of your life? Would you not feel like an object and completely unconsidered by the person using your body? I assure you, you would not be mentally okay. Like, think about a woman wanting to peg you whenever she wants, and you having no desire for it ever. How do you expect that to go?

Please, for the love of everything good, do not marry this person. There are virgins out there that do have sex drives whom you won’t have to impose sex upon.

[–]Perfect_Promise_943 0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy Link

I mean free use is not the only option. If she decides it hurts her or makes her feel too much like an object and she doesn’t like it, than we have other options before we call it quits. I understand what you are saying. It is also true some people like feeling like objects. And we do little practices on our own to mimic the future as much as possible. But of course it’s not the same but it’s to get an idea

[–]dukesaces 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

The divorce rate in most of the west is between 40-70%. Most of these couples aren't virgins and are sexually active men and women getting married. Sex always declines after a year or two into marriage and it's usually the woman who triggers this decline. A lot of women also fake their sex drive and are very enthusiastic about sex before they've got the ring but won't do anymore than missionary and a blowjob after. Pregnancy, mental and physical problems and so many other things can also influence sex drive or one or both partners can gain/lose weight which affects attraction.

People mention sexual compatibility a lot when they're being dismissive of virgin marriages but what about the fact that even in most non virgin marriages, problems with sexual compatibility often do arise? At the end of the day nothing's a guarantee. You talk about your desires and your sex drive with your partner and hope for the best and if you guys are truly incompatible after marriage then you may have to divorce but with virgin marriages having a much lower rate of divorce than marriages with people that have had multiple partners, i don't think this is a common problem.

[–]SwimmingTheme3736 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Sex does not always decline after a year or so of marriage at all

[–]ummizazi 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’ve never known a women who faked her sex drive. I’ve known women who wanted it all the time but then the novelty wore off and it wasn’t as fun anymore. Same thing happens to guys too. At first they want it 5 times a day and then maybe 3/4 times a week.

With a virgin woman it’s almost no way it’s going to be physically amazing for her the first time and she’s not going to be great at it. If both of you are virgins it has better odds.

[–]FlyV89 2 points3 points  (63 children) | Copy Link

Marry a virgin who turns out doesn't like sex

VS

Marry a promiscuous woman who turns out is not that kind of woman anymore

Mmmm...

Hard choice...

Which is the one I'm going to be shamed and mocked the less for getting married with?

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 10 points11 points  (21 children) | Copy Link

…the only speeds are virgin or promiscuous?

[–]malazanbettasRed Pill Woman 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Right? What about low libido low n count men? I’m leaving but not because I have not tried to work on it.

[–]FlyV89 -2 points-1 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

I have never met a virgin in my entire life since I started dating at 15.

Kid you not.

I was speaking just hypothetically. IF I ever met a virgin kinda.

I lost mine to a more experienced girl. No way she didn't knew what she was doing, and she was like 16 or somethin.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 1 point2 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

I mean I’ve met a male 37 yo virgin. And many asexual virgins. Lots of religious female virgins, though outside of their partner’s very few male virgins. Guess it depends on the crowds. Honestly I don’t think virginity is that big a deal. Especially when you’re an adult: having consensual sex doesn’t change you: won’t make you a better or worse person if you do it responsibly. And I truly feel like the guys that think it does, secretly think sex is dirty. Or have a low opinion of men; as how can having sex with you ruin a woman?

[–]FlyV89 3 points4 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Now you're bringing lots of asumptions here, see.

I've met a lot of virgin dudes thou, yes. You start seing them less after 20 something but I've met a few well into their 30's too.

Honestly I don’t think virginity is that big a deal.

Me neither.

having consensual sex doesn’t change you

Yes it does.

won’t make you a better or worse person

Good person doesn't equate good partner. I've met lots of promiscuous women who were great mothers, daughters, friends and employees. They weren't that great as girlfriends and wives thou. Specially the ones... Well, long story.

And I truly feel like the guys that think it does, secretly think sex is dirty.

There are lots of reassons. I'm a very promiscuous man myself and I love sex, but I have my own set of reassons to not date women like me. Also, long story.

Or have a low opinion of men

I do have a low opinion of men too. And society has a low opinion of men, as a whole, too.

as how can having sex with you ruin a woman?

Dude...

A bad man can ruin a woman psychologically, physically, emotionally, socially, economically, spiritually... Damn, the possibilities are endless.

You haven't met enough women amerite?

[–]SmilesLikeMardiGrasseriously, like have you seen my silhouette SHEESH 4 points5 points  (34 children) | Copy Link

marry a promiscuous woman who loves sex with you is another option

[–]FlyV89 0 points1 point  (33 children) | Copy Link

I mean...

