Men, describe in detail your process of finding a partner

wub1234 · 2019-11-03T14:47:28+00:00

Christ, it's laborious and thankless enough actually doing it, I'm not going to invest time in describing it.

farttmistress · 2019-11-03T15:16:31+00:00

Friend-zone myself in with a female who is a social butterfly. This could be a cousin or a friends girlfriend. Be the fun friend too, it shouldn’t feel like some sort of utilitarian friendship although it kinda is.
Let her know my intent is to hook up with girls, some might be casual some might not be. If she is bothered by this, it’s not gonna work. This is why you’ve gotta be fun, you’re kinda a man slut but your also the one planning a lot of fun stuff to do.
Have her point out prospects for me and introduce me to girls, I mostly go with ones she only sort of knows, not ones that are real close to her. If a girl with a good reputation introduces you you’re pretty much already in.

2019-11-03T17:44:55+00:00

OK, I'll play.

I a busy with my life, my (small) company, my job (consulting), pursuing my interests, involved in my industry, volunteering, playing guitar and stuff
I am in social setting 2-3 times a week. There I talk with anyone and everyone who has something interesting to say: males and females, young and old, pretty or fugly. Some of them happen to be female with whom there's a mutual attraction.
Then we engage into a longer conversation, exploring each other... I alway cut my conversation short with the somewhat excuse that I need to talk with someone, and there and then I make plans to continue the conversation over coffee.
We either make plans or exchange email/phone so that we can pinpoint a day/time to continue the conversation
We decide to meet at a Starbucks near my place in a few days usually 7-10 days
during those 7-10 days we chat and flirt often ending up exchanging nudes and talking about out likes and dislikes when it comes to sex
We meet at a Starbucks near my place, continuing the topics of conversations that we're into.
After an hour or so I ask her if she wants to come to my apartment so that I can show her something that we talked about (a book, music, art, object, my place...) and have a drink or two; and see what else it happens
We go and... we talk some more, and often end up having sex.
if she doesn't come to my place because not enough chemistry or not what she was looking for, we part ways.

That works for me, YMMV.

decoy88 · 2019-11-03T13:17:47+00:00

Find average-attractive girl online through a dating app
Trade numbers (fuck a snapchat)
Conversation either flows or dies depending on how often she responds. Don’t really think about what other niggas are doing with her
Set up date. Half will flake, the other half will go through with it.
We go out, have fun, and fuck at the end of the night.
We set up a regular casual thing, until that stops or develops into something serious

I enjoy the whole process because I don’t tie my self worth to any part of it

How long?

1 week

What does it take?

Filtering out women who aren’t DTF by being very blatant about my intentions

How many hoops do you have to jump through?

Like planning a date? I just flirt (fun), ask if she dtf (easy), and reserve table at bar (simple). So erm... 3 hoops

tramanda121 · 2019-11-03T19:32:40+00:00

Dating is so abysmal in this day and age.

2019-11-03T14:57:48+00:00

When I'm single I'm single and making no pretence of finding a partner. What usually happens is I'll wind up with a few girls I'm dating and a few on the periphery. Then I get tired of juggling, and one will usually start to stand out. Then it'll be a gradual drift into a relationship.

For hook ups, it's a bit random. That's just kind of part of the entertainment of single lifestyle, looking for sex. I'll make some kind of move on the second or third date to gauge interest, and if nothing is doing then I'm likely to lose interest.

I'm a bit reckless though, I don't have time to feign romantic interest early on, so I lose more chances than I take. It's all part of the fun though.

TheJim66 · 2019-11-03T13:37:44+00:00

1.Hit on random chick on the club or through daygame.

2.Get her social media

3.Try to set up a date .This is the part where most of the flakes happen.

4.Go on date.95% of the time if I get on that stage Im getting laid.

5.Get laid ,usually by date three.

6.plate , relationship ,whatev.

How long depends on how often I do step 1 and on how many flake on step three .

Barely-moral · 2019-11-03T14:30:52+00:00

1-Realize that I am not attractive to someone I didn't meet yet just because I exist. So I will have to become attractive in someway. (This took me 18 years at least)

2-Become attractive, both by getting money and by improving my image. (The time this takes will change depending on how you get your money and how hard do you lift. In my case this took me around 5 years)

3-While I was improving my position in life I decided that it would be good if I actually did some introspection so I actually know what I want in life and what I want in a partner. This also took place during those 5ish years.