Do I need to marry her at all?

It makes no sense.

If she was promiscuous then I don't think she's quite intrested in marriage.

And if she loves sex with me, then I think we have already had sex, so lets just have sex and leave marriage for marriage-minded people right?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (30 children) | Copy Link

Are you saying you'd marry someone just for the sex?

[–]FlyV89 0 points1 point  (29 children) | Copy Link

No, I'm saying I would marry a woman I love if she demanded marriage first before having sex, because I like the woman and I like sex.

If she already had sex with other men and we're already having sex, then I see no point in getting married, since marriage is a religious traditional institution for highly religious and traditional minded people, tied to virginity, which is another traditional institution.

If she already had sex with other men and she requires to get married before we have sex I'm snoping the fuck out.

[–]SmilesLikeMardiGrasseriously, like have you seen my silhouette SHEESH 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

do whatever you want

[–]FlyV89 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am

[–]ummizazi 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Men care way too much about what their friends think of the person they’re putting their dick into. If she makes you happy why worry about what another dude thinks about it.

[–]FlyV89 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

A friend once introduced to our group of friends a girl I had put my dick into.

I don't want that shit happening to me when I introduce mine to my family.

[–]ummizazi 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Then you share information about chicks you’re into before you fuck them.

I talk to my friends about dudes I’m interested in. I send them pics and everything. They would let me know before I did that.

It probably wouldn’t happen anyway because we aren’t attracted to the same guys. But I’m the rare case I was talking to some one that out their dick in them, they’d be like “ummm not that dude”

[–]FlyV89 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Isn't that slut shaming?

[–]The9thElement16f radical feminist 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

There is no room for nuance with you people. Every woman is either a chaste pure virgin or promiscuous slut. No variation, no in between.

[–]CosmicBioHazard 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

I’m assuming she loves me a lot if she’s still doing this to keep me happy, right? And attracted to me. The possible reason you’ve cited the most is a sexual disorder, preventing orgasm, so I’ll assume that’s the issue and she knows it.

I wouldn’t leave, at least not right away, if it was clear from the rest of the relationship that she was loving and affectionate, and she indicated that she was happy with me. If I had reason to believe she was displeased with me I’d drop her.

Now, assuming all that I’d be willing to experiment with ways to make it worth her while; for instance, inability to orgasm doesn’t necessarily mean she can’t derive pleasure from one of the many possible ways one can be touched: perhaps identifying one would make sex enjoyable even if the vaginal penetration wasn’t a contributing factor.

[–]Feisty-SaturnRed Pill Woman Who Lives a Blue Pilled Life 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Why would you assume she is aware she has a sexual disorder?

[–]jayval90PUAs are Blue Pilled 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

His comment doesn't actually need that premise in order to work.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Sounding like every girl after 2+ years into a relationship lmao

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What women do you know? I may be an outlier but none of my friends in LTMs have dead bedrooms. . With the exception of one or two that got married and had kids super young, sex is as important if not more to them as it is to their partners.

[–]Laytheblameonluck 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Relationship length is the biggest predictor of loss of sexual interest in women.

New relationships cause increase interest in sex for women.

[–]Playful_Art_5364Jeffar did nothing wrong 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

Sexual compatibility is a myth. As long as your dick isn’t small and your willing to listen you’re good.

That’s 99% of men. Issue is that most people in the US are to stubborn to listen. That’s what’s causing these issues.

[–]blmzd 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

I disagree that sexual compatibility is a myth.

There are going to be people who you groove with better than others in bed. It all comes with how comfortable you two are with each other and your own bodies. It’s easier to be comfortable with some people than others.

[–]jayval90PUAs are Blue Pilled -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

There are going to be people who you groove with better than others in bed.

That is not what the OP was about. OP was about it being impossible, not about it not being as good as it could be. Of course you're going to have a "better" experience in bed with a trained prostitute.

[–]blmzd 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I wasn’t responding to OP, I was responding to the poster above me. Specifically, his/her statement that sexual compatibility is a myth.

Also, based on what I’ve read in this sub, I disagree with your statement, too. I haven’t personally paid for sex but I’ve read stories of it here and just because someone has had a lot of sex doesn’t mean they’re some sex god/goddess or that you’ll enjoy yourself every time.

[–]Slyfer_Seven 0 points1 point  (32 children) | Copy Link

So she's not attracted to me? How did it get to this point?

But I would probably exhaust all reasonable options so I'm at least getting laid enough to not feel compelled to stray. If that didn't work, I would try to open up the marriage to put this no sex thing to the test.

If she wasn't open to that I wouldn't leave, but I would probably self destruct the relationship to the point she did, because this is all make believe and it sounds fun

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 8 points9 points  (31 children) | Copy Link

Attraction does not mean there will be sexual compatibility. She just doesn’t enjoy sex. People not enjoying sex happens all the time. And they generally don’t find on rubric after they’ve done it a few times with someone they love and still they aren’t enjoying it/

[–]Slyfer_Seven 0 points1 point  (30 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, but if she's not willing to have a reasonable amount of sex to keep her partner happy... She's not that attracted to him

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 8 points9 points  (26 children) | Copy Link

Would you want to have sex with someone you know what as incapable of enjoying it?

[–]Slyfer_Seven 0 points1 point  (24 children) | Copy Link

If she's incapable of enjoying the fact that I like having sex with her and therefore derives SOME enjoyment from sex with me... She's just not that attracted to me, simple as that

[–]ManzBearzPigzIzRealz 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

No, but I would have sex I was indifferent about to please my partner.

[–]Feisty-SaturnRed Pill Woman Who Lives a Blue Pilled Life 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

What if she has a low libido? Or she has some issue that makes it uncomfortable for her to have sex?

[–]Slyfer_Seven 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

I was on meds that tanked my libido for about a year. I still would at least go down on her, or fingerblast, if absolutely couldn't perform otherwise because, you know, I was married to the woman I love and her enjoyment was easily enough to push through my lack of drive at the time...

As far as discomfort, I've yet to meet any woman that is unable to perform any sex act (blow jobs and handjobs included) without discomfort, but if that the case... Maybe you take one for the love of your life?

I understand the concept of putting someone before yourself is foreign to most women, but why the fuck would someone marry a person they wouldn't happily walk through fire for?

[–]_Duriel_1000_ 0 points1 point  (15 children) | Copy Link

Would you divorce a virgin woman if it turned out you weren’t physically compatible, or that she didn’t like sex, had no sex drive and saw it as a chore to be done.

women file for 80% of divorces. Not to mention, if a virgin is in her 30's and unmarried, most men would conclude she has deeper problems.

[–]InfamousBake1859 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Women filing for divorces does not mean divorced are women’s fault

[–]_Duriel_1000_ 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

It means they are walking away from the marriage.

[–]InfamousBake1859 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

Not even that.

Could be as simple as it is once again, another thing the woman has to do. I file and pay for taxes. If we got divorced, i bet it would be on me to file the divorce.

[–]EviessVeralan 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

People walk away from bad situations, (like abuse, neglect, cheating etc) so unless you have a statistic for why the marriage ended the 80% number doesnt really matter that much.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

That’s not at all what I asked. I never mentioned age or anything.

[–]_Duriel_1000_ -2 points-1 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

okay. My point is that most of the time, 80%, its the woman that walks away. So, your hypothetical has no statistics on its side. Its like asking people what they would do if they hit the lottery. It's fun to think about, but wont happen.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

80 percent marriages are Not ending to this reason. Answer the question for yourself not for everyone else! I’m asking what you would do.

[–]_Duriel_1000_ -1 points0 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

had no sex drive

A virgin who has no probably wouldn't get married in the first place. Why would she need to get married if she had no sex drive? Wouldnt this fact be known before marriage? "Why are you a virgin?" "Because I have no sex drive." If I agreed to that, then I wouldnt be expecting sex with her. I would know what I was getting into before hand.

Or, I think what you are trying to say without saying it, is that if a virgin tricked a man into marrying her, and then she surprises her husband by saying she has no sex drive, what would he do. He would either sleep with other women, or not ask about it, or divorce her.

I'm pretty sure thats what you wanted to hear, so there you go.

[–]midwesternMDNo Pill 0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy Link

I see what you’re doing here. Good try, but the cop out is that most of the men who advocate a preference for virgins also add a slash low n-count. So divorcing a previous virgin to try again isn’t incompatible with that thought process.

But I agree that the whole n count/virgin thing is ridiculous and idiotic.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Oh no I was trying to see if any guys would just not have sex for their partner.

[–]ManzBearzPigzIzRealz -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy Link

The answer is yes, with an asterisk. She’d have to be very traditional and submissive. At least an 8.5 face/body. Be willing to marry within 18 months. Be enthusiastic about standard sexual acts (piv, oral, various positions) and open to trying more risqué sexual acts (anal, light bdsm, dirty talk).

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Do..do men here know what most Christian traditional families tell their daughters about sex? Like…she’s not going to magically want to do all that after not having sex at all.

I know you didn’t say Christian but…it’s a reasonable assumption. No, you want a traditional Submissive virgin, you’ll get missionary and maybe from the back: but most of those women were told that sex is only for procreation…

[–]ManzBearzPigzIzRealz -2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Then I wouldn’t be with her. Period. And most Christian religions do not teach that sex is only for procreation. That is ridiculous.