Results of those years: -I have enough money and status to be a beta bucks.

-I am as fit as I can be and people don't want to throw up when they see me. I will never be a model but I take what I can get.

-I know the kind of woman I want to have by my side. I know about the most important quality she needs to have in order to be considered as an option. "I should be her best choice. She shouldn't have any option that is better than me."

4- Start helping in charities and homeless shelters. While doing so, start looking for a woman I am interested in. (This took around a year)

5-Find miss moral. Befriend her. Look for mayor incompatibilities. Make sure that she knows that I am looking at her. Wait for IOI. (This took around a month)

6-Once is clear that she is interested in me. Hire a private investigator to find something about her that she is likely to hide. (Around a week)

7-Ask her about the things I find through the PI. If she is honest to me, I can trust in her. If she hides it, then I can't trust her to be honest and I start again from point 4. (This takes just a few hours)

8- Confess my interest and what I have done. Offer a deal. Either we both get what we want from a relationship or we both get out with nothing.

9- Miss moral accepted. Because I am literally the best option she has and will ever have.

dmoneycrowgod · 2019-11-03T14:56:30+00:00

Find potential girl, check out Instagram. If her page gives me hoe vibes which most do I next. If not I take on date, from the date if they’re feeling me we keep going on dates lol

Gravel_Roads · 2019-11-03T15:04:57+00:00

Before I do anything, I have to decide what sort of relationship I want - ie, what do I have time for? What can I commit to responsibly? What sort of partner would suit my current life style? (I'm a bi dude, so for the sake of the question I'll assume a.) that I want to date a woman and b.) that I want to date casually/ONS/short term/primarily for sex.)

1.) Figure out what target demographic my "type" of chick would be likely to fit into. Broadly speaking, I like high-empathy, high-artistic, high-curiosity types, so I'd probably look for meet up groups for gardening, hiking, museum-going, while also networking amonst co-workers and meeting their friends and the friends of their friends (I work in social services with counselors and emergency responders ect.) This part is the biggest pain because there is no way around it - it takes a lot of extra work to meet new people, and the more selective and picky you are, the more people you outright reject as a potential partner, so the more people you have to meet just existentially.

2.) Invite over the people that pass my screening. Something low-pressure like watching a movie or having dinner, or going for a walk at a park nearby. This is around the time I will divulge information she'll need to make an informed hookup decision (ie I'll tell her honestly that I was a former sex worker, that I'm in a committed open relationship and will not be able to give LTR commitment, I'll tell her that I'm trans ect.)

3.) If they're DTF on their own, awesome. If things feel relaxed and she seems open to advances, I legit have found going straight to semi-jokingly going straight to "So like, you wanna make out?" covers a lot of ground, gives her the chance to disqualify herself from the hookup list, and also gives her a chance to sign right up for it. (If "No", I call it a no-harm, no-foul and shrug it off to do something else that night. But I probably don't invite her over again, if I'm looking for something more; I don't bother telling her this, if so. I just ghost. She'll figure it out or she won't.)

4.) Forget aboutit afterwards. I have a really full life and have found most interactions don't really need to be re-examined. That's just needless hamster spinning. As long as no one seemed upset and everyone was roughly on the same page, I see no reason to think about it further. I already got the reward for it.

At maximum, between the time you meet someone you click with and the time you hook up should be a week. And even then, a week is dragging it out. The greatest excitement about hook up culture is immediate gratification, and if you wait more than 48 hours after first meeting/first significant interaction, your and her memory of each other will already have begun to go stale.

thjn · 2019-11-03T18:21:12+00:00

Not a believer in online dating. People present an idealized image of themselves.

If you really want to get to know someone, don't plan a candle light dinner. Instead drive with them into the next big traffic jam.

Hanging out in places where it is likely to meet people with my interests - concerts, galleries, theater.

Getting into a conversation about the venue, the peace, the artist. Never about myself!

Sometimes having a 2. or 3. date for a dinner or drinks.

No. 1 learning - don't show honest interest as this is a mayor turn off for most women. Don't share yourself too much or better not at all! Play this stupid, pointless game because that is the way people work.