[–]midwesternMDNo Pill 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh. Well, in that case, I think that’s a pretty big ask. And I think for most people, the answer would be no.

There are several layers of compatibility in choosing a partner, and sexual compatibility is one layer. From personal experience, sexual incompatibility (as far as libido) is devastating. There are few things that hurt more deeply than being sexually rejected by your partner. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. If one partner dislikes or is only tolerating sex for the other, that relationship is bound to implode. Either one person tolerates sex until they actively lose all attraction to the other, or the other one is trapped in a dead bedroom relationship. Neither situation is healthy. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with breaking up/divorcing and trying to find someone who is a better match.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I get it. But I wanted to see who would be willing to. I have a condition that makes sex feel like nothing on a good day and is awful on a bad day. For a partner I really loved I’d take the gamble: but I’d feel crappy knowing he wouldn’t even consider less/no sex for me.

[–]jayval90PUAs are Blue Pilled 0 points1 point  (20 children) | Copy Link

This situation is a complete red herring. Sex is one of the easiest things to do well enough in a marriage, and it's completely retarded that we lift it up to this level of importance. I value the things we do for each other, the 500x more important other compatibility issues that we've already worked out without sleeping together, the way she looks at me, etc etc etc ad nauseum.

The sex life is going to go how it will. If it's really that bad there's probably some underlying issue that won't be solved simply by us swapping out partners, and so we should fix that.

I promise you that I'm not getting married to a virgin that I've never slept with before if I don't like her well enough to make it through something like this post describes.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 0 points1 point  (19 children) | Copy Link

So, I have inorgasmia. And I have a group that I’m in a to discuss the relationship issues that come up. Lots of the women didn’t find an easy solution; let alone by practicing. There were stories where they just grit their teeth and thought of England so to speak: but in the end it just made them see sex as a chore. But they loved their partners so they endured it.

[–]jayval90PUAs are Blue Pilled 0 points1 point  (18 children) | Copy Link

Sex is like what, 8 minutes a day if you are a complete horn-dog? I've heard of couples changing each other adult diapers for years in their later lives, that takes at least that long.

I'm curious though, does this mean that you all don't enjoy the foreplay either, or is it just the physical act that you don't enjoy?

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 0 points1 point  (17 children) | Copy Link

I’m weird, as I have little if not feeling down there. But it’s not like I don’t get in the mood, it just has zero pay off. My brain knows some of the physical reactions it should be letting me have: like relaxing, but after like five minutes I can’t feel anything and I just need it for comfort reasons.

[–]jayval90PUAs are Blue Pilled 0 points1 point  (16 children) | Copy Link

Look, I am as horny as they come, but I know dang well that slight struggles with the "final pay-off" are a very small price to pay if I have found a woman who makes us a great married couple the other 995 waking minutes of the day (aka, all stuff that I can learn about a virgin before marriage just as good as non-virgins learn before marriage). Believe it or not, even horny dudes can like foreplay if it's done right. You should know this better than I do.

[–]Barely-moralRed leaning purple-seal. Diagnosed ASPD -2 points-1 points  (61 children) | Copy Link

Okay gentlemen. Would you divorce a virgin woman if it turned out you weren’t physically compatible

No. That is not ground for leaving. What she does about us being physically incompatible may be ground for leaving.

or that she didn’t like sex, had no sex drive and saw it as a chore to be done.

No. That is not ground for leaving. What she does about it might be.

Either way, she only does it sometimes to make you happy, but never initiates.

That is ground for leaving. We both have things to do in the relationship. We have to do them and do them right no matter how much we dislike it.

I hate working. It doesn't matter. I have to work and provide. Not just the bare minimum. Not doing it begrudgingly. Do it and do it well. No complaining. No making my partner feel bad because I don't like it. My burden to carry, my responsibility. I do it to the point that my partner is fully satisfied with my role and the way I play it.

Same goes for her and sex.

How would you handle this situation? You literally cannot make her enjoy sex with you.

"Do your part or the relationship is over. You have time. I will provide any help you may need. Nothing is an excuse for any of us failing to fulfill our duties to each other and the relationship"

Because she’s a virgin; she thinks this is how sex is

Then she better change her mind.

And because you’re married she knows it can’t get better

This does not follow.

would you stay?

If she fails to do her part, no. If she does her part, yes.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 19 points20 points  (50 children) | Copy Link

She can’t enjoy sex! She has sex with you to make you happy. But she doesn’t enjoy it and she can’t enjoy it because either: what you’re doing isn’t working, or you two just aren’t compatible sexually and you don’t find out until post marriage. It could be because she’s asexual or it could be from a sexual disorder, like Inorgasmia, but you can’t fix it.