Had several LTRs and enjoyed them and that is what I am looking for. Neither a red- nor a blue-pill person.

Always be respectful and friendly but watch out for all the shit tests and other crap.

Tedious? Big time! Worth it? Not sure.

MubutuDeezNuts · 2019-11-03T19:10:44+00:00

I look on Craigslist, find the second lowest price, and haggle from there.

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Salty-Bastard · 2019-11-03T15:31:48+00:00

I usually just hang around the discharged door of this place.

2019-11-03T15:40:39+00:00

I don't really have one.

When I was in university the pickings would have been easier, but having recently graduated and moved across the country for work I keep to myself and I don't have many friends. I also refuse to use online dating services because of their data-trading practices and the fact that coworkers and search engines can easily discover my profile, and that participation on them is a losing proposition for men.

Even in university though I didn't take advantage of the opportunity. I came from a dysfunctional family where I did not learn to socialize properly, so I was woefully behind in matters dating. If I saw a girl in one of my classes who I was attracted to, I did nothing and let the crush fester until I awkwardly approached them telling them I "liked" them. Horrible in retrospect, but I didn't know any better.

The one relationship I had I managed to start by not following this strategy, and probably by luck. I took some RP advice and rather than sit on a crush and let it become oneitis I asked her out immediately. We went on a few dates, and I made sure to escalate. That was a fruitful 1.75-year relationship that we ended amicably three years ago when she moved to another country.

Answering your questions one by one:

What does it take?

Meeting an interested single woman, which is not possible now due to the market and sibce I'm well below ideal male attractiveness but would have been easier in college.

How long?

Took about two months between meeting my ex-girlfriend and our declaring a relationship.

How many hoops do you have to jump through?

Don't know honestly.

how much effort is required?

More than it's worth tbh

SDW137 · 2019-11-03T15:57:24+00:00

Go on dating apps.
Get maybe a few matches over the course of several months. Matches who never respond and/or aren't that attractive.
Reset Tinder, and maybe change my bio and add new pictures.
Repeat steps 1-3.
Try approaching girls in clubs.
Stops approaching said girls in clubs after getting rejected.

welcometothejl · 2019-11-03T18:19:14+00:00

Let's count the hoops. 1. Initiate contact 2. Drive conversation. Usually about two weeks of texting and a few phone calls before a first date. Rarely does the conversation flow with good back and forth, at least not at first, so that initial push is all me. 3. Ask out 4. Think of something fun to do and plan it. 5. Pay 6. Ask out again 7. Continue to drive conversation 8. Pay again 9. Initiate physical contact, not based on explicit consent, but obscure signals. 10. Announce loudly and clearly my intent of putting my hand on their thigh, and asking with mood ruining clarity whether or not this is acceptable. 11. Get turned down 12. Go home and whack off.

Obviously this is embellished, but it's such a hassle. And if you do finally get to where you want to be, and the woman starts opening up you realize, yikes, there is a lot of baggage here. Debt, horrible habits, substance abuse (pharmaceutical, alcohol, or drugs), kids, ex's, some other weird medical issues. Oh I'm not just going to walk away if I went through steps 1-11, I'm going to try and hit it. After that I'm gone. But the older I get, the more it makes sense to just skip right to step 12.

erman88 · 2019-11-03T19:20:24+00:00

Mines the exact same although I haven't found girls to be "flakey" exactly, to get a first dates its a bit hard. They always have excuses or other plans that make them seem like the most popular people in the world but once I get a commitment they generally don't cancel.

prodigy2throw · 2019-11-03T20:03:43+00:00

If you go searching for gold in a landfill you’ll just end up covered in shit. Snap and Dating apps are a cesspool. You need to legit hit the lotto to find someone worth wifing up. It’s not efficient

reluctantly_red · 2019-11-03T20:21:13+00:00

Drink in public and watch for indications of interest.

ifelsedowhile · 2019-11-03T20:36:43+00:00

I go to escort.it and look for a nice girl. I have to be careful as the pics are sometimes deceiving. typically you have a curvy looking girl in the photos but once you meet her IRL she's overweight.

goneaway2thewind · 2019-11-03T21:49:05+00:00

Process of finding a DATE

Unlock phone

Either answer my last message from your average thot looking for attention or shoot shot on tinder with an average thot

Act like I hate her but remind her she's cute

Wait for her to fall for the typical asshole chad stick

Sex her

Rinse and repeat

Process of finding a PARTNER

Give up

EsauTheRed · 2019-11-03T23:00:08+00:00

I work on myself, find someone and sweep them off their feet, have a crazy and intense relationship that eventually blows up and sucks the life out of me and reenter the building phase

Flareprime · 2019-11-04T00:51:01+00:00

Same process as OP but I do real life rather than online.

mabev43568 · 2019-11-04T03:20:55+00:00

-Find a good looking woman

-Approach, talk, arouse her, invite to my department, escalate, have sex.