Your solution is to make her have more sex with you? Knowing she doesn’t enjoy it?

[–]Barely-moralRed leaning purple-seal. Diagnosed ASPD -1 points0 points  (40 children) | Copy Link

She can’t enjoy sex! She has sex with you to make you happy. But she doesn’t enjoy it and she can’t enjoy it because either: what you’re doing isn’t working, or you two just aren’t compatible sexually and you don’t find out until post marriage. It could be because she’s asexual or it could be from a sexual disorder, like Inorgasmia, but you can’t fix it.

I can't enjoy working nor providing. I do it to make my partner happy. But I don't enjoy it and I can't enjoy it because either what we are doing isn't working or the world and I are incompatible and she does not find out until post marriage. It could be because I can't tolerate responsibility or it could be because of mental health but she can't fix it.

I still have to do my part and do it well. No excuses.

Your solution is to make her have more sex with you? Knowing she doesn’t enjoy it?

My solution is to tell her that the relationship exists only as long as we both do our part and do it well to the point that your partner is perfectly happy with the role you play and the way you play it. If she wants the relationship to continue, she must do her part the same way I do mine, even if I hate it.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

Do you expect her to pretend to like it? Or are you fine if she’s clearly not enjoying herself but goes through the motions?

[–]Barely-moralRed leaning purple-seal. Diagnosed ASPD -2 points-1 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

I don't know. I know the end result that I want. And the end result is me being happy in that aspect of the relationship. Maybe I don't need her to pretend to like it. Maybe I do. Whatever is needed.

I assume I would expect her to do things well instead of doing anything halfway.

Again, see the example I give about me working and providing. I don't think she would be happy in the relationship if I am constantly and clearly displaying signs that I hate a significant part of my life/the relationship. So I don't get to show it. I do my part and I do it well.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

So you are happy to have unenthusiastic, duty sex for the rest of your life?

[–]Barely-moralRed leaning purple-seal. Diagnosed ASPD -1 points0 points  (17 children) | Copy Link

So you are happy to have unenthusiastic, duty sex for the rest of your life?

Duty sex, yes. Unenthusiastic, no. As I said plenty of times, play your role and play it well.

[–]MadadeppPurple Pill Woman 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You virgin? Because you can be sure that having sex with a person that don’t make any move, not making any easy expressions or noise, something close to falling asleep, it’s not good at all. sex is only good when we see the other having reactions, and we see them feeling pleasure

[–]Barely-moralRed leaning purple-seal. Diagnosed ASPD 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am not a virgin and I agree with you.

What I need from my partner is for them to fill the role of a sexual partner and play the role well. If they are not able or not willing then the relationship will fail.

[–]MadadeppPurple Pill Woman 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

You virgin? Because you can be sure that having sex with a person that don’t make any move, not making any easy expressions or noise, something close to falling asleep, it’s not good at all. sex is only good when we see the other having reactions, and we see them feeling pleasure

[–]Barely-moralRed leaning purple-seal. Diagnosed ASPD 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I am not a virgin and I agree with you.

What I need from my partner is for them to fill the role of a sexual partner and play the role well. If they are not able or not willing then the relationship will fail.

[–]EnoughObligation164 -2 points-1 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Your solution is to make her have more sex with you? Knowing she doesn’t enjoy it?

This actually is the solution, by the way. I know people will read that and automatically take it in a bad way, but you gotta let go of that goofy shit. Practice makes perfect. Instead of giving up on sex because it wasn't amazing the very first time(s), you should realize that everything gets better with practice, and sex is no different

And drop that mentality of having sex to please him even though you're not enjoying it, it's dumb. You can't please him if you're not enjoying it yourself, so the only way this show is going to go on is if you start working on learning to enjoy sex

Tip: buy lube by the gallon and use it shamelessly and liberally :)

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I have inorgasmia and it doesn’t work. For me At least. I’ve been in groups for people worn it and some have an easier time; it was really about teaching their body that sex was enjoyable: but for me if it’s not uncomfortable it just feels like a general touch: like similar to someone rubbing joke arm. It’s like the nerves don’t work.

[–]EnoughObligation164 -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

So you can't orgasm, even solo? You've tried using vibrators and whatnot?

[–]Perfect_Promise_943 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Is it painful or just don’t feel any pleasure and feel like someone rubbing your elbow?

[–]insensitiveTwotNo Pill 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

This is complete and utter bull shit I’ve “pleased” plenty of men without enjoying it. It’s very doable

[–]EnoughObligation164 -3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

How do you know that? Because he came? You don't know what was going on in his head though

Rapists get off on fucking people who aren't enjoying it. The rest of us would rather have just masturbated instead..