-If she like the sex, and want to pursue a relationship, is her problem. My problem was to seduce her into bed, so I gave the sex.

Her problem is to seduce me into a relationship, so she has to give the relationship, demonstrate commitment, respect, and give the security that if there is a baby, it is mine.

She does not have the benefit of the doubt.

There is not such a thing as a permanently won love. If she becomes insufferable, uncommitted, untrustworthy, disrespectful, disobedient, the relationship ends.

I'm here for my own benefit. I'm with a woman to have a good time. If she is a pain in the ass, it is over.

2019-11-04T07:04:20+00:00

And so? Many things in life are worse than job applications but that doesn't mean they aren't important.

Freevoulous · 2019-11-04T09:18:11+00:00

Go out drinking with friends. Preferably a house party or a dive bar/pub location.
See if there is any woman who gives me the "vibe" that she might want a guy like me. It is usually the women with style matching to mine, and who give me a lot of eye contact.
Be the "man of the party" in front of her: jovial, friendly, cocky and fun.
Either wait until she starts flirting, or flirt first myself. Use a lot of push-pull. Frame the situation as if she has to win me over, not the other way around. Act cocky, confident and a bit of an asshole.
Wait for the "touch signal": this is usually when she either punches me mockingly for being an asshole or touches me durign flirting. I found out it is better if the girl breaks the touch barier.
Flirt very heavily now with a lot of touching, but push-pull still (like, hug her and then walk away, sit her on my lap then chase her away etc)
Repeat point 6 until either she initiates a kiss, or looks eager to be kissed (eye contact, face very close to mine, raspy, emotional voice etc)
Make out, and try to get away with as much necking and discreet petting as the occasion allows.
Once the party starts dying down, take her to my place, or go to hers.
Keep acting casual and confident even as we undress.
Fuck her. Make absolute sure she enjoys it and cums (or at least gets close to that). I don't do One Night Stands, I rather try to invest my time and energy on the first time to make her want repeated sex with me, and be FWB. It does not matter if I cum the first time, or even enjoy it much, I treat it as an investment.
Be super friendly to her on the next morning (afterplay, cuddling, making breakfast), but keep it short and do not linger.
Contact her after 2-3 days to set up another meeting. Keep it causal and sexual. Do not go on "Dates" meet to have fun and fuck.
repeat 13 until I find someone more interesting, or grow attached to her, and "upgrade her" from a FWB to Girlfriend. Keep looking for other girls beside her, never promise or expect monogamous exclusivity.

My Stats and facts:

Im a 33 year old dude. Mostly white with some Asian genetics visible in my face. 5'11/180 cm tall, on the better looking end of skinnyfat. 6/10 looks, 7/10 when groomed and polished to go out. Long hair/beard/tattoos combo (a certain subset of women dig it, so it gives me additional point with them).

Been using the same system and technique for picking up women since 2003. Only night game, only while drinking, only strong cocky-funny asshole style. Making the girl initiate steps, but always following up on these steps with escalation of my own.

Going after girls younger than me, using the "worldly older dude" mask to appear cooler.

G77R23D · 2019-11-05T00:32:55+00:00

I'm ready to get married so I only date women I meet at church and church functions. I say hello, we chat for a while, and I ask her out. Then we date and we meet each others families around date 5 or so. Pretty simple.

Title	Men, describe in detail your process of finding a partner
Author	_Neon_Shadow_
Upvotes	4
Comments	64
Date	November 3, 2019 12:45 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	/r/PurplePillDebate
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-describe-in-detail-your-process-of-finding-a.293815 https://theredarchive.com/post/293815
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/dqzx25/men_describe_in_detail_your_process_of_finding_a/