[–]InfamousBake1859 1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy Link

You compared sex to a chore lol. Why do you want to have sex with someone who thinks having sex with you is a chore…?

[–]Barely-moralRed leaning purple-seal. Diagnosed ASPD -1 points0 points  (8 children) | Copy Link

Not a chore. A duty.

[–]InfamousBake1859 2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy Link

Sex isn’t a duty. Unless you are a prostitute

[–]Barely-moralRed leaning purple-seal. Diagnosed ASPD -1 points0 points  (6 children) | Copy Link

I disagree. If you are in a relationship you have a duty to fill the role your partner needs filled. In most cases sexual partner is a role that needs to be filled.

[–]John_OakmanLVM advocate -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No sex, no problem. The question is, will she believe that, or will paranoia start consuming her as she begins to suspect that either I'm playing the long game, hiding dark secrets, etc. ?

Not to mention quite a few low sex drive people want high sex drive partners, if nothing else as validation of their intrinsic values. Thus chances are this fine lady would find any male who tolerate her condition without obvious discomfort a turnoff.

[–]fruiters_31 -1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

Cheat

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Why not just leave?

[–]fruiters_31 -1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Everything is good except for that one part

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

So why cheat? That’s a quick way to throw a wrench in the “everything good part”

[–]fruiters_31 -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Don’t get caught

[–]truwuweiway -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Bro just fuck her til she loves it

[–]rurunoa 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

these type of men scare me

[–]FlyV89 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

These types of women too.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I’m a woman and can say that that’s not how sex works

[–]Seaker___ -1 points0 points  (19 children) | Copy Link

The amount of posts like this on this sub, is beyond hilarious.

Ur OK,hun. No shame that u lost virginity and no good man takes u seriously.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 1 point2 points  (18 children) | Copy Link

What? No one that’s sane cares that much about who touched a vagina first.

[–]Seaker___ -1 points0 points  (16 children) | Copy Link

That's a delusion. Lots of men actually care, and the more successful the more they care

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 2 points3 points  (15 children) | Copy Link

Dude no. I’m in a field with men and women make Six figures, the men and women regularly dress well. They meet a woman they like they do not care. Unless it’s like, sex worker numbers. But unless they’re religious no guy is cutting off a hot, successful woman because she had 10 or so partners.

Also, very few of them have asked specially “how many people have you been with” they mostly care about the serious relationships. Like men in real life are not caring this much about their woman’s past, because they know as attractive and not poor men, they cannot be held to the same scrutiny. Because for them having sex is just as “easy” as men here say it is for women having sex.

It’s why I’m always so baffled men here seem to have such a hard time. Dress well and don’t be an obvious asshole and you’re above average guys! Money is a plus. But, honestly I don’t know why money isn’t also a plus to men. Less stress and you get to have a woman who is more likely to keep herself up all through the marriage.

[–]Seaker___ -1 points0 points  (14 children) | Copy Link

Guys don't cut off beautiful women, OK.

They sleep and move on

Don't expect commitment

[–]Seaker___ 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

That's like being with prostitute. OK someone touched her vagina first. She doesnt expect commitment

[–]abaxeron✴️Indian Programmer -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Assuming we're not in a deeply religious Hungarian village, would divorce. I did not make the rules that marriage is a joke now.

[–]itmethrowaway12 -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

i could tell if she has a low sex drive before marriage or not. all these hypotheticals are pointless because she also has to have a sex drive that matches mine both are essential. if she doesnt exist then sure

[–]alphasupremacy5555 -2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

If I was to date a virgin and she was to be like this, I would leave her so fast. The thing is I want her virginity not long after we start dating. I'm not marrying a virgin. I only want to marry one I personally myself have already broken in. Also, yes you can make her enjoy sex with you. What girl isn't gonna absolutely love getting her pussy eaten, licked, sucked, and slurped? Her legs and body kissed and liked? Otherwise leave her. No self-respecting man is gonna have a woman who doesn't enjoy having sex with him. A marriage is only gonna work when a woman has genuine burning desire for her man. Most women don't that's why almost half of all marriages fail and why dating relationships fail all the time. The only good kind of virgin girl is one who is hyperfeminine, submissive, absolutely gorgeous and desperately wants to completely give herself sexually to one man.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why would a virgin who wants to save herself For marriage have sex…before marriage? Also. What virgins who are virgins for self reasons think about sex that much? There is no one way you’re getting a pious, nympho virgin. These women don’t exist outside of porn my guy. Reading this reply made me honestly nauseous. “Broken in” I’m happy most guys here are just trolls because this mindset is disgusting.

[–]shadyMFer -2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

The only real question left unanswered is the frequency. If she's compliant and goes along with it whenever I want her to, then sign me up! I don't want a woman to initiate anyway, it's improper and I might not feel like it. As long as she's submissive and willing when I want it, you're really describing my ideal situation.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

…that’s so gross. You don’t want your partner to actually want to have sex with you for their pleasure?

[–]shadyMFer -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

No, not at all. She should only be concerned with my pleasure.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Oh! You don’t want to marry an actual person! You want a sex robot!

[–]Euphemia0061 points [recovered] (6 children) | Copy Link

I love how the women on here try by all means to blame, shame, and try to convince the men who only want virgin women are toxic and all the what not, by making post after post, thread after thread about it.

But, I am hard pressed to see at least just one woman on here, who blamed, shamed and tried to convince a woman who do not want to be near virgin men. No woman on here ever did that.

I am sure most women on here believe that a woman have the right to despise virgin men. It is her right, her standard. But suddenly, when some men express their STANDARD of wanting a virgin woman, poof, backlash, hatred from women.

Then, we say, men or women, we are equals now. Equals only went it suits apparently.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I actually do know lots of women that dated and/or married virgin men. A couple of them were not also virgins themselves. Every single one of those men have been devoutly religious however.

[–]Perfect_Promise_943 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

Are your friends married to virgin men happy with their sex life? It sounds to me that men have it easier to organs than women by a lot which would make it a lot harder on the women since she is married to someone with no experience

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

So, one woman specifically was shocked when most of our friend group said that sex was actually fun. Not just intimate and thus ienjoyable l, but actually something fun.

She and her hubby went to sex therapy! And it helped them both learn about one another more. Turns out the husband was kind of selfish, so he improved with foreplay.

[–]Perfect_Promise_943 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I see. I’m virgin myself and my gf wants to wait till marriage so it is definitely something I worry about.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

This relates to the OP how?

[–]Euphemia006No Pill 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Just ignore my comment.

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[–]MarBittNo Pill 6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I'm against people having sex only after marriage, because of the risk of incompatibility.

[–]jayval90PUAs are Blue Pilled 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

What is that risk exactly.

[–]MarBittNo Pill 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Exactly how high is the risk of a sexual incompatibility that could have been avoided if they had been sexually active before marriage? I don't know.

But I take it as common sense that before marriage they should already know each other well, they should go through the stage of infatuation and make sure that they have real love between them (to avoid the risk of acting only under a crush that quickly fades away) they already had live together for some time (to avoid incompatibility in living together), to manage and have the finances sorted out (to avoid incompatibility in this)...

In my opinion, marriage is ideal after a 1-3 years of living together. Since they probably want children together, it is a project for at least 20-25 years of life together. Ideal for life. This should not be rushed.

[–]jayval90PUAs are Blue Pilled 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

So why does pretty much every study about the effects of living together before marriage conclude that such action is a predictor of increased later marriage trouble?

Humans aren't robots. You can't enter into the "halfway arrangement" of living together without commitment and expect that not to have an impact on their psyches and perception of the relationship. Sometimes the best strategy is to burn the ships. "Common sense" would indicate that being fully committed to something will result in better outcomes than vacillating between options.

Believe it or not, "common sense" would indicate that the success of a marriage is more dependent on what happens during the marriage than before it. Not to say that what happens before isn't somewhat important, but if you do things before that mess up the perception of the relationship during the marriage (ie, by "practicing" living together which is an implicit deal with the other person that you're together only as long as nothing better comes along - which is a bad environment to build a positive emotional connection).

[–]Main-Leek7908 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy Link

What a horrible day to have eyes with which to read rapey responses from men who don’t understand how forcing yourself to allow someone else to use your body for the rest of your life affects a person’s wellbeing. JFC

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It’s honestly flabbergasting. Or it would have been had I not posed a similar question: but about waiting for sex well past three dates rule, prior to this and got similar answers.

My conclusion; some men here are high-key rapey no matter the woman’s history.

[–]hearyoume14 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It depends on why she is a virgin. I’m a virgin who started researching sex because of some extreme phobias. I have a fairly good amount of theoretical knowledge though not much personal hands on due to an overly tight pelvic area and nerve damage.

She may have had overprotected parents and either didn’t go to a traditional college and/or lived at home during college. I have known some women who had parents that demanded high grades so free time didn’t happen. I’m a middle millennial and we had a mixed upbringing.

If you are willing to discussions with your partner there are ways to figure out compatibility.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Well, that's a risk you run into.

If you don't see anything wrong with divorce, you'll probably do it.

[–]jayval90PUAs are Blue Pilled 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

It seems like a tiny risk to take in comparison to the very real increased risk of marital problems if you take your partner on a "test drive." How is this hard to grasp? This is like the abortion argument with rape/incest. 98% of the time, it goes the other way.

[–]0nuzo01 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

I would never marry a virgin woman but I would date one, so yea

[–]haikusbot 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would never marry

A virgin woman but I

Would date one, so yea

- 0nuzo0


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[–]Straight_Arr0w 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Read the book 'The Act Of Marriage'. A wonderful book that would answer this question very well.

[–]tired_hillbillyredneck 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy Link

Stay. Presumably, since we stayed together long enough to get married, we must get along pretty well, and anything more than zero sex is more than I'm getting now, so I'm not really seeing a downside here.

she thinks this is how sex is

This is a good thing, she's not disappointed.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Trust me you can still be disappointed that something’s bad even if you expected it not to be great. You can think you and your partner were going to be the exception to the rules

[–]crispickle 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

If there's good companionship outside of sex then i'd probably just get a sex doll and keep the marriage. It's easy to bust fat nuts in dolls that feel close to the real thing.

[–]MGTOWManofMystery 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This situation is best handled by not getting married in the first place.

[–]RonSwanson2-0 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Married a virgin and she wants sex as much or more than me. It's as if waiting 30 years left her with a need to catch up on missed time. I'm probably lucky in that aspect. If she was less inclined I wouldn't think of divorcing her but my faith is strong in what I believe marriage should be and it's way more than sex.

[–]Teflon08191 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

There'd be no reason to stay let alone get married. May as well just find a platonic female roommate to shack up with.

[–]VanVahlen 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Is it just the Sex? Then I would stay sure, never been a Big thing for me anyway.

[–]Laytheblameonluck 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I thinks much more easy to deal with the issue of low libido if she is a virgin.

[–]herefortheparty01 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Who the fuck wants a virgin?

[–]CliffordThRed 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

This is why sex before marriage is required

[–]alphasupremacy5555 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

With me If she wants to be my wife she's not gonna want to save herself for marriage. I will never date let alone marry a girl who insist on saving herself for marriage. I'm not waiting for marriage to fuck a girl's brains out. That's garbage to me. Those kinds of virgin girls are absolutely no fun and will most definitely get cheated on. Tons of girls just wanna be the 1st that girls ever had.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

What virgin is taking that risk with you? Like if she’s a virgin just because it hasn’t happened yet; maybe. But no virgin who is a virgin for personal reasons is going to risk it. Like, especially for a man that seems kinda, no offense, douchey about sex. I don’t know you or anything and this persona you’re on is probably just an internet thing; but sheesh, that was cringey to read. If the only fun in a relationship you can have is sex, that means you’re probably not able to adequately offer anything else.

[–]SuperCrazy071 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Where are you meeting these virgin women saving themselves for marriage?

The only two women I know with an n count of 1 (or so they say) ended up getting married to their freshman year boyfriend.

Maybe I’m not religious enough or something, but I don’t know anyone, man or woman, who waited til marriage.

[–]anonymous-platypus1[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I had a lot of religious friends in college. And beyond I met an odd number of black women who went to PWI for college and just never got the chance, so they decided to just wait and give it to someone special. Not necessarily their husband. But also not the teenage fumble most women have to endure.

[–]alphasupremacy5555 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

What risk and how am I douchey about sex. I don't believe for one second that sex is the only fun that can be had in a relationship.

[–]kcmiz24Red Pill Man 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Those conversations would occur before marriage. If you’ve been straight forward with each others principles and needs this is almost an impossibility.

[–]Rexagon_2017 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Why did you not discuss sex beforehand?

Would you divorce a virgin woman if it turned out you weren’t physically compatible

No, but I'm curious as to what that means?

[–]Anti_ThingChristpilled 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would consider divorce if she refused to have sex for long periods of time. I wouldn't marry a woman unless she agreed to have regular sex & understood that I may divorce if she fails to uphold her end of the bargain. I believe that spouses have a moral duty to sexually satisfy each other as much as is reasonably possible, & that sexual satisfaction is one of the main purposes of marriage. I wouldn't marry someone who didn't share these values. I don't believe in "physical compatibility". I would also rather not marry someone who doesn't like sex or isn't sexually attracted to me. I don't know exactly how to screen for that, though I would try to tactfully bring up the subject before we marry. I don't care if she does it out of a sense of duty as long as she enjoys it & we do it often. I don't care if she ever initiates. Because she's a virgin & hopefully I am too, we can learn to make it enjoyable for each other. All of these issues would be discussed before me marry, including as part of extensive religious counselling specifically directed at preparing couples for marriage.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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